Utopian Ten, Chamba

 1st May, 2023

Yo 10 PM, Hello! 

We are a new connection meeting at a super new place to me. We are gonna be together for a month now. The beginning itself is adventurous. 

Am at Sal, near Soho, in Chamba, Himachal Pradesh. Unlike rest of Himachal, this is crazy new place to me. Also, the stay is unique, for I am staying at a homestay, high up on the mountains full of wheat fields, core gaddi life and a beautiful Sal river right just a small hike downhill. I can still hear the river flowing on at night. 

Why I am here, I really don't know.  There is this beautiful song - 'Chamba kitni door'. The other day I heard it somewhere and suddenly the idea popped up - why not actually go to Chamba and feel the place that a folk singer adores so much.

My initial plan however was to go to Kasar Devi in Almora to experience the eclipse season there because it falls in the Van belt region and therefore it's energy and gravity is totally worth experiencing. 

But I was seeking more of wilderness and Almora seemed like a touristy place or something that stopped me to go there. 

And something that clicked immediately when it came to Chamba. 

Another reason for choosing it is because a loved one 'M' sang this song once - 'Je raabi vich paani koi nai, te apni kahani koi nai'.. and Ravi river seemed to be flooding these days with love. I just wished to experience her love. 

I first did reach Chamba where Ravi river also was there, but I couldn't experience it. Everyone told me that Chamba is just like any other city and I was seeking more of Old Manali kind of place. Chamba city seemed like New Manali. I was walking around though with my rugsack hoping that my feet would take me to the hippie kind of place that my soul seeked. 

I walked around and interacted with people. And after visiting the world famous 'Lakshmi Narayan temple' and Harihar temple there, I finally decided to come here in Saho. Would you believe, a lemon water seller suggested this place to me. I was about to go to Khajiaar, but am rather glad that am here. Because this place is truly, totally offbeat. 

Oh, the homestay (H2O) that he had suggested was way expensive. But it's vibes were quite serene. Also, it was an art of living center called Chetna Kendra. They had no option for long stay also, had it been there, I wouldn't have been able to afford it. But they guided me till here. I can say that it was destined for me to reach at this place 'Rafi's homestay'. For I had no clue that it existed - the entire village itself.  And my stay is so real, authentic, rustic, amidst the local gujjar clan of Himalayas that it totally seems unbelievable. 

Also, that these people are Muslim. I felt a bit weird initially, for am travelling solo, and this place is middle of nowhere and to interact outside is another thing, but to live in a certain community's home is another. Plus, I was concerned about them having non-veg and I being a hard core vegetarian. Plus, I wasn't sure about how open or conservative they would be for I am a free soul and Muslim people in villages are generally conservative. 

To my surprise, all my clicked stereotypes/concerns - got challenged. These are such nice people. Open, mostly vegetarian, with obviously loving kids. 

Sao village is 7-8 kilometres from here. Since Chamba is at the border of Jammu Kashmir, Punjab and is in Himachal, the culture too is a full power fusion. People speak a mixture of Punjabi, Himachali and Urdu. Most of the people are muslims and their way of dressing is way different. Everyone covers their head. Men wear a white turban with mostly kurtas. Women wear a dupatta round their head in a half turban style sometimes as well. Old men have orange beards because of Henna. Women prefer vibrant kurtis with golden or shimmering work upon dupattas. Also, there are many temples around. One being Chandrashikhar Mahadev in Saho which I visited today despite of rain. 

Oh, it is in Saho that I found a full power market all around and commodities were shockingly super cheap. Braseries for 50 rs. Lipsticks for 30. Like, can you believe that??? 

I had read an online article to atleast buy a hanky there to support local business. I bought loads of tiny tiny things. 

Also, if I get to visit the village again, I would definitely shop those things that I didn't buy, I don't know why. 

Even Chamba was way cheap. Would you believe - waterproof and full power comfortable bellies within 150-300 rs. Shocking know!!! 

Aah! Deep in, am a hopeless shopaholic. I am so thankful that this shopping spree returned in me that I had lost for several years. I am going crazy about it. Also am thankful that when am willing, I also am capable to be so. 

Would you like some black coffee??? I was so occupied today till 9:30 that I had to rush bath before meeting you. Yet am so glad that we could meet right in time and the portal got created perfectly, smoothly, with a bit of efforts yes, but totally Serendipity! 

It is for our meet that I specially stepped out of my home and travelled for so long and allowed the journey to take its course - just to reach wherever the divine wished for us to meet! 

Let's make a quick coffee! 

10:31

Yo! Am back with a coffee! Now that am a bit relaxed, maybe we can also add on music to our meet! Or let's just be in the river music. I have had too many conversations today. Thing is, I am way used to solitariness. And though I love kids and respect the fact that they these people are so willing and interested in interacting, yet my heart again and again wishes for silence or just this space to be with myself. If I am outside then there is no choice. Someone or other keeps on taking my time. Only scope is inside and that seems like a waste specially when am at a beautiful place like this. 

Today, I just went by the river and sat there for a long time. Even meditated for a bit and it felt so relaxing. 

I am so wishing to have a pup. It would have been epic had these people had one as a pet. They however have loads of cows, even a horse and sheeps. 

One of the many girls here takes care of that horse. How lucky know. 

But their life is tough. They wake up by 5 AM and do something or the other the entire day. 

Everything that is cooked here is organic. Vegetables, wheat - all is grown in their fields. Milk, butter - is of buffalo milk of their own verranda. It is all super healthy. 

Long back, I once found a mesmerizing video of Pakistan and wondered about their life. This I guess is close to that. No roads reach here. Just a middle of nowhere. One needs to hike through raw soiled lanes and seedidaar wheat fields to be here. And nothing but the river's sound along with chirping of numerous mountain birds that is audible.

Oh, this place is blessed in terms of birds. The very first day (yesterday), I got welcomed by long-tailed magpies. They are even found in Manali but finding them here felt great. Their tails have purple and white feather. Then there were black birds with star like tails. Also, I noticed a woodpecker while I was playing ukulele. Parrots and tiny little birds with red heads just visit freely. 

After so many unique and pretty birds, I suddenly noticed pigeons today while going to Saho and I was like, 'oh, so general category also exists here!' Ha Ha! 

Girls here can't get enough of my jewelry. They keep adoring it - now liking my bangles, now complimenting my rings. My jewelry connects me to girls immediately. Although, I always get into a dharm sankat kind of moment, where I dwindle between if I should just give it to whomever asks for it, or if I should rather keep it for I bought it for myself and love it.

I don't mind buying new ones as gifts for them. But the ones I wear, are mine. And it just feels bad to not give yet good for 'self love' reasons. Spiritually teaches to be a giver. Harishchandra I guess gave even his entire kingdom. Self love however teaches to say No. Also, to build connections not at the level of greed but love. Also, I want to teach kids to not ask. Instead just appreciate what they like. And if someone gifts on their own, then it's their choice. 

But places I go to are villages. Anything unique catches our attention. These people don't have as much access to commodities. Just like we from cities don't have as much access to the beautiful healthy life they live. 

It's a decent exchange but within limits. 

Generally I date time at the same place for the entire month. I guess, we will be different. Am planning to keep on travelling despite of our meets. Maybe, I will be in the same district, but I won't mind changing villages - as per my mood and destiny. 

Hey Love! It seemed like a travel narrative today. But I am sure we will get personal bit by bit. 

After all, it is but our first meet. 

Will see you tomorrow then! 

Loads of love!!! 

Listen to the chirping of birds - wherever you be!!! 

Love you already! 

.............

2nd May, 2023

10 PM 

Hey Love! Right now am listening to my recent favorite passionate song 'Bones'. Have played it specially for you. For us. 

It's a filling night. I have had all three meals today for I didn't go anywhere, instead simply stayed in my verranda - gazing at the rainy wheat fields, the trees and even made a sketch of it all. Also, read a chapter of CST of my momsha's curriculum. Had a conversation with dadiji over here. She taught me how to tie a turban kind of dupatta, though I would have to practice it to learn it properly. 

It was a rest day majorly because I needed a time out to take care of all videos so far, also because there was 90% precipitation forecasted today. And it did rain throughout. Not in the morning though. Would you believe, I have been awake from 5 AM today. This is a strange place. It makes me feel suddenly super sleepy at night and wakes me up on my own early morning. And I weirdly feel super hungry at all three times. Though breakfast is actually difficult to consume here. Cold chapatees with buffalo milk's butter and honey or pickle. I think, they all would have been way better if the chapatees were hot and fresh. Anyway, momsha says, that whatever these mountain people eat, even if it's a dried chapatee, is healthy! 

Uff I am extremely sleepy. Have passed out thrice in past 9 minutes. Maybe I should turn off the music. Else, I am not sure if we would be able to make it. 

I had never imagined I would be sleepy this early in the night ever in my life. 

I just snored. Ha ha ha. 

I can't believe it. And I snored so loudly that I woke myself up! Maybe it was a teeny teeny power nap. 

Ok. Let me come to our river music then. 

Aah! That music was truly a lullaby. Oh and it was not my snore. It was a sound from outside. Someone probably chopping wood at this time. But why? That too while it's raining again! 

Hey! Wasn't it raining even last night when we met? I don't remember. But it did rain throughout night and even throughout day. 

Tomorrow I may go to Sao again. There is so much that I would like to buy now. So you know, there's a special yatra that happens there in Chandrashikhar temple only during these 5-6 days. And I got lucky to be a part of that procession with out even knowing it. It's last night that bhabhi here informed about it. 

Aah! It's extremely difficult to stay awake tonight. To imagine, I have come all the way from Delhi just for our meets and this blog and here I am feeling sleepy! 

Ever since I have reached here, my mind often wanders to have someone beside. Although it's quite serene. But one, this feeling of having a male someone beside to feel safer. Another, to have loving company in this large and classy room, upon rainy porticos, through fields and forests, beside river, upon bridge, beside me on the other half side of bed. I just can't help but have these occasional desire to have a loved one beside. 

Any trip becomes thousand times more exciting with the right companion. Though I am strictly solo traveler, but that is also because of the lack of compatible vibes. 

Glad that we are together. 

The way these girls call me 'didi' suddenly popped in my head, the moment I was about to drift off just now. 

I have become way connected to them with loads of love. 

I wish to shower them with gifts. There is a young girl here who is so beautiful inside out that had I been a male muslim, living upon mountains; I would have got married to her. She is so beautiful and her smile is angelic. She works hard to make her living and live in this house. She was adopted in her childhood by daadi over here and I got super shocked today to know that it was her that I had heard the story about. She stitches clothes for a living and I feel just love for her. 

I literally mentally went through the list of my Muslim friends or connections just so they can get married. And I kind of reached Saho just with this statement, for there too I bought things not because I needed then but because they were so good that I wanted them. Just like this super unique plastic jug with glasses that a guy was selling in the local bus from Chamba to Sal/Sundal and had I been in Delhi, there wouldn't have been a single chance, that I would have left it. But it seemed silly to buy a jug and carry it around in my rug sack. Lol! 

Later when I came to stay at this place, I thought, oh I could have bought it and gifted it to them. 

Imagine I still wouldn't have got it. But this urge to have something you really like even for a while and see it reaching a perfect spot or family or body or soul.

Oh! Am super sleepy. 

I am trying my level best to be together. Yet if I pass out tonight, please don't mind it.

I saw two giant spiders in my room just an hour back. One, that girl removed. Another is still in my room. Though, she had told me that it doesn't bite humans. Yet, am a bit concious. 

I just dropped my phone upon my own ear and all my sleep vanished just at that moment. What say? Coffee? Maybe after a bit. 

It's raining outside. Tomorrow I may explore a new Village all together. Even further from Sao. For the mountains there seemed dream like. So did the houses upon the top. As if a mystical world lives there, unknown to the rest of the world. 

People here have unique way of dressing. The further I go, the more Pakistani it seems, along with Indian temples. People coexist here quite harmoniously. But it's difficult to make any assumptions or judgements so soon. 

This place is super new to me. Way beyond even my own intuition. 

Recently I had realised in Rishikesh and Delhi that I have lost my trust and I got to be more trusting to experience life fully and with love. My own past experiences though sometimes limit me causing false alerts or making me behave unlike myself, trying to merge wherever that I be. Traveling for so many years has also made me like that. I become exactly like the place and people I visit. So much that I observe that the difference between observation and observer vanishes. I be the Moon to Sun or a mirror to anyone looking at me or I looking at them. 

Am invited for a dhaam tomorrow. Dhaam means feast in Himachali language. The day I had reached here, there was a huge wedding. Even then that I had got invited. But I had just reached then, was super tired and had all my luggage with me and didn't wish to directly barge in an unknown feast. People though love to experience dhaam food. One gets to have the best cuisines of a particular village, served in their unique styles. But I like to go dressed for whichever occasion as a mark of respect for both the host and occasion. 

Tomorrow though it's a tiny dhaam. A mundan ceremony of the kid of a shopkeeper who was also kind enough to invite me. If I won't go towards Saho, I would go for this dhaam. 

Though my plans are always flexible. I ultimately flow with the flow. 

I still have to edit numerous videos for Instagram. I don't know why I have become this serious about it this time. Usually when I come to Himachal, I often don't upload much. So engrossed I be in my life. Imagine, today I took a day off from travel, just to edit my videos. As if I would get an award or something. And I even called it work. Lol! 

But being a traveller, it seems like a duty to me to showcase my experiences to others. Even though I don't create popular content but I do create meaningful videos that add value  and bring out the real and pure self of a place. 

10:53

Hey Love! Thank you really for accompanying me in this room at this distant village, far off from my home, in this unknown land. Thank you for being the pole to my windy flag. 

It is thanks to you and for you that I have reached here. You only would have to ensure to make my trip worth remembering and evolving from. 

There must be a reason for us to meet here. There must be a divine plan at work. 

I don't know why I go to random places, what pulls me there, which all karmas I have with whom all and what am I getting travelling for more than a decade. Sometimes I feel tired of this life as well. Like, I wish to settle down atleast in terms of an abode or some career or few people and travel a little less than all the time. 

Yet sometimes, it all feels super lucky. As if I am the chosen one, getting to evolve into way advanced a soul in way less a time. 

Who knows? 

Though one gets evolved even at the same spot, as everything keeps on changing - time, weather, blood, ideas, rivers, us! Yet evolution happens like this also where though am a rolling stone, but am also an ever flowing river and also a dandelion. 

Sometimes though this dandelion seeks the right soil.. 

Alright my love! Catch you tomorrow. Glad I didn't sleep. Thank you for being with me. 

Loads of love! ❤️❤️

................

May 3rd, 2023

Hey 10 PM, Ssup?

I had a magical day and the entire day I kept on thinking about us! You won't even believe, even I can't believe how lucky this day has been! Majorly because I could reach a super magical, serene and beautiful Village called Lagga! Also, because, one of my videos on insta got liked by 393 people. I saw it once I came back. It seemed like an icing on cake. 

