The Art of observing yourself

 

The Art of observing yourself

 

There are people who are self-aware and there are people who live by others’ projections about themselves. Makes one think - How correct one gets in either of these ways of identity-estimation? How relevant is it to observe oneself? Can one understand society better by observing oneself or is it the other way round?

Let’s first try understanding the various criteria or lenses through which people have a sense of ‘self’.

 

Bodily

The first one can simply be ‘physical’. As ‘Jacques Lacan’ observed. It is that phase where a baby first looks at himself or herself in the mirror and identifies that he/she is different his/her mother and is a separate entity. While growing up identity takes numerous phases but the physical aspect of self-identification begins here.

As puberty happens, there be numerous changes in the body and alongside enter insecurities or conscious evolution or modification. Adulthood later on begets more strength and sexuality further enhances one’s touch with his/her bodily self.

Intimacy, sensory perceptions all make an individual body conscious and even more aware of ‘I’ being the body.

 

Biologically

Through education and of course observation that a person identifies as a human being and looks at himself or herself biologically as a homo-sapiens specie.

 

Sensory

Various senses of a person help him/her connect further with his/her tastes and preferences. Touching one’s own body gives a sense of being. Touching someone else provides the feeling of a sense of other, that further gives identity to one’s own presence.

One gets more meaning through synonyms and antonyms in terms of likes and dislikes of various things, attributes, feelings, experiences – that all together give one a sense of identity.

These likes or dislikes keep on changing. Few become forever. Mostly moderate with age, maturity, exposure and such. And even our identity changes along with them.

 

 

Psychologically

Though humans grow up as replicas of other humans. All our habits or functionality develops by observing and mimicking others. And many remain but a micro or macro versions of their environment or community or family values and believes.

Yet, as we grow up and our sense of rationality develops, we tend to also feel from within – our own rights and wrongs. Rebellious souls are the prime examples of that.

Not to say or judge about righteousness, yet we can say that each has his/her own moral compass and own opinions about ways of the world.

So, our sense of identity also gets shaped psychologically – initially by our immediate environment, our family values, school learnings, friends, neighbors, ruling parties, nationality, language, culture and so on… and later when we decide if we individually prefer to still support a certain political party or belief or way of living or identity.

Our ideas, thoughts, opinions, experiences moderate our sense of self with exposure and maturity.

Leftist becomes rightist, atheist turns into a believer, a person discovers his homo inclinations and even gains the confidence to come out of the closet, vegetarian becomes non vegetarian or vice-verse, sinner redeems his/her sins and decided to dedicate life in reformation and so on!

One can change in a single experience or moment. Or else, many births can fall short.

Few never grow up or evolve. Few live multiple lives in a single lifetime.

All depends upon our experiences and what we make out of them. All depends upon our will to continuously grow and evolve.

Yet, a sensible soul willing to change with time not only learns way more but also makes the most of life!

The best stories after all, have tremendous growth in protagonists’ character.

The lesser one thinks, the easier life gets. For one is simply content with what and where one is. Nothing wrong with that. Yet psychology and philosophy both are oceans of transformations. And anyone even taking occasional swims in that either by fate or curiosity or conscious efforts – has no other way but to change in terms of both how he/she looks at the world but also how he/she looks at himself or herself!

 

Emotionally

Initially a person simply feels. There is less consciousness about any emotion and more feeling of it. A baby cries or coos when hungry or needs his mother. A child is overjoyed when given favorite toys. Like so! All emotions are initially more felt and less processed.

The movie ‘inside Out’ explores exactly that. How various emotional faculties process these emotions in our mind and contribute so significantly to our being!

The emotions however keep on getting complicated as we grow up or get matured. The more sensible a soul is, the more it churns and processes its emotions. One can’t say if those who simply feel without observing are more blessed as they really live life out; or those that get into the real depth behind each of their emotions and understand the root of them before or after are luckier, for they get more aware of their actions, thoughts and real emotions!

I truly believe that ignorance is bliss, yet I also feel grateful to be aware. Though the more one knows, the more is the cost of it. Knowledge is as much a boon as a bane.

