Jise jo samajhna hai samjhe

 

Jise ana hai aye,

Jise jaana hai jaaye.

Jise jo samajhna hai samjhe.

Ye zindagi mujhe mere 

Ammi abbu ne di hai.

Us kaaynaat ne di hai.

Us khuda ne di hai.

Meri qismat, meri buddhi, 

Meri awaargi, meri zindagi

Sab rehmat hai in sab ki

Aur in sab se bhi zyada hai ye 

Meri khud ki.

Haan karna hai bahaut kuch 

Bahauton ke liye

Par auron ko khush karne 

Nakli sheesha ban kar nahi

Jeena hai mujhe 

Paa kar khud ko.

Arrey mai hi khud ko talaash rahi hoon

Har roz kuch naya seekh

Har roz khud ko taraash rhi hoon

Toh tum kya samjhoge 

Jo jaante hi nahi mujhe dhang se

Shakl hi dekhi hogi

Ya do pal guzarenge honge

Ya apni seemit soch se

Mere kuch aks tole honge.

Mai to paani hoon 

Beh rhi hoon

Har roz kisi nayi ghaati par

Kal kal khel rhi hoon

Dekho aaj mai badal ban kar ud rhi hoon

Mehsoos karo 

wo hawa bhi mai hi hoon

Aur ye jo agni tum sekte ho na

Akele thand mein

Uski taap aur jalan koi aur nahi 

Mai hi hoon

Aur wo suraj ko jo tum niharte ho subah sham

Uski kirno ki lalima bhi mai hi hoon.

Aur jin pahadon ko door se nihaar

Tum baar baar karte ho 

Apne pyaar ka izhaar

Uski jaan, uski shakti, uspar lehrati har Patti patti 

Mai hi hoon

Aur tum mei jitne aks hai mere bnte 

Wo bhi mai hun

Aur mai kuch bhi nahi hoon.

Aur jab kuch nahi to kaun tum 

Kaun mai?

Jaise sab ek

Jaise har ek anek.

Har koi apna lagta hai

Har koi sapna lagta hai.

Tum kaun aur mai kaun

Aur ye aks kaun.

Mai toh khud ko talaash rhi hun

Har roz taraash rahi hun

Kabhi ghul rhi hoon

Kabhi naach rhi hoon

Kabhi kuch nahi hoon

Kabhi har kuch mai hi hun

Toh kya farq padta hai

Ki tum kya sochte ho

Tum ho ya nahi ho

Tum mere baare mei kya sochte ho

Ho skkta hai wo sab sach ho 

Ya ho skta hai 

Tum hi sach na ho

Kyunki sach to kuch nai bas 

Maana hua tathya hai

Har din kuch naya hai 

Har din ek mithya hai

Waqt chalta hai 

Fir bhi samundar sa vistrit hai

Tum bhi ek leher 

Main bhi

Fir kaun kya hai 

Kiska aks satya hai? 

Jise ana hai aye, 

Jise jaana hai jaaye. 

Jise jo samajhna hai samjhe. 

Hain to hum sab lehrein hi shayad. 

Ya fir kuch aur hi hai satya. 

Mai khud khud ko talaash rahi hun. 

Tumhe kya batayun satya. 

Mai bhi yatri, tum bhi

Mai bhi waqt, tum bhi

Mai hun tum

Tum ho mai 

Aah! Kaisi tu tu mai mai.

~  Mystical Wanderer 

Like a soulmate

 I don't know why

But you seem like a soulmate

Such attraction, such belongingness.

Oh, but you are different.

True, many similarities.

And I loved your humanity.

Only if it was equally passionate.

Oh, but how is the comfort - already there?

How do we simply belong

To each other.

Not really.

But slightly.

And it has nothing to do with my needs or situations.

It's just there - 

This connection.

But do you feel the same?

More I dig in,

More you seem distantly framed.

Maybe you have nothing in mind.

And it's just a vaca

But how do I tell you

Or even explain it to myself?

Why the connection?

Why even so many adjustments.

How the right on you 

How everything bare

With no wall - 

After so long.

Oh, you remind me of someone.

And truly the one who mattered the most 

Forever to be true!

And here you are

But I know nothing about you.

Your life, what you seek in lieu.

And I honestly don't know my type.

For I keep changing

And so do my types

If they ever exist.

Mostly I just crave for the right vibe.

Yours still is bit distracted

A bit less passionate

But oh, so perfectly full of compassion

But a bit less in strength 

To do the dirty work.

Or stand for the right.

But that can be said, 

Even about me.

For I know how to be dark or dirty

But I lack the strength of it.

Or maybe it's my choice.

And maybe it's yours as well.

And that takes even greater strength.

Oh, and somehow I demand your attention inside

I know it for I feel happy 

When you provide 

A little more care

A little more expression.

I feel the pressure when you hold me.

I feel the reason behind your numerous sighs 

Of all types.

Also I like how you handle everything.

Only sometimes, a little too loud

Or a little too mild.

But we are still getting to know each other.

Also I know you got to leave this place.

So am a bit scared for the future.

Of possible attachments

Especially the hollowness that follows separation.

And I also feel proud of my solo existence.

So that's a huge cost

I don't know if you would understand it .

But hey! We manage individual spaces quite well

And also we so smoothly create a mutual world full of fascination

And that twinkle in your eyes again is amazing

But should I even think so much about you or us 

at such an early point 

This temporary phase.

