Echoes of the Soul

 

Echoes of the Soul

 

Have you ever reached a place and felt as if you have already been there? Kind of a Deja-vous! Or have you ever met someone who seemed like your own even if he/she is a complete stranger to you.

When I reached Manali, Himachal Pradesh - the first time as a kid, I felt as if I already knew not just the place, but the ways. As if, I had been there - numerous times earlier. And when I looked at those sheep grazing upon higher altitude on Himalayan hills, I totally reached there just by looking at them. My soul felt as if it had even walked upon those almost impossible looking steep terrains.

And not just in Manali. Even at many other places that I have experienced something similar.

When I was a child, each time I used to close my eyes, I used to get visions of nature places. As I grew up, I literally reached them and actually experienced all the things I either had seen in my childhood visions or had dreamed of getting into some day.

There was this pan India trip that I took in 2017 where each and every place I reached at was core out a dream and each and every person I met with, seemed like my soul family. As if I was meant to meet that person. As if we already knew each other. And trust me, I met with hundreds of people in that trip. At times, hitchhiking, at times staying in dorms and hostels, or else befriending random people or even chance meeting internet friends. I randomly encountered people who had actually wished in their hearts to just meet me once. And the entire trip was so magical as if I was living in my own dream.

What connects us to certain places or people. What gives this sense of familiarity? Is it simply our psychological illusion? Is it an energetic match? Is it because we tend to feel more ourselves when in nature or compatible vibes? Can it be more because of much needed change? Can it be dream getting manifested that gives us this sense of familiarity?

What about those moments then when we had absolutely no idea about the topography of a certain place or the existence of a certain person? How exactly do we feel so connected, so familiarized - to few places or people?

 

Soul-connections

One simple answer can be - soul or karmic connections. If we do go by the theory of reincarnations, then it is a high possibility that we have been born at certain places or have met with certain souls. And though we don’t remember our previous births, but energy within surely feels that level of familiarity. Can be of previous lifetimes lived together or there. Can be good or bad emotions felt at a certain place or with a certain someone.

 

Multi-dimensionality

Another theory can be of multidimensionality. Of course, in 5 D everyone is already connected. And even our 3 D reality is basically channelized and inspired through 5 D.

And then, there is dream world. Who knows how many places we visit or people that we meet in our dreams. So, when we actually meet them in real life, we feel that sense of familiarity; even if we have never met these people or been to those places consciously.

 Maybe, we got made through same star dust.

Maybe, our shadows our the same in 2 D.

Maybe, our collective selves which merge on 9D are actually similar to someone else. Who knows.

Yet the fact remains that there are multiple dimensions and though we stay aware of majorly 3 D, yet even the other dimension co-exists and very much impact our connections or bonds or emotions. And therefore, they can be a big-time factor for us to feel strangely familiar with stranger people or places.

 

Time

As such time too is only linear till 3 D. In 4D that one can travel ahead and even behind. And in 5 D, it is all pervasive. It’s like a sea there. So, all our past, present, future timelines coexist – like so, our connections to people or places. So, people who are highly in touch with their higher selves, are therefore highly connected to their 5D level consciousness. Hence, they understand even the future connections much before others do. Or even the past connections whether there be solid memory proofs.

In further dimensions, time itself seizes to exist. It may be difficult to imagine for our limited perceptions. As, if time doesn’t exist, then events don’t exist, and therefore we move towards non-duality. We move from collective consciousness to universal individual consciousness. Where everyone again becomes one singular being which is aware, is there, without any karmas or imprints or good or bad attributes to it.

But at the level of 3 D, Time is there and is linear. And so, from 4D and 5D that we pick past or future impressions and like-so feel connected or suddenly familiar or this intense level of faith, friendship, love or trust with certain people.

 

Higher self

The sense of familiarity or pull towards some place or something can also happen due to our higher self - pointing us towards it.

Have you ever been to those spiritual sessions where they make you connect with your past or future selves? I recently had a dream where I literally saw my past self and future self -embodied in different bodies. I gave them space to rest, admired the past self, took future’s self’s hands in my palms. And it was such a powerful dream to give recognition and acceptance to my past self. And realizing that even my future is not really judgmental about my present. Instead, she just came to rest at my place. there was so much of acceptance and mutual love that I suddenly felt that I am on the right path and I would make it out there. It wasn’t a guarantee. It was more of an assurance and the thumbs up to keep going on.

And sometimes that’s how we get to know if someone or some place is good or bad for us. Or if a certain phase is indeed perfect for us in life’s plan for us.

 

Aura connections, Mathematical functions

Then, as we have even discussed in previous articles; the simple reason for our souls to be pulled towards other people or places can be as simple as the fact that we are a vibrational match to them.

Maybe our aura has similar shades or features. Maybe we are working or thinking about similar things. Maybe, we are numerologically compatible – and can easily help each other being multiples or divisors. And together, we make the world a wider deeper shade of a certain color or a major number of a certain frequency.

 

Trauma

Even trauma can be a binding factor for certain connections. This I would like to get into a little more in detail. For it can be seen from multiple perspectives.

One can be a bully and victim connection. A person who got bullied in his/her family or childhood would keep on attracting more bullies in his/her life; until he/she won’t learn how to face those circumstances, have better boundaries, say it out loud when things or behaviors seem unfair and stand up for his or her self.

Likewise, a scapegoat may keep on attracting narcissists. He/she would find similar people, circumstances, partners, family member, friends, strangers. Until the scapegoat won’t find out the repeating pattern, won’t realize the root cause of it; won’t step up to take his/her deserving space in the world; won’t let others dim his/her light.

Many trauma survivors connect better with others who have been through similar traumas. They feel understood for the others too have walked in similar shoes which the world may not get.

For example, a person who has a super controlling mother would find solace in meeting someone else undergoing similar circumstance. While the world may not understand it as a mother is made to be this most loving, most giving creature and she simply can’t be wrong but be an epitome of love. Yet, ask a person who has been micromanaged throughout his/her life by his/her own mother and I am sure he/she won’t have as endeared a feeling towards his/her mother. And then, when he/she finds someone else suffering through similar emotions; they both can not just support each other but also learn from each other. The one who actually did something to step out of that control can teach the other how to do that. Or even if, they won’t even know such personal details, yet they would surely feel some unknown connection as they would be having similar aura and energy. They would have been through similar traumas. They would need similar strength to evolve.

 

Evolution

I don’t really know the answers to existential questions like ‘Why are we born?’ or ‘What’s the purpose of life?’, but as far as I understand life; I feel that the purpose of life is to evolve. Not just as an individual but even collectively as whole. So we keep on taking births and dying; not because we are struck in this cycle of life and death. Instead, it’s a chosen spiral – each time with more evolved energy and self – may it be individually or at the level of collective consciousness.

Even in my own life, I have found myself, repeating numerous chapters, or reaching numerous places or being – again and again. Earlier, it seemed rather limiting. I even used to blame myself. At times, it felt as if I was back to ground zero.

Being a traveler, changes have always been a must to me. And I have always believed in constantly evolving. So, it became all the more difficult to reach the same place.

I often found myself saying to people who still expected me to behave the old way; that I have changed. I no more can fit in the previous frame.

That made me realize, that though I kept on reaching the same place, or meeting the same people; but each time; I was different. Of course, so were they.

May be, we all are bound in soul contracts – meant to play certain characters in specific locations to create this giant play of life. And the scenes may differ, but the characters keep meeting again and again till the play requires them in various scenes. Until, either the character evolves, the story shifts; or the entire play changes.

that stated, maybe, we can understand macro life through micro individual life. Just like we live multiple lives in a single life so does a soul through many life times. And we keep on meeting same people at same places in our life until we learn our lessons and evolve into the next level or frequency of energy. And like so, we keep meeting same souls at same places in various lifetimes; till we perform the destined alchemy or form the required connection or clear our karmic debts or play the characters that divine has written for us.

 

Now that we have understood the multiple ways our souls connect to various people and places; and the significance of doing it; we can even consider how to be better at it.

The more we would be connected to our higher self, the more in tune we would be to our sub-conscious mind, the consciously we would align with others and our own selves – the better life we can actually live.

As, though every connection that happens in our life is either a learning or a lesson; is either here to help us evolve, or to show us a mirror to what we haven’t realized to be wrong. That way, we won’t blame others and instead be grateful to them for helping us see even the subtle.

I can very well give examples from my own life here, but I don’t want to get too personal. However, this I can say from experience, that I have met with few of the most psycho, sinister, crazy, narcissistic, emotionally abusive, socially contaminated, trauma survivors, bullies and ad infinitum. And while at that time, they all irked me, or triggered me or even traumatized me…but in hindsight, they all made me realize the root of it.

I had to learn to draw better boundaries, had to realize that people who feel like home are not always as loving as home. Maybe my definition of home had to be redefined. That not all feel good people actually carried good intention. That even if people seemed intellectual or spiritual, yet they were even more potent to harm me as I easily trusted them. I had to identify the poisoned container in my own soul that was giving such people a space to further poison me.

The process way long, isolating; included a lot of shadow work, had dark night of the soul. And I don’t think, anyone can ever claim that the work is over. Else, the very purpose of life would eliminate.

We evolve by consistently observing others and our own selves. We evolve by actively working upon our intentions, actions, decisions, connections.

And therefore, it becomes all the more significant to be in touch with the echoes of our soul. May be to see a mirror image of our own life manifested externally for us to realize things. Maybe, to evolve into better frequencies or reach the next phase or level of our lives. Maybe, to get into the purpose of life.

It is said that our souls always know the exact purpose and a blueprint of what is to come. It is rather external deviations, the low energy people who often try to pull us down from our natural path. That too builds resilience in us. That helps us build this unbreakable bond with our higher selves. But, at times, it can take way longer than destined. It can even take many life times.

The more we stay connected to our inner rhymes, the easier it would be for us to evolve through a smoother timeline.