Oh dear Ten, Lagga is truly heavenly divine! It's so silent, so peaceful with apple orchards all staired so far off from the world. I wasn't even aware of the place. Bhabhi in this guest house had suggested it. Today in the morning I noticed several forests post that. Immediately I decided to go there. Although it was raining initially, but forecast was that it would stop in the afternoon. And seriously, moment I stepped outside, it became sunny. These days I feel as if weather also manifests as I wish. The day I wish to rest and simply appreciate nature from one spot, it rains. The day I wish to go out, explore the weather become windy, drizzly also partially sunny - just the way I like it. I could experience all four weathers just in a single day - today. This used to happen only in Bangalore where I had had the happiest phase of my life. These days also are quite unique. Gradually that am getting adjusted to such a major difference in culture and Life. 

People here had rather asked me to not go because of rain and the fact that I won't get a bus to return back. Trust me, the day was super magical as if orchestrated by divine itself. I got numerous lifts on their own. People simply asked me themselves to drop till certain spots, even took me to their homes for a quick tea and made me catch the next bus to help me reach my destinations. I had initially planned to just go till Kiri and visit a Naag devta temple. Post which I had decided to go to Saho for some shopping. Not only a random guy indeed take me to Kiri from Soho but showed me the spot where Chandrashikhar or Mahadev's statue was placed in Sal river by a sage - upon which the temple in Saho is based. Everyone on my way recommended going to Ragga instead of Kiri. So I did go to Ragga. Oh, the orchards, the fields - it seemed altogether another world. I would say, after Nubra, Andamaans and Hampi; Ragga is the place which I found totally different in it's vibes from rest of the country. It seemed as if I was in some other portal or universe. None disturbed me. There was absolutely nobody at the spots where my feet took me. I had roughly one and half hour before the return bus. Not only that I reached the perfect places but got Totally mesmerized by it. Also that I did indeed find a Nag devta temple but in Ragga. Just at that time that it drizzled and lightening was there - just the way I love it. I even bowed down ten times - thinking of you and our meets. 

Post which I had Maggie and tea and interacted with a lovely girl Kajal who even invited me at her home to stay. It was so tempting. The village was too beautiful to not stay. Yet I decided to come back and maybe visit some other day. 

At Saho that I realised that all that market stalls were just for that fair that was held for some yatra dedicated to Mahadev. Guess what, the day I had reached there, that was indeed the last day of that fair. Oh, how lucky I was to have experienced it without even knowing it. Today, it was all empty. I was literally shocked to find all the lanes including the temple - so wide open without any people..I really wanted to buy the same things that I had bought but had gifted them to kids here. Also, I wished to buy something for that girl 'Sameena' whome I had found so pretty and good. But the market wasn't there. And thought I did try to still find something for her in the local market, but nothing seemed worth her. So I couldn't buy anything. I did get to have Mahadev's darshan again and tap on Nandi's throat - that I had missed last time. Oh, and the moment I stepped out, a guy randomly came and asked me if I needed to be dropped somewhere. I denied. But he insisted. I said, I am going to Chamuni assuming he was only going till the stand. But he said that he was going the same way and was willing to drop me. I was anyway concerned about getting the last bus or not. Also, there wasn't anything left to do post darshan for the market stalls were not there. He not only dropped me but also asked if I would like to go anywhere along with him tomorrow or any day. That he would get his car instead of bike and we can go. I was considering his company but he insisted upon taking my number despite of I telling him that I would call if if I would feel like going with him. Also, a slight touch of his arm upon my leg mid way irked me. I didn't give my number. He felt offended that I didn't trust him and left saying that he had come all the way just to drop me. I thanked him and later realised that it was better that I didn't give him my number. Why would anybody go specially to drop someone? Giving a lift to someone till somewhere on the way is another thing. And specially going somewhere to drop someone unknown that too during evening is another. So I won't go with him. 

When I reached Chamuni (by the way, it's only today that I got to know the name Chamuni, I was telling everyone that I was staying at Sal. Sal is the name of this river that is a major tributary to Ravi later on. This habitation by the river is Chamuni.) So when I reached back here, I wished that shopkeeper a namaste. I had gone to buy few essentials and wasn't expecting dhaam to still be there. I did feel sorry for not keeping my words but bus timings were totally out of my hands. Do you know, the dhaam was still going on. He took me to his home, served me with a big thaali full of rice and multiple dishes like Rajma (Magra), Muh ki daal, Maa ki daal, Kadi, Khatta and sweet rice. Sweet rice had raisins and coconut in it. All over the entire thaali was Chamba special food. Oh, I got so full that I couldn't even think of any edible to buy. He even packed loads of sweet rice for me. I kept some for myself and gave the rest to the family here. I wished to give it Sameena for I knew that she might not have gone to that dhaam. But she was leaving for a wedding in Punjab, so it seemed silly to give her rice when she was going for a wedding. 

That uncle was seriously so nice and caring. His daughter is in police. She even invited me for Shiv Pooja tonight that would go night long. I considered it. I really wish to be there. But it is happening on the other side of the river. And I am not sure how safe it would be to go there at night. Those kind people also offered their home and the daughter's room to spend the night. They said some special chelas come there for pooja who are known to have Mahadev's energy in them. Had I been staying on the same side, I would have gone. (Dear Mahadev, please  accept my presence in absence.)

I crave to say 'Ram Ram' to people here, so used to it that I am. Most of the people here are Muslim Gujjars so I am never sure how would they feel or react to it. I don't want to lose this habit in me. But I don't even practice it. Sometimes though it just pops out of my mouth. And I have to control it. For I don't want to hurt anyone's religious sentiments. 

Today I had tied my cardigan as a head cover. It looked so classy. But middle of the journey it came off. So I wore the cardigan. Lol. 

I had two options for today. I got lucky to experience both of them. I got super epic people. Kind, helpful, honest. I met several kids. All I had was loud thank you for the universe all the way while hiking till my homestay. 

And then I found my insta buzzing with hundreds of likes. Even I got shocked, 'aisa kya daal diya maine'. Ha ha! 

One never knows when something gets value and when no matter how much you polish or work upon something but it still takes time to reach the right platform. Only time knows. Only Mahadev knows. 

A guy had shared a video of someone appreciating MS Dhoni where how he initially had to face loads of hardships. Because time was carving him to become the captain. I hope time is carving me for the best utility of my life as well. 

There is something going on around. I can hear music and beats. This is such a silent place that any sound other than the river and birds - goes a long way!

And just as I mentioned birds that I can hear one now - singing melodiously at this time. 

Do you know there are even 'geedad' here. They howl at night sometimes. It is here that I got to know why that Hindi muhavra exists - baarish mei geedad something. 

Oh, I saw a super unique bird today. It was totally white with partial black. I don't know if it was just head or just tail. But it caught my attention and I was simply dazzled by its unique beauty. This place is so meant for bird watching. Had I been having a good camera, I would have shot them. But it is quite difficult to first spot and then even capture birds. They are so quick and agile. 

Another common creature is mangoes over here. I have never seen mangoes roaming around so carelessly like cats or rats or even dogs. 

Off, I wish to talk so much about Ragga. The entire time I had this back of my mind that I won't stop but keep on describing how much I loved it there. Now that I am back, I have no words but this feeling - as if it was all a dream. It seemed so untouched, so far off from any and all civilization. So serene, so beautiful. I even found the first snow cladded peak of this trip there. 

And when I touched the periphery of the forest, there was giant deodar tree under which I sat for few moments. Though I had limited time, but I wanted to meditate for a bit there. The moment I closed my eyes, the wind began to blow. I had numerous concerns - there was a possibility of rain, I had to find my way back till bus stand on time, I wanted to adore the beauty with open eyes in that limited time... And yet I closed my eyes for a bit. In three minutes that something dropped upon my palm. I thought it was rain drop. Something dropped near me again. I was sure it was rain. But when I opened my eyes, it was a blade of pine from the tree that I was sitting below. Oh, it felt like a gift from the forest. From that tree. I kept it in my phone cover. 

I felt so much love today, that I kissed wild flowers. I even kissed that tree. Oh, I love wild flowers. And I absolutely love forest trees. 

The first time I had connected to trees was in Yercaud in Karnataka. I was with a guy I was dating and we were sitting upon a tree bark in a forest. There was a moment where all those trees seemed like creatures and I felt myself to be a tree in some previous life. I forgot my companion. All that was there was a flood of trees - each showing its distinct leaves and entity to me and I felt like their queen. In that moment, I had exchanged immense energy with them. And then, it became a ritual. Every new forest that I used to connect to trees. Maybe leaving smoking up or corona times kind of made me forget that connection. Though in Pushkar, I used to connect to a specific Peepal tree which was (aah! I have forgotten it's speciality. But that kind is another breed of peepal with golden leaves). So I used to not only connect to Prakriti though it but even talk to rest of the trees in the world. 

The craziest tree experience though was in Andamaans where trees used to seem like humans to me. I used to feel that oh these five stems are growing together as one tree. These must me a group of five friends who were so connected that they decided to take birth as a tree. To be together for centuries. Or this tree seems like a couple making love. Imagine being stupefied with your beloved. How passionate and deep. 

I find trees to be the most giving and therefore most loving living energies on earth. 

Just yesterday that I was telling dadiji over here, how I prefer forests over gardens anyday. I had suddenly thought that am living amidst fields that are also human made. And today that I got to visit and connect to dense forests, far off in a heaven that hardly any outsider knows that it exists. 

I am really grateful to be experiencing these days despite of possible concerns that too are fading off day by day. I am grateful for such a beautiful rustic room, for such kind people around, for an abundance of nature that I so love, for a healthy life that I am gifted with, for each journey that I get blessed with. I seriously am the chosen one. And I feel really grateful for it. 

Thank you dear Ten for making it all possible. We are indeed utopian. My utopia is exactly this - full of nature, simple, kind, gentle, with birds but also dogs, with Mahadev, with new vistaras each day, with river and mountains and kids and innocence and art and music as well. 

I love you. Catch you tomorrow.

Sleep well! 

Mmmmmuuuuuuaaah  

...................

May 4th, 2023

Hey 10 PM! 

Welcome to a full moon meet! Though Moon is not visible from here. But it's a special night with super special energy. Although my day was a fusion of energies and experiences! But I am aware of tonight's energy. Tomorrow there's a lunar eclipse. Therefore this Full moon is all the more special. 

It is for tonight and tomorrow specially that I wanted to be at Kasar devi. Well, however destiny and cosmos wills it! 

Today I didn't go anywhere special..it was meant to be a sunny day, so I had not planned anything. 

Last night I couldn't sleep the entire night till 5 in the morning. Maybe Mahadev wished me to be awake and I was indeed present in absence in the event on the other side of river. Or I don't know. But it was an uncomfortable night. I was scared without reason. And I even tried switching off the light only to realise that a beautiful moon was peeping inside my window just upon my pillow. I charged my moon stone there. And kept staring at the moon appreciating its company. 

Still I couldn't sleep. 

I tried working on my videos, tried listening to tarot videos. Nothing worked. And random sounds in my room and a giant spider were making it all the more difficult for me to sleep. I was scared. Had to finally turn on the bright yellow bulb in my room again for I was scared. 

Anyway, morning still began well on time, by nine or so. I had a hearty breakfast with buffalo milk. And made a failed attempt at an insta reel. Imagine, they can't tell a person that hashtags are more than 30 and therefore it won't be possible to upload the info. They simply upload the video at all platforms deleting even the content and all hash tags. I had not even copied anywhere what I had written. So I just deleted it all. 

All I had decided for today was to go nearby the river and spend time there. And that's what I did. 

Even played ukulele there. And spent hours with Sal river. Found out a new spot to chill at. It's a boulevard kind of area right beside the river and therefore provided shade from sun, chill of sprinkling river and an apt spot to click, make videos and spend time with nature. 

Later I sat at another spot on a huge rock by the river and sketched the hanging creepers that I always adore each time I visit the river at that spot. Sketching any place as it is - is equivalent to meditation. For you focus upon each leaf, every tree and get to feel every pore of the landscape or nature. 

At the first spot while singing 'Shiv Kailashon ke waasi' I don't know why my eyes were suddenly full of tears. I missed people of my religion and missed singing bhajans openly. That's when I realised the mild pressure I had been living in for past few days. 

At the second spot while sketching, a sardarji suddenly came with his daughter and requested me to play. I again sang the same Bhajan. He told me that he takes care of the temple nearby and his son plays dholak. Also, that he played flute upon the same Bhajan for me. I told him that I had been missing satsangs really badly but wasn't sure if I could sing bhajans that loud and openly here. He said that everyone lives in harmony here. And there is nothing like religion over here. Everyone lives peacefully with love. 

Not only was I glad to have met him but also that he instigated couple of thoughts in me. One that Sikhs are the only community where Hindus and Muslims together became as a third community. Secondly, that sometimes borders or differences are more within in our minds, instead of outside. 

I am now invited to that temple for a satsang jam and maybe I would go. Because why not?

Anyway, towards evening while I was out on the other side of the river to buy few essentials that a kid randomly greeted me. I don't know why I asked him about his stay and since he was about to cross another bridge that I had noticed just this afternoon that I asked him if I can join him and maybe reach back to my stay straight from there. For his house was on the same lane, at parallel height and towards the same side of the river as my homestay. 

The kid took me till his home but showed me a wrong way instead of a direct short route. I kept walking on and reached way higher up. I am seriously thankful that my intuition told me to come back from the same way even if I had walked on quite a distance instead of continuing upon a path that was only leading me higher and higher, further into the forest. 

I did reach back and couldn't help but wonder at the height and distance that I had covered. And was but grateful that I returned back instead of walking on. 

Sometimes, it is alright to even return back and then walk back upon your path, instead of walking on - on a wrong path. 

That bridge however at the initial point itself had seemed untrustworthy to me. For it was dirty. And a dog lovingly tried stopping me so many times. 

I just had not understood his meaning. I had assumed that he was showing me the way. But that wasn't the case.

That path was really dirty. Someone at the shop was mentioning today that gujjar community is the backward society of gaddi people. Going on that path suddenly made me realise that I am staying amidst a section of society that is far off from basics like hygiene or education. 

I took a bath and washed my shoes moment I came back. My clothes are dipped in brewing water. 

The entire evening I spent with the kids here in my homestay trying to read them an English story book and work upon their English. I realised that even if they are in senior classes but they don't know even ABCD properly. They blame the school. Also that they hardly get time to study - so full are their hands at taking care of animals and their households. 

We just go to the mountains and appreciate their beauty. But even their beauty consists of hardwork of these people. Like bhabhi told me in morning about various plants and trees not only in  these fields around this homestay but even in forests. 

These random walnut trees or banana trees or even lemon trees for that matter are not coincidence. They are placed at apt spots by these mountain people who love plants and trees and take care of them each day from early morning till evening. The food we eat is grown here amidst these fields where people walk uphill and downhill behind their cattle or with their tools to sow and reap. 

And despite of all their hard work, they don't have basic education or hygiene. TV is for males only and only for matches. Water though is our in mountains but looking at the path I walked on today, I doubt even the river's cleanliness. This afternoon I just splashed some water of Sal river upon my face and it was smelling like sewage. 