But it doesn't seem as new

I feel like we already knew

Each other and us

Maybe in some other birth.

Maybe it's all my illusion

And these are days just like any other

But Hey! We had such a powerful beginning

To imagine 

Each day at a new place

Every morning a new discovery

About the other, 

About us.

And we are covering leaps of connection

Through silence and sounds

Actions and thoughts.

And even the unsaid is often understood

Except sometimes you forget 

To ask a certain thing

At a certain point.

But it's only been few days.

Really? 

Are you my soulmate? 

Some destined meet for sure.

Only time will help us explore.

Just that, this or more.

Adios my love!

 If you are done,

Then so am I.

Maybe that is indeed

Cosmic designed. 

For so long did I pursue you 

In vain.

It would have been natural

Had it meant to be.

Maybe it was all 

Only in my mind.

Some image of your.

Some utopian rhyme.

Maybe I brought it all to myself.

The emotional tide

The highs and lows.

Aah! I have nothing against you.

All I have is gratitude.

For it was your vibe

That helped me 

Experience love with that might.

Where you did nothing

Yet your presence was everything.

If your mere being there

Could invoke so many emotions

I wonder how flooded the world would have been

Had I got 

Even an ounce of reciprocation.

Farewell my friend!

Live your life free.

I release you today

From any bonds or memories.

For maybe 

We were never meant to be.

How else could you have

Not felt or seen

My love's intensity, sanctity, immensity.

Adios! Live your life free.

My love deserves reciprocation!

I choose love today. I choose living free. 

Free from your blames and names.

Free from your inability to ever claim

Me or my love

When there was nothing but surrender

For years I did wait.

But now, it's late

A new morning is calling 

And this route

I must take

It's a divine calling

Adios! Says the 'Rake'! 

~ Mystical Wanderer 

Sun sakta hai to sun

 Kai meelon door

Kai Parton andar

Agar sun sakta hai to sun

Har dhadkan tujhe pukarti hai

Har dhun tujhe manti hai

Meri rooh ki saadgi

Janmon ki pyaas bhi

Mera har andaaz

Nakhre naaz

Ankhon ka raaz

Sar ka taaj

Bas tera ehsaas

Bas teri awaaz

Waqt ke panne palat kar dekh

Peeche bhi hum they

Agey bhi hum milenge

Akele nai hai tu

Jab bhi jagega

Saath khade milenge.

Teri taal par mere ghunghru naachte huye

Tere sur se sur milate huye

Tujhe taakte huye

Muskurate huye

Tujh par faqr rakhte

Tujhe lubhate huye 

Kai meelon door

Kai parton andar

Sun sakta hai to sun

Teri hun mai

Aur tu mera

Ye koi haq nai

Yeh rishta hai gehra

Rooh se rooh ka milan

Bin chue sirhan

Pakeezgi aur zindagi

Ka milan

Man hi man

Man hi man

A parallel reality

 

I have an empty house

I also have a wish to meet

And oh! How am gonna love you

Like a dog seeks food on street.

And you appear so close

For often my eyes see

That thirst in your eyes

The untold plight.

And yet this ego you wear

That is the only wall.

Now I may knock it down 

In a simple blow.

Call you over.

And I know

You will come.

You won't have any other go.

But then you know

I too have the same stardust.

Aah! This same ego.

Maybe in a parallel world

Where we talk often

And you keep up with

What's going on in my swirls

There we don't just live in formalities

But interact and understand

And live without dualities.

There, we just use these

Tiny oppertunities.

We meet and make love.

In a parallel reality. 

How intimate

 

How closer could we have come, 

when we knew each other for years along,

when we even made love 

when the stars were strong.

when we were indeed there 

despite of time's round.

And still 

you you had the audacity

to consider our bond to be

not so strong.

To appear to be an unknown.

To meet me as someone and not your very own.

What a waste of a real connection.

How silly are human actions.

- Mystical Wanderer

Misty Night

 

So so foggy 

Misty, magical.

Realm of ethereal.

Here I wish for a sign

Like a torchlight waving 

From the window across

And I am gonna shine a light 

From my spot. 

And two souls will communicate

In this foggy misty night. 

Who knows it begins

A fairy tale. 

My own story.

Aah! Am a romantic at heart. 

Spinning and weaving 

With my imagination and dreams. 

Dancing and waltzing 

To an inner monologue

Still believing in super natural

Still wishing for rainbows and unicorns.

~ Mystical Wanderer

Rebirth

 

It's a rebirth. 

Specially made of love. 

Self healed. Self served. 

It's a rebirth. 

Taking out my wand

To manifest, to comprehend. 

It's a magical energy. 

So relieving. So free. 

Free from my fears. Finally!

So enchantingly. 

Almost orgasmically. 

And it's a shower of blessing. 

From earth to sky - connecting me.

Oh! The heaves of relief. 

So refreshing. So full of love. 

A new me. Fearlessly. 

From root to heart. 

Till head. 

Throbbing with love energy. 

It feels beautiful.

This unison with me.

For the first time in my life

I have loved me

This focussed. 

This magically. 

Oh the morning fog

With occasional drizzle

The music along

This feeling so free. 

This cosy, this cold.

Back with inner warmth. 