Not to say, that we won’t find any hurdles. The stronger a soul is, the more hassles are thrown towards it. The higher the purpose of a soul, the more challenges it would have to face and bore. A diamond is not created in a single day. It needs to undergo all the pressure and pain. It has to stay hidden until the time is right. And then it needs to be chiseled right.

Echoes of our soul are the voice of divine. We can only hear them with faith, intent and a deep connection to both our internal and cosmic self. It is very much connected to 5D. it is a direct thread to collective consciousness. But the other end of thread is simply yours. It leads you to your individual path. Your destiny. Your highest timeline.

Wanna give it a test? Today, just get to know one of your dear friends in person. Really ask them their most personal issues, purposes and troubles. And if you would be lucky enough for them to trust you enough to be vulnerable; you may realize way more than you could have ever imagined. Maybe, your paths are way more similar than you had thought. Maybe, you have shared traumas.  Maybe you have similar dreams. Maybe, they represent your next phase of life. Maybe you are the only light in their otherwise dark life. You never know. Try seeing you connections beyond what they can do for you. the depth would totally amaze you. and the collective consciousness would surely thank you.

For an aware soul can bring a massive shift to the entire earth’s timeline. We just need to be willing to put in efforts, we just need to be aware, in touch with out higher selves. We just need to listen to the echoes of our soul.

Life goes on!

 I have tasted friendship

The best of bonds. 

The purest. The deepest. 

I wonder why they came. 

I wonder what happened to them. 

Not everyone is meant to walk along 

Not everyone is meant to walk along 

Upon our life paths. 

Thats how life is. 

You got to keep moving on. 

And there are also phases 

When you are on your own. 

Divine still accompanies. 

Also strangers or pets

Or divine sent angels. 

You got to honor them. 

And keep moving on.

With gratitude. With love. 

Technosphere: Another dimension of existence

 Technosphere: Another dimension of existence

 

I am a millennial and therefore I have seen not just these days where world is available right at the tap of a single click, but before that when globalization actually entered and before that when life was actually alive and not just visible behind screens.

Though we have all adopted to this world getting digitalized with consumerism at its peak, people themselves becoming product with displaying each figment of their lives for the world to see and react; yet the real feelings or emotions are getting more and more lost.

And while most of the population is duped in getting fame by becoming viral regardless at what cost; or selling and buying products, media, food, content not bothering about the health’s cost… Yet there is also a section of the population that is aware and is finding something off about it all.

Now, I don’t know all the answers. I personally am feeling more and more disconnected from reality. As if, I have been living in some sort of simulation ever since 2019. As if, this world is not real. This timeline is not mine. These people all around are similar to those I knew in real life, but they are kinds of clones or something. They seem 2D to me.

There is no element of surprise left. No excitement. World is going meh about everything.

There are news flashes of disasters, wars. The world doesn’t care anymore.

There is a population making crazy amount of money, but feeling all the more alienated from reality.

Even travelling isn’t as fulfilling as the world post lockdown had made the most experiential thing into a competition, a race, a check point, something to show off.

And even the villagers have given up to greed, lethargy, cruelty and what not.

The government though claims to be supporting start ups to make more and more entrepreneurs; to have as much money and consumerism in the market as possible; but the taxes, the cost of living, the consumerism is becoming so high that people won’t really be people anymore but slaves to a capitalistic society – in order to survive.

Yeah! Lifestyles are getting better. There are facilities in terms of material possessions and services. But people are getting more and more superficial and cut off from each other.

I hear so many people saying that they hardly leave their rooms now, that they prefer to be alone and what not. Even I used to claim that I was a complete loner. But two years’ back, when I was in Manali and a massive flood came at nearby places; the electricity went off for three days. It is then that I realized my dependency upon internet.

I am not saying that it is bad to be dependent upon internet. With the amount of information available anytime at a single click in our hands – is quite a super power. To be able to order any commodity or necessity and even get it at doorstep within ten minutes is in fact a luxury.

Yet, the communication amidst humans is getting lesser and lesser each passing day. While it is amazing that we have a possibility to interact with artificial intelligence and discuss all our concerns without fear of judgement and even get the best of inspiration, information, possible steps to take, best advices partake; but that human element is missing. Plus, imagine a time without internet accessibility and you have no one to talk to as you won’t remember how or won’t be able to trust somehow. We are losing our vulnerability due to intellect in a way. Not all. Most of the population is too busy in drama, consumption and hardly gives a damn about it.

That’s another reason why it must be taken into account – the way we all are living. Every second person I meet with seems bored of life. There is no excitement left for festivals or even birthdays like earlier timeline.

I am not saying that it is a must to create a fuss about festivals. But that spirit – that’s what I am talking about. The zeal to live, the spirit to celebrate, the strength to actually connect and be with each other – is getting lesser and lesser each day.

With me, its different. Personally, I never wanted to be a loner. But I didn’t want toxic or unhealthy connections as well. Being a girl, a major reason you have a lot of friends in your peak youth is because they expect more connection later on. Once you cross that threshold, and also get mature or rational to understand people’s intentions; it gets simply impossible to oversee the red flags. I just don’t find people worth my time and energy any more.

But, when I do feel someone worth my time and affections; I leave no stone unturned to express and make them feel valued. That is what makes me feel alive. That wish is still there inside to connect, to love, to be loved, to heal, to be healed, to create together, to interact and discuss stuff, to live whatever destined moments be the best possible way.

Yet, it truly disappoints me when people only connect with others when they want something out of them. Influencers collaborate to build more views. Celebrities date to create a fuss, publicity and news. Politicians align to gain political power.

Not like that wasn’t the case earlier. Even at the times of kings, people used to marry off their daughters or princesses to align kingdoms and such. Even then relationships or alliances had other motives and were rather barters. Yet, there were healthy connections as well. People were more human with actual empathy and humanity in them.

Though all these values gain views on internet these days. But are they really rewarded or admired in real life? Hardly so.

Back in college, during my post graduate degree, one of my professors asked me to visit his room during vacations to take the list of students’ names of my group project. I denied to go there alone. He later took full revenge by not only marking me rather poorly in my internal assessment exam but also failing me in one of the subjects that he had in his hands. I aced much more than required in all other subjects. Just his was left that too by two marks. I had got an admission in another university to pursue P.H.D.. But due to that one subject, I had to stay back, clear it in next six months; by then the admission procedure in the next university was long done.

Now, in today’s time, I could have used internet, Instagram to actually raise my voice. Maybe I would have got justice as well. Or maybe, I would have been further pressured by department of university or who knows. I recently noticed yet another student of Delhi university grieving about the same thing online. That brought back my memory and it resonated with me.

In hindsight, I actually wonder should I have rather gone to that professor’s room? as that simple step of self-respect costed me my entire career that too after finishing 5 years of studies in the same curriculum. While nothing happened to him.

And it is not just him. I met with similar instances again and again in my life. May it be a boss hitting upon me and on being rejected, giving my entire project to some other girl back in Bangalore. Or being made like a ping pong ball between a producer and director in Delhi who had issues with that fact that I wasn’t smiling enough in the office or wasn’t flattering their egos.

These are all personal scenarios that I had to face in my life. Being from a narcissistic household, I didn’t have enough courage back then to raise my voice. Or even if when I did, I had to pay with the loss of my career or jobs or friendships.

Would media access like today could have helped me back then? May be yes! May be no! I may have got support and such. Many even give jobs out of sympathy. Or else you become a gossip material for others.

Do you know, one of the sure shot short cuts to go viral on Instagram today is to be vulnerable. To actually speak about all your pains and troubles. I have such a massive bag of real-life instances that people would wonder how have I actually carried on my life. But something in me just stops me. I don’t want anybody’s pity! And my life is my life. Even access to my tragedies or experiences is mine. Whom I tell about my life and to what extent should remain in my hand. Why would I make it a content for others to pass their judgements.

One can say, that it can actually help me get justice. True. For the right cause yes! But how many times does justice actually happen. People are free to talk about righteousness as long as it is about others’ wrongdoings.

Growing up and travelling so much, I have observed all sections of society, have lived amidst all levels of people – and no one that I found to be truly righteous per say.

Whatever we see around is but an image that people like to portray or want others to believe in. the closer you get the more filth you would see. Reality is actually filthy.

And therefore, we have probably unconsciously shifted to this simulated life where we have the choice to choose which channel, what language, what timeline, what content, what colors, what mood we like to set ourselves in.

So we sit in our air-conditioned rooms, with few planters, and create an artificial mood with paintings of nature and then play something funny or romantic or whatever mood we want to get in – without really risking ourselves to pain or suffering or finally realizing that humans are not as white and black as we would want to believe.

A few months back, I had watched a sci fi animated movie, where a dystopian world was shown. The artificial intelligence had taken over the world. The humans were made to sit upon throne like seats moving upon tracks. Their were screens installed in front of each individual and a table beside them offered various fast-food edibles like burgers and pizzas and such. Every person in there was intoxicated with the media and food without any botheration about the world. They felt that they were living like kings. Instead it was the machines that were keeping them in such illusions. Outside, all nature was destroyed. There were commercials being shown upon various screens everywhere. The humans didn’t even had to move. They were picked up from their beds and kept upon chairs with screens in front of them to keep their minds occupied and food beside them to keep their stomach filled. Beyond all that, there was no time or space for them to think or do anything. They all had fat bellies bulging in front of them.

That movie was an old animated movie. I often think about that. Because the more I look around, the more it seems to be real.

Yet another sci fi movie had shown every individual having a boxed artificial intelligent invisible screen in a sphere around their faces. Those were kids abandoned by a planet upon another planet to be taken care of my machines. They were all living, given information, taught, taken to so an so place by navigation – all through those screens that used to come alive each time they woke up. They didn’t know any directions, had no contact with their real parents, nothing to give them a reality check – but those screens. The movie had other fantasy elements later with some alien attach or a virus in the system that went rogue and manifested in their real life devouring them to finish all humans… but the original concept of being so highly dependent upon artificial intelligence seemed so legit as they didn’t even know how to walk or talk without those screens.