I am really sorry for talking such gordy details. But even before leaving for Chamba that I had read somewhere about Chamba kids catching a disease called Khasra. It was written there that it was amidst gujar kids. I had surrendered to Mahadev and came here on my belief that nothing would happen to me. 

My faith is still here. But I am concerned for these kids' health and basics.

Though I like the fact that they have pure and organic food and life. But education is equally important and so is hygiene. 

Thankfully the homestay I am living in is very particular about cleanliness and everything is clean and properly done here. My room, washroom - everything is beautiful, clean and creative. 

But as I notice rest of the houses and their living conditions, I don't know what to say. 

Aah! I shouldn't have walked upon that path! 

Yet closing one's eyes won't change the reality. 

Momsha always tells me to contribute wherever I can however.  She always asks me to teach kids wherever I go. These kids really wish to study, learn art, know more. 

Few of their parents also desire for them to evolve. But the life they all live hardly allows them that. 

Oh yeah, the family I live with is also not at all typical conservative Islamic family. They believe in harmony and respect all religions. This entire area is actually like that. People attend functions and events of other cultures and communities. It's great to find such harmony. 

Though I don't know why I am these days so hyper aware of all these categories and religions and communities and all. Like I - the biggest believer of being human beyond all categories, I who hates it when someone even differentiates on the basis of gender, leave apart religion or any other stream; I am thinking so much or getting amazed at peaceful co-living. 

Also, I can't even tell you my worst fears and imaginations these days. 

Still, it's all new and that's why it's alright to take time to understand this place. 

The thing is that I had not signed up for this. To be totally amidst strangers with none whatsoever of my mindset or from even basic city. 

I had simply come here without thinking assuming anything. The dam that I had liked in pictures while surfing about Chamba is actually in Dalhousie. The river that I wished to meet 'Ravi' is left in Chamba city. Khajiaar though seems like a great option but I have heard that it is touristy. 

Though this living is great for my health - so organic and rustic oute; but what about mind or compatible company. As such I have hardly miss any people here. My soul gets nourished even in brief moments with kids. And here, there are kids and people of all ages - all willing to interact and exchange energy. 

This lunar eclipse is all about releasing all emotional baggage and allowing the shadow self to see reality face to face! Am I at the right place? Are we all not - all the time? Even if it may not seem like that at that time. 

Like that wrong path I had walked on in the evening which though didn't take me to the destination but showed me the higher lands of the mountains, the leechi gardens that I had made sketches on. 

Oh am sleepy now. Sorry my love for talking about weird things instead of being my usual happy being. But I stay honest. 

Will make up for it soon. 

Love you 

Mmmmuuuuaaahhhhh 

.................

May 5, 2023

Hey my 10 PM

How are you my love! It's the time of lunar eclipse. Imagine the energetic shifts happening right now. 

Even Earth, Moon and Sun have aligned for our meet! Oh dear Ten! It's the time of getting rid of any emotional or psychological debris. Maybe that's why I blurted out so much last night. I always feel everything a bit earlier than its happening.Even rain for that matter. 

Today I didn't go anywhere. It was too sunny and I was just not in the mood. One reason was lack of sleep, so I had woken up late - i.e. by 10. But I just had no feel to go out. And something or other kept me occupied inside till afternoon. 

Nonetheless, I don't regret it. Am not a tourist. Am a traveller. So I have full freedom to step out or not, go explore or not. I did work upon videos and content nonetheless. 

Remember that guy who had dropped me from Saho to Chamuni. He had offered to go to Khajiaar. Though I decided to not go with him but my heart is now craving to go explore it. I anyhow had to go there but I had decided to instead go stay there. Now that I checked info. on internet about it, I don't know if I would get place of my type over there. 

Also, I have got a bit attached with kids over here. It is only at night that this room feel ls scary. But last night I wasn't scared at all. While telling you about how I had made this trip's scene just with this faith on Mahadev, I also got reminded of my own faith and I was like, whom am I afraid of and for what? My Mahadev is there with me. He won't let anything happen to me. 

Tonight I have even replaced the dysfunctional bulb in portico with a functional one. So finally I have switched off the light of my room with milky light of portico spreading its hempy moony peace around in my mid walled room. It's peaceful. And I am glad that am not scared. I couldn't take a bath this night because of eclipse but I had had a bath in evening itself. Yet, it feels weird to enter my bed without a bath. I had washed my face, arms and feet; yet a bath is bath. 

Recently in Rishikesh, I had had so many baths that for the first time, I was tired of it. 

Usually though I love bathing. No matter how many times! 

This afternoon daadi in this household told me that she considers me like her own child and said that I need not be scared of anything. That everyone is good here and it's only jackles who walk upon rooftops at night. 

I felt loved also bit conscious for she told me how another girl had also felt scared intuitively over here long back. Though daadi told me that all kiddo girls sleep alone in their rooms here and I can always tell Rafi Bhai or her directly if I am bothered by anything or anyone... But I also got into thinking why my intuition was still unable to trust my environment! 

The kids are lovely though. But kids are lovely everywhere. I don't know what scares me. Why am unable to sleep peacefully here! 

Why do I keep on cooking horror stories in my mind here! Horror is literally not my genre. 

Had there been a single person more along with me, this room would have seemed super romantic and these fields and mountains would have seemed adventurous. 

Though I love solo traveling and the very thought itself of being with anyone day and night - tires me. Yet I do miss love or atleast someone on bed to snuggle with. 

Yeah! Honestly, there are no sexual desires left in me as well. It has been so long that I literally feel like a brahmachaari sometimes. Lol. 

But having a warm cosy company during winters and a chilled out companion in summers and a romantic lover in monsoons and a sensible partner during autumn - sometimes becomes more than a need. 

Honestly, these days, it's just to not get scared that I wish for a roommate. Also, to travel along with - specially in these totally offbeat locations that are distant and I have to rely upon buses and my timings and weather and also be responsible about my safety and reaching back on time etc. 

Along with right companion, time flies and you just forget where you are or what's happening around. 

Though it is for this very reason that I like to travel solo, so that I be completely aware of where I be and what's happening around. Each sound, every breeze, each drop. 

But not at places like these, where tiny insects make buzzing sounds from different corners of the room, and there's tick tock of clock and random forest sounds, and rooftop buzzing as if there's someone making hard core love above, even if mine is the only floor! Thankfully, river's sound is always here. 

I still think, that this place would have seemed heaven to me along with someone compatible. 

Wait! Let me open the curtains or atleast remove this blanket. It's too hot today. But also, I don't want random mosquitoes or insects biting me. 

Aah! It's a bit hot and suffocating tonight. I don't know why people are finding it cold here. 

Maybe having so much of white butter and buffalo milk is making me feel so hot these days! 

I am about to get down in 3-4 days. And till then it's gonna rain. 

I checked out the map of Chamba last night. I have say three directions. One goes towards Pangi, that falls towards Jammu Kashmir. That seems totally offbeat. Daadi here though strictly told me to not go there as it's unsafe for women as per her and not even worth exploring. She said that the roads are super bad and one would only get khajjal there. I love this word 'khajjal'. That means crazy/annoyed in Himachali. 

The second route goes towards Lahaul and Spiti. I can get several passes there and visit several valleys and reach Manali. 

Third route has Khajiaar, Dalhousie and reaches Mcleoganj and Dharmshala. I can possible cover Bir as well from here. This third path is my major focus. The other two I considered because I wish to explore Chamba as much as I can in a single trip. 

Now that I think about it, I don't think I would go to Lagga again in this trip. Though I wished to experience that heaven as often as possible. It was so serene, so untouched. But maybe, that first feel I had of the place in the limited span of time was so perfect that I simply don't want to add any details or stories to it. 

I wish to remember it like a fantasy, a dream, a surprise. A beautiful memory. 

But then I would also always wish to visit it again. Maybe I can live it as much as possible while am here. 

Well! I am not the director here. Or maybe we are, who knows? 

This is the peak of eclipse. Last night I had checked the time. So right now, Sun is bang opposite to us and Moon is beyond it. And earth's shadow is falling upon Moon - causing this partial eclipse. 

Everytime Moon is mentioned, I think of M. It's been such years from the first time we met. Now that I think about it, we never really were in a relationship. He doesn't have any resemblance to my utopian partner. Yet I loved his energy so much that he became that significant. 

I have no such memories or instances with him ever where he was even close to romantic with me. I don't know why my soul placed him so high upon the mantle of my emotions that neither he came close nor I allowed anyone else. 

Maybe it all happened for the best. For that need itself got over. 

Right now, all that seems so distant. That life itself seems so distant. 

I seriously have brought myself middle of nowhere. None that I know over here. Not even a single person seems from my 'mulk'. Lol. I loved it when daadi here used that term for any place. 

Her eyes are magical and she is so beautiful. I love it how she wears her head cover. It's a fusion of turbun and dupatta. Her jewellery too is so different. I have never seen an old lady wearing colored artificial jewellery. It's so boho and it totally suits her. 

This evening I taught art to Mohina and Salma. Salma and Ashu are kids of Rafi Bhai. Ashu is a bright kid with amazing artistic abilities. Both Salma and Ashu are ideal brother and sister. They say that if Ashu's left leg gets tingly, Salma pinches her left leg and Ashu gets recovered immediately and vice verse. 

It's a joint family. Mohina is their cousin. She is the one who had introduced me to other kids. She came this evening all eager to learn to sketch. I ofcourse had to agree. And even if I had spent the next two and half hours with both Mohina first and later even Salma, even Ashu wished to join in the moment he saw us drawing. It was difficult to send them off then. I wish to teach them all, as much as I can but our timings don't match. Or if they do, these kids have so much of work along with school. And I can't give each of them my time separately. But if we sit together then a lot of time goes in conversations, or someone or other keeps on disturbing. Yet it's fun and full of love - out time together. 

Kids I find - the purest form of creation. And I love my connection with them. I don't know what connects me to them everywhere immediately, but they just naturally come to me and never want to leave. 

By now though I have also learned to say No without hurting them. And everywhere that they understand. 

I just be straight honest with them without any stories, without any people excuses and they totally understand it. I like this feature in me. The straight forwardness. 

Hey Love! Ofcourse you are here with me. Don't mind that I mentioned missing company to you. But you know, it's the time after meeting you that gets difficult. The entirety of nights where I am unable to or often don't wish to sleep. 

Last night at One that I was thinking about writing to you again. But then, I was like it's one now. No more 10. You though have energy of both 1 and 0. That must be 1 magnified. But you are different. 

Do you know, my spirit animal is Eagle - the most. I always see her flying in the sky whenever I feel alone or lost. And she empowers me with her strength. Why I love Eagle is because of her solitary empress like energy. The day, I was going to Lagaa, that day also I noticed an Eagle. And for the first time that I was even higher than an Eagle taking circles in the sky. Oh, that was an epic moment. 

On that note, I take your leave my love! Catch you tomorrow. Loads and loads of love! 

Mmmmmmmuuuuuaaaaahh 

...............

May 6, 2023

Yo 10! How are you my love! Oh! You brought electricity along with you. Thank you. 

Last two hours have been quite full of anxiety. There was no electricity and there was an immensity of thunder with rain. At any other point, I love such weather. Today, not so. But then I also played Devi sahastranam thrice in the room and ever since I have been feeling better. That chanting is seriously magical. Anytime when I feel scared or need to cleanse the energy of a place, that's what I play. 

I am waiting for a guy who is supposed to bring me few essentials from market. These mountain people are crazy. I can't even imagine walking in such rain and at night upon all on my own upon mountains. But they do. Brave souls! 

About my day. Well! It was as usual a fusion. I had such surprising adventurous day. 

The first half was way mellow. Alright my stuff has come. None will disturb us now. 

Haan, so I woke up way late today. Imagine I slept till 12. It's after several days that I had taken a proper sleep. When I woke up, there was none at home. Just daadi was there. Everyone was gone. 

Maybe that's why I could sleep because none was talking outside. Or energetically there was no disturbance. I don't know. 

Had brunch and was still lazy. I though didn't want to waste yet another day. 

Mentally I decided to go to Chamba city tomorrow to visit Chandi Devi temple and attend Satsang at Hariray temple where few aunties had invited me last Sunday. While I was planning all this, I realised that I had got down. That was the reason I was so emotional for past two days. 

Anyway, I had planned to go uphill today in the latter half. I wanted to explore the area around me instead of just visiting all other places except where I was staying. And that's what I did. 

Initially I kept hiking till a huge distance and reached quite at a height in one stretch. As I sat somewhere, the cap of my bottle fell down and kept on tumbling only to reach in some bushes half upon some cliff. I decided to go fetch it. But I don't know why I was feeling way dizzy there. Maybe because I was down, or maybe I was dehydrated or maybe because I had just then hiked in one stretch and there was a change in oxygen level. I don't know, but I was dizzy. 

Yet I had to get that cap. I decided to hike up from a lower path till that mid point instead of hiking down till there. While I was walking upon tiny area by the mounts to reach there, my legs were trembling for no reason and I was like, am I the same person who always took pride in trekking and hiking and considered myself to be a mountain goat in some birth. I just couldn't understand why was I so dizzy and scared. Thing is, moment I had taken a seat uphill, that I had realised that it was the same area where I had accidently reached that day when that kid had misguided me. There was something about that spot's energy. It just made me anxious and nervous. 

But I was determined to get that cap. And so I did. While coming back from the same non-path, I suddenly thought of Mahadev and realised the Shakti and Prakriti in me. And that's how my anxiety faded away. I remembered my own book Amore' and also remembered Mahadev series - how Shakti designs various forms of Maaya and then participates herself in it. 

I was glad to reach back safely. But the fact that my cap had fallen down seemed like a sign that I should come down and not stay there. So I hiked down a bit and sat there for some time appreciating the clouded sky and evening beauty. 

And there I met with few kids who were returning back after playing kabaddi. I talked with them and they invited me to their home uphill. I agreed. 

You won't believe dear Ten, but there is a beautiful world that exists right uphill and my own fears were stopping me from visiting it. 

Along with those kids, exploration became seamless. They made me laugh, performed for me, showed me their spots and then few of them took me to their home. It was a Rajpoot family. They had cows and two dogs. One was cute pup like Pompom and one was old ferocious gaddi dog called Tiger. Since I was down, I was bit concious around him as different dogs react differently to the smell of blood. This one barked on me initially and later became adoringly cute as I was leaving. 

Oh Ten, that house was at way high an altitude and it was core heaven. While we were all sitting in their portico, it was raining mercilessly. They all requested me numerous times to stay there. But I just prefer to come back to my room wherever that I be. 

We talked about so many things and made a plan to go somewhere like a picnic so that they can show me a good spot. 

Maybe we go tomorrow, maybe we don't. They have already warned me about the walk required and I have assured them that I won't mind it. Though, since I am down, it may become a little difficult. Or not! 

