Coro -1
8.6.2020
Dear Moon
It’s a weird time – world is going through a pandemic. Right
outside my window there are bats circling around and that is making me scared. All
my life I have wondered about the reason for life. I do understand so many
concepts of karma, rebirths, religious philosophies, spirituality. I know our
bodies are just a medium and so is the world. And life has way more than what
just appears. Maybe not knowing the reason of life is good for us. Yet I could
never decipher one clear meaning of life. I do understand we are some
combination of space and time and so is life. I understand we are energy and so
are all elements and all celestial bodies. Yet, why are we here, why do we face
what we face, what’s the reason for life – always makes me curious.
I see you moon shining bright, peeping from my window, as if
you have come to meet me. And for these moments – everything seems fine. I feel
bad as a human for all the wrongs that mankind has done to nature. I feel this
urge to raise my voice against all wrongs that has ever happened in the history
of mankind. Yet there is this other voice which also understands how it is possible
for the noblest of hearts to behave totally otherwise. How when vices attack,
negative energy enters in or at our weak phases, anyone can be anybody. If
everything has a reason, then all this was so designed. Whom are you punishing
with the pandemic then and for what? Yet a faith is essential. And only thing
that gives peace is ‘everything has a reason’ or ‘this too shall pass.’
My mind runs in all directions tonight. I notice people with
so many purposes. Someone wants fame, someone seeks money or power. I wonder,
what’s my purpose of life? I lived for creation, for nature, for beauty. Yet, I
have always seeked the unknown, never really knowing what is it that I really
want. There have been phases, phases of wanting knowledge, freedom, connection,
exploration, merging, isolating, writing, singing, dancing, painting. List goes
on. Nothing could hold me forever, neither relations, nor isolation, neither a
flow, nor stability. I kept on changing. Tonight I wonder, for what?
My usual answer to this is – evolution. I always believed
that life is nothing but evolution of us as a collective energy into more
powerful energy. I thought enhancing our frequencies was the reason. But who
can be sure of what, when we hardly know anything about life or world.
Moon connects me to the ethereal. Moon gives me energy and I
wonder how and why? The world sleeps at night. Only creatures I see awake are
not so positive. They are dark. I do have even the dark side in me, yet I
connect more with light. But I love to be in semi darkness. Yet I love to
spread love and light. Maybe that’s what Moon does – staying in dark, spreading
it’s healing white light.
Why is this happening though - This huge transformation with
so much of suffering? What’s the criteria of it? People are not machines to
obsolete suddenly. I stay connected to even my old gadgets. They know my touch.
They understand me. They listen to me. I don’t feel like abandoning even my
gadgets. And here we are in a pandemic situation where old people are the most
vulnerable. There is this phenomenon of ‘survival of the fittest’. What sort of
game is it where each has to compete for life? While gardening, we don’t plant
all breeds together to experiment who manages to fight and live. We instead
give them individual spaces and allocate only the friendly ones in one pot. The
weak ones are not exposed to intense sunlight. They are rather kept in partial
heat, supported by tiny rocks or sticks. The creepers are given trees or
threads to hang upon. They are not abandoned to grow wherever they want. If
there is indeed a superpower then it is our gardener. How come he not know that
we are all facing the threat of a disease. Even diseased plants are given
medicine. After all life is to be saved at all costs for it is so precious.
There is no better love than that of a parent. Even parents
had or have their parents. That makes each of us valuable and precious and
worthy of love. Faults are also a part of life. None is perfect – it is said.
Even nature has its own ups and downs. I still don’t know, what went wrong with
humans. I do know though that it was allowed to happen for so long. I am not
asking for forgiveness or giving reasons for the atrocities that humans
committed. I just don’t understand the sudden havoc, the sudden reaction of
nature or cosmos to it. Maybe Nature reached its saturation point. Maybe, just
like I recently found my voice again against all wrong, nature also re-found
it. But I feel weird – so much of suffering to see and feel.
Often times, I be in my bubble. This life I am blessed with.
The gratitude for I am in a position to not see. May it be politics, religious
issues, racist implications, or these pandemic woos. But I do feel. How can one
soul be happy when so many others are suffering? The pain just peeps in. The
rage suddenly enters in. I don’t know if it of Mother Nature or other human
beings. For I feel equally angry to see cruelty yet feel equally the pain of
those walking upon burning roads with their bare feet.