In Gulliver’s travels, Gulliver had showcased a land called Laputa where the people though were all intellectuals but were so cut off from reality that it was their slaves who had to remind them how to do even basic things like bite, chew, talk or laugh. I think, we too as a society are gradually moving exactly there. Except, we are becoming more and more dependent upon A.I.

 

Honestly, I have nothing against it. I rather appreciate the fact that everyone has access to everyone. On the face of it, it looks as if technology is rather connecting people. We can talk with anyone in the world from anywhere. We can collaborate, create content, fly to, showcase our talent. There are no middlemen gatekeeping art or movies or stories or artist. But is it really that easy?

While we can talk to anyone in the world, yet people living below the same roof no more want to interact anymore. Because there is better entertainment available online.

While we can collaborate with anyone around the world, yet people are more busy buying fake followers, fake purchases, fake reviews and what not.

While all are free to showcase their talent, yet what are people really showcasing is something can really be studied. It’s so cringe. Its truly filthy.

The content that most goes viral is mostly cringe or really absurd. While it does has its value in terms of expression. Helps one get over ego and self-consciousness. But isn’t art about beautifying a certain frame or showing a mirror to the world or imagining something beautiful. Yes, even shock reaction has its value. But it at least should be meaningful. Kafka’s metamorphoses wasn’t about a man becoming a cockroach. It had depth to it. It meant something. It represented a man unseen by the world if he fails to bring in any value to the world.

But the content most appreciated in these times is simply unworthy. It wastes time. it’s sheer garbage.

As majority of the population is losing its intellect, senses, rationality, appreciation and becoming numb. As numb to simply consuming whatever crap one is served with.

Look at some of the songs in today’s times. No lyrics, no music, just a beat with emphasis upon sexuality or luxury and that’s about it. At times, they don’t even do that. The lesser the efforts, the more it goes viral.

Doesn’t it say something about our time today as a society? Are we really as dump to appreciate that lowly a content that too when a sea of information, an abundance of good artists with their talents is available to us right in our phones?

 

The trend of 30 seconds reels is even more disastrous for our brains and systems. We are getting quickly bored. Next, next next. Next instant gratification. Next person to trauma dump. Endless swipes upon dating websites. Endless options upon food delivery applications.

The more options we have, the lesser we are actually choosing. We are simply endlessly surfing. And nothing seems to be fulfilling.

You may even find the love of your life. Someone perfect. But that habit of wanting more, looking for more options, not settling, being continuously bored – would seep in even there.

The divorce rates are going high. There are more number of heart attacks and even suicides. Either people are getting into endless sexual connections, without even taking the others to be humans or having any real interactions. Or else, there are years of celibacy maybe intentional or even because of failure to find someone aligned.

Whatever has happened to humanity? Why are we so cut off from each other? Can screens and entertainment really take over real emotional connections? Can store bought food ever be better than something prepared with love by someone who wishes your well-being? Can a lavish house or luxurious lifestyle be actually better than a basic life but spent with loved ones with all emotions and real-life people being there in your ups and downs.

Thing is, we all know what’s right or more fulfilling. And not everyone is actually so duped by capitalism or consumption or technology as well. Yet, it is also because of external factors.

Like someone may value home made food but if he/she is taunted about what and how much is he consuming – he/she won’t mind then to either prepare himself or herself or even buy food online as it at least has self-respect.

Or like in my case. All my life, I have always valued people. I always wanted good friends. Always remained an over giver in all terms. I had to learn boundaries way later. Had to realise the hard way that hardly anyone was really my friend. Or maybe they were in those timelines, but not everyone goes alongside upon our chosen paths.

Even now, if I really find compatible souls; leaving screens or luxury won’t even be a second thought for me. But those souls or collaborations should be worth it. The emotions should be genuine. The connections should be real.

One can say, how would we get to know the authenticity of something until we won’t try. I am not scared to try. I am simply far too experienced. All my life that is what I have done. That is what has given me such an edge over most of those around. Even now, when I do at times lower my defences and actually get vulnerable, I am again given yet another lesson.

A life coach online was recently speaking about how old souls must come into alignment with their real path and life goals to finally meet the most genuine souls. All previous connections therefore are only but lessons for them to learn from and move on from. Maybe that’s the truth. Hopefully that’s the truth.

Yet, I wonder, as a human, isn’t it the most basic need. Thankfully, my life taught me how to be on my own and actually love it – right from my childhood. But that is why I also appreciate and value each time I get compatible souls.

And it dazzles me how people can play with such a significant aspect of being human for such petty reasons. An uncountable number of people have ghosted me in my life so far. And never because anything wrong or weird happened. Imagine being on perfectly good terms and suddenly the other person simply vanishes. I used to blame myself for few years. that maybe it was something I did or didn’t so. I even used to blame others. That maybe they had other expectations. It was most disheartening when people I actually considered my friends totally cut me off once they got married. Not like I ever had any other intentions. But a friendship is a friendship. Its pure. It shouldn’t get hampered with you being married. Or I don’t know. Maybe that is in fact right. That also makes me concerned for the strength of their marriages to be honest. That can’t even handle a decent pure friendship with not just opposite but even same sex or gender.

I now though totally understand and respect the fact that two souls have simply finished their soul contracts and can’t go together any more. I rather express my gratitude in my heart and soul for the good times or even lessons that came to me thanks to some other soul.

Yet, a strange thirst remains in me. To connect in real life. To create along with others. To have genuine connections. To live life out loud beyond screens and others’ projections.

Come to think of it, people have gone so numb that they need to be told what to feel with sounds and words. I notice these trending insta reels – the same kind of sub texts, the same trending sounds, the same steps… are we humans or machines?

I don’t want fake laughter to realise that something is funny. I don’t want a sad music to realise that I must feel pained by someone’s circumstances. These all are tools of film making I know. They surely enhance the impact. But that has to be the background and only stay limited to movies or songs.

I see everyday people serving their every day realities as content with such repetitive trending sounds and emotions and then a mass mob sees or hears it and realises if they should laugh or cry or be shocked and they further forward it. Its’ all so idiotic.

For the right reason, the same technology can be life giving. Like a person needing justice through media attention. A genuine artist with talent needing the world to appreciate his/her skills. But all these so-called influencers becoming unconsciously dealers for brainwashing others into commercialism and those seeking fame by creating cringe filthy content – it’s all leading to a downfall of humans. As we are getting number and dumber as a civilization.  

And no, I am really not against internet. I even teach it to younger students that being available on internet is like having a digital address. Same like we have our homes in real life with proper addresses to reach us… Likewise our email I.Ds are our address. Our insta profile can be a portfolio if used right. A facebook profile can actually help you connect with so many people and even give you more limelight. On twitter you can actually raise a concern and get quicker action against an authoritative figure. Chat GPT can teach you about so many things that you had no idea about. It can truly connect the dots and guide you to the right cause. Youtube is such an epic way to share your songs or movies and even earn through that.

My problem is not technology. I rather admire it. I love it. I appreciate its presence in my life.

My problem is the cost of it.

When people replace real life connections over virtual ones. When virtual reality gains more popularity and preference over real one.

When people rather than using information and making lives better; instead become slaves to these apps or way of life and shift way off from real life connections.

 

And the most important thing; the fact that when we upload stuff over these apps and actually consider them as our identity’ we don’t realise that the power still remains in the hands of these companies.

Like I was big time into Facebook till a certain year. I actually used to upload thousands of pictures there. All my trips, my cherished memories, my connections, compliments. Facebook was a big-time part and parcel of my life. I had numerous followers there. And I actually used to invest my time and energy to post edited content. Until one day, I commented below some fake spiritual leader’s video who was belittling some girl and I was enraged by it. I had not even spoken anything wrong. Had only written what I felt. But this baba had a large number of uneducated blind followers – who all flagged my comment. And Facebook without even looking into it, suddenly blocked my account. For next few months, I suddenly went identity-less. My fingers used to take me automatically to the app only to realise that I was blocked there. No number of requests or complaints were heard by Facebook.

During that time, I not only realised how addicted I truly was to Facebook but also how much I had attached my sense of being to it. That totally gave me a reality check. I got back my profile with a warning after few months, I guess. But by then I was simply no more habitual to posting on Facebook. And had also realised how it can all be taken away in a single instance without any mistake of mine. I stopped posting much there ever since.

It is this year itself that after say a few years from that incident that I realised that most of my albums on Facebook are now empty. Imagine albums that had thousand each limit and which were all full earlier now have only hundred or so pictures in them. And that too the worst ones. I have no idea where my pictures went. Who took them.

I read about it online that many a times, it can happen due to technical errors from the backend part. Maybe all that happened when they had blocked and then reopened my account. Or maybe a psycho girl who had stolen my phone in Kargil a few years back did that out of her jealousy… I really don’t know.

The point remains. All that we hold close to us as our identity can be taken away in a single instance. Ask all those TikTokers who had millions of followers on their profiles during lockdown and the app itself got suddenly banned later on.

These apps are temporary. So is our data. It may all remain somewhere online throughout. But how it would be used. Till when you can actually claim it as yours. Till what limit can you monetize it – you really have zero control over it.

Facebook policy clearly states that they have full rights to remove any of your content. They can remove your entire profile with a single decision. So can insta. So can any other app where you may post something and dedicate all your precious time and years.

Now that is true anywhere to be honest. Our very being is mortal. Our life is limited. But that’s a topic for another time.

For now, we are discussing technology and our how our lives are related to it and how dependent can we really get upon it.

More and more people are now talking about how our phones are indeed devices used by government or companies to keep a tap upon our lives and overhear everything we do, know wherever that we go. In a way, have continuous surveillance upon us.