Anyway, they came back to drop me and decided to opt for another way. Maybe, they too were exploring newer paths along with me. And that was epic. Together they took me to the temple nearby that I was long wishing to go. I couldn't go inside ofcourse but I reached the spot. On the way they showed me various fruit trees half of the names I didn't even know. Common ones were Kiwi, Kim, lemon, banana, garlic bushes, even potato and sugarcane fields. 

They told me that gujjar clan stays downhill nearby the river. And they stay uphill. That there's even a road way higher and there is yet another homestay at that height parallel to their home. The area way above them is called jumaar. There is lower Jumaar and higher Jumaar. Jumaar has a huge green field where people go for picnics or to visit. Higher one can only be reached through a trek. 

The kid - Sumit/Shishoo showed me a patch of carrius trees across upon the mountain that I was ling wondering about and wishing to go to. He said that it can be visited and even road goes till a certain spot near there. 

Also, the place that he decided for us to go tomorrow also is in Pine forest way uphill towards our side of the river. 

His sister Aarti is into athletics and kabaddi. She goes for running every morning at even higher altitudes.

Their home was in heaven. Mountains around, wheat fields, sheeps and cows, dogs and cat, fruits and vegetables - everything organic and beautiful around. And they were educated, well mannered, athletic and great kids. 

We walked on for hours and even if I had only told them to drop me till the rocky path that I knew would have brought me back, they dropped me till my homestay, dot outside my room. Despite of huge chances of upcoming rain. 

I was super happy to have walked and explored so much. I was also grateful for their good company, humble respectful presence. 

They were great souls and God's gift for me. 

When I returned back, Moina was waiting for me. She asked me why I didn't take her along and wanted to learn art. I was too tired though by then. So I had to postpone that. 

Soon though thunder and lightening began. Electricity went off. Except three girls in the other section of the house, there was nobody. And they didn't seem very welcoming when I went to the kitchen. They did however took all the efforts to give me tea and dinner they way I wanted right in my room. 

What I really wanted though was courage. I don't know what is it about this place's energy that makes me scared. But after this evening, everything is less scary. Specially after Devi Sahastranam.

It feels good though that electricity is back and there's proper light both inside and outside. 

I don't think I would stay here for the month. Most probably I would move from here by Tuesday Max and would keep traveling in our blog. We can go to Khajiaar. Stay for a day or two there. Then go to Dulhousie. Stay for few days there. That may get expensive but I am sure, we would find something. 

Then on, we can go to Bir. Even experience paragliding there and explore various monasteries. 

It is just a bit boring here. And in two three days, the temprature is forecasted to go up by 31 degrees. I am not at all a summer person. 

Also, I want peaceful nights without any fear or anxiety. 

Though I love these kids. And I would probably make English learning videos soon for them and many other people I have met with so far who wish to learn English. 

Also, I want to write short stories for kids now. I got inspired for it from Ashu. First I would write in Hindi and then even fairy tales in English. Next two three days there I might spend understanding these kids and their life better - to fabricate stories fusing their reality with imagination. 

The rain has stopped. Also the thunder. Everything is peaceful now. So am I. 

Today, I noticed so many detailed greenery. It's beautiful how though every tree is green yet the it's a different shade of green. How every leaf is differently shaped. How even amidst a pile of rocks can grow a bright red berry which maybe poisonous or maybe a yummy fruit - I would never know. 

How walnuts grow on these lush green mounts and even trees have so unique and beautiful flowers. 

I pampered a cow on my way today and it felt great. Also, there was a teeny teeny gaddi pup that I found in some private cottage. She was soooo cute. It was overwhelming to hold her. She reminded me so much of Pompom in his initial days. Her paws were so tiny and when she laid down spreading her belly to be pampered, she moved her one leg the same way on belly tickles like Pompom used to do. Oh, she was adorable. 

I really wish to have my own dog. This time I won't part with him. That's for sure. 

There must be a reason why I had to part with Pompom even if he carries a part of my soul. 

On every meal that I have over here, I think of him. Because when I had got him adopted in the mountains, I had thought, he is a mountain dog. Even if he would get dried chapatees of mountains, he would still be healthier than having city food. 

People here have really thick wheat chapatees. Everyday it's the same breakfast - thick cold chapatees with white butter. They take it with honey. I take it with pickle. But I also take a glass of milk. Honey they just don't keep anymore. Or get miser about it. 

Well, I don't want to burden them.

And I am not a chapatee person. Am more into maida - bread - as unhealthy as it seems. So it's getting way heavy on my stomach to have chapatees day and night. Even craze of white butter is getting lesser each day for it is quite heavy as it's made with buffalo milk. 

I don't want to get fat. 

This morning I woke up having a dream where I was telling a schoolmate of mine how she can get slimmer. I told her that she should have all liquid as much as possible and solid as less as possible. That's my own diet in reality. 

Here though, it's different. 

Well, maybe it's for the best and would make my body better. 

But it is crucial to keep moving and use all these days in trekking or something. These people work hard throughout day, so they feel as hungry and can also digest such food. For me, that won't be the case. 

Hopefully, I won't stay here for that long. All though, I do wish to teach these kids as much as possible in whatever time that I have over here. 

Though their parents order me as if it's my job to teach them but these kids come with a thirst and curiosity that I have no heart to deny and I myself wish their betterment without expectation of anything in return. 

Today though, I noticed a massive difference in the attitude of those kids that I had met, who took me around without an iota of greed but a simple wish to connect and talk to me and these who have such keen interest in my jewellery or what all they can get out of me. 

Yet kids are kids. And what max do I have to give. These kids, they give us food. They themselves live such harsh life yet provide cities with all that we eat to survive. 

These kids do deserve a better life. They deserve a childhood, a world of imagination, entertainment, time to play, good education, more information. 

Wish I can do something for them.

Alright my love! Catch you tomorrow then. 

Mmmmmmuuuuaaah  

......................

May 7th, 2023

Hey darling 10 PM. Welcome! 

A fearless welcome! 

Last night I had a text conversation with an old friend and he told me that if I can manage to stay on here, I can then manage anywhere as a traveller. That totally boosted and inspired the traveller in me.

Momsha in the evening told me that she has always been proud of my fearlessness for I travel solo and so so many things on my own. She told me that I should be good, think good, feel good, write good and not be afraid of anything. Her shock at my random fears reminded me of my fearless self. 

Later towards dusk, I found a single dragonfly in my verranda and that reminded me of a recent acrylic painting I had done in Delhi. Would you believe if I say that all my acrylic paintings so far have actually manifested in my life! 

In that last painting I had made dragonflies in a crazy green ambience. Not only is my ambience as green and as full of variety of flora, also that I found a dragonfly today. It was a beautiful surprise. 

And at that time, I saw my room from the verranda and suddenly asked myself, how can my utopia be to live in a forest on my own if I get scared even living close to an entire household just behind me. 

The huge broomstick that is usually hanging outside my room but had fallen down last night in thunderstorm suddenly reminded me this evening of all my witchy fantasies and how perfect this room actually is. 

This is made of mud, right beside a river,even has fields around and forest above, has creative wood works, has abundance of trees and flowers, numerous butterflies and birds fly around. That purple long tailed bird actually visited me so close this evening. What am I actually afraid of. Suddenly the bugs seemed so cute to me that earlier had seemed like cockroaches. Suddenly that I wanted to help a firefly to get up and fly.

Also, this evening when I went to a shop to the river across, that uncle offered me to stay at his home. He has four daughters and a son and he said I can stay for free and that he can also take me around if I want. Although his home had all modern day facilities, it was indeed luxurious and for free; but suddenly I thought of these kids and the fields and chirping of birds and in contrast his luxurious house right beside an all time functional road seemed less. And I totally believe that nothing comes for free. 

So I came back all determined, rather happy to have found this place which is right in nature. 

Oh, I found a naughty kid today. He was in 6th class and I bumped into him on my way. He was passing flying kisses to me and though I said Thank you bowing down but then he asked for a kiss on his cheek and then I had to draw a line. Kids these days I tell you are so naughty! I don't know where the innocence is lost. Actually there is. That was just one kid. I had also met so many other kids as well just today itself who were cute and honest and totally adorable. 

About my scene of visiting some new place with that group. Well, Shishu did call at 10. At 11 that I called back. Then he was supposed to call me but he went to Chamba. And though I had taken at bath and was ready to change and leave at his call, but that didn't happen. Thing is, it was quite sunny this afternoon. And all of us had lost the heart to hike in that heat. 

Later he did want to take me atleast somewhere in evening but I postponed it for I wanted to see the place in better light. 

Honestly, I just didn't have the strength to hike or go anywhere much today for I was down. 

Instead, I sat in the portico, watched birds and butterflies and finally wrote one story. That's my new project - to write children fiction. I wrote it in Hindi describing a ten year old boy's life in mountains. It's part real, part fictional. 

I would love to read that story to the kids. Will see their response. If they would like it, I would write more such stories. 

It's an experiment basically. But I enjoyed creating something new. I have never written children fiction. If it comes out well, I can even later get it taken up by any school or so. Who knows. 

For now, the process is enjoyable. And I am happy that I can write my mountain experiences and observations from a child's perspective along with enhancing their stories with fiction to motivate them to imagine. 

Children are usually full of imagination. They enjoy every emotion to the max. They even enjoy horror stories for that matter. The beautiful, the angelic, the magical, the grotesque - they enjoy every color of the pallette. Except complexity. 

My story is simple but it went long I guess. It went on for four pages of my notebook I guess. And that I feel is quite long. The other day while I was reading a story book to these kids, they enjoyed a picture story book with single liners way more than Ruskin Bond's book. I would love to enhance their imagination. 

Stories are a great way to instill numerous values and emotions in people. 

I wish I had a bedsheet instead of this thick blanket to roll into today. It's not as cold. 

Taking out my feet did wonders. 

Yesterday I had found a flock of parrots here with yellow tails.  Oh dear Ten, they looked lovely. Red beaks, green body, yellow tails..Can you imagine the vibrance!!! 

My Instagram profile is shockingly reacting way beautifully these days. Initially I thought it must be some well wisher fabricating so many likes suddenly just on my religious posts. In my heart I thanked the unknown guardian angel. Later I realised it's all happening organically. I really don't know what difference there is between my earlier posts and recent ones. But suddenly, everyone is appreciating those videos. Ofcourse the places deserve all those likes and Mahadev for sure deserve the likes of the universe but it just makes me wonder - how come now after all those places like even Laddakh or Hampi or Andamaans, it is Chamba that people are liking so much. 

Well, whatever the reason maybe, I am truly grateful and happily surprised at the number of viewers and likes! 

There's a Village called Tissa that I may go to explore next..ofcourse Khajiaar and Dulhousie are on my list but they are all touristy places and we would keep them short. 

There's a wild life century also in between them that I hope we get a chance to experience. 

People come in their own vehicles with proper company and lot many resources and have leisure vacations at those places.  I don't know how much and till what length would I be able to explore and experience on my own. Hopefully more and most. 

Well, I have surrendered to cosmos and you dear Ten. All I have is you with me over here. After all the very trip is dedicated to you. So it's also in your hands how much deep we get and what we bring out of it. 

This morning began with voice notes of both Momsha and Papa. It felt so good to recieve love first thing when I opened my eyes. 

Here in Chamba, even travellers are not there. True, I was weirdly affected by all those wanna be city tourists who have captured most of the hippie places and have replaced authentic village vibes with corroded city politics. But, I didn't even want to reach totally far off from any and all travellers. Well, I had nothing in my mind. As such, I usually hardly think about people. I don't mind no people. And I love good people. But I do mind cunning or over-smart ones. Here though I also learned the value of few people - specially when I was lost in forest the other day. Also, when I sometimes feel like atleast seeing normal people. But yeah, it's alright. 

As long as there's nature, it's all good. 

But I do mind dirty places and that's why I was so bothered at those days. Thankfully my reality is cleaner now and again my focus is on beauty.

Bhabhi that day has shown me bichchoo booti (with thorny leaves) - the buds of which they also eat. 

Today I noticed those bushes almost everywhere on the way, on trees, in fields. Everywhere! 

Oh, I also found loads of lemon trees and even a pomegranate tree today with cute red flowers. 

There's another kind of tree here that has red and yellow tiny flowers which together seem like ambers amidst greens. 

I miss Manali sometimes though. Honestly, the way I feel about Old Manali is just irreplaceable. I feel home there. Even imagining about it, brings me joy. I wish people had not changed it's vibes. I wish it was still the same! But change is the only reality. 

I can't change my emotions for Old Manali nonetheless. I just love that place. It seems perfect to me in every way. 

I sometimes don't understand how come people with that sick mindset and such bad deeds get gifted with years of stay in Manali. They even manage to earn their living doing all wrong things and still live a beautiful life in my Old Manali. And I, who so so love that place, who could never do anything wrong to it or in it, who though can visit it still but it hurts my heart to see it suffering with such wanna be people; I just fail to have a home there or a cafe or a guest house. That's my long held dream. Seriously. But each time I visit Old Manali and notice the vibes changing even worst, it hurts me. 

But I miss it tremendously. And I love it deeply. 

Every dog, every leaf, Manalsu river, oh, every bath in it, my memories of the place, people I have loved there, all the transformations in my life that Manali brought, it's forest, it's pathways - I just love it. 

And yet, I have even got the most depressed in it. How ironical. 

But I still find it perfect in every way. It's weather, it's beauty, it's hikes. I just love it. I wish the popularity simply changes and people shift to Lahaul or some other wanna be place so that I get to have my old Manali back without any unnecessary energies. 

Though, nothing is unnecessary. In this universe, everything has a reason. Maybe such people were crucial to teach the locals to not become dons. But locals were way innocent towards dawn. It's the glitter of city's Sun that changed them. Now it's Sunset or rather night. Well, only Time will unveil the surprise. 

I do miss it though. And I wish the best for it. Maybe city people would actually take care of nature and reduce plastic and pamper dogs. Maybe Manali itself would bear till a certain point and then will show its power to everyone taking it for granted. Maybe my perspective would change and I would once again remember to appreciate just it's beauty and won't even think about those people who just don't seem like a match to Manali's pure and loving energy. 

Maybe I would need to get into intoxicants again to feel my Old Manali the same way I used to feel. But time keeps changing and wise ones accept and value those changes. I too have changed, hopefully for the best! 

Dear Ten, just know that Old Manali is super special to me. In my utopian life, I do have a home in Old Manali. Also a guest house and a cafe. Who knows, One day! 

Alright my love. Goodnight then. 

Love and light! Take care. 

Mmmmmmuuuuuaaahhh 

..............

May 8th, 2023

Dear 10 PM, Welcome! 

It's a sudden musical moment for I just played it. It's a new song 'Tum yahin ho'. You are actually here with me, even when we don't meet, for I think about us at each significant moment these days! 

There's sudden thunder and lightening outside that began just minutes ago. Maybe we are all connected - my utopian Ten and thunderstorms with rain! As if Cosmos is woking upon my fate - welding it, nourishing it. 

