Waves of Emotions!

 

An entire week spent

With waves of emotions! 

Torrid currents, comfortably numb,

Actively seeking, surrendering! 

Dreams are the fuel for everything! 

Driving fuel and burning too! 

For all desires, and fear too! 

Dreams and love! 

Love and passions! 

Passions and obsessions! 

All about the inner call 

Trying to find balance with collective! 

At times sheer singularity,

At times being an entirety! 

At times so small, 

That the very body seems imprisoning! 

At times so huge,

That cosmos seems connected and listening! 

All for a greater cause

The destined chart 

The energetic mass! 

Ocean of emotions! 

High tides and low tides! 

All part of the ocean! 

Full moon nights and no moon nights

All emotions and sensations! 

Life keeps going on 

Like a heartbeat 

Up and Down! 

Till it stops! 

And that too 

Is yet another start! 

May be! Who knows? 

But they say, 

'Every ending is a new beginning'.

So it seems! 

And so I go on! 

Up and down! 

Ending cycles,

Beginning spheres! 

Now in an infinite loop! 

Now free of every smear! 

Past keeps on bumping

Adding on the necessary

Removing anything rubbish! 

Always a process

Of addition and subtraction 

Of new shades and an empty canvas! 

Life of an artist, of universe;

Of amoeba to animals to life;

To multiverse! 

Planets and solar systems

Cosmos and number system! 

Here I am 

A dot! 

Here I am 

A lot! 

At times in continuation

At times a simple simulation 

At times a full stop! 

And then yet another stormy start! 

Ha ha! 

All illusion! 

Past, present, future 

A united equation 

Stare at me 

Still segregating them

When they all are 

But a giant ocean! 

Sometime its good,

Sometimes it's bad! 

Life is a dream 

That I once had! 

~ Mystical Wanderer 

Only true friend

 

With the sea, I share my grief

To the sea, I sing my songs! 

Sea - that heals me gradually

Sea - that gives my rhythm back 

And makes me strong! 

Sea - that absorbs my rage,

Sea that wipes my tears.

Sea that wipes off the uncalled kiss from a stranger

Sea that corrects everything wrong! 

Sea that listens to my pain

Sea that makes joy rain! 

The sultry sunsets bring confidence

The hues of sky bring my wild self back! 

Where do you go when you have none left? 

None to call your own! 

None for whom to swoon! 

None to call when life gets unfair

None to share a joyous flair! 

None to give you silent strength 

None happy to see you stand.

One day, the world seems own

Each seems supportive

Admiration rains on.

Another day, reality check! 

Random meet ups, 

Ill intentioned people! 

You do well.

You get support as well! 

Yet the curse of seeing everything

Each intention, every sound of string! 

The sea still welcomes!

And an alchemy happens! 

It all transforms magically 

Silver of moon upon crashing waves 

Listen to my songs, my day, my prosody! 

And I get healed 

At times maybe in a bit longer time

At times even immediately! 

But I get healed! 

Always! Thanks to my sea! 

The ocean of love - always welcoming me! 

World of Music

 

Just the strumming takes me elsewhere

To a world left in past

Or yet to be explored

The one I saw my loved one living in earlier

The one I want to make my home, my being, my everything! 

The world of music

Of sensations, of emotions 

Of vivid imaginations

Of free flow 

Held in control

By intensity of practice

Of dedication

Of focussed intention

The world of colors

Of death of ego

Of birth of a new life! 

~ Mystical Wanderer 

Time to Act

 It's difficult 

Moving away from people I love

When the entire world gathers

To be with their loved ones! 

I am overwhelmed with love

Yet there is this voice of experiences

Of past traumas, of memories

Of things unjust! 

One way is to delete the past

Open a clean slate

Choose love!

But that would be denying my self

Justice, and a life that it may have -

If I step outside. 

It's difficult leaving this comfort!

May be I am used to my prison. 

How victims gets attached with their abusers. 

Still, choosing self seems a bit selfish

And I don't want to be guilt ridden! 

But only I know the tiniest of things 

That impacted my psyche

And changed the course of life, my very being! 

Maybe I should be grateful

For that made me me! 

But I am more anguished about the same 

For they all kept blaming me! 

In the present, there is nothing to complain of

Maybe I am reacting at a time when it just doesn't make any sense

But nothing is happening and I have been living like a victim 

If I choose my self

All hell would break loose 

I know that. 

Aah! To feel 

That I still love them. 

I do love them.

Wish things were different. 

Wish there was a possibility of clear communication.

But the only way these relations can survive 

If I never speak about what went wrong 

And simply let time go on! 

Where's the justice in that? 

Where's the accountability? 

Though, what would I get even if they accept 

That they were wrong 

And I deserved better conduct? 