To a certain extent, I saw the good part in it. Like what would anyone get to know where I am or what I am talking. They can know about it for all I care. Rather, the fact that companies are showing me relevant products or content catering to exactly my needs is rather useful for me. I won’t have to make my search engine understand what exactly it is in my mind. It simply knows it through my words or ambience or choices or search history and so on.

But it does become a problem when it’s the other way round. When this technical grid begins to brainwash me to believing in something I never though about or had any inclination towards.

It gets rather scary when I am shown ads about something that I only thought about and neither spoke about it out loud nor searched about it anywhere.

One can say that our mind has a way of finding only the colors we need to find. So, if I think about shoes and immediately notice an add about shoes – maybe the add was always there, but now that I need it, that I am even giving my attention to it. Can be true. But not always.

The increasing consumerism has totally resulted in an ever-increasing number of advertisements. YouTube now shows two ads back-to-back if not skipped. Spotify shows three ads after every few minutes. I understand everyone has to pay bills. But at what cost? Yeah! We can subscribe to the add free versions of all these apps. But to what extent and where all.

Now that people are calling themselves content creators by promoting products.

Now that all billboards are filled with hoardings. Now that each swipe upon any blog, vlog, app, video, audio – all begins and ends with advertisement of something or the other.

And the fact that our lives are becoming so much dependent upon these technical systems.

Using technology makes things smooth, quicker, helps us function better. But boundaries are essential eve when it comes to our connect with technical stuff.

Otherwise, all those dystopian movies might just become real.

This is not only an alternate universe. This is legit a simulation that we all are manifesting and simultaneously creating with out own energy and efforts – this Technosphere – it is for sure yet another dimension that is in no way natural or real.

 

 

Consciousness and the spaces we live in

 

Consciousness and the spaces we live in

Being an INFJ, a writer and an artist — my ambience has always mattered a lot to me. The landscape around, the color palette of both the city and house, the aesthetics, the energy; if it is crowded or not and so on.

I was an art collector and also loved holding on to objects holding memories, yet as I am spiritually evolving, it is minimalism that appeals more to me.

However, it is not just about me. Being a traveler for almost 13 years, living in numerous guest houses, homes; having experienced all kinds of life styles; often chasing the next inspiration to create, paint, think or write; the impact of environment upon a soul — simply fascinates me.

One can argue that an idea can come anywhere and if someone is really willing to execute it; even that can be brought to life anywhere. to a certain extent, I agree. Yet not fully. Ask an empath who is a writer — living amidst noisy and lousy people. Regardless of good ideas, thoughts, even the will to write; the work can’t really happen with someone or other repeatedly hampering his/her chain of thoughts.

Spirituality can say that it is all internal. All creations, all manifestations. That external factors can only impact us if we let them. As such there is nothing external. That external reality too is a mirror of our inner reality — the conflicts, the realizations, the truth we need to hear, the strength we must attain, the growth that must happen and so on.

To a certain extent, it is true. And so, the same phenomenon can also probably be used to bring a shift to our internal reality. Don’t you think so?

Like people go for vacations to heal themselves. Changes of scenery does them good. Artists visit landscapes to get inspired. Writers go hang out amidst all sorts of communities just to get inspiration or understand humanity or connections.

Ask an abused wife, if leaving a traumatic relationship and home gives her release or not from her pain. Yet, also ask her how long did it take for her to actually step out of it mentally.

For, not always that an external change can change us entirely. Any person suffering with PTSD would swear on that. For though the trauma is no more playing out there in reality, the external conditions may have become normal rather healthy; yet the trauma still plays again and again in the mind or the nervous system still clutches on to it tightly. The sub conscious or unconscious still lives in the same trauma despite of timeline shift or literal shift geographically.

But we are talking about conscious selves. The choices we make. The things we consciously observe or feel through our senses. And how we get impacted by it and even impact it.

For even if I feel like water — so fluid my entity has been with years of travels; yet the way I change at different places and amidst various people — it totally fascinates me.

Being from a narcissistic family; I be the least me at my own home. And being a traveler majorly, I be the freest when in any other city but my own. I behave entirely different when with friends. Even there, there are levels to it. With old, close friends, I be more vulnerable. With creative souls, I rather feel proud and happy to share my creations with. yet most often, that the society seems artificial, superficial and totally absurd to me and I become a severe introvert then.

I have even had people-pleasing tendencies in my past. When I really-really wanted to belong. All that had to be healed. For no outsiders can really decide my credibility or value. It was both because of my conditioning and the environment that expected me to follow blindly. Or maybe my circumstances or phases where I had to follow and drown deep, to connect to the volume of the sea and hence not just learn how to swim but also to reach the other end and finally be free of it.

But that’s just me.

Doesn’t your behavior or sense of self also shift with various roles or places? a principal may head a school or a college, but when she/he gets home, she/he has to become a mother or a father and not expect everyone even in family to still give her/him the same obedience or authority. In office one would be formal but amidst friends he/she can be informal and in the privacy of his own space he/she can really be himself/herself.

Now, that we have understood that we do perform various roles and have multiple personalities and are impacted by our environment, people, places — we can now shift to discussing the same in detail.

Growing up, I have always been about decorating my room. Not just in my own home that involved hand painting walls at times, hanging paintings everywhere, wrapping door handles with laces to make them cushiony, making walls vibrant with handmade sheets, writing inspirational quotes upon my almirah doors or walls, having planters to increase life energy, having as less clutter around as possible, even covering the glass paned almirah containing thousands of old books with glass paintings -to have a sense of harmony and less clutter. Basically, I have been all about aesthetics. And not just visual, also sensational.

Say the softness upon door handles. Or soft cushiony toys all over my bed to have that cushiony feel whenever I fall down upon it. Or pink and gold curtains to filter out sunlight in a vibrant hue. Or off-white lights in my room. I hate bright white light. And I hate that DDA kind of yellow color upon wall. My room always seemed like an extension of my mind. With art, writings, musical instruments around.

Not just at home, even when I go to stay at offbeat places, in random guest house for few months or even days. I always ensure to customize and decorate it my way. Can be brush-stands or soap-dishes made out of plastic bottles, or paper paintings temporarily taped upon walls, or handmade sheets covering those windows that may tamper my privacy and so on. Creative ways to feel as if I belong. Creative ways to get inspired to create more.

I have also observed the exact opposites. Like I had a friend and his room was sheer white. No piece of alliteration, no painting, no art or writing. Even his wardrobes and showpieces were all a part of wall. The bed was white. The sheets were white. I totally got awed by it. Even that was a refreshing change. I love white. But I know, had I been in that room for long, and had it belonged to me, I would have still alliterated it with something. That’s me.

Buddhists though mind tiny empty ancient caves as best to meditate. The less cluttered our surrounding, the best. the mess the noise around, the more our attention gets focused. I agree.

Back in Bangalore, when I had a house of my own, I had just begun my corporate life. My bed was on floor with few mattresses. There was no furniture. And I totally loved that. It was super easy to clean and mop the floor. The sleep at night was sure a delight. And there was simply so much space even if it was just a studio apartment. Yet my walls were hand painted, I had an aquarium towards one corner, there were pretty curtains upon two large windows that used to bring in sunlight each day and create rainbowed prisms at morning and evening hours. I just loved living there.

Sunlight, air, view, state of mind, space to think, space to be — there are so many factors that actually fill soul to a place.

And décor; vibes; sense of freedom; inspiration; weather; facilities around; food for mind, body, soul; company; aesthetic, colors; seasons — there are numerous factors that make us actually feel home. Regardless where you blood relations live. Despite of where your job.

And of course, the most significant factor to all these things is Love! May it be loving people around that can make all remaining things be less significant; or loving a certain job for which you won’t mind compromising upon few things; or even loving a certain lifestyle that can make you give up on some of these things.

For example, hygiene is super significant to me, yet while travelling; it is next to impossible to get clean curtains or clean window sills. Maximum you can expect is a clean sheet and maybe washed washroom. Yet, one never knows, if the towels provided are clean or just dried. And those blankets for sure are never ever clean. Still, travel or landscapes or this sense of myself that I be while on road — gains much more importance — for which I have to let go the dirty rugs or curtains.

At home there are all kinds of comforts, but there are stress and suppression and this feeling of surveillance round the clock. That’s how narcissists make you feel. They simply hamper all sense of creativity. I therefore stay up late at night, just to have quiet hours; I spend most of my awake hours on terrace -just to have my space and even there that my family doesn’t mind to come at times- just to meddle with my personal space.

So, for me, anywhere else is good then staying here at home. It rather becomes a golden cage for me. And not in a good way.

It is now that I am realizing why I didn’t mind such adverse conditions all these years of travelling. Of course, I had this passion to travel and see the world. But above that, I was also trying to find myself away from the pressure and hold of narcissists at home.

Maybe that’s why aesthetics is that valuable to me. They make me feel home wherever that I. I have realized that the only home I really have is deep in my soul. Yet when I do travel, I extend that home to my room with slight touches of fairy lights or paintings or certain temporary add-ons. All that gives me a sense of belonging not just to that place but to that home within. In a way the inner reality gets reflected outside through such gestures. As if my mind manifests externally, assuring me of a safe and creative place. A dream home.

Now that I have vented and spoken about aesthetics, we can move to even landscapes for that matter. A friend I was talking with recently shared his travelling experience. He said that he always considered himself a mountain person, yet last year when he visited Goa, he could discover a beach lover in him. I told him that mountains provide us strength and beaches provide us expansion for creativity or even out entity. He got overjoyed with these words.

Won’t you agree with this? Mountains with their ever stable, solid presence — don’t really change much. Yet their presence helps us look within and connect to that inner strength to stand firm for ourselves. Maybe that’s why sages from all timelines have always preferred to go and meditate in solitude upon higher mountains. Likewise with altitude as well. the lesser the oxygen, the lesser thoughts.