My insta is so blooming these days that my usual comment of I being a 'digital farmer' seems so true these days! Am living in fields and my crop are my videos and content. And it's giving good results these days! 

Oh, I read out the story to Ashu today. They all are back from the wedding. Ashu loved the story and told me to write more. 

Late afternoon happened with a short hike with Salma till a nearby temple. It was intense experience. Do you know the lady there is gifted and known to take out even unknown energies from people. There were lot such people there and since I still haven't fully recovered from my down state so I was a bit afraid to stay inside the temple or get that jhaad. Hope she didn't mind. My finger with Mahadev's ring was paining just at that moment and my intuition told me to step out. I was afraid yet was assuring myself that Mahadev is there with me. 

Dear Mahadev and dear Ten, please always guide me the correct way. Never let me hurt innocent ones. Always keep me on the right path. And please protect me where I can't protect myself. These days I am trying to overcome my strangely acquired random fears and only my faith and your blessings can help me do that. I know you are there with me. 

Evening went quite productive for I taught these kids art, made them read my story in Hindi and read the story to them. Before dinner I got the chance to teach a few technical things to Rafi Bhai on laptop. 

Today I read about Gujjars in a book. There life is quite difficult and because of their nomadic life, education is their last priority. I am glad to be of whatever use till I am here. 

Though I am hoping to move to Khajiaar tomorrow. I don't know why but am getting this inner urge to move. I don't want to live in this fear and pressure of something unknown. Though last night also I could remain unafraid. 

But I am seeking a strange freedom from some unknown pressure. Even if my life is quite in nature with organic food, loving kids and rustic house. Just the way I like it. I am not seeking more luxury. This is luxury to me to be honest. Nor am seeking people. But am seeking better energies - something that I don't have words for. Something seems off about this place. I just fail to trust, though I give my best  to all. 

There's this tiny selfish thought though urging me to stop that my insta videos are performing well here. But when has that been end all for me? I just share because I want to. That shouldn't stop me right? And there's this huge another reason that I want to teach these kids whatever I can. but even when I sit to reach, they all keep running away. All they seem to be interested in is to take something or other from me. I even bought them few things. But they still want mine and there I had to draw a line. 

Also, that I wish to be here and write stories about their life. But I have observed enough I guess. What I want to see, these kids hardly are responsive about it. Sheeshu and Aarti were great at explaining and showing me around. They had even come to call me today, but I was gone with Salma. Well, that's how it was meant to be probably. 

I think I should move though. It's anyway Tuesday tomorrow and that's the day I had planned to leave anyway. Khajiaar would be less touristy. I can spend three four days in Khajiaar and Dulhousie. Hopefully cover the wildlife century on the way. And finally reach Bharmaur. 

Yes, Bharmaur is calling me. It's Mahadev's place. The base point of Manimahesh yatra. There too the same kind of community lives. So I would probably get similar topography and life. But that would also offer me loads of ancient temples and their holy vibes. 

I know I shouldn't worry about anything. Together we would manifest the perfect kind of trip and make Chamba the most memorable utopian dream trip. We would explore and learn and teach. We would merge with nature, open up, feel and love! 

Oh dear Ten, I feel so distant these days from reality. As if I have entered some other world. Day passes in a whoosh, night is a challenge everyday. I want to change it. 

That shopkeeper uncle though had offered his home and even to take me around where I want, but I just don't want to travel with an uncle my dad's age and it would be weird to stay at his home specially at a place like Chamba where people themselves say - 'don't go there, people are not good there' - for their own people just few kilometres away. 

My experience personally though has been different. I have found only good people so far. My own inner fears is a different things. But everywhere I went, people are so welcoming; all offered their own homes to stay, none wanted to part. They all help however they can. 

And best part are the innocent kids everywhere. They are so innocent! I love kids. 

Oh, another beautiful aspect about people here, each has wonder inbuilt in their system. No matter what you tell them about, they are always wonderstruck with loads of exclamations - 'haan??!!achcha!!! Hain???!!! Akele?!!!'

Lol! The fact that am traveling solo in Chamba has baffled women here. That's where I have got the maximum number of shocks and wonders. There was a lady in Kiri who asked me atleast ten times in ten minutes if I was travelling solo. Again and again she repeated 'akele?' 'achcha toh aap akele hi aye ho?' 'achcha toh aur koi nai hai aapke saath?' 'aur koi nai hai?' 'shaadi nai ki?' 'akele?'

Yes, that's another thing that shocks people that I don't plan on getting married. Today that aunty in the temple literally insisted upon reading my palm to check wedding possibilities. I denied to show my hand. 

Hope she didn't mind. 

One, I don't see my self in that role. Secondly, so far, there's not even a single person that seemed like a deserving partner to me. I don't know about future, but I do know that I won't ever voluntarily seek a wedding prospect. If love finds me on its own then too I would first live with the person and only if my life before and after marriage would seem same that I may consider it. 

I don't want to lose my freedom. I don't want to surrender to patriarchal roots. I want to give my best to my passions may it be writing or travel or music or spirituality or wanders. 

I have jaggery milk today alongside. Here, try it! Ha ha ha! 

I love jaggery. In my childhood, I had read some story in Nandan where the lady had made a sweet using jagery, milk and one more thing. I could taste the flavour in the story itself. 

I love all dairy products - milky curd, butter, cheese. And I love all sweet things - honey, jaggery, sweets, ice creams, custard, all desserts. And my favorite sweet is coconut laddus. I just love them. 

Even if I had a pup with me here, I would have stayed on. But I think it's time to move on! I can come back if I would feel like. 

Please don't make me regret this dear Ten. I do like this rustic life but I want to utilise each day and night more and without any fear. Fear is not a healthy emotion. It would hamper my evolution and I don't want that. I think I have overcome most of it by staying on so far. But time for new experiences. 

Salma and Ashu love each other so much that their sister brother bond overwhelms me. Today, I gave a packet of biscuits to Ashu. There were six biscuits in it. Ashu kad had two and suddenly Salma came. She asked him to share. Ashu could have given her one or two. But he without thinking gave her three, kept one for himself and threw the packet in the dustbin. I loved that. 

He is younger than her and even if she teases him a lot, he loves her. And she too loves him. They have a special bond and so much of love. Ashu is a kid right now. He doesn't know things like patriarchy or why he gets to travel with his dad and daadu and Salma doesn't anymore. But he loves her and does all he can to take care of her. And Salma too is so obedient. When her mother goes, she does so much work, including cooking. 

Ashu says that they both do work and if she goes then he has to work more and if he goes, then she has to work more and therefore it's best when they both be here and together take care of household works. He is adorable and way epic at art. 

Bhabhi too gets a lot of help at household work from Rafi Bhai when he is here. They all take care of so much work, no matter it's a shop they run, or cattle they take care of, or fields they raise or trees they take care of. It's all connected and inter-dependent. Buffaloes eat green grass and only then give milk. Their dung is super crucial for good harvest of wheat. No matter it rains or is sunny, these people have numerous tasks. They have to take cattle everyday to graze then bring them back - including a horse that loves to run off. They collect the dung and carry it upon their heads to gather it near their fields - later to be spread evenly in their fields. Early morning they go to cut grass. Often they have to clear abundance of prickly bichoo booti to sow new crop or harvest the sown one. 

Everyday they collect milk, make fresh butter out of it. They also have pigeons as pets. 

During afternoons, they tie their buffaloes inside to protect them from flies. 

Oh, and their houses and furniture - everything is self built. They use tree branches (solid ones) to use as hanger stand for clothes or utensils. 

Even this mud house that am staying in is built by them themselves. 

Even wall hangings are self done.  Imagine a few corns tied with a rope as a wall hanging. Or baskets made of bamboo or probably sugarcane.

Aah! Salma showed me a tree today the leaves of which were long pine like. She told me that they make tiny broom- sticks out of its leaves - to clean kitchen counters. 

They have loads of brooms here - that's for sure. 

Their life is full of creativity and a lot of hard work. From morning till night they work. Their day begins early and finishes early. Our timings are totally opposite. Except evenings where we meet. 

Just like Sunsets! 

Who knows, tomorrow we maybe conversing in Khajiaar. 

Love you! 

See you tomorrow! 

Mmmuuuaah 

..................

May 9th, 2023

Hey my 10 PM! 

Finally a chilly welcome from Khajjiar! Uff! It took hell lot of efforts for me to finally reach here. I woke up this morning still sleepy after having such a lovely dream. There was a familiar guy in my dream, I don't know who, just his vibe was familiar. And there was an immensity of love. So loved I felt just in dream that I didn't want to get up at all. It has been soo long that anybody has expressed any romantic emotions to me. It has been soooooo long that I have felt loved by any guy. Body and all way latter for me. It's the soul that majorly gets thirsty for love energy. So, getting such love even in a dream was so tempting to just be there in those vibes for a bit more and snuggle in my bed and remain so. 

But I knew that I had to come. And it was already 11 AM. By the time I got done with the usual chapatee and white butter and coffee, I even had a conversation with Doxy foxy (an old friend of mine currently running a cafe in Pulga). We must be conversing after more than an year for sure. He told me that I must visit Jot (a place in Chamba that he had loved years back). 

There was no electricity at my homestay both today and even last night. Thankfully water was still hot in the geyser, so I could take a bath and prepare myself to go. 

That was the thing with that homestay. It felt great the entire day but the moment it turned eight or nine, it seemed haunted. Specially at 3:15 at night, something odd used to happen. But mornings were always beautiful - full of chirping birds and sun peeping from an upper window. 

Also, that suddenly I felt emotionally attached to daadi there and the kids. And I was like, so what if they don't make any vegetable for me throughout day. They do give milk and butter. So what if bhabhi is a bit walled, focus on rest of the people. How Daadi always asks about it I had had food; how Moinaa just waits for me and keeps staring at me just with this adoration in her eyes; how Salma talks so sensibly and gives such love and respect to me whenever she is given any such responsibility; how Ashu comes over and has to tell me everything about the weddings he goes to or the school instances or his defense mechanism against oversmart people and how all these kids are always eager to listen to what I have to say or teach or give. 

I thought of all the morning birds and wind rustling through wheat fields and how there is absolutely no traffic noise or people's chatter there. 

But I also thought about my nights and how none of my nights have been peaceful except the first two. And how it just seemed necessary to keep moving on. .

Then I inspired myself with a couplet that flowed out of me.

Sharing it here ... 

'It gets difficult to leave a comfort zone,

But when you finally decide

A strange energy fuels you

And always takes you to something better!

And that's how I finally packed and left. however a lot of time got wasted at Rafi bhai's show regarding money. I don't know why people don't stick to their words. Also, had he requested me to give more, it would have been different. He was like, I don't give for so less to anyone. You 'must' give more. And that was my only issue. We had agreed upon a certain amount and both should have sticked to it. No less, no more - right? 

It feels bad to say No to anyone. Sepcially it felt bad at that time because Rafi Bhai had been nothing but generous to me unlike bhabhi. He always ensured that I ate well or asked me for milk or asked about my well being and never said No for anything. I though gave only what was decided but felt bad about it. 

However, because of all that, I missed a bus and the next one was after half an hour. 

I don't know what happens to me but if I get determined to reach somewhere, I just can't rest then. I keep moving. And that's what I did today the entire day. 

First I walked for several kilometres from Chadaira towards Chamba .  Say, for 45 minutes along with all my luggage. I could have waited at some place but I was simply restless to reach Chamba as soon as possible. Even if I knew that that would be the only bus I would get, I still walked on senseless but towards the right direction. And the entire journey had got late because of that silly conversation just because Rafi Bhai always talks way more than required. I would have even paid him more had he not spoken so much. I reached Chamba at quarter to four and realised the only bus would leave at 5:30. I had one and half hours in hands. I did visit Sheetla maata temple on my way, and finally bought a dupatta that I really wanted for so long from Chamba market on way. But I walked on for two hours with my entire luggage crossing even Sultanpuri and Chamba city's border only to finally catch the bus coming from behind at around 6. Even there I could have simply waited nearby the bus stop or somewhere on the way. But there too I don't know what was driving me to just keep walking, so much that I wanted to reach. 

Finally I reached here at around 7 PM just at dusk to catch a glimpse of Khajjiar lush green ground surrounded by Deodar trees in abundance all around. And that's exactly where am staying! Just beside to ground at the central property. My window offers the panoramic view of entire Khajiaar. Although washroom is not that great here and it is super cold. Also am paying even more that my last stay without food but change was vital. I was aware of Khajjiar being expensive. Had I been struck to the same price, this guy would have agreed. But I just didn't want to bargain after Rafi bhai's incident. That extra amount he was asking for became a burden on my head for later my thoughts felt guilty thinking about all the life of these gujjar kids and how much they need better resources. 

Hey love! Am in my Mahadev's land. This place is so close to Mani-Mahesh. Rather the Mani Mahesh mount and snow cladded Dhauladhar range was even visible on our way. Also, it is super cold here. One because of its height. Another because of western disturbances. Oh, I feel so cold that I just wish to snuggle in with someone. I so miss a loved one here. Because of cold. 

And the moment I reached here, it got dark. And everything closed outside. And outside it was cold. Inside, I had just reached to get in bed. And I really missed sharing the joy of reaching at a new place with someone or the company of someone special when rest of the world shuts down.

Momsha called a few minutes back to check if it is snowing here and am I cold! We didn't get a chance to talk from yesterday so she still doesn't know that I am in Khajiaar. And still, imagine a mother's heart. That's the only thing she asked first. I told her about it being my blog time so we postponed the call to eleven. But ever since am feeling even more cold because even momsha asked. That's one thing that never changes. I remain a baby when it comes to Momsha. All my pains seem super painful when I tell it to her. Sometimes I just wish to get that motherly love from her is what I have realised. Because nowhere else that I even remember about many such things. Yet while talking to Momsha, I just feel and over share sometimes and I observe or even ask myself - why am I even telling her all this? I don't even want to get her worried. But it just comes out that way. I just become a super sensitive baby when it comes to her and she still remains my biggest strength. 

But I am indeed feeling cold tonight. And I haven't brought any winter wear except a thin sweater. Even when I had bought that dupatta that I was considering buying even a jacket. Then I dropped the idea thinking that I would only be here for a day or two, why increase the luggage. Well, hopefully it gets sunny tomorrow. 

We have tea alongside today. And I had alu parauntha after so long for dinner that too in my room itself! 

I am not afraid here. Room is cosy in terms of its size. I don't like super large bedrooms. Also this one is made of solid bricks. So least chances of mountain lizards or centipedes. 

That room was cute though, except in its energy. 

Last night I read two books. One was called 'Chambha Achambha' and it had such detailed information about entire Chamba that it seemed like a treasure. places, people, temples, religions, cultures, languages, rituals, songs -, everything. 

It was quite informative and so engrossed I became in learning about Chamba, that I forgot to get scared even if there was no electricity. I kept on reading that book with my phone's flashlight. 

I would share a few pics taken here. 

Second book was on Chamba's folk songs. I strangely knew atleast 4-5 of them. It would be great to learn and cover new ones. The author had even shared meanings of those songs which was great because I chose the vibes I wanted to sing, feel and spread. 

