that layer of city

                       

                          that mask of happiness

So the city at times can simply transform into some other city... buses become bright blue... sunny day seems like a blessing... an aura of sea nearby enters noistrils... and songs of freedom beat along with the racing city... car becomes a block of shadows... you become yet another shadow getting one with nunerous others from that nostalgic past as well as future of dreams...a possible horror also dances in glimpses. but you decide to stay happy atleast from that outside mask of social desire... and you talk nonsense along with spurs of laughter...

you become the jolliest and silliest around and yet people catch those occasional hints of pain that steal out of your otherwise dry eyes.. you feel like closing your eye lids and getting lost in that darkness inside... you crave for your world of shadows....that world where you need none but you and your thoughts...

but it never comes....more people, more expectations...your time and entity gets split in a multitude of wish fulling identities... you keep living for others while desiring to live with your own wish whom you love the most - your own self... but maybe you love others more...else, why would you prioritize them... but you are still not satisfied...does that mean selfishness....is it cause of selfishness that you undergo such intense mood swings... maybe.. maybe not....