Sea on the other hand cleanses our very chakras — physically, energetically, psychologically — at all levels. As such, sitting beside any water body is therapeutic anyway. Rivers teach us to go on. Lakes provides us reflective moments. Seas provide us with free power, with memory of universal D.N.A., with a feeling of freedom same like water — that is deep, powerful yet so soft and flowy. One feels expanded simply looking at the horizon of sea and sky.

Deserts too have their own power like that. They teach you endurance. They inspire you to be vibrant and colorful — for the backdrop becomes so dull that you automatically shine bright. The stars become brighter there. The voice gains a texture.

Snow provides purity. Everything feels magical in snow. Experiencing live snow fall is simply another level experience. The entire world turns from many colors to a single color — pure white. It feels so divine and magical.

And have you ever experienced a thunderstorm? Well, I love rain. Regardless of the season. I love water as an element to be honest. Rains are my favorite time. and if you add on lightening or thunder to it. Aah! It just feels so so empowering to me.

I specially remember this one moment during my first ever solo journey. I was returning in a super-fast train from Bangalore to Delhi. On the way I was standing upon the door — to better feel the whooshing wind due to superfast speeding train, the heavy rain that I was lucky to experience and then a giant lightening strike in the sky along with a bolt of thunder. I can’t tell you how empowered I actually felt in the moment. As if divine itself was filling me up with some magical energy.

Later though I had a break up from my only boyfriend ever. He was toxic, and that lightening was possibly showing me an upcoming tower moment to me; I just realized. Yet, the feeling of that moment was simply incredible.

And even till this day, I absolutely love both rain and lightning. Rather, at times I specially go to Himachal or Uttarakhand — just to spend entire monsoon season — struck in mountains — watching the rains washing those pines and clouds filling my room — making it all a hazy fairy world.

I love clouds too. My paintings too then gain numerous snowy hazy clouds. And the birds become clearer with the world hidden behind clouds and only birds appearing upon porticos or immediate trees. Another ethereal world that talks to me directly. I attain my favorite state — where nobody can see me, and I see just the beauty — that divine chooses for me selectively.

Yet another perspective to look at our plain of living can also be ‘Time’. It is said that those unhappy in present, tend to live in past. They glorify the past, say phrases like ‘those were the days’, alliterate their mind with mementos of memories and just escape into earlier timelines. And those not content in present either remain anxious and fearful of future or keep on creating fantasies of future. They have delusional believes about themselves and their destiny. That may work as positive affirmation but may even lead to further disappointment.

Regardless, the fact that people can escape their present timeline just with their thoughts and can even choose to live in their cherished memories or world of fantasies is a crazy phenomenon and a super powerful tool both for mental relief and for escaping a problematic reality.

A coma patient may wake up after years and still believe himself or herself to be in some time 20 years ago. A refugee may return to his country after years and would rather think about the way he had loved his beloved country then accept the modern changes in it. A poor person has to hope for better, more abundant days; else he won’t be able to survive through the difficult everyday struggle of life!

The mind or consciousness therefore plays with itself. I had a cousin grandfather who though had migrated from Pakistan to India back in his childhood. Yet, in his extreme old age, all he remembered was his childhood spent back in his native village in Pakistan — from where he was forced to shift at the time of migration. When he was finally done with all his duties, and was nearing the closure of life; his conscious self-gave in to sub conscious that had stored all his childhood memories safely somewhere. To our disbelief, he remembered all the lanes from his village way clearly but hardly anything from India where he spent majority of his life. He found home in his past, where he must have actually felt the safest as a child — much before life took a toll upon his family and everything changed in their lives.

Many lunatics on the other hand believe themselves to be kings or presidents or some authoritative figure maybe because they of feeling helpless in their actual life or maybe secretly all humans desire to reign or seek power or I don’t know.

We can take another example of teenagers who have such high ambitions of changing the world and becoming so and so back in their teenage. However, life soon teaches new lessons and hardly anything happens as planned. I am not saying that always goes bad or something. Maybe it turns out way better than expected. But the innocence of teenage or childhood where everything seems attainable and reality has still not hit yet; it becomes almost a dream like state where a person has energy and curiosity of youth and determination, hopes, fantasies of future without fears that enter our system due to experiences.

Another realm of living in can be fantasy — whether created by self or imposed by others.

All religions run partially on fantasy and faith. I am not denying the presence of God. I too believe in divinity and have solid faith in it. Yet, almost all preachers and religious or spiritual organizations do indeed create numerous good or bad fantasies to rule the general mob using fear or reward. And people do love to believe the commercial and institutionalised versions of faith as not everyone is rational or wise enough to discriminate or set upon the path of Sun to figure out life for oneself. They prefer to consume spoon-fed beliefs may it be politics or religion. Power or faith. They just are told that hell and heaven are two extremes and one punishes, another is reward. That they must always obey, else they are rebels and therefore wrong. I have seen entire families voting for the same party even through generations — just because it runs in the family.

Most of the society simply goes with herd mentality and hardly questions — why they must get married, accept a political leader, follow the social ladder, continue contributing to consumerism or capitalism, believe in certain gods, do no not do certain things… government, media, religions, spiritual organizations, capitalists, communities, very families — they all brainwash each individual and society as a whole — more or less remains herded, controlled in lives they never actually asked for.

Why I am talking about it, is because that’s a space — mental, emotional, psychological, social, even literal where we live in without even being aware of it being our choice or not.

Had it been a dream or a fantasy of someone, it would have been mystical and rather fancy. There is nothing wrong with an adolescent kid mock playing and imagining being in a barbie or superhero’s world. There is nothing wrong with a student imagining a better future and working in some other country or at a high paying job. There is nothing wrong with having ambitions or wishing for things or experiences.

What is wrong however is the difference between whether a fantasy is your or imposed upon you.

I am a free soul. I had not been much ambitious financially for many years of my life. I preferred to travel, to live experiences, be in nature, create as much as I could… however recently, I am realizing that not only it is high time I must have my independent and self-owned home but also earn real good so as to provide myself a safe space unaffected from my narcissistic family, unadulterated from consumerist society… plus, the places that I loved to travel to, even the offbeat villages have all now become totally capitalistic and full of vices. Earlier I used to feel home on mountains or beaches. Now all anybody wants is money. And the values of even those simple folks are by far gone.

Maybe they were the same even earlier. And rather I was naïve and innocent. But ever since 2019, I am feeling as if either I am living in some simulation or the world has actually changed. Maybe my perceptions have shifted. Or maybe I become more judgmental. Maybe, the world indeed has changed and has become so massively capitalistic. Maybe, post lockdown, the WFH people who had no knowledge about real travel or respect for those places; but simply had city vices and obscene amount of money — maybe they corroded it. Maybe the greed of those villagers impacted it.

Maybe, money is indeed a reality of today’s time. and I must earn and earn really well to meet those requirements. Not like, I am not capable. I actually have worked at various high paying jobs. I just can’t handle the office politics which I now understand is because of I being a scapegoat at home. Also, being an artist, an empath, a writer, a traveller — anything that demands all my time and energy without giving me back what I really expect and deserve seems like a wastage of my precious energy. I seek creative outlet, learning experience, acceptance for who I am, genuine people, high paying, not running by the clock, focused more upon quality of work than the time I am reaching or leaving, prefers result rather than pretention of doing work, etc… Instead, I find typical 9–5 job options with people believing themselves to be ‘know-all’s and such.

Thing is, I had always remained entirely focused upon creating. To keep on writing experiences as I travelled. To keep on documenting. I hardly had time to stay and convert them into marketable products. I did try, but never had patience to buy or show them my work’s value. There are numerous books, paintings, and other creations still in my stalk. Not like I am gatekeeping everything. I did publish many books. I did share my art. Just haven’t really got that big break you can say.

I have also realized recently, that I have always been sub-consciously afraid of actually earning a lot or having lot of fame. All my life I pursued freedom. I didn’t know earlier, from what. Now I understand it. I have actually sat upon life’s hot seat so many times — amidst my own blood relations, so called friends, society… that now I don’t think, I need to be afraid of it anymore. My own people left no stone unturned to insult, degrade, suppress, traumatize me — however they could.

I reached rock bottom and noticed my friends vanishing from my life, my family making me a problem case, society further laughing about it or again hardly understanding it. Not like I didn’t get support. Divine sends help through strangers when you are pure.

Yet, I was still afraid of getting into my power or fame as each time I took a bold step, tried taking a stand for myself, experimented with something new, tried leaving the trauma bonds or stepped out of the matrix — somehow I was punished for it. My efforts were never rewarded. My mistakes or attempts of stating my entity were sung everywhere. I was made to be the problem case when it was, they themselves who were insecure and unhappy with their own selves.

There was never a competition in my head. Yet they all stayed weirdly competitive.

Now though, I am on the verge of taking another leap. I am on a crossway. I can either continue my old survival mechanism as I actually loved to travel. Though it hardly satisfies me anymore. I have been there, done that. I don’t like people anymore. And they are happy with the corrupt, soulless version of their villages. The hippies scene seems lost. The pore emotions feel devalued. Maybe I can try travelling to other countries now. Who knows I may find my joy back.

Yet another way, is to take a giant leap and switch the very paradigm of more than a decade of my life. To again join some corporate job and earn amazingly well like before. It does excite me in terms of work, creativity, finally some educated intellectual company. Yet I wonder do I wish to be in the same rat race? I can if I run a marathon. Without being in any competition. Simply participating and taking what I wish to take and giving what I can best give. The choice though is rarely met or given.

Yet third option is divine intervention. When the destiny simply decides to finally pay for my efforts. When my books get decent publishers or who knows even film makers. When I be able to open my own café to actually create the vibe I seek outside. To have the same purity and creativity at a place that I used to travel for. Maybe my art pieces finally sell off at a great price by some art collector who actually admires the vibrance and life element in them. Maybe, people finally realise that I actually fuse 5D level consciousness with intuition, psychology, experience and finally channelise a guidance for them that really can shift their entire life’s trajectory. Maybe my original songs actually become a set of healing albums for the world to get healed from. May be the saved books become worldwide success — and people do utilize the wisdom or the emotions that must be realized or felt.