Still have to listen to them though. 

Oh, this morning I saw a tiny blue bird that caught my heart. She seemed magical. Another black and white huge bird had a red head and upper body. She too was new. 

I know I would miss that life, those kids and even my room. But this entire trip has been strangely happening on its own. Like even when I was leaving for Chamba, I didn't know why was I leaving but I knew that I had to. Likewise happened today in morning. It was emotionally difficult. Also I had a sorted arrangement practically and I could have explored around and returned back there; so a bit illogical. Spiritually necessary. But this strange call from with in that makes me do what I do. 

Well! That was all a chapter. Now it's another! I think that's how we would be. Mobile. Exploring. Adventurous. Free. 

You would be the first kind of my dates with time for in all other such blogs that I have been stable at one place. We are the only ones with travel as part of our natural state.

Though It has to be in Chamba. That I would ensure. But we can explore Chamba around right? 

But you know what, to be honest that unity of place becomes crucial to get into that vibe. Like I would have probably summarised the entire books I read last nightz by now to you, had we been in that room. 

But it's a new place. And all I want is to snuggle into you. Take me in your arms dear Ten. Make me feel warm tonight. Make me feel loved. And tell me that I did right. That change is indeed vital for human life and we won't let our time get wasted in getting afraid or being lazy. Instead we would live life in our pro Max capacity. Including moments like these - where we could just embrace each other, feel togetherness and worry less. Where we just become each other's warm blanket. 

Alright my love. Good night then! Take me in your arms. Lots of Love! 

Mmmmmmmuuuuaaah 

.............

May 10, 2023

Hey my 10 PM, An adventurous welcome! I had a superb day and before that a super awesome night. All thanks to you. 

I had one of the best sleeps of my life last night. I was simply dead. In the morning my guest house people even tried to wake me up as I had requested them, I woke up, checked out the view from my room. The lake and ground looked superb! And I was like, let's sleep for five more minutes. I again got up but the second snooze was longer. It took three more hours! Lol! So ultimately I woke up by 10-10:30. And by the time I went out all dressed for the day, it had all become touristy. But the day was sunny and that's why lovely after chilly last night. 

First I went to Khajji naag temple which is one of the most ancient temples of Himachal Pradesh. 800 years old! Am staying right beside that temple. 

Then I had a tea and simply observed around. Meadow around the lake seemed too crowded. People had already asked me for para gliding and stuff. I decided upon a direction but first wanted to go closer to the lake. And that repeated throughout day. I did numerous activities and after each of them that I reached the lake and only then took another course. 

Anyway,the moment I was about to reach lake, few people asked me for horse riding. Honestly, that's the only thing I was thinking of doing just few moments ago. Usually, I don't ride on animals for I don't like burdening them with my weight. Even in Laddakh that I had passed riding upon those double humped camels. But here, I just wanted to. 

And the guys told me that they would take me round a 4.5 km way covering around the lake and a bit of forest. I just went for it. 

Oh, it was thrilling. 

I have a record of horses taking me along and running off, each time I have climbed on them. This time however it was different. This time I had full control and I willingly ran with the horse. Horse's name was Michael and his caretaker was Ajay. It was a jet black horse and I loved every ounce of moment I spent upon it. The ride took me in the circumference of the lake and a big higher into the deodar forest between Khajiaar and Dulhousie road. 

Ajay bhaiya asked if I wish to go super fast. when I agreed he said he would have to climb along with me. He did, but I got a bit uncomfortable for he was so close. His arms were coming round my waist from either sides to hold the rope. And that proximity made me super uncomfortable. I don't know why but I just mind anyone coming too close to me. Even while sitting on a chai shop on a bench. I need my space. And it makes me way uncomfortable if anyone comes into my aura's vicinity. Touch therefore you can imagine how much it affects me. 

So I told Ajay bhaiya immediately to get down. He then made the horse run, while holding it and running alongside. Oh, the horse took numerous jumps and I loved hopping alongside. It was way thrilling. I can only imagine the feel people get when they ride a horse on their own. I caressed Michael a lot for he remained a good horse to me. I could even make him listen to my directions without using words and that seemed like a bond. 

The horse and Ajay bhaiya worked for another guy whose main work was paragliding. His name was Kaka. Lol! we call babies as kaka in our language. Ha ha! 

While I paid Kaka, he asked if I wanted to go for paragliding. I denied but he wanted to show me the point atleast. I was still apprehensive then he mentioned a temple that I had even seen on my way which had a huge Mahadev's statue. Then I agreed. It was just a kilometer away. He waited for me while I hanged out and then brought me back till here. I don't know why he took me till the temple, but I was thankful. 

During my trips a lot many people just come like God sent, they show me around and then vanish. Kaka though wanted to show me some adventure park or any other place of my choice. But he had work so we agreed to meet after a bit. I meanwhile explored a road I really wanted to walk on, which took me to a forest area. I spent say half an hour or an hour below some ancient trees, resting after a horse ride. 

Then I came to my room to charge my phone and have a chocolate or something that kaka called again. When I went down to meet him, he was having lunch. So I once again went to visit the lake. I slipped on the way because the grass was wet and muddy. It was a quick slip and my hand and jeggings got dirty. Nonetheless, I got myself clicked beside the river by some girl and that's when Kaka magically appeared again. He had found me even if I had not picked my always silent phone. 

We then went looking for water for I had to wash my hand and dress and for that I had to jump across a fence to find a tap inside a school. I had noticed that school while horse riding and really wanted to visit it to meet those cute chubby mountain kids. When I reached to wash my dress, kids were all gone, but I was shocked to find myself even there where I had merely thought about to visit. 

Seriously, cosmos takes care of my tiniest of wishes. Thank you cosmos and thank you dear Ten! 

While jumping across that huge fence, I had handed over my phone to Kaku. That was a huge trust. Lol. Had he run away, I wouldn't have been able to do anything. But he didn't . 

Post which, we walked upon some forest trail, as he wanted to show me a grassy patch for camping. I was getting a bit weirded out, like what exactly did he want and why was he there with me. He seemed like an innocent guy though! I walked upon the path but then he began to walk into the forest where there wasn't even a trail. And then I stopped mid way. Actually, I thought of his size and mine and I was like, if he tries anything I won't stand anywhere in front of his size and weight. So I told him to stay on the pathway. He told me that this is Himachal and I can trust him but I stayed firm. He came back and said, that if he had to do anything, nobody comes even on the trail. I said that I do trust him but I also have to be responsible for myself. He later commented that I should probably make a bf if I get that scared while traveling solo. But I wasn't solo right, I was with a stranger guy whom I was meeting for the first time. 

I was so trusting in my earlier years of travel. I don't know where and how I have lost that trust. But I have. Anyway, we came back. And since he was playing loud insta reels while we sat for a bit long the path and didn't stop when I even commented if he was getting bored; so I parted my way after coming back. 

Again the lake and a walk round the huge green meadow - exploring the beauty of forest around, wooden logs, different kind of grasses, activities like zorbing and all happening, people making various kinds of insta reels - including dancing, dressing up in local dresses, posing with rabbits, etc. I just observed and walked on. Again and again my heart was seeking to see Kailash mountains and Dhauladhar range that had fallen on my way. I had even asked kaka to go there or even to visit Kala top wildlife century, but he had denied both and had said that we can go to see the Dhauladhar range later but it would turn dark and I might not trust him then. I think he had got offended by I not following him till his spot. 

Whatsoever! I began to walk back towards Kala top. On my way I found that Jagdamba temple again. This time I even noticed that behind Mahadev's 81 feet tall statue, there it was the Dhauladhar range I was seeking. 

I had Maggie and tea there and again that chaiwala and few more guys flooded me with questions and offered paragliding. There I got this idea that I would be able to even see Mount Kailash while doing paragliding here. So I may go for it tomorrow. 

Later I again followed the road and found a forest board somewhere that it's just luck when one is able to spot wildlife. That board was beside a tiny waterfall and there was a trail going uphills. I thought that it would turn dark anyway to walk for two kilometres to reach any village on road to be able to see Mount Kailash. And the wildlife century had already got closed by then for it was post six. And that trail was kind of calling me. As I followed the trail, I noticed it splitting in two parts - one by crossing a water flow, another was hardly any path. One thing that I learned staying in Chaminu is to always stay upon a trail of you are in a forest. That way, you never get lost. So I followed the trail and found a beautiful, magical, mesmerizing green meadow  surrounded by lush green forest with even a tiny water flow beside. Oh, it was serene. There was chirping of birds to be heard. And I wasn't afraid for I was on my own in nature. Though it seemed like a camping ground and because of random guys trying to come close at the chai shop, and even that afternoon incident with kaka, there was an iota of fear within, what if some guys come here to drink or camp and find me here. How would I run! Lol! Anyway,it was almost dusk and I spent some time there, happy to finally find a solitary place and explore a spot all on my own! 

I walked back then and bumped into Kaka, now in a car - twice. First he asked if I was done with my roaming, next he offered a ride back. This time I denied. And simply took the walk to experience Khajjiar the most in whatever time I have over here. 

The entirety of crowd was gone by then and I returned to a serene Khajiaar lake. Even went to feel a famous pandav tree which has five barks in it. Then I found a person who carries rabbits to be clicked along with. I wanted to first pamper the rabbits and later thought why not even get clicked, that way I would be able to help this guy as well whose earning source is this. I hardly had any battery left. So I couldn't get many pics and videos. Also, that guy wasn't as good at clicking. Bit he was an amazing human being. And I could hold a teeny teeny rabbit pup. Do you know, I had two rabbits as pets long back. It was so cute to hold this one. 

Then I went and finally walked towards the direction I had actually wanted to go to - firstmost but couldn't! And that's where I finally felt the real vibe of Khajiaar. I could imagine it without any human intervention, years ago or milleniums ago. Just the green Lake in the middle surrounded by forests all around. Oh, the reality was anyway beautiful but the imagination was magical. 

I sat there for long. Also, that I was looking at a couple where the man seemed comparatively elder but strong along with a girl who could dance, get her videos done and be girlish along with him. I wondered how would this place have felt along with someone. I don't know why this feeling is increasing in me day by day. I have always been a proud solo traveler. But earlier there used to be friends or loved ones around. Not only have I been covering places far off from knowns but have also become quite a loner. And specially, ever since I have reached Chamba... this is so offbeat, so far off from any normal world, that I feel more the need of a loved one. Atleast Khajiaar is touristy. there were lot many gujratis today. But even touristy people are not my kind of vibe. I seek travellers, or energies that are pure and creative. And I don't want crowd but I seek familiar vibes or company of a loved one. It can not be just anybody. It has to be someone special. While I was thinking all this, that a handsome guy passed by. I began to wonder if he was traveling solo! He seemed decent, intellectual even. I wondered if he too felt a bit lonely and seeked compatible company here!  But then, he walked right across again and in such attitude, lol, that even a girl would fail. Ha ha! 

So I again went back to admiring nature. It's after some time that I noticed him sitting just a few benches after my bench, still there! Ha ha! 

Anyway, it was getting dark and I came back. I think one reason why I needed company last night was because I had simply forgotten about the pile of work I usually do after dusk till night. 

Today, I was decided. So I did a little bit of work. Now that I have decided to keep travelling, I would have to work wherever that I be. I would have to have my own routine fixed to be able to manage travel, exploration, work, rest etc. 

I couldn't even edit any videos last night for insta, for I had fallen asleep. You won't believe, just after our date that I passed with even half tea left in a cup beside. I had slept in a half lying position, so tired was I. 

Thank you my darling Ten for literally taking me in your arms and gifting me the best of nights! Thank you for the amazing horse ride. Thank you for bringing me to this place where there is special energy if nagas/serpent gods. Thank you for taking me to Jagdamba temple and letting me experience Mahadev's and Parvati's vibe. 

I am so lucky to be so close to Mount Kailash. Thank you for protecting me, guiding me, always keeping me upon the right path. 

This is my utopia getting framed. It has to be fearless, full of travel, full of devotion, nature, love, friendships, adventure, good thoughts, good karmas, good people, evolution! 

I love you! 

Mmmuuuaah 

Hopefully, would meet you in Dulhousie tomorrow. That's my rough plan. First Dulhousie for a day or max two. Then Jot. And finally Bharmaur. 

On the way to Bharmaur, I would also get to visit Chamunda temple. 

Though going to Bir is more sensible from Dulhousie. But as decided, we would remain here and explore Chamba till we meet! 

Alright yo! Lots of love! Good night. A love filled warm embrace, a listening of heart beat, a peck upon your forehead, a deep passionate kiss. Love! 

Good night! 

.................

May 11, 2023

Dear 10 PM

Yo from Dulhousie! Just give me a sec. Let me safe my room. I still got to settle down. But first sage, then it date and then anything else! 

Alright! Here I am! All yours. My day has been extremely long. I have been awake from 2:30 AM last night and by now, am just functioning without much mind or heart. Honestly it would be great if I can quickly take a bath and then catch up. Only then that I get our feel. But then our time would pass. So let's just interact like this and in the middle I would go for a bath and continue our conversation night long! 

I just heard a live session from a large portico outside my room - happening in some cafe downstairs. I would have gone to attend but it seemed too crowded and that too family kind of crowd, so I didn't go. Anyway music was quite audible as if happening right beside. That's the scene with mountains - voice echos! 

Though to even have a face behind any voice means something else. And live session anyway hits different. 

Aah! I have reached Dulhousie! I really don't know why, just I have. Maybe it was destined. 

And I am extremely tired. Last night I woke up of some weird muscle cramp in my back bone. Maybe I had slept in some weird position. Anyway I got happy for I got time to work. Also that I could finally ensure early morning in Khajjiar - by staying awake, working till morning. It was so so beautiful this morning. The entire Khajiar park was visible right from my room. I really loved that room. It had a great energy. I just loved being there. It had immediately felt home and welcoming! And super safe. And with a spectacular view. And nights were great there. Mornings were even more awesome! Plus the energy of Khajji naag temple relight beside. This morning it was so serene that I felt like meditating on my own. And even if I had chanted Om and was dubious between opening my eyes and enjoying the lucky view or meditating that I suddenly remembered momsha's recommendation that I should do Sudarshan kriya. And I wanted to get rid of any negative traces of Chaminu.so I did Sudarshan kriya this morning, I guess after two years or so! 

And guess what. I never put alarm. Just this morning that I had set alarms to be able to live Khajiar early morning. And just when my sudarshan kriya was about to get over that the alarm began to buzz insanely. I finished kriya nonetheless and only then that I got up to switch off my phone! Again and again I dived into the view post meditation and then dressed up to go down in a pajama and a sweater. It was incredible, this morning. There was absolutely none there except a dog whom I named Bruno and who accompanied me till half the park. 

Even my phone was out of storage so I could live the place without any worry of making videos or so. Though there was an active worry of why my phone was not clearing off backed up data to create space. The lake looks magical early morningand bit by bit Sun comes over changing its shades, now highlighting one portion, now giving weightage to another one. 