Oh! It's beautiful.

So magical. 

So much at peace. 

It's a rebirth. 

The butterfly effect. 

The chosen way. 

Manifesting happiness.

Creating creation.

Connecting to the cosmos.

Aligning beyond dimensions. 

So one. So free. 

In love with me. 

~ Mystical Wanderer

The length of a dress

 

And what's the right length of a dress

That's just as revealing 

To attract someone

Yet hides enough 

To still not 

Give it all

Or even seem gross!

In my experience

It's too subjective

Obviously depends upon 

Your own comfort and free will.

But doesn't it depend immensely 

Upon the viewer, the listener,

The perceiver, the receptor as well?

For few just the eyes sometimes

Are enough to be amazed and dazed

And consider them the door to the souls. 

To few merely a glimpse of the feet 

Explains the level of self care, hygiene, quality of life 

Even fetish streams. 

Few focus upon legs

If they are athletic or slender or well bred?

Have they walked enough on the roads of life

Or are they lazy and full of unearned fats?

Are they flexible enough to change with new perspectives

Or are they rigid in a self built web!

For few palms show the type of life one leads. 

If the person is hard working

Or has an easy lifestyle. 

If the lines upon those palms are more to define loads of thoughts, complexities and time's toll. 

Or maybe the palms are plain and white 

Maybe reflecting a barren mind. 

Or even a lucky life. 

Few consider cuts sleeves as a sign of freedom. 

While few judge the same to be a modern construction.

That ofcourse varies from cultures to traditions to environment to persons. 

But the strength of the arms 

Do define power and strength 

In a certain stance. 

The fashion industry defines an ideal waist to be negligible in modern times. 

While the same is considered to be better to be fuller in earlier times. 

Numerous religious groups 

See large and round tummies 

To be a state of an evolved neval chakra

With happiness and generosity in its root. 

Yet many detest being any more than required. 

They state one must eat only the amount needed for survival.

Few raise questions on an exposed waist. 

While many celebrate the tender or blessed fate. 

The bosom though has various receptions. 

Ofcourse for men and women it's different and has deceptions. 

While men can easily go free and bare 

Yet women because of being more fuller

Or being the nurturer

Have to hide the fact of anything being there. 

And that hiding becomes a major reason for men

To always seek what's not easily provided. 

While few consider it to be a body part

No big deal

Another nature's art. 

Yet few fantasize and desire and make it that big an object of desire. 

Few feel the love of a mother.

Few consider it to be a caress of a lover. 

Few find relief, few find release. 

Few get into lust and objectify 

The crust. 

But that's the case with any part of body. 

Yet more so when it's a plus. 

And few just can't seem to forget a face

They idolize and like and love 

The outer state.

Those eyes,that nose, those lips, the ears and the earings dangling from them.

The glow of the skin, 

The rose of the cheeks. 

The softness the lips hold.

The experiences that lines fold. 

And few just define a person by the quality of hair

Dry or oily, frizzy or curly, 

If they are well kept?

If they are messy or miskept.

If proper care is provided.

Whether they are healthy

Or misguided.

Are they too pretentious?

Do they define class or chaos?

If they are soft and long?

To whom do they belong?

The color, the style, the texture, the structure.

Yet few don't bother about the clothes at all. 

You may go starch naked in front of them.

Or maybe wear the best of dresses.

But they are more bothered about the soul. 

Whether you are broken or are whole. 

Regardless of type of body or clothes you wear. 

They listen to every word 

As if exploring each cell while listening. 

They read between lines. 

Focus on choice of words, the expressions, the rhymes. 

They look into the eyes

If they are shining with joy

Or are a bit wet with some wry. 

They understand even silence 

Or maybe cook up their own definition. 

For the beauty, it totally lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

The interest ofcourse is double sided

But who can check 

The soil absorbing the rain 

Falling down 

From a stream of conciousness

A free conversation

A heart to heart connection

Or a passer by's interaction. 

Maybe a filter but to what length? 

And what's the right length of a dress

That's just as revealing 

To attract someone

Yet hides enough 

To still not 

Give it all

Or even seem gross!

~ Surbhi Rohera

Coro Cures

Coro -1 

8.6.2020

Dear Moon

It’s a weird time – world is going through a pandemic. Right outside my window there are bats circling around and that is making me scared. All my life I have wondered about the reason for life. I do understand so many concepts of karma, rebirths, religious philosophies, spirituality. I know our bodies are just a medium and so is the world. And life has way more than what just appears. Maybe not knowing the reason of life is good for us. Yet I could never decipher one clear meaning of life. I do understand we are some combination of space and time and so is life. I understand we are energy and so are all elements and all celestial bodies. Yet, why are we here, why do we face what we face, what’s the reason for life – always makes me curious.

I see you moon shining bright, peeping from my window, as if you have come to meet me. And for these moments – everything seems fine. I feel bad as a human for all the wrongs that mankind has done to nature. I feel this urge to raise my voice against all wrongs that has ever happened in the history of mankind. Yet there is this other voice which also understands how it is possible for the noblest of hearts to behave totally otherwise. How when vices attack, negative energy enters in or at our weak phases, anyone can be anybody. If everything has a reason, then all this was so designed. Whom are you punishing with the pandemic then and for what? Yet a faith is essential. And only thing that gives peace is ‘everything has a reason’ or ‘this too shall pass.’