Now enters the dilemma however. One, these all seem delusional fantasies as yet, as right now I am still considering the best option without actually taking a decision or action.

And majorly, I really am not sure if it my own decision to change my life or if it is brainwashing of my family or society or community or the simulated frequency I am living on. Why have I become such a consumer. I never liked wasting my time with screen time. I never used to watch TV as well. my diet used to be one meal a day.

On the contrary I have become such an active consumer of everything. May it be food, or media or life.

My very being is all about creativity. Creativity comes from emptiness with a sudden spark of an idea. Or else, it spills out when you have an over abundance of it. Either, I need to be as empty as before to channelize Akashik records into 3D world. Or else, I need to become so fucking abundant that it becomes my very state. That way I can actually give my creations way better platforms. My voice can be of value. What I say can actually mean something for someone. I have lived as a mystic for years. I can become an abundant voice for my creations to have a better life!

All I need to be sure of now is to know what is it actually that I deep in my soul desire.

And so, for now, I guess the space I am living in is delirium. That is yet another state where people live in unconsciously. Othello’s famous line ‘To be or not to be’ denotes exactly that.

Many though are merely confused between two jobs, or pieces of clothes or lovers or lives or who know. Not every one is conscious of it as well. I guess, I am just conscious of the delirium yet trying to access my sub conscious to actually help my conscious self — make the right decision.

Therefore, my room too is same like my mental state. There is one bag packed kept in a corner — ready to leave at a single whim. That’s my one foot out. While my fairy lights and everyday clothes are kept out to keep my present alive. A packed induction kept on another corner is reminding me of taking a stable decision this time. The lack of interest in de-cluttering my space each day is an exhaustion from overthinking so much.

Like I said, our spaces are a direct extension of our minds. Our external reality is a mirror image of inner reality. Therefore, not only it is essential to keep our thoughts, emotions sorted, processed and alliterated — as they directly impact our spaces, connections, relationships… but also other way round. We have to consciously choose the people, places, colors, walls, spaces that we live in.

Look around, is your space a reflection of who you are as a person?

Cosmic force

 

They don't understand that 

I am the magic! 

Cosmos flows through me. 

So does the divine energy. 

And I won't let the magic out

Where I am under-appreciated. 

And I am not asking for much. 

Just celebration for who I am. 

To be valued and loved

With genuine emotions. 

I am done with over giving phase. 

Done with people taking me for granted. 

I am a cosmic force. 

And I would behave so henceforth! 

Red star

 All my life I kept wandering 

In quest of the unknown 

Until I was made to stand still 

Almost to a fault of my own.

And though there were numerous temptations

Numerous ways opened up too.

But all I wanted was to sit still

Maybe kill my own self,

Maybe it was but hermit mode. 

The more I processed, the more tragic it became. 

Same like cleaning an abandoned closed hole. 

Filth oozed out. Old wounds pained. 

I yelled inside. I felt rage. 

I went silent.

Almost like a dead body floating upon a massive ocean. 

An ocean of my life.

Waves of all timelines. 

I looked at my past,

Wondering, can I reclaim that! 

I wondered at the journey I had had. 

I kept on digging more and more. 

Until I reached back to ground zero. 

Like a spiral narrowing down. 

Like a cosmic funnel absorbing all. 

As if I was a star succumbed to a dark hole. 

Getting recycled with extreme pressure and force. 

And then I suddenly realised 

What I was running from all along. 

The root cause was my own home. 

The process revealed a series of experiences-

Begining with blood relations

To even in society. 

And regardless of how many people or places

All I had been doing was traveling in spirals. 

Though there were many epic experiences. 

Yet they all circled back to similar instances. 

They all showed me a mirror. 

To become courageous.  

To stand firm for myself. 

I learned, that the  problem was never in me

 but my very roots were poisoned. 

That I couldn't take root anywhere else

As I kept one nerve connected to the basics. 

That even for a dandelion, it is crucial to fly far off

And then stay rooted where it finally finds apt resources around. 

Trouble was, I wasn't rational or aware enough. 

I was talented yet wasn't strong enough. 

Regardless what was, could or should have. 

Here I stand. Back to ground zero. 

I am still in my cocoon 

About to step out. 

The gooey past is still sticking around. 

I am about to be reborn. 

As a red star. 

A butterfly. 

A new ground with ample supply. 

I now know my past and am trying to be at peace with it. 

I am now ready for the future and when it comes,

I will embrace it. 

At present, I am no more running from anything. 

I am here. In my now. 

Allowing the divine to bring me my timeline! 

I have suffered enough. I have given enough. 

And enough is enough. 

Not demanding, but claiming. 

Not ordering, but ensuring. 

I am still alive. 

And I will thrive. 

Winter may be here now,

But spring too is coming. And how! 

The Art of observing yourself

 

The Art of observing yourself

 

There are people who are self-aware and there are people who live by others’ projections about themselves. Makes one think - How correct one gets in either of these ways of identity-estimation? How relevant is it to observe oneself? Can one understand society better by observing oneself or is it the other way round?

Let’s first try understanding the various criteria or lenses through which people have a sense of ‘self’.

 

Bodily

The first one can simply be ‘physical’. As ‘Jacques Lacan’ observed. It is that phase where a baby first looks at himself or herself in the mirror and identifies that he/she is different his/her mother and is a separate entity. While growing up identity takes numerous phases but the physical aspect of self-identification begins here.

As puberty happens, there be numerous changes in the body and alongside enter insecurities or conscious evolution or modification. Adulthood later on begets more strength and sexuality further enhances one’s touch with his/her bodily self.

Intimacy, sensory perceptions all make an individual body conscious and even more aware of ‘I’ being the body.

 

Biologically

Through education and of course observation that a person identifies as a human being and looks at himself or herself biologically as a homo-sapiens specie.

 

Sensory

Various senses of a person help him/her connect further with his/her tastes and preferences. Touching one’s own body gives a sense of being. Touching someone else provides the feeling of a sense of other, that further gives identity to one’s own presence.

One gets more meaning through synonyms and antonyms in terms of likes and dislikes of various things, attributes, feelings, experiences – that all together give one a sense of identity.

These likes or dislikes keep on changing. Few become forever. Mostly moderate with age, maturity, exposure and such. And even our identity changes along with them.

 

 

Psychologically

Though humans grow up as replicas of other humans. All our habits or functionality develops by observing and mimicking others. And many remain but a micro or macro versions of their environment or community or family values and believes.

Yet, as we grow up and our sense of rationality develops, we tend to also feel from within – our own rights and wrongs. Rebellious souls are the prime examples of that.

Not to say or judge about righteousness, yet we can say that each has his/her own moral compass and own opinions about ways of the world.

So, our sense of identity also gets shaped psychologically – initially by our immediate environment, our family values, school learnings, friends, neighbors, ruling parties, nationality, language, culture and so on… and later when we decide if we individually prefer to still support a certain political party or belief or way of living or identity.

Our ideas, thoughts, opinions, experiences moderate our sense of self with exposure and maturity.

Leftist becomes rightist, atheist turns into a believer, a person discovers his homo inclinations and even gains the confidence to come out of the closet, vegetarian becomes non vegetarian or vice-verse, sinner redeems his/her sins and decided to dedicate life in reformation and so on!

One can change in a single experience or moment. Or else, many births can fall short.

Few never grow up or evolve. Few live multiple lives in a single lifetime.

All depends upon our experiences and what we make out of them. All depends upon our will to continuously grow and evolve.

Yet, a sensible soul willing to change with time not only learns way more but also makes the most of life!

The best stories after all, have tremendous growth in protagonists’ character.

The lesser one thinks, the easier life gets. For one is simply content with what and where one is. Nothing wrong with that. Yet psychology and philosophy both are oceans of transformations. And anyone even taking occasional swims in that either by fate or curiosity or conscious efforts – has no other way but to change in terms of both how he/she looks at the world but also how he/she looks at himself or herself!

 

Emotionally

Initially a person simply feels. There is less consciousness about any emotion and more feeling of it. A baby cries or coos when hungry or needs his mother. A child is overjoyed when given favorite toys. Like so! All emotions are initially more felt and less processed.

The movie ‘inside Out’ explores exactly that. How various emotional faculties process these emotions in our mind and contribute so significantly to our being!

The emotions however keep on getting complicated as we grow up or get matured. The more sensible a soul is, the more it churns and processes its emotions. One can’t say if those who simply feel without observing are more blessed as they really live life out; or those that get into the real depth behind each of their emotions and understand the root of them before or after are luckier, for they get more aware of their actions, thoughts and real emotions!

I truly believe that ignorance is bliss, yet I also feel grateful to be aware. Though the more one knows, the more is the cost of it. Knowledge is as much a boon as a bane.

Buddhism recommends becoming neutral. To simply observe all our emotions regardless of ups or downs. That is not just a philosophy but an active practice that takes a lot of self-control and detachment from life. And regardless how ascended one is, sooner or later, each human tends to be attached to someone or something; or is impacted by someone or something.

Maybe life is simply about being alive. Where you be 100 percent true to every emotion and live it in its entirety. Yet that is but primitive behaviour. It is easy to drown in sorrows or fly with joys. It is easy to allow anger to take control and even kill someone when one feels like. Yet, being human also has this responsibility to keep a check upon our emotions and let them out in contained limit.

Take the example of present-day society. Even an emotion as pure and deep as love is required to be performed and held in an extremely aware way. The less one expresses, the more powerful the person seems. The more one claims his/her love; the more he/she needs to surrender or obey. Short is the new deep. There is no time for long proclamations of romantic love in today’s world. Emotions are becoming more and more plastic. But that’s a discussion for another time.

