Red star

 All my life I kept wandering 

In quest of the unknown 

Until I was made to stand still 

Almost to a fault of my own.

And though there were numerous temptations

Numerous ways opened up too.

But all I wanted was to sit still

Maybe kill my own self,

Maybe it was but hermit mode. 

The more I processed, the more tragic it became. 

Same like cleaning an abandoned closed hole. 

Filth oozed out. Old wounds pained. 

I yelled inside. I felt rage. 

I went silent.

Almost like a dead body floating upon a massive ocean. 

An ocean of my life.

Waves of all timelines. 

I looked at my past,

Wondering, can I reclaim that! 

I wondered at the journey I had had. 

I kept on digging more and more. 

Until I reached back to ground zero. 

Like a spiral narrowing down. 

Like a cosmic funnel absorbing all. 

As if I was a star succumbed to a dark hole. 

Getting recycled with extreme pressure and force. 

And then I suddenly realised 

What I was running from all along. 

The root cause was my own home. 

The process revealed a series of experiences-

Begining with blood relations

To even in society. 

And regardless of how many people or places

All I had been doing was traveling in spirals. 

Though there were many epic experiences. 

Yet they all circled back to similar instances. 

They all showed me a mirror. 

To become courageous.  

To stand firm for myself. 

I learned, that the  problem was never in me

 but my very roots were poisoned. 

That I couldn't take root anywhere else

As I kept one nerve connected to the basics. 

That even for a dandelion, it is crucial to fly far off

And then stay rooted where it finally finds apt resources around. 

Trouble was, I wasn't rational or aware enough. 

I was talented yet wasn't strong enough. 

Regardless what was, could or should have. 

Here I stand. Back to ground zero. 

I am still in my cocoon 

About to step out. 

The gooey past is still sticking around. 

I am about to be reborn. 

As a red star. 

A butterfly. 

A new ground with ample supply. 

I now know my past and am trying to be at peace with it. 

I am now ready for the future and when it comes,

I will embrace it. 

At present, I am no more running from anything. 

I am here. In my now. 

Allowing the divine to bring me my timeline! 

I have suffered enough. I have given enough. 

And enough is enough. 

Not demanding, but claiming. 

Not ordering, but ensuring. 

I am still alive. 

And I will thrive. 

Winter may be here now,

But spring too is coming. And how!