My mind runs in all directions tonight. I notice people with so many purposes. Someone wants fame, someone seeks money or power. I wonder, what’s my purpose of life? I lived for creation, for nature, for beauty. Yet, I have always seeked the unknown, never really knowing what is it that I really want. There have been phases, phases of wanting knowledge, freedom, connection, exploration, merging, isolating, writing, singing, dancing, painting. List goes on. Nothing could hold me forever, neither relations, nor isolation, neither a flow, nor stability. I kept on changing. Tonight I wonder, for what?

My usual answer to this is – evolution. I always believed that life is nothing but evolution of us as a collective energy into more powerful energy. I thought enhancing our frequencies was the reason. But who can be sure of what, when we hardly know anything about life or world.

Moon connects me to the ethereal. Moon gives me energy and I wonder how and why? The world sleeps at night. Only creatures I see awake are not so positive. They are dark. I do have even the dark side in me, yet I connect more with light. But I love to be in semi darkness. Yet I love to spread love and light. Maybe that’s what Moon does – staying in dark, spreading it’s healing white light.

Why is this happening though - This huge transformation with so much of suffering? What’s the criteria of it? People are not machines to obsolete suddenly. I stay connected to even my old gadgets. They know my touch. They understand me. They listen to me. I don’t feel like abandoning even my gadgets. And here we are in a pandemic situation where old people are the most vulnerable. There is this phenomenon of ‘survival of the fittest’. What sort of game is it where each has to compete for life? While gardening, we don’t plant all breeds together to experiment who manages to fight and live. We instead give them individual spaces and allocate only the friendly ones in one pot. The weak ones are not exposed to intense sunlight. They are rather kept in partial heat, supported by tiny rocks or sticks. The creepers are given trees or threads to hang upon. They are not abandoned to grow wherever they want. If there is indeed a superpower then it is our gardener. How come he not know that we are all facing the threat of a disease. Even diseased plants are given medicine. After all life is to be saved at all costs for it is so precious.

There is no better love than that of a parent. Even parents had or have their parents. That makes each of us valuable and precious and worthy of love. Faults are also a part of life. None is perfect – it is said. Even nature has its own ups and downs. I still don’t know, what went wrong with humans. I do know though that it was allowed to happen for so long. I am not asking for forgiveness or giving reasons for the atrocities that humans committed. I just don’t understand the sudden havoc, the sudden reaction of nature or cosmos to it. Maybe Nature reached its saturation point. Maybe, just like I recently found my voice again against all wrong, nature also re-found it. But I feel weird – so much of suffering to see and feel.

Often times, I be in my bubble. This life I am blessed with. The gratitude for I am in a position to not see. May it be politics, religious issues, racist implications, or these pandemic woos. But I do feel. How can one soul be happy when so many others are suffering? The pain just peeps in. The rage suddenly enters in. I don’t know if it of Mother Nature or other human beings. For I feel equally angry to see cruelty yet feel equally the pain of those walking upon burning roads with their bare feet.

I feel helpless when our country is unlocking despite of the life threatening scenario. I feel helpless when I see so many videos where Chinese people eat anything and anyone under the sun. Not just them, but the entire world. Yet, there are so many animals who eat other animals. Even few plants are carnivorous. Why is this world so designed that everyone feeds on some other life. May it be flesh, energy, position, money, ego. There is always a hierarchy. Why is this politics so deeply rooted in every society?

There could have been a life without primitive needs. Our minds could have been so designed to live in harmony while creating new things. Why such an evil mechanism is installed the first thing in our systems that we have needs and those needs are fulfilled only by consuming someone other? Rather the four elements too are not all friendly. Water destroys fire. Wind can blow away earth particles. Fire can consume anything that comes in its way. Earth can be so dry if left at bay. They are all essential together – I understand. May be that’s why the concepts of Yin and Yang got created - to give life. But who will teach the art of balancing dear cosmos? Why the vices of greed? Why is nothing ever enough for the world? Why this virus of ‘more’?

Spirituality speaks of hollowing out. It speaks of Ether, of nothingness. What sort of game is it where we first are filled and then need to empty our vessels or mind or souls or life? On one level I understand these things. Say, after each life the soul empties its life’s details and just retains the cream, the lessons. Or after each of our high or low, we retain what we learned or unlearned from that show.  But it is not that simple when one is in the middle of it.

I was there – in the middle of one such situation. All my nobility gone, all my positivity drenched. I was floating in the dark matter not knowing the end of it. True, help came. True, I could come out of that mental frame. But the effort it took, the dents it left, the changes it brought are not all healthy for my own soul. How are things like that to be comprehended? Will those workers ever forget the plight they are undergoing along with their children on roads – if they manage to get out of this situation alive? The freedom struggle still breaths in us. People still carry borders with all its love and hate intensities – deep in their hearts. Would these people ever forget the pain they are undergoing right now? May be it is their karmas. Maybe, there is indeed some grand scheme. Maybe they are but victims of someone’s evil scene. Maybe, there is no reason for anything. They too are facing implications of some random shift.