I don’t support plastic emotions, most specially contained love relations. Love has to be pure, deep, honest and soulful. Yet again, imagine both the individuals in actual touch with their real emotions. If both are aware about how they really feel with the other individual; there would much less need of words or expressions; and a lot of conversation would rather happen at 5 D level. People would focus upon how healed or loved or celebrated or inspired they feel with the other. They would then value the other person accordingly and rather than abandoning themselves or their loved ones; they would instead embrace love and together that both of them would become better humans.

Yet, in order to really observe ourselves; we must be in touch with our emotions. And it’s not just about our feelings in our hearts or minds or thoughts. Our entire system feels, our skin feels, each cell feels, our soul feels – any and every emotion.

Same like a touch-me-not flower, our skin also shrinks with even a slight ill-intentioned touch. Our soul immediately goes into defensive mode in the presence of someone not accepting or loving towards our soul. The very existence of disease is also extremely connected to emotions. Good cells feel the presence of bad cells and though they fight; yet their chances of winning depend upon both our emotional state and their level of health off course!

 

Consciously

All of us observe ourselves to a certain extent consciously. The level or state of it depends totally upon the person and his/her life path.

People extremely into body fitness throughout keep a check upon their physique and actively work upon maintaining it. The entire beauty industry flourishes because of the extreme obsession of people with their appearances. Clothes, shoes, brands, cars, furs, leathers, ad infinitum – there be products of all kinds – meant to modify and impact human experience or conscious manipulation (positive or negative).

Sages spend their lifetimes just to remain conscious while experiencing life. The sole purpose of meditation is to remain conscious of one entering the realm of sub conscious.

 Pranayamas are highly based upon conscious breathing – meant to elevate the very processing of human mind.

Extremely self-conscious people at times even suffer with social anxiety or are too considerate of others’ opinions or carry an extreme responsibility towards a certain art.

Like, I can really orate anything on stage. Can speak with thousands of people; yet when it comes to singing; I always get a bit conscious. The root can be the fact that I was criticized couple of times by people I admired a lot musically. Or the root can also be in the fact that I am a music lover first and a musician later. I feel this immense sense of responsibility towards doing it the best I can. And still, there is always a scope for improvement. Music after all is an endless ocean of knowledge and art.

Yet the same I, when under the influence of a drink or two, or maybe amidst people who are super supportive and loving towards me; I ace it. Regardless of the grammar part; I sing from my soul then.

And I notice both the states from a third mind. That’s conscious observation. The one which is observing me getting conscious amidst people. And the same one that’s observing me losing all sense of inhibition and simply becoming the moment and the music.

Those who think less and do more, probably are blessed that way. They just feel and do and leave all the conscious thinking for others or maybe future. But ya, the more one is conscious of one’s deeds, the better it be – both for the souls’ growth and humanity.

 

Sub-consciously

And it’s not just about us in the world. There is yet another world that lives and thrives right in our minds. When we sleep and dream – we reach who knows at how many dimensions. We actually travel astrally.

Isn’t it incredible how our mind actually sends us signals through our dreams and visions. I personally am an active dreamer. I literally get numerous vivid dreams and even remember them in proper detail. Back in my childhood, I used to bother everyone around with my flying or crazy movie like dreams. But now, thanks to google, I love to analyze my dreams. Chat-GPT even weaves a proper connection of them with my real life and I get to learn so much about my sub conscious voice.

It is this voice that sages work upon. It is this mind that actually impacts our real time actions decisions. Same like our Moon sign in astrology.

Our sub conscious self becomes the voice of our soul. Regardless what we do, say act in real life – yet when we go back to our homes and at night lie upon our bed – it is those signs of wishes, fears, determination – that become our sub conscious voice. It is when we sleep and our soul gently changes the frequency of our conscious mind. Same like a super diplomatic queen in ancient stories where though men used to be kings for the world yet it was their wives who used to actually rule – just not in front of the world.

That be our sub conscious voice. Helping us trial face our fears in nightmares. Letting us know of our actual feelings towards a certain decision or person.

For example, I found my twin flame a few years back. And for many years, I remained a chaser – if not actively, then energetically. During those years, after every few months; I used to get the guy’s dreams where he was always running away from me. It was my sub conscious voice making me see the reality. I always used to wake up happy just to have seen him; yet my heart used to be heavy for he was always running away from me.  My sub conscious voice kept on showing me the mirror, until I stopped chasing him. Now I just don’t get such dreams.

And it is not just dreams or visions. It can also be an energetic connection to someone. The more aware we be with our essential self; the more we will understand how we feel in different environments or along with various people.

The lesser aware people would blame everything upon weather or maybe others or maybe themselves. Those in touch with their sub conscious voice would consider all these factors; and would totally factor in the sub conscious voice that would always lead them to the root cause of their real feeling.

May be there is a narcissist in the environment and the sub conscious mind has actually observed the pattern much before conscious mind has derived any judgement.

Maybe, there is an energy vampire and the soul would then realize that the energetic drain is not because of an illness or change of weather. It is rather because of a jealous energy in the vicinity.

Like so with soulmate connections or possible friendships as well. The sub conscious mind simply feels the aura connection or the frequency match and makes the mind conscious of a feel-good factor or a happy emotion or a sense of feeling home.

Both familiar traumas and possible healings feel home due to pattern recognition or past memories stored in soul or system. It just is way beyond human capacity to know everything. We come with a wiped clean slate into the world with no manual to life.

Our sub-conscious mind though remains connected to divine. It is that voice that actually becomes the map for our souls.

 

Socially

A lot of people only observe themselves in connection to a social setting. Meanwhile a lot of them simply don’t care about the society and only stay focused upon their individual selves. Yet that too is because of their earlier dealings with the society. Humans are social creatures. The very identity gets framed by mimicking others. So, society plays a key factor in determining a person’s sense of self.

Yet, people like narcissists are hyper vigilant towards their behavior only when it comes to society. They would become the ideal charming human beings when in a crowd or a gathering that they wish to impress or please. Yet, notice them when they are only with their family or in front of a scape goat or those that they have decided to diminish. There they have no sense of courtesy or civic sense or sense of identity. They become real monsters there, intentionally triggering others; simply simping for reactions.

Empaths on the other hand have no choice but simply be extremely conscious and aware of their surrounding or environment or immediate environment. They simply absorb everyone’s emotions. Same like water, they too get colored by whichever colored emotion is added to them. They therefore need to be extra careful about both their own conduct and others as well. They have no choice. They just feel it. A slight twitch of the eye, a slightly different tone, the direction of feet, the sigh in the unsaid – they just notice it all.

 There are those who carry insecurities deep in. they then choose brands or materialistic things or even achievements to flaunt. People fall for appearances or physique or financial background much before they actually get to know the other person’s feelings or thoughts.

All that is because of society. Both how society already functions and therefore conditions us; and also how we wish to be perceived or understand ourselves or the world.

I have met with people whose only sense of identity is the position they hold in a certain company. I pity such people. Imagine tomorrow, if they lose that job, they become jobless nobodies. I have learned it from my own life. Not like I ever was as limited as to hold my identity just with the container of a position. Yet, back in the day, I did switch many jobs. And it was quite humorous; how one day I was respected as a manger of so and so firm and the very next I was pitied upon as a jobless person. I was the same right. Not like, I used to lose my value in a single day. But the society used to change.

Growing up, unfortunately; I had many such people in my life. Who valued others based upon their money or position. Secretly, they always seemed jealous of me. Few of them even accepted it in a fit of rage or something. Others proved that by copying me or my lifestyle or my choices as it is. Yet, I felt their shallow energies when all they could claim as their identity was their position or financial savings. I shouldn’t judge, I know. They too are learning. They too are upon their own path. But ya, it felt weird, how they still continuously try to belittle me; yet copy me in each and everything.

Here though, the topic is different. We are discussing the social awareness of each individual and the exchange that happens between an individual and society post many such observations.

 

Spiritually

There are those who take birth; eat sleep repeat; and then they die. They live totally at the realm of 3 D and they hardly pass a spiritual sigh. And then, there are those who take birth just to suffer more. As more the suffering, more that one ascends spiritually. Though that’s not always the case. Many people take birth with previous good karmas or they already begin with say level ‘n’ of spirituality. So, they need not suffer as much. They directly live a spiritual life – in a monastery as a preacher or they take birth having chosen a life of meditation and spiritual elevation in social isolation.

The art of meditation however is totally dedicated towards observing oneself through a spiritual lens. May it be focusing upon breaths, or emotions. May it be letting all thoughts pass by or reaching the level of thoughtlessness.

May it be connecting to the spirit with in, or becoming the spirit self and connecting to the spirits all around.

 

Universally

Another level is universal. I remember a moment in my life when I was at some peak in Triund, Mcleoganj, Himachal Pradesh. Those were winter months, and I had to step out middle of night under a full moon. The ambience was freezing and it was quite a hassle to step out; yet when I did; I had an epiphany.

Suddenly, the world seemed massive with gigantic mountains, the entire milky way visible with naked eyes with even alpines way below and I being so above tree-line yet so below the constellations and shimmering skyline.

I felt extremely small in front of nature. Yet, I felt special for I was amidst very few souls on that night upon that peak. The experience made me feel as small as an atom for I was not even a dot if seen from the height of the Golden full moon or the constellations. Yet I felt as if I had some meaning, how else would I have been amidst the few chosen ones.

I got a universal perspective towards my own self.

It is not just applicable to our entity; but one can include numerous perspectives when it comes to observing oneself universally.

May it be as a human specie amidst an endless variety of creatures. May it be carrying the entire universe within. May it be in the language of a witch – ‘As above, so below’; may it be as an earthling on a single planet amidst uncountable planets on uncountable and undiscovered constellations.

 

Unconsciously

And then there is also an unconscious observation. It for sure is hardly remembered by anyone or may come back in fragments later or never.