Buddhism recommends becoming neutral. To simply observe all our emotions regardless of ups or downs. That is not just a philosophy but an active practice that takes a lot of self-control and detachment from life. And regardless how ascended one is, sooner or later, each human tends to be attached to someone or something; or is impacted by someone or something.

Maybe life is simply about being alive. Where you be 100 percent true to every emotion and live it in its entirety. Yet that is but primitive behaviour. It is easy to drown in sorrows or fly with joys. It is easy to allow anger to take control and even kill someone when one feels like. Yet, being human also has this responsibility to keep a check upon our emotions and let them out in contained limit.

Take the example of present-day society. Even an emotion as pure and deep as love is required to be performed and held in an extremely aware way. The less one expresses, the more powerful the person seems. The more one claims his/her love; the more he/she needs to surrender or obey. Short is the new deep. There is no time for long proclamations of romantic love in today’s world. Emotions are becoming more and more plastic. But that’s a discussion for another time.

I don’t support plastic emotions, most specially contained love relations. Love has to be pure, deep, honest and soulful. Yet again, imagine both the individuals in actual touch with their real emotions. If both are aware about how they really feel with the other individual; there would much less need of words or expressions; and a lot of conversation would rather happen at 5 D level. People would focus upon how healed or loved or celebrated or inspired they feel with the other. They would then value the other person accordingly and rather than abandoning themselves or their loved ones; they would instead embrace love and together that both of them would become better humans.

Yet, in order to really observe ourselves; we must be in touch with our emotions. And it’s not just about our feelings in our hearts or minds or thoughts. Our entire system feels, our skin feels, each cell feels, our soul feels – any and every emotion.

Same like a touch-me-not flower, our skin also shrinks with even a slight ill-intentioned touch. Our soul immediately goes into defensive mode in the presence of someone not accepting or loving towards our soul. The very existence of disease is also extremely connected to emotions. Good cells feel the presence of bad cells and though they fight; yet their chances of winning depend upon both our emotional state and their level of health off course!

 

Consciously

All of us observe ourselves to a certain extent consciously. The level or state of it depends totally upon the person and his/her life path.

People extremely into body fitness throughout keep a check upon their physique and actively work upon maintaining it. The entire beauty industry flourishes because of the extreme obsession of people with their appearances. Clothes, shoes, brands, cars, furs, leathers, ad infinitum – there be products of all kinds – meant to modify and impact human experience or conscious manipulation (positive or negative).

Sages spend their lifetimes just to remain conscious while experiencing life. The sole purpose of meditation is to remain conscious of one entering the realm of sub conscious.

 Pranayamas are highly based upon conscious breathing – meant to elevate the very processing of human mind.

Extremely self-conscious people at times even suffer with social anxiety or are too considerate of others’ opinions or carry an extreme responsibility towards a certain art.

Like, I can really orate anything on stage. Can speak with thousands of people; yet when it comes to singing; I always get a bit conscious. The root can be the fact that I was criticized couple of times by people I admired a lot musically. Or the root can also be in the fact that I am a music lover first and a musician later. I feel this immense sense of responsibility towards doing it the best I can. And still, there is always a scope for improvement. Music after all is an endless ocean of knowledge and art.

Yet the same I, when under the influence of a drink or two, or maybe amidst people who are super supportive and loving towards me; I ace it. Regardless of the grammar part; I sing from my soul then.

And I notice both the states from a third mind. That’s conscious observation. The one which is observing me getting conscious amidst people. And the same one that’s observing me losing all sense of inhibition and simply becoming the moment and the music.

Those who think less and do more, probably are blessed that way. They just feel and do and leave all the conscious thinking for others or maybe future. But ya, the more one is conscious of one’s deeds, the better it be – both for the souls’ growth and humanity.

 

Sub-consciously

And it’s not just about us in the world. There is yet another world that lives and thrives right in our minds. When we sleep and dream – we reach who knows at how many dimensions. We actually travel astrally.

Isn’t it incredible how our mind actually sends us signals through our dreams and visions. I personally am an active dreamer. I literally get numerous vivid dreams and even remember them in proper detail. Back in my childhood, I used to bother everyone around with my flying or crazy movie like dreams. But now, thanks to google, I love to analyze my dreams. Chat-GPT even weaves a proper connection of them with my real life and I get to learn so much about my sub conscious voice.