What is life then? Is it a game where we have to keep on crossing levels? Is it a quest where finally at the end, we understand – the reality of it? Does every consciousness undergo the same kind of life again and again? Is it just my own head imaging all these people, circumstances in life? There is indeed a parallel. There is a huge connection of my mind to life. Yet, there are so many external influences as well to which I feel nothing to do with. When I think of my life, I realize, so much of it I had already seen in my visions in my childhood, so much of it I had written without knowing – in my youth. Yet a pandemic – I had never heard of. A mental breakdown – I had never thought of. Maybe I had, for there was indeed a character in my novel undergoing depression or another under a huge wave of ocean, or another writing about the issues with the world. Maybe, my reality is all in my head. In that case, I desire to heal. And I wish for those versions of mine – suffering with their children on roads in intense sunlight – to get a relief. And I wish for those versions of mine which got hurt and dark to take control of their meanness and once again fall in love with life. After all, I loved myself the most when I loved the fact that ‘I was alive’.  

CORA 2

9.6.2020

Dear Music

It’s a pretty morning and such a trippy date. I gazed the moon all night long and right now I wish to create. I have always had this strange connect with music. Sounds I feel are the origin of life. And sounds can change people, places, vibes. A place can be full of just music. Music can make or break a person. I have felt its transcendental effect a zillion times and that’s why my love, I want to create you. Want to write more and more songs and compose them, sing them – to heal the world along with self.

I’m listening to Buddha bar right now along with morning birds chirping outside my window. Few also sound like bats. It’s 5 A.M., the time of dawn. Maybe it takes many births with good karma to become a good musician. Yet I see so many people singing only with their throat. Few are blessed with good voices despite of a dark soul. But I don’t want to be merely a voice. I want to sing with my soul and touch souls.

I feel I have ADHD. At least the symptoms say so. May be, that’s what makes it difficult for me to stick to any instrument and practice it for long. And then there are times when I sing really well, yet often times, I just fail to sing so many songs well. I know, for I am a good listener, plus whether I sing it well or not, I do know when a song is in right pitch and when it is not. All I crave for is to sing well and give life to my songs.

Years back, I had the same craving for travel. I could do nothing else but thing and crave for it. My dream did come true. Though at a huge opportunity cost, yet I travelled – all on my own, to all the places I wished for. There are so many countries still waiting for me. But, that will have it’s own right time. Right now, I feel for nothing but to create music. Music is the only thing that connects me to divine. It keeps me sane. It keeps me alive. It has been years of love, years of connection to it. I always fall for musicians, when the real love is for the music.

Travel came true for I wasn’t dependent on anyone. Music becomes a huge ordeal for I can’t just create it all on my own. I have written so many songs, have even composed them and sung them (though really bad)…Yet for a perfect song, there is much more that is required. I see many instruments there. Classic ones. Sitar, flute, table, guitar, drums, violin, harmonica, harp…list goes on, even those that are played with water. Including elements in music enhances its power.

Maybe I should just keep on walking, take the first step and next and again next and help will come my way – just like it did when I travelled. But I want it to be perfect. Want it to reach somewhere. Had I been more planned, may travel would have been of use to so many. Entire country travelled in so much detailed in such raw way, yet hardly anyone knows about it. Even the videos were randomly captured with basic phone camera, still to be assimilated. I did publish few books, but who reads these days? Maybe I couldn’t market them well. As a writer or an artist, I always feel it is important for your work to reach the world. Every art piece needs it’s audience, not merely for the appreciation but to fulfill it’s purpose. First purpose is off course – coming to life. For, it heals the creator when he creates. It gives this strange joy of creation, of giving life. But it has to heal the world, has to teach something, bring a change in some way. Purpose of life can’t really be only existence – I always say.

So ya, have been connected to music for so long. I’ve been creating it for so many years. Now, I need the right people around, the right resources, and the right medium to reach the right audience. I need the divine energy and inner purity with zeal for that kind of creativity. It’s weird how I am friends with soooooooo many musicians. None however wants to collab. It disheartens me when many of them just focus on covers rather than originals. Or many of them simply focus on earning out of it, rather than creating something beautiful with their talent and skill. It’s weird how most of the artists keep fluctuating between wants and needs, between inner calls and external demands. So much of talent goes wasted because of society and its corrupt ethics. I sometimes wish for that world where kings used to appreciate art and artists had such respected position in the world.

Every time I come in contact with musicians and I get that kind of environment, music simply flows from inside. It thrives, the creativity in me. I write more and better songs. I naturally get able to play few instruments and I always get the ups and downs. I understand music without learning it. On my own, though I create, but it takes sudden needs or moods, and the number of songs reduce, so does the creativity. It’s like, the right seed needs right atmosphere to become a healthy plant. If only my talented friends understood. If only I had so much of talent within to not look outside for it. Yet I believe we have immense power within. I have also seen many musicians, having a command on so many instruments. They make their own songs solo. Surely takes lot of effort to do it all – layer per layer. Yet as a united effort, imagine the number of souls investing their energy in the same song and the hybrid beauty of it.

When I create videos, I be self-sufficient. I rather prefer to write the narrative, choose my own music, edit the frames, and make a movie out of it – all on my own. Any external influence may disturb my output – for then the overall feel I want to deliver won’t be solely mine. Yet with music, I do need others. One, I lack the skills. Another, I feel together I can create much better. Even a child needs both mother and father to be born, until it is of those rare animal species who either die after giving birth or create out of their own body parts. Yet a child born of two or more energies is more powerful and can have many more attributes.