I feel helpless when our country is unlocking despite of the
life threatening scenario. I feel helpless when I see so many videos where
Chinese people eat anything and anyone under the sun. Not just them, but the
entire world. Yet, there are so many animals who eat other animals. Even few
plants are carnivorous. Why is this world so designed that everyone feeds on
some other life. May it be flesh, energy, position, money, ego. There is always
a hierarchy. Why is this politics so deeply rooted in every society?
There could have been a life without primitive needs. Our
minds could have been so designed to live in harmony while creating new things.
Why such an evil mechanism is installed the first thing in our systems that we
have needs and those needs are fulfilled only by consuming someone other?
Rather the four elements too are not all friendly. Water destroys fire. Wind
can blow away earth particles. Fire can consume anything that comes in its way.
Earth can be so dry if left at bay. They are all essential together – I understand.
May be that’s why the concepts of Yin and Yang got created - to give life. But
who will teach the art of balancing dear cosmos? Why the vices of greed? Why is
nothing ever enough for the world? Why this virus of ‘more’?
Spirituality speaks of hollowing out. It speaks of Ether, of
nothingness. What sort of game is it where we first are filled and then need to
empty our vessels or mind or souls or life? On one level I understand these
things. Say, after each life the soul empties its life’s details and just
retains the cream, the lessons. Or after each of our high or low, we retain
what we learned or unlearned from that show. But it is not that simple when one is in the
middle of it.
I was there – in the middle of one such situation. All my
nobility gone, all my positivity drenched. I was floating in the dark matter
not knowing the end of it. True, help came. True, I could come out of that
mental frame. But the effort it took, the dents it left, the changes it brought
are not all healthy for my own soul. How are things like that to be
comprehended? Will those workers ever forget the plight they are undergoing
along with their children on roads – if they manage to get out of this situation
alive? The freedom struggle still breaths in us. People still carry borders
with all its love and hate intensities – deep in their hearts. Would these
people ever forget the pain they are undergoing right now? May be it is their
karmas. Maybe, there is indeed some grand scheme. Maybe they are but victims of
someone’s evil scene. Maybe, there is no reason for anything. They too are
facing implications of some random shift.
What is life then? Is it a game where we have to keep on
crossing levels? Is it a quest where finally at the end, we understand – the reality
of it? Does every consciousness undergo the same kind of life again and again?
Is it just my own head imaging all these people, circumstances in life? There
is indeed a parallel. There is a huge connection of my mind to life. Yet, there
are so many external influences as well to which I feel nothing to do with. When
I think of my life, I realize, so much of it I had already seen in my visions
in my childhood, so much of it I had written without knowing – in my youth. Yet
a pandemic – I had never heard of. A mental breakdown – I had never thought of.
Maybe I had, for there was indeed a character in my novel undergoing depression
or another under a huge wave of ocean, or another writing about the issues with
the world. Maybe, my reality is all in my head. In that case, I desire to heal.
And I wish for those versions of mine – suffering with their children on roads
in intense sunlight – to get a relief. And I wish for those versions of mine
which got hurt and dark to take control of their meanness and once again fall
in love with life. After all, I loved myself the most when I loved the fact
that ‘I was alive’.
CORA 2
9.6.2020
Dear Music
It’s a pretty morning and such a trippy date. I gazed the
moon all night long and right now I wish to create. I have always had this
strange connect with music. Sounds I feel are the origin of life. And sounds
can change people, places, vibes. A place can be full of just music. Music can
make or break a person. I have felt its transcendental effect a zillion times
and that’s why my love, I want to create you. Want to write more and more songs
and compose them, sing them – to heal the world along with self.
I’m listening to Buddha bar right now along with morning
birds chirping outside my window. Few also sound like bats. It’s 5 A.M., the
time of dawn. Maybe it takes many births with good karma to become a good
musician. Yet I see so many people singing only with their throat. Few are
blessed with good voices despite of a dark soul. But I don’t want to be merely
a voice. I want to sing with my soul and touch souls.