It is this voice that sages work upon. It is this mind that actually impacts our real time actions decisions. Same like our Moon sign in astrology.

Our sub conscious self becomes the voice of our soul. Regardless what we do, say act in real life – yet when we go back to our homes and at night lie upon our bed – it is those signs of wishes, fears, determination – that become our sub conscious voice. It is when we sleep and our soul gently changes the frequency of our conscious mind. Same like a super diplomatic queen in ancient stories where though men used to be kings for the world yet it was their wives who used to actually rule – just not in front of the world.

That be our sub conscious voice. Helping us trial face our fears in nightmares. Letting us know of our actual feelings towards a certain decision or person.

For example, I found my twin flame a few years back. And for many years, I remained a chaser – if not actively, then energetically. During those years, after every few months; I used to get the guy’s dreams where he was always running away from me. It was my sub conscious voice making me see the reality. I always used to wake up happy just to have seen him; yet my heart used to be heavy for he was always running away from me.  My sub conscious voice kept on showing me the mirror, until I stopped chasing him. Now I just don’t get such dreams.

And it is not just dreams or visions. It can also be an energetic connection to someone. The more aware we be with our essential self; the more we will understand how we feel in different environments or along with various people.

The lesser aware people would blame everything upon weather or maybe others or maybe themselves. Those in touch with their sub conscious voice would consider all these factors; and would totally factor in the sub conscious voice that would always lead them to the root cause of their real feeling.

May be there is a narcissist in the environment and the sub conscious mind has actually observed the pattern much before conscious mind has derived any judgement.

Maybe, there is an energy vampire and the soul would then realize that the energetic drain is not because of an illness or change of weather. It is rather because of a jealous energy in the vicinity.

Like so with soulmate connections or possible friendships as well. The sub conscious mind simply feels the aura connection or the frequency match and makes the mind conscious of a feel-good factor or a happy emotion or a sense of feeling home.

Both familiar traumas and possible healings feel home due to pattern recognition or past memories stored in soul or system. It just is way beyond human capacity to know everything. We come with a wiped clean slate into the world with no manual to life.

Our sub-conscious mind though remains connected to divine. It is that voice that actually becomes the map for our souls.

 

Socially

A lot of people only observe themselves in connection to a social setting. Meanwhile a lot of them simply don’t care about the society and only stay focused upon their individual selves. Yet that too is because of their earlier dealings with the society. Humans are social creatures. The very identity gets framed by mimicking others. So, society plays a key factor in determining a person’s sense of self.

Yet, people like narcissists are hyper vigilant towards their behavior only when it comes to society. They would become the ideal charming human beings when in a crowd or a gathering that they wish to impress or please. Yet, notice them when they are only with their family or in front of a scape goat or those that they have decided to diminish. There they have no sense of courtesy or civic sense or sense of identity. They become real monsters there, intentionally triggering others; simply simping for reactions.

Empaths on the other hand have no choice but simply be extremely conscious and aware of their surrounding or environment or immediate environment. They simply absorb everyone’s emotions. Same like water, they too get colored by whichever colored emotion is added to them. They therefore need to be extra careful about both their own conduct and others as well. They have no choice. They just feel it. A slight twitch of the eye, a slightly different tone, the direction of feet, the sigh in the unsaid – they just notice it all.

 There are those who carry insecurities deep in. they then choose brands or materialistic things or even achievements to flaunt. People fall for appearances or physique or financial background much before they actually get to know the other person’s feelings or thoughts.

All that is because of society. Both how society already functions and therefore conditions us; and also how we wish to be perceived or understand ourselves or the world.

I have met with people whose only sense of identity is the position they hold in a certain company. I pity such people. Imagine tomorrow, if they lose that job, they become jobless nobodies. I have learned it from my own life. Not like I ever was as limited as to hold my identity just with the container of a position. Yet, back in the day, I did switch many jobs. And it was quite humorous; how one day I was respected as a manger of so and so firm and the very next I was pitied upon as a jobless person. I was the same right. Not like, I used to lose my value in a single day. But the society used to change.