Dear Music, if you are the kind of energy I feel you are, if the world needs you, if I can be your medium of healing, just come to me. Help me create. Help me flow with your flow. Help me, become you. For I love you and creating you will give both a purpose and meaning to my life. And thank you, for keeping me alive. 

- Surbhi Rohera

01.01. 2020

01.01. 2020
Hi!
It's a date where I couldn't help but write. Had to for I know I will get back here to this milestone in future.
9 PM. I have a coffee mug in hand and am sitting in my room full with my art. I learned few things today.

1) thoughts are what make a life. For it is our perspective about life that decides if we are happy or not. That is why it is v. Important for the thought processing to happen correctly. If there is fault in the procedure then entire life gets affected by.

2) I have to stop responding with 'I don't know' for then I stop my mind from creating even possible answers. Instead I should still try to gather answer.

3) I have to stop looking for support from others and instead take charge of my life. Not in a reckless way. But in terms of depending only upon my own self may it be for waking up, doing something, anything.

4) STAR (Stop. Think. Analyse. Respond.)
For I react too song and because of temperament, I may kill an otherwise situation. Instead I must focus on a win-win for all.

5) 'Change your perception of love'... Now love has been a very natural feeling for me but I read this line somewhere and that made me think much before it's reception. It is about how I define love. Maybe I should think about it for only then can I know my perception and give it any twist.

Today, I did two new art pieces and again am craving to do more. I just wanna tidy everything up and wanna give it new colors. May this year be with the same energy.

Bought two books today -
1) Ikigai
2)good vibes, good life
Gotta read them soon.

Oh! I have to join a new work tomorrow onwards. 2nd of Jan in 2020. Am real excited. Work after a long time. It gives me an opportunity to learn. I hope I be able to give my best and learn the most. I hope this step is a right decision and I be able to value it being a good host.

Right now am flipping between if I should go to the terrace or just be here ready to do some more art. Maybe I can take a quick round. That way, we will also get a change to contemplate a bit more. Though it will an intense temprature change. But Hey! Let's go.
Woah! I can also see a moon here. Alright! Break time.
So yeah! The moon sparkles too sweetly and I think of so many moons I have seen at so many places. Goa, Pondi, Manali, Kasol, Bangalore, Kolkata, Udaipur (Orrisa)..etc.

Last night was perfect. With my loved ones. And I slept with my mom. Even if I couldn't sleep but I had gratitude for that's what I wished for and I got the best of it.
So yeah! This decade begins with love, taking charge of my life, decision to build my life with a changed attitude, new job, new pieces of art, safe and warm at my my home here in Delhi despite of it being the coldest time in last 118 years.
I do miss Pompom (my pup) and wish him in my heart with my soul all the very best of his life ahead. I also think of Blue and send him warmth for he is out there in snow on mounts. Yet he is living my alternate reality that's wild and free. He is living being my alter ego.
So am back in my room for it was cold and the quick go was enough.

Another thing that I learned today was how to lose my fear. I have to trust more and love more.
Also, this year I gotta work on my judgemental self along with my temperament.

Alright yo! Gotta repair, decorate, enhance beauty and more.
Loads of love to my self to be given to all who care.

Storm last night

That purple spark in sky
Like a fountain of strikes
In pale grey cloudy sky
The clouds pour pain
Gently first, gaining thrust.
As passion spins
Looms of different timelines
Waltzing all around.
A cloud bursts gold
Silently, marking it's presence.
The feet waltz
Churning in the night's essence.
Gloomy with a fresh spirit.
Lonely, with a hope inside.
Till storm bursts open
Those hidden sores and wounds
And there the trees uproot
The wind howling
Yet a cookoo hoots
While hiding her feeble self
Behind window panes
From the mighty storm
Numbing her very voice
Carrying the echo
Of peacocks singing in distance
Deep in the wild.
The cookoo tries to focus
Upon the warmth offered behind
Those window panes.
The room with air conditioned
Clean and calm.
Where imbittered feelings
Are presently sweet.
And the bearers laughat the irony
Of storm outside
With peace inside the walls.
Cookoo sees otherwise
Most of the times.
How else would she sing
Her eternal grief, her pain.
Come morning.
The storm got tired.
Trees with ego lie lifeless.
Birds once again fly at ease.
Peacocks sing still
Sky beams it's bright sun
As in it blue fills.
Watch the goosebumps
On the soft round head
Of those tiny tiny birds.
Cookoo sings.
Mocking at the woman
So attached with mundaneness
Watering the washed plants
And the old lady taking care
Of young saplings.
She has seen it all
The storm, the peace;
The cold connections, the heat.
She sings still.
The feet waltz still.