I feel I have ADHD. At least the symptoms say so. May be,
that’s what makes it difficult for me to stick to any instrument and practice
it for long. And then there are times when I sing really well, yet often times,
I just fail to sing so many songs well. I know, for I am a good listener, plus
whether I sing it well or not, I do know when a song is in right pitch and when
it is not. All I crave for is to sing well and give life to my songs.
Years back, I had the same craving for travel. I could do
nothing else but thing and crave for it. My dream did come true. Though at a
huge opportunity cost, yet I travelled – all on my own, to all the places I
wished for. There are so many countries still waiting for me. But, that will
have it’s own right time. Right now, I feel for nothing but to create music.
Music is the only thing that connects me to divine. It keeps me sane. It keeps
me alive. It has been years of love, years of connection to it. I always fall
for musicians, when the real love is for the music.
Travel came true for I wasn’t dependent on anyone. Music
becomes a huge ordeal for I can’t just create it all on my own. I have written
so many songs, have even composed them and sung them (though really bad)…Yet
for a perfect song, there is much more that is required. I see many instruments
there. Classic ones. Sitar, flute, table, guitar, drums, violin, harmonica,
harp…list goes on, even those that are played with water. Including elements in
music enhances its power.
Maybe I should just keep on walking, take the first step and
next and again next and help will come my way – just like it did when I
travelled. But I want it to be perfect. Want it to reach somewhere. Had I been
more planned, may travel would have been of use to so many. Entire country travelled
in so much detailed in such raw way, yet hardly anyone knows about it. Even the
videos were randomly captured with basic phone camera, still to be assimilated.
I did publish few books, but who reads these days? Maybe I couldn’t market them
well. As a writer or an artist, I always feel it is important for your work to
reach the world. Every art piece needs it’s audience, not merely for the
appreciation but to fulfill it’s purpose. First purpose is off course – coming to
life. For, it heals the creator when he creates. It gives this strange joy of
creation, of giving life. But it has to heal the world, has to teach something,
bring a change in some way. Purpose of life can’t really be only existence – I always
say.
So ya, have been connected to music for so long. I’ve been
creating it for so many years. Now, I need the right people around, the right
resources, and the right medium to reach the right audience. I need the divine
energy and inner purity with zeal for that kind of creativity. It’s weird how I
am friends with soooooooo many musicians. None however wants to collab. It
disheartens me when many of them just focus on covers rather than originals. Or
many of them simply focus on earning out of it, rather than creating something
beautiful with their talent and skill. It’s weird how most of the artists keep
fluctuating between wants and needs, between inner calls and external demands.
So much of talent goes wasted because of society and its corrupt ethics. I
sometimes wish for that world where kings used to appreciate art and artists
had such respected position in the world.
Every time I come in contact with musicians and I get that
kind of environment, music simply flows from inside. It thrives, the creativity
in me. I write more and better songs. I naturally get able to play few
instruments and I always get the ups and downs. I understand music without learning
it. On my own, though I create, but it takes sudden needs or moods, and the
number of songs reduce, so does the creativity. It’s like, the right seed needs
right atmosphere to become a healthy plant. If only my talented friends
understood. If only I had so much of talent within to not look outside for it.
Yet I believe we have immense power within. I have also seen many musicians,
having a command on so many instruments. They make their own songs solo. Surely
takes lot of effort to do it all – layer per layer. Yet as a united effort,
imagine the number of souls investing their energy in the same song and the
hybrid beauty of it.
When I create videos, I be self-sufficient. I rather prefer
to write the narrative, choose my own music, edit the frames, and make a movie
out of it – all on my own. Any external influence may disturb my output – for
then the overall feel I want to deliver won’t be solely mine. Yet with music, I
do need others. One, I lack the skills. Another, I feel together I can create
much better. Even a child needs both mother and father to be born, until it is
of those rare animal species who either die after giving birth or create out of
their own body parts. Yet a child born of two or more energies is more powerful
and can have many more attributes.
Dear Music, if you are the kind of energy I feel you are, if
the world needs you, if I can be your medium of healing, just come to me. Help
me create. Help me flow with your flow. Help me, become you. For I love you and
creating you will give both a purpose and meaning to my life. And thank you,
for keeping me alive.
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