Growing up, unfortunately; I had many such people in my life. Who valued others based upon their money or position. Secretly, they always seemed jealous of me. Few of them even accepted it in a fit of rage or something. Others proved that by copying me or my lifestyle or my choices as it is. Yet, I felt their shallow energies when all they could claim as their identity was their position or financial savings. I shouldn’t judge, I know. They too are learning. They too are upon their own path. But ya, it felt weird, how they still continuously try to belittle me; yet copy me in each and everything.

Here though, the topic is different. We are discussing the social awareness of each individual and the exchange that happens between an individual and society post many such observations.

 

Spiritually

There are those who take birth; eat sleep repeat; and then they die. They live totally at the realm of 3 D and they hardly pass a spiritual sigh. And then, there are those who take birth just to suffer more. As more the suffering, more that one ascends spiritually. Though that’s not always the case. Many people take birth with previous good karmas or they already begin with say level ‘n’ of spirituality. So, they need not suffer as much. They directly live a spiritual life – in a monastery as a preacher or they take birth having chosen a life of meditation and spiritual elevation in social isolation.

The art of meditation however is totally dedicated towards observing oneself through a spiritual lens. May it be focusing upon breaths, or emotions. May it be letting all thoughts pass by or reaching the level of thoughtlessness.

May it be connecting to the spirit with in, or becoming the spirit self and connecting to the spirits all around.

 

Universally

Another level is universal. I remember a moment in my life when I was at some peak in Triund, Mcleoganj, Himachal Pradesh. Those were winter months, and I had to step out middle of night under a full moon. The ambience was freezing and it was quite a hassle to step out; yet when I did; I had an epiphany.

Suddenly, the world seemed massive with gigantic mountains, the entire milky way visible with naked eyes with even alpines way below and I being so above tree-line yet so below the constellations and shimmering skyline.

I felt extremely small in front of nature. Yet, I felt special for I was amidst very few souls on that night upon that peak. The experience made me feel as small as an atom for I was not even a dot if seen from the height of the Golden full moon or the constellations. Yet I felt as if I had some meaning, how else would I have been amidst the few chosen ones.

I got a universal perspective towards my own self.

It is not just applicable to our entity; but one can include numerous perspectives when it comes to observing oneself universally.

May it be as a human specie amidst an endless variety of creatures. May it be carrying the entire universe within. May it be in the language of a witch – ‘As above, so below’; may it be as an earthling on a single planet amidst uncountable planets on uncountable and undiscovered constellations.

 

Unconsciously

And then there is also an unconscious observation. It for sure is hardly remembered by anyone or may come back in fragments later or never.

Ask a super drunk person if he/she remembers anything the next day. People have even committed murders or have got married that they simply didn’t remember the next day. That’s what happened with Rachal and Ross in the series ‘Friends’. They got married the second time, I guess in Vegas and simply didn’t remember it.

It is said, that when a person dies, a ten minute video kind of visions run through his/her consciousness in a flash. The video contains key highlights of the person’s life. And even when a baby is born that he/she is believed to see a similar vision – either carrying the blueprint of life to be lived, or memories of previous life or who knows. Yet, it is scientifically proven that, at both these moments; an element in our mind called DMT excretes and we get such visions. Of course, no one remembers these visions in waking life. Baby forgets by the time he learns to speak or express. The dying person anyway dies. These are all unconscious observations or at times the very life.

There are people who talk while sleeping. They are not aware of it. They just do that. Unconsciously. Meanwhile, numerous processes happen psychologically, consciously or sub consciously.

When my cat sleeps in my lap, at times maybe she dreams something, or I really don’t know; but I feel her mouth chewing something or her teeth grinding. It feels such a cute tiny moment upon my leg but I have read that it is her dream state and when cats do that; they are healing themselves unconsciously of any traumas they could have got in the wakeful life. It’s quite amazing. I ensure to never disturb her during such times. I value her sub-conscious and even unconscious mind.

 

Existentially

There are numerous souls who enter existential crises. Few then recover thanks to the feature of forgetfulness that our minds are given as a default feature as. Or else, the charms of the 3D world overtake their questionings. Worldly attachments, roles and responsibilities – there can be numerous reasons for anyone to not really bother about such things.

Yet, the one really ailing with very basic questions does suffer a lot and actually gains another perspective all together towards life. Come to think of it…

‘why exactly are we born? What is the purpose of life?