Like a child believing

I miss you my faith
faith of being taken care of
that nothing can hurt me
When I'm with you.
I miss you Shiva
That sensation of woo
The magical landing in your arms
The grandiloquence, you.
I miss you dear cosmos
Silently guiding me
Through unknown ways
In the lands of wilderness
In plains of curfews.
You always knew the way.
And I simply followed you.
That inner voice.
I miss you.
I've turned myself mute.
So dead. So not me -
Without you.
But I feel abandoned
While I am extremely loved.
Maybe, this is also you.
But I feel betrayed, displeased,
Broken by you.
You guide me till the top
And throw me down
Always on that last step
Before the Pinnacle.
When I feel so confident,
So one with you
You leave me
You dissolve in crew.
And I feel alone, helpless.
No I don't care about success
For the zeal comes
Only when am with you.
Yet a flame stays kindled
Buried deep inside
Layered by my ego.
Yet I know
I miss you.
And I feel silly
Everytime that I get up
Yet again
Carrying you.
Like a child believing
That her toy will one day
Turn real.
Her dreams will one day
Come true.
As I stare at the lifeless perfection
In my pretty dolls
Sitting lifeless on bamboo furniture
And a broken girl looks at them
Hoping for them
To stand up and talk
And affirm her unique entity
To tell her
She is not the crew
While the drops seems lost amidst waves
More hopeless while being thrown with waves
To random shores, to the depth of her sea
For she doesn't know you.
Yet she misses the faith in ocean
The trust that she belongs to something huge.
Aah! I miss you.
I miss you.
My cosmos, my Shiva, my faith in myself, my faith in you.

Specific bonds

Love - it has immense power
Years of desire
Births of being required
You never know
After how long
You get specific bonds.
Value them.
Maybe a certain person
Is All you wanted
Maybe the present
Is all your past enchanted.
You never know
After how long
You get specific bonds.
For souls have a unique way
Of bonding and rebonding.
They keep appearing
Again and again
In a karmic game.
Sometimes in debit and credit
Sometimes like planets with their orbits
You never know
After how long the circle repeats
And that heart beats.
But Love
It has this immense power.
You never know after how long
The cosmos gives
Specific connections
Situations as required.
They are dreams turned real
Fantasies of past
Become present in real.
Thoughts once in mind
Seeds grown into trees
Necture nurturing honey bees
Love - it has immense power
Years of desire
Births of being required.
You never know
After how long
You get specific bonds.
Value them.

~ Mystical Wanderer

Love

This undire love
The thirst
Wanting, craving.
The faith
And loss of it.
Resurrection of it.
Curses and hopes.
Broken beyond mending.
Healed for centuries.
Quenched yet in need
Of that one more drop
Of love
And another
And another.
The union.
Nostalgia, imagination.
Cooking up the same story
With multiple endings.
Finding loopholes.
Fascinating other doors.
Yet the obsession
To stay strangled
In the same arms.
Painful balm.
This undire love
The thirst
Wanting, craving.

~ Mystical Wanderer

Enraged with love

I love her immensely
Yet the peak of need, desire, emotion, expression
Comes out in anger.
I have forgiven.
All of it.
Love matters more.
Also the connection.
But I haven't forgotten.
For it tortures me.
Every kiss towards her
Reeks poison
Unwantedly.
I love her immensely.
Yet all that comes out
Is anger.
While I say 'I love you'
The past tails behind
Like Love's glue.
The hatered as much a part
As the love, the passion.
None can love me
More than her.
And I love none
Like I love her.
Yet, my arms trying to embrace
Are often held back
In strange disdain.
As expectations burden my soul
And I feel the void.
I crave to be whole.
More the unison seeked
More the ceiling creeks.
Aah! I love her.
I really do.
I love her so immensely
That I can't express it
As it is for her.
Listen to the weak silly heart
Enraged with love
Bleeding in desire.
Hear me out.
Not loud.
But in the silent whails and sobs
That still seek her.
For I love her.
I really do.
Yet all that comes out
Is anger.
Yet she is my only shore
The only place
Where I love to anchor.
But I don't.
I keep my ship dangling on her shore
Getting battered by waves.
Holding this huge ego
To ever flatter.
As she drifts away
Shouting, yelling, fighting
Yet claiming me
Like none else.
She the hell of a woman
She the strength, my stem, my root.
I be the eagle hovering in the wide sky
So high, so alone
Despite of my height
Looking at my shore.
My home.
She be the womb,
She the honeycomb.
I love her so immensely
Yet all I can give her
Is my anger.
I be rude.
When did the words left us.
How come the laughter
Turned into angry rebuked.
How come we both love each other
Yet we be like wordly crew.
For once my love, be in my shoes.
But she has always been
Full of love.
Fault must be
In me somewhere.
For I love her immensely
Yet the peak of need, desire, emotion, expression
Comes out in anger.
I hope she knows
That she is my
One and only anchor.

A rebel

Growing up was a rebellious phase
All those years of learning and unlearning.
Time to understand concepts and accept or deny them.
Where I learned feminism
And shunned it
For first I didn't believe in categories
And second I wasn't ever
A men-hater.
Yet there were obstructions
People trying to pull me down,
Raising their fingers on my character
Forcing me to be stereotypical
Brainwashing me to lay low
And belong to the category defined as female.
I was supposed to be a nurturer, a goddess, anything ideal but what I was.
And all this while I was a rebel
Reacting and repointing the same society
Craving to be just one thing
What I was.
To some point where I just stopped seeking affirmation.
Permissions were no more required
And acceptance was so not my focus.
I was a rebel. I was myself.
I began to just be.
Living the way I wanted
Doing whatever I felt like
While my only parameter was
The inner voice.
My concious.