In my heart I know that right? 

It still makes a difference. 

Is it my ego? 

Do I want to shift the blame? 

Why are these anxieties impacting me so much 

When I can be instead grateful for what and who I have 

I don't know! 

It's difficult to compromise upon self respect. 

Difficult to let lies win

Difficult to let discrimination carry on

Difficult to unsee what I can now see..

I would have to move on...

It's difficult still 

For all the love that I still feel

Regardless of being a gray rock for few months now

Deep in there is a volcano bubbling on! 

Hundreds of emotions burning within 

To shout, to fight, to love, to cry

And all I do is close my door and avoid.

The way out is tomorrow

An easy escape from all of this 

What will I do of my mind or heart though 

That has got this impacted?

To go or not to go is the question! 

To be or not to be is the fight! 

It could have been a bit later

Maybe this is divinely orchestrated 

This chosen time! 

Inner whirlwind

 

Cold, lonely, abandoned

She wished for someone own

Some place of belonging

A house was right below

But it contained years of torture

The one she had escaped numerous times

The one full of emotional burdens.

Outside there was a wide world

That too often welcomed her with open arms

And later abused her

Just like that house.

The only way she had known love

An ocean of love

With random disasters

She was scared

Scared to step out 

And run free

To love, to live! 

Yet a single thought of cold sand beside a warm sea 

Seemed like a calling 

Brought tears to her eyes

She needed it 

But she remembered 

Those lonely distant mounts 

Where there was none! 

A lifetime spent 

Seeking something 

She had no inkling of 

Maybe a home, maybe a loved one, 

Maybe friends, 

Maybe divine! 

And how she had travelled 

Across, around, inside, beyond! 

How she had connected and disconnected. 

How she had again and again hollowed herself 

How she had taken her fill

Of love, of life, of pain, of thrill

And how she had given them all

Herself, her very being. 

Again and again 

Becoming a clay 

Being fluid like water

Changing shapes! 

No place, no religion, no god, no person, no moment 

Could hold her for long 

Despite of giving her all 

To each moment, to every soul

With her every bit 

Questions kept popping up

Questions kept getting answered 

The more she learned 

The more she needed to numb 

Herself to the harsh reality 

At the same time realising 

World was full of duality 

And acceptance was the first step to growth 

Yet growth seemed like aging 

It was painful - being mature! 

The rebel in her wishes the same carelessness 

The same obliviousness 

The same zest for life, 

The same selfishness 

To be able to live each moment 

Regardless of opinions or repurcussions 

Yet now she was experienced 

Also more aware 

In way lot more pain 

Numbing herself to pro Max

Shackled in her own walls

No more hoping for anyone to come save her

Knowing fully well

She was her own saviour

At times hoping for a better future 

At times empathising with her past self

Now sitting with her childhood version 

Crying and balming her wounds 

Simply being with her

Now giving hope to hear future self! 

She needed a plan 

With no more mind or heart to carve it 

She needed strength 

With no will to fight still

Aah! She needed a miracle! 

To run on the sand,

Talk with the wind,

Dip in the sea,

Sooth her inner whirlwind! 

~ Surbhi Rohera 

Trampled Dandelion

 

One seedling was crushed 

Again and again 

Till it became a dandelion and flew away

Again and again 

Becoming a plant 

Again and again 

Reaching back to its roots

Now seeking shade, 

Now seeking answers

Always hovered with a dark cloud

Wondering why the alterations

Between over- nourishment

And yet again, being trampled on! 

The other seedling was forced to become a replica

Of the dominant DNA

It imbibed the poison from DNA

And grew right where it was born 

Appreciated for fakery

Boosted to be a devil hidden in a white garb 

Like those wild red cherries

Found in a forest

So tempting to anyone parched

Yet poisonous if ever consumed

Pretty to look at 

But a health hazard. 

The dandelion kept returning back

Unable to really root anywhere else

For it didn't know it's mistake 

Felt responsible for everything else

People pleasing at times, 

Rebelling at times,

At times trying to be something it was not

At times wandering far far off! 

Until one day, it finally realised 

The poison was there 

Right from the start. 

The very upbringing was abusive 

And so utterly wrong. 

And now the dandelion knew 

It had nowhere to belong 

It had to fly off yet again 

This time erasing it's very entity

All that it had learned growing up

Had no ideals 

No friends

No examples

But a blank empty canvas 

To paint on 

A life it had never seen or known! 

It had to find a safe shore

Calm water! 

A journey was awaited 

Beyond all shenanigans 

Far off from show offs

Somewhere safe, somewhere warm 

Somewhere to give it's mind some rest 

Somewhere to begin afresh

This time, all the more informed! 

A fresh start! 

~ Surbhi Rohera