Inner whirlwind

 

Cold, lonely, abandoned

She wished for someone own

Some place of belonging

A house was right below

But it contained years of torture

The one she had escaped numerous times

The one full of emotional burdens.

Outside there was a wide world

That too often welcomed her with open arms

And later abused her

Just like that house.

The only way she had known love

An ocean of love

With random disasters

She was scared

Scared to step out 

And run free

To love, to live! 

Yet a single thought of cold sand beside a warm sea 

Seemed like a calling 

Brought tears to her eyes

She needed it 

But she remembered 

Those lonely distant mounts 

Where there was none! 

A lifetime spent 

Seeking something 

She had no inkling of 

Maybe a home, maybe a loved one, 

Maybe friends, 

Maybe divine! 

And how she had travelled 

Across, around, inside, beyond! 

How she had connected and disconnected. 

How she had again and again hollowed herself 

How she had taken her fill

Of love, of life, of pain, of thrill

And how she had given them all

Herself, her very being. 

Again and again 

Becoming a clay 

Being fluid like water

Changing shapes! 

No place, no religion, no god, no person, no moment 

Could hold her for long 

Despite of giving her all 

To each moment, to every soul

With her every bit 

Questions kept popping up

Questions kept getting answered 

The more she learned 

The more she needed to numb 

Herself to the harsh reality 

At the same time realising 

World was full of duality 

And acceptance was the first step to growth 

Yet growth seemed like aging 

It was painful - being mature! 

The rebel in her wishes the same carelessness 

The same obliviousness 

The same zest for life, 

The same selfishness 

To be able to live each moment 

Regardless of opinions or repurcussions 

Yet now she was experienced 

Also more aware 

In way lot more pain 

Numbing herself to pro Max

Shackled in her own walls

No more hoping for anyone to come save her

Knowing fully well

She was her own saviour

At times hoping for a better future 

At times empathising with her past self

Now sitting with her childhood version 

Crying and balming her wounds 

Simply being with her

Now giving hope to hear future self! 

She needed a plan 

With no more mind or heart to carve it 

She needed strength 

With no will to fight still

Aah! She needed a miracle! 

To run on the sand,

Talk with the wind,

Dip in the sea,

Sooth her inner whirlwind! 

~ Surbhi Rohera