Time to Act

 It's difficult 

Moving away from people I love

When the entire world gathers

To be with their loved ones! 

I am overwhelmed with love

Yet there is this voice of experiences

Of past traumas, of memories

Of things unjust! 

One way is to delete the past

Open a clean slate

Choose love!

But that would be denying my self

Justice, and a life that it may have -

If I step outside. 

It's difficult leaving this comfort!

May be I am used to my prison. 

How victims gets attached with their abusers. 

Still, choosing self seems a bit selfish

And I don't want to be guilt ridden! 

But only I know the tiniest of things 

That impacted my psyche

And changed the course of life, my very being! 

Maybe I should be grateful

For that made me me! 

But I am more anguished about the same 

For they all kept blaming me! 

In the present, there is nothing to complain of

Maybe I am reacting at a time when it just doesn't make any sense

But nothing is happening and I have been living like a victim 

If I choose my self

All hell would break loose 

I know that. 

Aah! To feel 

That I still love them. 

I do love them.

Wish things were different. 

Wish there was a possibility of clear communication.

But the only way these relations can survive 

If I never speak about what went wrong 

And simply let time go on! 

Where's the justice in that? 

Where's the accountability? 

Though, what would I get even if they accept 

That they were wrong 

And I deserved better conduct? 

In my heart I know that right? 

It still makes a difference. 

Is it my ego? 

Do I want to shift the blame? 

Why are these anxieties impacting me so much 

When I can be instead grateful for what and who I have 

I don't know! 

It's difficult to compromise upon self respect. 

Difficult to let lies win

Difficult to let discrimination carry on

Difficult to unsee what I can now see..

I would have to move on...

It's difficult still 

For all the love that I still feel

Regardless of being a gray rock for few months now

Deep in there is a volcano bubbling on! 

Hundreds of emotions burning within 

To shout, to fight, to love, to cry

And all I do is close my door and avoid.

The way out is tomorrow

An easy escape from all of this 

What will I do of my mind or heart though 

That has got this impacted?

To go or not to go is the question! 

To be or not to be is the fight! 

It could have been a bit later

Maybe this is divinely orchestrated 

This chosen time!