Ask a super drunk person if he/she remembers anything the next day. People have even committed murders or have got married that they simply didn’t remember the next day. That’s what happened with Rachal and Ross in the series ‘Friends’. They got married the second time, I guess in Vegas and simply didn’t remember it.

It is said, that when a person dies, a ten minute video kind of visions run through his/her consciousness in a flash. The video contains key highlights of the person’s life. And even when a baby is born that he/she is believed to see a similar vision – either carrying the blueprint of life to be lived, or memories of previous life or who knows. Yet, it is scientifically proven that, at both these moments; an element in our mind called DMT excretes and we get such visions. Of course, no one remembers these visions in waking life. Baby forgets by the time he learns to speak or express. The dying person anyway dies. These are all unconscious observations or at times the very life.

There are people who talk while sleeping. They are not aware of it. They just do that. Unconsciously. Meanwhile, numerous processes happen psychologically, consciously or sub consciously.

When my cat sleeps in my lap, at times maybe she dreams something, or I really don’t know; but I feel her mouth chewing something or her teeth grinding. It feels such a cute tiny moment upon my leg but I have read that it is her dream state and when cats do that; they are healing themselves unconsciously of any traumas they could have got in the wakeful life. It’s quite amazing. I ensure to never disturb her during such times. I value her sub-conscious and even unconscious mind.

 

Existentially

There are numerous souls who enter existential crises. Few then recover thanks to the feature of forgetfulness that our minds are given as a default feature as. Or else, the charms of the 3D world overtake their questionings. Worldly attachments, roles and responsibilities – there can be numerous reasons for anyone to not really bother about such things.

Yet, the one really ailing with very basic questions does suffer a lot and actually gains another perspective all together towards life. Come to think of it…

‘why exactly are we born? What is the purpose of life?

Who made us? Why are we born this way?

Why are evil people happier and more abundant? Is there any benefit of being good or is it just a man-made thing to dominate over sensitive souls?

Why is humbleness appreciated on paper yet hardly rewarded in real life? Why is modestly only a choice for the time when you actually establish yourself and show results… till then you need to sell or boast about yourself?

What is this world anyway? Are we mere data for some machine? Are we all programs ourselves? Is anything real? Is this life also a kind of video game? What is the purpose of doing anything or becoming anyone when eventually we have to die?

 Why have we created so many chains of society, institutions, religion, rules and responsibilities when we all have a limited life and ultimately, we all have to die? Why can’t we simply live, create, be happy?

Why are we given this feature of forgetfulness? What’s the point of again and again taking a retake of life – that is, if reincarnation is indeed true. Why can’t we all live on like vampires?

Why are we all created in so many permutations and combinations?

Why are humans made this way that we actually have no natural ability to even tolerate nature in our raw forms. Animals are given furs or weapons. We need to create clothes and weapons. Why is this concept of life and death.

Why do women need to undergo such painful procedure of child-birth, while men get all the pleasure with even lesser responsibility?’

I can keep on going about so many similar questions. I can even provide you with answers to all of them. But those are all either picked from various religious or spiritual or philosophical sources or else realized within myself. Yet the authenticity or the righteousness of those answers can’t really be claimed to be the only truth or right for that matter. They can be my truth. Your truth can be different based upon your experiences, knowledge and wisdom. And the real truth can actually be entirely different. Who knows?

There was a time when I was preparing for NET exam for English Literature. That gave me chance to read about hundreds of authors and their work century per century. The timelines changed, countries changed, movements changed; authors were born, authors died; literature was written, literature either got lost, or celebrated, retained or not yet the authors were gone. Diseases happened taking over entire civilizations. World wars happened taking over entire world.

To me it all rather brought disillusionment. Everything seemed senseless. Even becoming a professor or writing a book or doing anything.

Yet long back, I was the same person who after listening to some spiritual lesson of Ashtavakra Geeta had written a poem claiming that though whatever is born, eventually dies; yet that in no way means the culmination of action. That action is essential for life to go on, that too with right intention.

 I am the same person, who totally believed in life even later on. To a point where I quit all books, all jobs and simply decided to live life out loud – travelling and living my own story, becoming the protagonist of it.

Yet, life surely humbles every curious soul, when you realize that regardless how much you dig in or try to explore – life is but like an onion – the more you peel, the more you would keep going on, until there would be but a hollow central piece – mocking at your very process of pealing it. As you ultimately realize, that we hardly know anything and so much that must be accepted as it is, if one needs to remain sane or survive life as fit.

Is the process of questioning or observing itself wrong then? Not at all! Questioning anything is a sign of a sensible and evolved soul. We are not sheep to take everything as it is. Questioning is essential to form your own opinions. May be the answers are never obtained. Or who knows, one may finally find the corner of the world and realize that earth is rather round and was never flat.

That’s the joy of it – discovering the world or oneself!

And the fact that not everything can be answered retains the mystery of it. Keeps it fun.

 

Mystically

Don’t the people prefer to believe more in occult or mystery. There are proper horror genres. There are industries thriving based upon religion or spirituality. People would blindly follow you the moment you include a mystical element to it. Reasoning however is limited to a selected people with higher IQ. And even higher IQ than of those is of those who accept the mystical element and fuse both. A bit of knowledge, a bit of faith.

But, it is absolutely crucial to ask, check, question whatever you can, before you place your blind faith. And even after that, if a question arises, then it is up to you. you got to figure out if the connection or the faith is more crucial to you or the answer to something.

We may otherwise even commit suicide if we actually understand what it means to simply not know your origin or end and still continue living on upon society’s terms, all the while knowing that you actually have an expiry date and so do others.

Maybe the default system of forgetfulness in our mind is actually a gift to us. Else, we simply won’t be able to survive. But is survival really the end goal? Who knows? Keep digging.

 

Elementally

Yet another angle can be the very basic. Elemental. How all five elements not just exist outside but are inside as well. I remember, when I was an adolescent, I one day, told my mom; that we as humans carry all the five elements with In. That our bones are made up of earth element. That there is desert in me, also the ocean. That there is fire with in me, also the air. I was but a child then.

Later I learned about chakras. About how, each of our chakras carries energy of different elements. That root chakra comprises earth. Sacral chakra contains water. Neval has fire. Lungs and therefore heart chakra carries air. Throat chakra has aethar. Third eye chakra has divine energy. Crown chakra is connected to the entire universe, the fifth dimension or cosmos. And the eighth and ninth chakras above that are more connected to God or divine and therefore all prophets are shown with golden and white orbs around their heads.

See, again numerous theories. Now, who has actually seen sand or soil in our system. Yeah, we do drink water. And we also breath. yet, who has seen fire in our bodies. Still, the functionality kind of defines it or does justice to it. Like food gets digested in our system and all emotions process there. And our stomach area anyway remains hot. Or blood is liquid in nature and therefore can be equated with water. Or bones and skin are solid in nature and therefore can be seen as element earth.

Spirituality has even further defined these theories going to the lengths of even defining the elemental nature of our very thoughts and even emotions or sensations. The theory claims that we become what we eat. Whatever we consume in our environment – may it be food or drinks, thoughts or arts, people or experiences, traumas or good memories, nature or architecture – it all becomes our thoughts and even emotions. And therefore, all our thoughts and feeling are also essentially made up of all these five elements.

Yet another cosmic theory says that in fifth dimension, where there is no concept of matter, where we all are but energies; we then seize to have any differences and rather become essentially one.

A scientific theory claims that there is nothing like matter. That matter too is but atoms of energy but closely knitted together. By that notion, there is no you and no I. there is nothing real the way we see. It is all but an illusion of energy.

 

Now, I can’t really tell you what is right? Who am I? Or who are you? Yet the act of observation is super interesting for it brings us closer to our essential self!

A preacher once gave me a task – to keep on asking myself; ‘Who am I? Who am I?’ The challenge was to continue going on. Way beyond name or identity descriptions. Beyond community. Beyond nation. Beyond soul or spirit. Beyond cosmos.

Until, one realizes, that like an onion, we have uncountable layers; yet no one right finite answer to us.

 

Why then observe oneself? What’s the point of having so many denotational acronyms?

I don’t know. It’s fun. And I don’t even know what’s the right way otherwise? Oh, I forgot Astrology! But not many believe in it. And that too is again limited and a part of it.

It’s like Jacques Derrida critiqued post structuralism, that there is actually no real meaning or central thought. That the picture in my mind and the object in reality would always be different in your mind or through your perspective. That the very language itself is rather limited. That meaning can only be obtained through a series of synonyms and antonyms which all inter-play amidst each other – yet never let you know the exact signified object as there can be no unified signifier to it.

That, provided the meaning is known and is shared by all.

Here, we have absolutely no idea about so many things.

Still, the very process of observing oneself at least helps us give ourselves – some kind of meaning. May it be in connection to the world. Or may it be of the world or life – in connection to us.

Maybe the witches are right,

‘As above, so below, as within, so without.’

Maybe science is right that we are nothing but energy playing in rigid structures.

Maybe spirituality is right, that we all are but one collective energy – assuming various shapes and forms, trying to evolve and ascend universally.

Maybe, we all are but star-seeds contributing to cosmic frequency.

Maybe, we are nothing but mere computerized programes, functioning with how we are coded; and contributing with our emotions and experiences.

Maybe, we are but primitive and have no real purpose and are same like animals or trees. Simply living on. Simply continuing our species to ensure the functionality of biological cycle’s continuity.

Maybe, this is but one of many dimensions and we are merely one of those choices ensuring that it exists.

 

I don’t know. Nor do you. It can make total sense to you or can be absolutely useless to you. Who knows, if we are but a character in a video game – being played on. Or maybe there are characters who have no real purpose at all. They are just in the background creating the vibe of a place. holding the energy. Or maybe, we do have a choice like in video games, people connect and interact in real life boxes.

Can we step out of this matrix? Is there really any such grid?

Who are we? Why are we here?

This is just a prismed overview of life or self – observed by my limited experience and years!