Who made us? Why are we born this way?

Why are evil people happier and more abundant? Is there any benefit of being good or is it just a man-made thing to dominate over sensitive souls?

Why is humbleness appreciated on paper yet hardly rewarded in real life? Why is modestly only a choice for the time when you actually establish yourself and show results… till then you need to sell or boast about yourself?

What is this world anyway? Are we mere data for some machine? Are we all programs ourselves? Is anything real? Is this life also a kind of video game? What is the purpose of doing anything or becoming anyone when eventually we have to die?

 Why have we created so many chains of society, institutions, religion, rules and responsibilities when we all have a limited life and ultimately, we all have to die? Why can’t we simply live, create, be happy?

Why are we given this feature of forgetfulness? What’s the point of again and again taking a retake of life – that is, if reincarnation is indeed true. Why can’t we all live on like vampires?

Why are we all created in so many permutations and combinations?

Why are humans made this way that we actually have no natural ability to even tolerate nature in our raw forms. Animals are given furs or weapons. We need to create clothes and weapons. Why is this concept of life and death.

Why do women need to undergo such painful procedure of child-birth, while men get all the pleasure with even lesser responsibility?’

I can keep on going about so many similar questions. I can even provide you with answers to all of them. But those are all either picked from various religious or spiritual or philosophical sources or else realized within myself. Yet the authenticity or the righteousness of those answers can’t really be claimed to be the only truth or right for that matter. They can be my truth. Your truth can be different based upon your experiences, knowledge and wisdom. And the real truth can actually be entirely different. Who knows?

There was a time when I was preparing for NET exam for English Literature. That gave me chance to read about hundreds of authors and their work century per century. The timelines changed, countries changed, movements changed; authors were born, authors died; literature was written, literature either got lost, or celebrated, retained or not yet the authors were gone. Diseases happened taking over entire civilizations. World wars happened taking over entire world.

To me it all rather brought disillusionment. Everything seemed senseless. Even becoming a professor or writing a book or doing anything.

Yet long back, I was the same person who after listening to some spiritual lesson of Ashtavakra Geeta had written a poem claiming that though whatever is born, eventually dies; yet that in no way means the culmination of action. That action is essential for life to go on, that too with right intention.

 I am the same person, who totally believed in life even later on. To a point where I quit all books, all jobs and simply decided to live life out loud – travelling and living my own story, becoming the protagonist of it.

Yet, life surely humbles every curious soul, when you realize that regardless how much you dig in or try to explore – life is but like an onion – the more you peel, the more you would keep going on, until there would be but a hollow central piece – mocking at your very process of pealing it. As you ultimately realize, that we hardly know anything and so much that must be accepted as it is, if one needs to remain sane or survive life as fit.

Is the process of questioning or observing itself wrong then? Not at all! Questioning anything is a sign of a sensible and evolved soul. We are not sheep to take everything as it is. Questioning is essential to form your own opinions. May be the answers are never obtained. Or who knows, one may finally find the corner of the world and realize that earth is rather round and was never flat.

That’s the joy of it – discovering the world or oneself!

And the fact that not everything can be answered retains the mystery of it. Keeps it fun.

 

Mystically

Don’t the people prefer to believe more in occult or mystery. There are proper horror genres. There are industries thriving based upon religion or spirituality. People would blindly follow you the moment you include a mystical element to it. Reasoning however is limited to a selected people with higher IQ. And even higher IQ than of those is of those who accept the mystical element and fuse both. A bit of knowledge, a bit of faith.

But, it is absolutely crucial to ask, check, question whatever you can, before you place your blind faith. And even after that, if a question arises, then it is up to you. you got to figure out if the connection or the faith is more crucial to you or the answer to something.

We may otherwise even commit suicide if we actually understand what it means to simply not know your origin or end and still continue living on upon society’s terms, all the while knowing that you actually have an expiry date and so do others.

Maybe the default system of forgetfulness in our mind is actually a gift to us. Else, we simply won’t be able to survive. But is survival really the end goal? Who knows? Keep digging.