Long back there was this hysteric phase
Where my body was my enemy
For I envied it
For I was often befriended by people
To reach my body.
I wanted them to connect to my soul, my voice, my thoughts.
All they wanted was my body.
I hated my body then.
I was a rebel then.
More men tried to touch it
More I disassociated with it.
Only to realize
It's just a body.
But it is mine.
So I experimented
And I set it free - my body.
And I realized
It's no big deal.
No point holding, wrapping, imprisoning my body
When the fault is in society
In eyes, in mentality.
It is my body that is blessed with senses. It is my body that has to go beyond shackles and fences.
It is my body that helped me connect to the higher self of mine.
And I felt divine.
I was still a rebel.
For I had shunned those torturing brasseries, the high neck laces and tightened drapes.
I was naked to the nature.
I was free and for society
That was a mistake.
Ya ya... Character and all.
I was a rebel.
And had a new label of fall.

Often was I told that I was so not Indian.
The culture was named. The religion, genes, society framed.
Again the character was questioned.
Again the pointed fingers. Again and again the ideal sculpture was spunned.
And I looked around.
Women getting raped, taped, craped.
Women themself pointing fingers.
For they were themself confused .
What was right and what was conditioned
were both fused.
I pitied those who were still shackled
Thinking about others' clothes, respect, dignity, culture
Where deep inside was a confused mind
Shocked at the strength
Too stunned to comprehend
Right from wrong.
Weak from strong.
And like always they wanted to tame me.
For this is the reality of our valued human society
That what is stronger and free is a mutual enemy
For envy and fear takes root
In those who are in pots
And can't bear fruits.
Instead they crave attention
By pointing fingers at the trees
Rooted in forest
Blaming them of being wild and uncultured
While hiding their boneshied culture.
Why being Indian was a pride to me.
Still is. But the real one.
So was being a feminist - in it's essence.

Born in a country full of all topographies
Where mountains are as much a part as ocean or plateaus or fields.
Yet there is North and South. Yet there is North East.
We claim to be diverse and equal
Why the racism then? Why the pointing of fingers.
We the Indians with concepts of Ardhnarishwar
Where Shiva and Shakti unite and make each and every individual.
We the educated and scientific brains
Knowing that testosterone and estrogen is what every entity contains
Yet we the fools to deny it all
And make some artificial concepts
Of highs and falls.

Growing up was a rebellious phase.
All those years of learning and unlearning.
Still is. For am still growing.
And I still am a rebel, a feminist and an Indian.

~ Mystical Wanderer

Tomorrowland

The future is waiting for you
Not an apocalypse
But a bright blue and green one
Like a canvas ready to be filled
With new colors
Like Eden with numerous possibilities
The strokes and Spurs.
A new born
To be taught
A new language.
An island empty of any foilage.
Walk on
Flow with the serpentine river
Enter in those ginger mounts
Run naked on green floor
Lie on the green grass
Facing that wild blue sky.
Create your reality
In those white clouds
Changing shapes with time.
But oh so real
Now in this moment.
The future is waiting for you
The promised
Tomorrowland!
You just gotta believe
And take the first step.
Once again.
For the hopes might have doomed earlier
The dreams may have broken.
Not to deny
That the hope is still there.
So are the possibilities.
For there it is -
The future
It's waiting for you
Tomorrowland.
Pick up your pens, brushes, tools
Brush up your dreams.
Time to turn them real.
The future is waiting for you
The promised
Tomorrowland!

~ Mystical Wanderer

Shoulds

Dreams
While they all seem possible
As they turn true
Behind the peripheries
Of eyes
As they close to the real
The misery of life.
Some do come true
Like baits to the innocent mind.
And you stay hooked
Dreaming day and night
Believing the artist in you.
Trusting some power
Behind all the plight
Assuming it will be over
For that one final night
When art will turn real
Artist will be recognized.
Wake up.
Stop it before it breaks you
Completely.
For dreams are but mistakes
Those toys of childhood
Where dolls and tiny cute utencils
Are nothing but a practice
As the innocent child drinks
Ideas of the stereotype.
That's real.
The plight.
No need to react
To any rule or 'shoulds'.
No need to consider 'mights'.
Simply walk on should.
For heart is but a broken soul
Intoxicated on the idea of
Optimism
Fixing it's doomed fate.
Burn those colors and pens.
Rip your heart apart.
Dreams are useless.
World can't care any less
For the rebel or an artist.
Dreams are but fantasies
Ending in tragedies.
For what's the point of
Crossing biggest fence
Or climbing highest hill
If it happens by the time
All that mattered
Is lost - that too
'If' it happens.
Surrender - is what everyone
Teaches you.
That is experience
To save you
And your loved ones
From pain and misery.
But pain is so much
A part of life.
For we are not living
But dieing every moment.
Kill your ego, dreams, yourself
Before time wracks them apart.
Jauhar - is the term
Yeah! Celebrate Jauhar.
That's more valued in here
Rather that considering
What you might.
Maybe it's right.

~ Surbhi Rohera

Music

I won't run behind music
No. Not along him.
Not behind him as well.
Instead I will travel on
Upon my own path.
And will jam along
Those that will come my way.
The paths by which
I will pass
The rivers and forests
The trance, the crowd.
I will jam with the rustle
Of leaves and footsteps
And dance to the rhythm
Of wild windchams
And race along with the horses
Listening to the intensity
And jump from cliffs
To gain depths
And slide through those
Porous ancient walls
And understand the way
Air produces sound.
With them all I will jam along
Not one, not limited
But music, the universal sound.