Then I took a cup of tea below my hotel and sat there for a long time wondering if I should move to Dulhousie today or if I should stay on. I was so in love with my room and view. It was just perfect! Though it was costing me a bit more! Yet, it was honestly perfect. And the view was superb! 

Till 10 AM, that I wondered if I should probably cover a tiny track or if I should live the room to it's max or if I should quickly take a trip to Kala top wildlife century and how to reach Kailash view point! I even had a conversation with all the staff and owner there who were all basking in sun alongside!

One of the staff members was from Saho itself! 

I then took a self care hour. Having a great bath, pampering myself, taking care of my looks. I knew about the upcoming journey but I still wanted to dress up. Morning was for soul, then it was for body. Visited Khajji nag temple again, this time, even remembering to pray and make wishes. Then had a luscious meal and enjoyed tea with view in my room. I asked myself again, and my inner voice was like - 'your choice'. I even told a staff bhaiya that I am not feeling like leaving at all. Even he was like 'your choice'. I just didn't wish to get too comfortable. And that room was love and core luck. I just knew I had to keep moving on. I was glad that I was leaving happily!

My plan was to leave for kailash point, spend time there and catch 2:30 PM bus from there itself.according me, that point laid towards Chamba and Dulhousie was on the other side. 

Anyway, dear Ten, I had the most incredible time for I got to see Manimahesh mounts today. Not only that I got lucky to finally see those peaks but also gaze at them up-close with a telescope of a guy who was already there. That guy was a local who had a homestay there. Just today that 2 PM bus got punctured and only the last bus of 3 PM was supposed to come. I had more than an hour even after clicking and gazing both Manimahesh amidst Dhauladhar range and Pin Parvati - the snow clouds was longing to see last evening! 

The guy offered to take me to his homestay for it provided a way better view. I did go and it indeed was one of the best spots for it has way high open terrace from where there was 360 degrees view and Manimahesh was right in front! I sang Shiv Kailashon ke waasi' - while gazing at Kailash! It felt overwhelming! 

The bus came by 3:30 extremely full and again took me to to Khajiaar! And I felt like a fool carrying all my luggage alongside and reaching back at the same spot! 

Atleast I got a seat thanks to the fact that I had all my belongings with me! 

So I finally came to Dulhousie! Oh Ten, the entire way was mesmerizing. The way itself goes through Kala top wild life century. There were a flood of trees all around, above below, except the narrow roads upon which out bus was running! It was beautiful! I was tired though by a long day, but I finally reached. Even got a room right in my budget shockingly. Dulhousie is a full power touristy place where people even come for honeymoon or so. There is a very city kind of crowd and vibes. Lot of sardars and Punjabis. During my evening stroll, I found a few kids playing badminton in the car parking of some hotel. I ofcourse had to join in. That was the moment of this evening. Also that I had choco truffle after a long time. Rest, I just walked around - casually, tired but observing. There was a khadi store. They had such lovely fabric that I wished to buy for momsha. But it was extremely expensive. Mom though wears only high quality and that would have totally suited her. But I didn't buy it right now. It seemed too much. I did but a shawl notheless for myself as soon as I reached here. Rather that was one of my purposes to come here as well. For I have to go to 'Jot' after this and I want to have atleast some winter wear to keep me warm. I have heard it stays chilled though out year! 

Rest of the shopping can be done in Chamba probably. That would be reasonable! This is sky rocket price over here and I don't like wasting money. 

I am really thankful that I got a room here in my budget, even cheaper than Khajiaar. I had surrendered totally on Mahadev. And I just had this faith that it's all going to be for the best! 

I am feeling a bit cold as I am not getting into bed without a bath. It is indeed colder than Khajiaar here in Dulhousie as it is at a height! 

Oh, the windows of my room were wide open. I shut one of them down! I am a bit concious though of taking a bath over here. Because of washroom's window that opens towards a staircase! I would figure out a way to cover it. 

Oh am trembling of cold. Tonight would be long and we would continue our conversation my love! There has not been even a single such session so far and already one third of our meets are over! 

Am also so tired that I would just share without logic and flow from my soul! My room is all vapory with hot water's vapours. it has colored curtains around. 

Alright my love! Just give me some time and then in we would continue! I do wish to talk but araam se. Not like a formality but the way we usually meet - fresh, after a bath, fragrant and in bed.  

Catch you in a bit! Love! 

Just wait! 

Let's have our first bath together! That's my favorite thing to do - to bath! 

Let's have some passion. Please don't let anybody peep in. Let's just feel better and have a warm comfort of water! 

Join in! 

11:09

Yo dear Ten! Am back! 

How did you like the shower? I loved it! Although, right now, am extremely cold! 

11:10

Aah! Both of you together! 

Dear Ten, meet 11. We met last year in Delhi as I had returned back from Pushkar! How are you 11? I have changed! All for better! 

Oh, ya! I did the most touristy thing today! I went and posed in Himachali costume to get myself clicked! Ha ha! It was funny but I really wished to carry a printed memory of my trip! And now I have a picture that I can probably put in some frame at home in my room and it would always remind me of Khajiaar and the magical meadows it offered me..

Mahadev truly blessed me today with Mani Mahesh's darshan. And even the bus got late just so I could feel the vibes for not just some time but for two hours! 

Even that guy was super friendly..although I don't know why he ensured that I catch a bus and left only after that without leaving even a single solitary moment for me with Mahadev. But it is thanks to him that I could actually recognise Mani Mahesh and watch it that up-close..

Everything has its pros and cons! 

He has four kids! Can you believe that? It is so normal in Chamba for people to have many kids. Even at Rafi's house, though Rafi Bhai had only Salma and Ashu. But their cousins were numerous!  And it was alright and normal there in that village even in other families! 

People get amazed here at I travelling solo. And everybody has to advice - why I must get married! Crazy! 

This room is decent! Offers a nice view as well. Mountains are love! Oh, ya, this evening I saw two unique birds from my portico. I was thinking of us there itself! Today I saw a henna green bird hopping upon a tree trunk. She wasn't flying, she wasn't plain walking, but she climbed the trunk like a cat at 90 degrees. 

The bird was so unique. More than my hand's size. Henna green body with white head and a red hairy hat with black wings. Her hat was so unique. 

Another bird that I noticed today was like a woodpecker but different! 

Oh, getting into bed feels so good. Although, it doesn't seem as clean! 

When I had reached here, the room was all hafazed because of some wood work. He totally transformed the room in half an hour. So am not sure what's actually clean, what's not. Atleast there won't be any dust below the bed for the entire bed got placed today after cleaning! 

All my rings have loosened up..my fingers shrink in winters and swell during Summers. 

I finally could have a little bit of night life, I mean atleast the world was away even till 9 while I was downstairs then even 10, while I was in the portico and even now! 

It's good to find the world alive when I am. Though I prefer silence and solitude but sometimes it just feels good to know that life exists and is living around unlike Chaminu where at 8 it used to feel like 2 AM! 

I have a sandwich to eat today. There is no food availability in this guest house! I had got the sandwich for mid night hunger pangs but am already hungry. 

Also, will make a coffee in a bit! 

What I really need is a sleep! 

So, there is Satdhara falls that's worth visiting as per internet. Also, Kalakund century. Also some Daikund peak! 

I am feeling like moving tomorrow itself to Jot to be honest but one more day wouldn't be bad! Atleast I should give it a chance! 

I would rather have good experience

I can hear a child's sound in my head. It began with a dog's bark then some child speaking something. 

This happens to me sometimes. I just hear voices in my head. Not in a freaky way but random people saying random things!

There are an insane number of liquor stores here in Dulhousie! 

Those things just don't tempt me! 

Though the weather is apt for Old Monk! 

Again voices of some Punjabi guys discussing prices in lakhs on some road. The voices sometimes are so clear as if am standing right beside those people. But these voices only happen in my head! 

Now some vegetable seller saying something and calling me madam! 

A lot many people called me madam today! 

I thinking these voices happen because of lack of sleep! Kind of audio hallucinations! 

I missed M today when I heard live music. That's the thing. That's why I don't usually go for love sessions anymore, because they remind me of him. 

I am too sleepy and tired. So tired that I don't even want to move to get the sandwich till my bed. So tired that I don't even want to eat, even when am hungry! 

And some random sounds from the floor above broke my trance. 

I saw an eagle even at Khajiar lake today! As if she was telling me, 'Hey! We both are here!' she was at the center however! Eagle is my spirit bird and it always boosts me up!

Alright love! We will talk tomorrow. Am too tired today I guess to talk much. There's no point saying anything. Lots of love from Dulhousie! 

...........

May 12, 2023

Yo my love! My darling 10 PM! Ola from Jot! Jot is a beautiful village a few kilometres from Khajiar. I left Dulhousie this afternoon. Just wasn't liking the vibes there! Night was tough. My room and blanket had a weird smell. And even if I was tired, I couldn't sleep. Imagine I had taken a bath before entering that bed and it was so smelly that I couldn't sleep. I slept late, woke up late and had weird dreams of random friends telling me in my dream how I have wasted their five hours in a party where all that was there was booze and intoxicants. I woke up thinking maybe that was the sign. And that was the major energy I had felt in Dulhousie - just booze and nonveg and fuck touristy vibes. When I woke up, there was insane noise for there was some wood work happening there. Tuck tuck tuck tuck. I got a headache for the guy was hammering some window right beside my room's wall. Even welding was happening. So I decided to leave without wasting another day or hour. The next bus was after two hours. So I took my rug sack, had momos and simply began to walk towards my direction hoping for a hitch till Kala top wild life century. I just needed nature and peace. 

It was way sunny and I had to walk a few kilometres with my luggage. I have forgotten that one has to ask for a hitch, it doesn't come on its own. Actually it does. There have been numerous times here in Chamba when people themselves offered to drop me towards my direction or destination. Anyway, I did walk to explore Dulhousie a bit more. That's what I have realised. Totally know a place, you got to go a bit ahead or behind. Aise the centre is always crowded. Except Khajiar. Oh Khajiar was love. I would always carry it's beautiful memories in my inner- most mantle piece. 

Not Dulhousie. Dulhousie was just crowd and city and over expensive commodities. But yeah, to imagine availability of such luxury that far amidst mountains and forest was incredible. 

And later while walking I observed a flood of trees. That's what I wanted. Going to Kala top was also a decision based on my journey last afternoon while reaching Dulhousie from Khajiar. The way was so magical full of trees with a simple narrow forest road with out bus moving through it. Wherever my eyes went, there were trees. And I decided to experience the same on my own today in the two hours I had, instead of wasting then in market buying unnecessary things or eating tamsik food. I missed Khajiar and I missed simple rustic peaceful life of mountain. 

While walking I saw an immensity of resorts, full power luxurious. But they all seemed a cluster of buildings obstructing the main view of hills. 

There is a super long stretch there just of DPS school. They have school area, accomodation area and for several kilometres that DPS has its mark. 

The first hitch I got was only till a kilometer. He was a retired music teacher. I wished to have more of that journey together not to cover more distance but because he was a music teacher. 

Then after walking a bit more, I got a hitch where the guy was directly coming till 'Gate' a point few kilometres from Jot. I then decided to continue my journey with him till here and experience Kalatop on the way itself. Also that he told me that it's not safe for me to roam alone in the forest. Bears may come. Basically I had my luggage as well alongside. And I just wanted to experience forest again, this time not in bus. And I got a chance to do that in car. 

The guy told me a lot about his family, three daughters, a son. He then tried convincing me why I should also get married - lol! The usual! 

He worked in roadways - the people who clear off the mountain roads - whenever they get blocked b landslide or snow. He even shared an experience where he was struck below a suddenly fallen mountain piece hile e was I his buldozer. He had remained there for 45 Minutes. Must have been crazy difficult. 

His life was tough but he seemed strong. 

He was a nice guy. We even stopped to fill out bottles with therapeutic water running down from forest. Locals call it 'Naadu'.

He told me that this water flows directly from glaciers and is quite heavy to digest. 

My digestion though was superb because the moment I reached gate I had two samosas and two cups of tea - full on.  Ha ha! 

While having tea, I noticed a hotel nearby. The view of that tea-shop and specially of a room from that hotel - offered the entire pir-panjar range - remember how much I craving for it while in Khajiaar and not only I got it yesterday in ample while I was filling my eyes and soul with Mount Kailash of Dhauladhar range but also today while on the way and then the tea shop. That corner room though seemed so tempting that I even decided to not come to Jot and instead stay in that room itself for a day or two. What I really needed was a room with a view and good wifi! I just need to rest now, so much that I have travelled in past few days. I usually go to a place and stay there for long. Because I like to absorb the vibes of a certain place and know it better. I don't know what is it with trip that I just feel like moving on. And I have literally been on wind! 

Except when I was in Chadaira at Rafi bhai's house. But that energy wasn't good. Khajiaar's energy was epic but the room was a bit expensive for my budget. Still it was manageable but I wanted to cover Dulhousie during weekday for I knew that it would be all the more expensive and crowded on a weekend. The energy was disgusting there. That room at Gate seemed epic at every level. There was a sweet tiny market right below. The view that room offered was core heaven. I did check it out hoping, rather praying - that I get it, but it was super expensive. 

I had managed to find a room in Dulhousie even cheaper than Khajiar, and this room at Gate was on road and still he was asking for so much. So I had to drop it. I wanted to rest for two days somewhere and manage my content and give my body and soul some rest. Where I don't need to go anywhere but get a view from my room itself. 

Finally I came to Jot. It was late evening by the time I reached and here too there were only two homestays. Both were expensive. And view too wasn't as great as I had expected. I was considering going to Chamba and directly going to Bharmaur instead. But it was 6:30 and Bharmour is around 100 kilometres from here. I found it senseless to travel so much and reach somewhere that late that too on hills where night happens way early. 

I don't know how Mahadev then took pity on me and some good people checked the room price and showed me the way till my present abode - a kilometer from main Jot.

Oh dear Ten. This place is way unique. It's called Hill view guest house. Even if doesn't offer Our Panjar range and has a mild glimpse of Dhauladhar range but the view, oh the view - it's spectacular. Millions of trees on untouched mountains with no humans whatsoever. The guest house though is more of a motel, placed on road. It has a dhaba upstairs on road and there are these three four room in its basement. The basement though has a spell bounding view of mountains. Balcony too is not constructed, instead door opens to a thalla offering the view. View is seriously beautiful. There's no wifi. It's middle of nowhere. Jio works with difficulty, though Airtel functions fine. 

The only trouble here is a TV's blasting sound coming from dhaba upstairs. People are watching match. 

The owner was super kind. He changed the bed sheet. Took care of all my needs. Food ofcourse is convenient and a call away. But it is literally middle of nowhere. The village is offbeat. This property is even more remote. Place is like a dhaba where one would only stop to have Maggie or food and not really stay. But the view and vibes are great. 

Again I miss someone's company. It seriously seems daring to stay at a place like this! 

Washroom thankfully is good. I haven't got even a single washroom with a shower so far in Chamba. It's like the concept itself is not known. 