 

Elementally

Yet another angle can be the very basic. Elemental. How all five elements not just exist outside but are inside as well. I remember, when I was an adolescent, I one day, told my mom; that we as humans carry all the five elements with In. That our bones are made up of earth element. That there is desert in me, also the ocean. That there is fire with in me, also the air. I was but a child then.

Later I learned about chakras. About how, each of our chakras carries energy of different elements. That root chakra comprises earth. Sacral chakra contains water. Neval has fire. Lungs and therefore heart chakra carries air. Throat chakra has aethar. Third eye chakra has divine energy. Crown chakra is connected to the entire universe, the fifth dimension or cosmos. And the eighth and ninth chakras above that are more connected to God or divine and therefore all prophets are shown with golden and white orbs around their heads.

See, again numerous theories. Now, who has actually seen sand or soil in our system. Yeah, we do drink water. And we also breath. yet, who has seen fire in our bodies. Still, the functionality kind of defines it or does justice to it. Like food gets digested in our system and all emotions process there. And our stomach area anyway remains hot. Or blood is liquid in nature and therefore can be equated with water. Or bones and skin are solid in nature and therefore can be seen as element earth.

Spirituality has even further defined these theories going to the lengths of even defining the elemental nature of our very thoughts and even emotions or sensations. The theory claims that we become what we eat. Whatever we consume in our environment – may it be food or drinks, thoughts or arts, people or experiences, traumas or good memories, nature or architecture – it all becomes our thoughts and even emotions. And therefore, all our thoughts and feeling are also essentially made up of all these five elements.

Yet another cosmic theory says that in fifth dimension, where there is no concept of matter, where we all are but energies; we then seize to have any differences and rather become essentially one.

A scientific theory claims that there is nothing like matter. That matter too is but atoms of energy but closely knitted together. By that notion, there is no you and no I. there is nothing real the way we see. It is all but an illusion of energy.

 

Now, I can’t really tell you what is right? Who am I? Or who are you? Yet the act of observation is super interesting for it brings us closer to our essential self!

A preacher once gave me a task – to keep on asking myself; ‘Who am I? Who am I?’ The challenge was to continue going on. Way beyond name or identity descriptions. Beyond community. Beyond nation. Beyond soul or spirit. Beyond cosmos.

Until, one realizes, that like an onion, we have uncountable layers; yet no one right finite answer to us.

 

Why then observe oneself? What’s the point of having so many denotational acronyms?

I don’t know. It’s fun. And I don’t even know what’s the right way otherwise? Oh, I forgot Astrology! But not many believe in it. And that too is again limited and a part of it.

It’s like Jacques Derrida critiqued post structuralism, that there is actually no real meaning or central thought. That the picture in my mind and the object in reality would always be different in your mind or through your perspective. That the very language itself is rather limited. That meaning can only be obtained through a series of synonyms and antonyms which all inter-play amidst each other – yet never let you know the exact signified object as there can be no unified signifier to it.

That, provided the meaning is known and is shared by all.

Here, we have absolutely no idea about so many things.

Still, the very process of observing oneself at least helps us give ourselves – some kind of meaning. May it be in connection to the world. Or may it be of the world or life – in connection to us.

Maybe the witches are right,

‘As above, so below, as within, so without.’

Maybe science is right that we are nothing but energy playing in rigid structures.

Maybe spirituality is right, that we all are but one collective energy – assuming various shapes and forms, trying to evolve and ascend universally.

Maybe, we all are but star-seeds contributing to cosmic frequency.

Maybe, we are nothing but mere computerized programes, functioning with how we are coded; and contributing with our emotions and experiences.

Maybe, we are but primitive and have no real purpose and are same like animals or trees. Simply living on. Simply continuing our species to ensure the functionality of biological cycle’s continuity.

Maybe, this is but one of many dimensions and we are merely one of those choices ensuring that it exists.

 

I don’t know. Nor do you. It can make total sense to you or can be absolutely useless to you. Who knows, if we are but a character in a video game – being played on. Or maybe there are characters who have no real purpose at all. They are just in the background creating the vibe of a place. holding the energy. Or maybe, we do have a choice like in video games, people connect and interact in real life boxes.

Can we step out of this matrix? Is there really any such grid?

Who are we? Why are we here?

This is just a prismed overview of life or self – observed by my limited experience and years!