I am grateful though for this place. I am afraid that it may get noisy in the morning. But am also eager to explore this mountain and this village. 

I don't know if I would stay on. It would completely depend on tomorrow's vibes! 

It is crucial to get up on time though I am more in a mood to sleep on and rest and get up only when I feel like. 

On the way till here I met a school girl in bus. She said that everything that grows here is 'aushadhi' (medicine). That's so true including the water and air. Finally I can again trust tap water which wasnt the case in Khajiaar because of rubbish I had noticed thrown around water sources and Dulhousie because of very vibes! Rest I do trust tap water everywhere in Himachal.

This is such a forest place. 

I have a cup of tea alongside. 

And I feel lucky to have found an abode tonight. 

There was a view point in Jot itself where there was some wedding shoot happening. They were all dancing and singing one of Chamba's folk song that I knew. I had heard it back in Pulga from a musician. Song goes like 

'Naach meri ghumariye, haan ghumariye, 

mai taa dholki bajanwaa haan..

Mai taa dhola kiyan nachangi, 

Haan kiyan nachangi, 

Mera ghaagra puraana hoye'. 

Ha ha 

I loved their joy. 

And later when some guys assured me if the availability of this room, that I left my luggage at their shop and went with my uke till that spot and played and sang few songs - gazing both Dhauladhar and Pir Panjar - dedicating them all to Mahadev! 

Remember that guy with the homestay nearby Kailash view point. He had called me like n times last evening while I was going to Dulhousie. I had asked him if he knew of any place to stay there and he was like, first you try and if you won't be able to find anything then I would tell you. I told me why not tell me then itself. But he didn't . So I got it. He basically wanted me to be baffled by the prices and then offer something at comparatively lower price. He even video called later that I didn't pick. I had got a room any way. 

Today too he called me n times when he saw me reaching here. I did talk to him and told him that I was leaving for Jot. When I was unable to find any room here, I called him asking if I can probably come back and stay at his homestay which was say 7 kms from here. He asked me n number of questions about Dulhousie and Jot and then made some excuse that he was in Chamba in a wedding or so. I was so irritated. Why can't people be honest? And why was he calling me so many times then with such fake concern. 

Anyway, glad I told him to let it be that I would find something on my own. I hate such people. Chipkoo. They don't really mean well but just pretend. Last evening I couldn't get even a single solitary moment with Kailash because he wasn't ready to leave. And today too he called me so many times. And when I really needed his help, that he had to lie.. it makes me really angry when someone lies to me. 

Anyway, let it be! Mahadev is there for me and therefore I don't really need such fake help. Mahadev takes care of me, protects me, guides me. Mahadev drives my intuition and tell me where to be. Sometimes, even I surprise myself how I don't settle for things or people even in dire situations until I feel everything to be perfect. It's Mahadev who don't let me surrender to situations and I go on, with all my luggage, walk on till as far as life need me to and only rest when Mahadev wills it. 

There was a sweet moment this evening. When I found myself again facing kailash and the car too stopping there or again when I had to wait for the bus waiting opposite to Manimahesh view. I was like Mahadev is so naughty. He just wants to see me. 

Though it was I was getting lucky to see his abode and feel it, get the blessings. But I did tell Mahadev in my heart, you so want to see me haan! 

I just love Mahadev. Sometimes I feel so much of energy of prakriti. Sometimes I become a trees' queen. Like here, while I was sitting a kilometer away in Dulhousie in some hotel's car parking, gazing at numerous trees below and I could connect to them spread large around the entire mountain range. Or even here where only thing visible is an infinite amount of trees. It's incredible and I am so much in my element. 

I do have a splitting headache since morning. Dear Ten please heal me. I know you are there with me even at this place so far from any known reality! 

Alright yo! Catch you tomorrow. 

Love you! 

Mmmmuuuaah 

..............

May 13, 2023

Hey my love, my darling 10 PM! Welcome! Thankfully, am still in Jot. Although there's a storm happening outside. 

I just had the best of khoya barfi. It was luscious. I had observed the guest house's shop upstairs having all these packed boxes of sweets. I thought they were laddus but they were barfis. And oh, they are luscious. 

My favorite actually. They taste like peda. 

I had the most unique kind of day today. 

It began way early, guess around 5. I had hardly slept for one or two hours and woke up. I think my system has become like that - in a state of rushing - for I travelled so much in past few days. Thing is, last night there was lot of noise from TV. I wasn't sure about day. I had assumed that a lot many people would come in the restaurant throughout day and there would be noise of passing buses or so. And from Khajiaar that I had learned that to experience nature the best at any place, one must get up early and live it at the time of dawn. 

So my mind woke me up and though I was sleepy and bed was tempting but I somehow got up. 

And it was core heaven. It was so beautiful right from my room and portico that I decided to sketch the view in my diary. And that's whst I did till 10. There was no Sun, no noise. Though early morning at 6:30 that they had played hanumaan chalisa and even my favorite Bhajan 'shree ram janki, baithe hain mere seeney mei'. I didn't mind it. 

Nature too seems religious though to me early morning. The energy of this place is so raw and in touch with nature that one remains in a state of meditation naturally.

My mind is in sheer peace regardless of any people upstairs. My view is spectacular thoughout day. I was wondering how every tiny wish of mine gets fulfilled. Standing at gate point, that's what I was wishing for - to get a decent room with a view and work there without any urgency of leaving for anything, without even touristy activity, without any one disturbing me, even getting the food itself in my room and having a view of peace to just be one along with it for as long as I wish to be. And that's exactly what I have got. 

I even finished two oast sketches today of Chaminoo. And obviously worked on this new one both in the morning and evening. 

In the afternoon however I couldn't resist the temptation of actually going over to those green pastures, reach a specific rock or the past grassy patch upon the boundary of forest. 

Just as I was leaving that the owner of my guest house bewared me to not go into the forest as bears are usual over here. I know his intention was good but I got a pang of fear in me. I imagined myself face to face with a bear, how it would be difficult for me to hold my breath and stay still if he did indeed find me and how there was a huge possibility of I panicking. Lol! Well, a little bit of fear is possibly good for I therefore didn't go too far. Also, I did reach the spots I had decided to reach but I realised that none of those grassy patches were comfortable. Grass here is prickly. Also the entire way was full of prickly leaves, bushes. My crocs got numerous pricks struck to their sole. 

I basically wanted to go, find some half shady half sunny area, sleep upon grass overlooking the mounts and write another story there in nature. Grass wasn't even ok to sit leave apart sleeping. I did find rocks to sit but it was middle of day with a bright Sun. Though Sun here doesn't feel bad as the wind is always chilly. Yet, while hiking through dried thorny bushes, Sun did feel a bit much. 

Even that half sun half shade wish got manifested for a huge block of clouds covered the Sun just at that time while I lied for a bit upon a giant white round rock shaped like a moon. The clouds were creating shivery shadows upon mounts, as if someone was fanning an object, the shadow of which was wavering. 

Because I had attempted a sketch, I could therefore observe way better - each dent upon earth, various ups and downs of mounts. 

It felt good but I realised that my room offered the best view and had the best place to sit. 

My bed itself offers the entirety of the view that I wanted. 

What I seeked though was a gentle touch of green grass and connection to earth. But that seemed a bit difficult over here. I am literally living in forest land amidst one of the many tiny clusters of villages of Mani Mahesh vicinity. 

Though real connection to Mani Mahesh would probably happen at my next point - ooh am forgetting the name of it - but that's where they yatra begins from!! I don't know why am so lost today ever since morning. Like mentally lost. 

Even now, imagine, I have been wishing to go to that village for so long. I had even mentioned it here. Just now that I can't remember it's name. 

Anyway, Mahadev is everywhere. And all these villages are nearby his abode. 

This one though is not even a village. it's a guest house on an isolated road. There are however two tiny villages at a kilometers distance on both sides. 

Over here though, its core peace. And core forest. And I so love it. 

Oh ho, am just unable to remember the name of the next point. What was it? 

There are 108 temples there dedicated to 108 sages who had visited and blessed that place. Well, I will remember eventually. 

Maybe that's a sign that I should stay on. Or maybe I should just move tomorrow. Though I haven't really explored anything around except the mountain below my guest house. I was also thinking that people hike to certain heights to get a view. Imagine the irony, am getting further down to explore a bit, the view I already have from here. But I also have that much cold today out side I mean. Cosmos has blessed me with such comfortable room, warm blankets, people caring enough to check for all three meals and even checking otherwise if I am alright when I don't go out! It's all good. 

Oh, I also managed to befriend a few bugs tonight. Thanks to that all thst fear of various insects in my room also subsided. I am sure there was something about the energy in Chaminoo because of which I was getting so scared. Even here that I noticed a few spiders or even cockroach kind of creature. They seemed friendly and unharmful over here. I could literally pick a few flies from my hands and drop them outside today. 

Though Chaminoo was a great inspiration for writing but something about the vibe there that was off. And though I am middle of nowhere here but something about the place feels right! 

I don't feel alone here even if there is absolutely none. I did feel alone and afraid there even if there was an entire family living around. Anyway, each place has its own vibe. A good traveler appreciates and respects each of those vibes. 

Oh, I had kept my crocs outside to dry up. I forgot to bring them back. I hope they stay intact despite of the storm. I have no zeal to go out right now in this weather and at this time. Well, would bring them in after our meet. They are the only ones I have here.  The other pair I had left in Chaminoo. I don't want to go in slippers from here. Lol! 

I will find them! Nothing to worry about. 

Oh, I remembered now. It's Bharmaur that I have to go to next. And before that I am excited to visit Chamunda Devi temple at Chamba. 

Today I finally finished uploading all videos of Chaminoo. I was bored literally of seeing the same place. First, I lived there. And then I had to keep revisiting it through videos even if I was at way different place like Khajiar. 

Also, the latter days were not as great at Chaminoo. Now that I would be working at Khajiaar videos, I would love to revisit the place and cherish those memories. It's too time taking - to travel and also create quality content alongside. I don't know how people do it so casually. But the way I upload is also different . Mostly people just show the main destination or highlights. I am all about journey. I like to show various things I observe or get to know and it takes time to trim and summarize a journey and still bring out the soul. Obviously journeys take longer time than destinations. 

My roads have been my destinations. That's where I live the most. 

Today I thought of old Manali. Missed it. Yesterday I missed M. My connection with old Manali though is even older than M. I have numerous memories of old Manali and I just feel home there and love it. The energy however is all different. And I do miss M now when I go there. It doesn't feel like Old Manali anymore both because of corrupt vibes that bloomed there, also because of old friends are there and majorly because M is not there. I even miss Shasha and Manali chill. If I could go back in time, that's one place I would always love to go. Those days where we all were together - living like a family. 

Also, I would love to go to my life in Bangalore. 

But so much has changed, and so have I. And it's better to keep moving on. 

Just those are some full of love memories that I have. 

Why is my life so cold though, I sometimes wonder! I have this immensity of love with in that I don't mind sharing with kids and elderly and platonically with humanity at large. But I have say, zero personal connections except my family ofcourse. 

No friends, no lovers, absolutely none! 

But when I see people wasting such precious life and energy in useless conversations or activities or emotions; then too I don't really want to be in that place. But it does feel a bit abnormal to be at a frequency which doesn't match with anybody romantically. Sometimes, I do get into tiny crushes. But then they seem like a mismatch to my intellect or soul.

None that I find at par with all my mind, body, spirit and soul. 

Though Ten represents the ultimate utopia. Where one has met a twin flame or a soul mate. Maybe, in my case it's my own masculine and feminine energy. Maybe, I am my own soul mate! 

I am at the border of Jammu Kashmir. It's easy far even from here yet way close in comparison to 'from Delhi'. Why Kashmir - because I have been long wishing to get lavander seeds and saplings from Kashmir. 

I had bought two Lavander plants  in Delhi as well but they were not that good a breed. They didn't even survive behind me. I got to know just last month about purple revolution where people have now begun farming a unique breed of purple lavander which grows well in Indian habitat. I want that. I just love the fragrance of lavander. That's my favorite fragrance as well. 

My favorite flowers though are orchids. But lavander's fragrance is love! 

Alright my love. I would now have Maggie. Catch you tomorrow. 

A lot of love for you. Wish you could have embraced me. 

Love. 

Good night. 

Mmmuuuaah 

......

May 14, 2022

Hi my love! My darling 10 PM! 

Har Har Mahadev from Bharmor!

I know, even I am shocked that am here. I know I had planned to stay in Jot itself. That room was seriously superb. So was the location and so were the people.

Again though I had to move without knowing why! Just this inner voice to move! It was all good though. I was loving it there. It was so peaceful. 

But I do have reasons. 

Last night after meeting you and having supper, I passed out. I was well asleep that a bad dream woke me up. In my dream, there was a pool of carnival animals who all could have eaten me. There was a guy managing that pool. I escaped that scene only to step out somewhere where there was a lot of water. And behind me there were numerous lusty men all ready to pounder upon me. I asked them, don't you have any concious! They were like No. And as they all were about to attack me that I woke up. 

I heard a crazy storm knocking all my windows and door then. It seemed as if someone was intentionally trying to break open my door or window. Although I could even hear a raging wind outside but the knocking was harsh and consistent. I switched on the light and immediately electricity went off. I went to the washroom and felt a bit safe after bolting the door but then I got scared, what if someone enters the room and attacks me the moment I step out. Any way, I came out, double checked the bolts of all doors and windows. I knew it was the wind yet I was super scared. Electricity came back and the knocking rested a bit and again the tapping began. This time more like someone was trying to break open the door. 

I was already under the influence of my dream. Anyway I was the only female staying middle of nowhere with only men staying around. So I took my dream as a sign. And decided to shift out the next day if I stay alive and safe. I closed my eyes and passed out again assuring myself that the bolts were strong and I was safe. 

Morning began a bit late - by 10 or so! I obviously woke up to a heavenly sight and noticed one window's glass cracked. Maybe the night's storm did it. 

I was still not sure what to do. If I should have stayed on, if I should have moved. In the washroom, suddenly water's flow went down. I again flipped a coin that if water is gone then that's a sign that I must move on. And indeed there was no water in my room today. Some pipe had burst open only if my room. Rest all washrooms were functional. 

Then the wooden piece that we had put on window's sill to cover the washroom from wind also began to waver and partially opened up. All those were signs to me that I must move on. 

I had an hour or so in hand. I wished to finish that sketch that I had begun. But there was an urgency of finishing that short story because of something. So I finally wrote and finished that story first. Then in a very little time, did a few more marks on my sketch and realised that art is a thing of patience and I was only ruining my art with rush and haste. So I got ready to leave. The owner of that guest house was so nice. Prices were extremely fair. Everyone was so good. When I came upstairs, I got overwhelmed by their kindness. The bus took me from my guest house itself for that restaurant was a permanent stop for the roadways bus to eat. While everyone was having lunch, I was like, this was my abode for two days. 

Everyone bewared me that journey would be long till Bharmor. I just had to go. 

I had no clue that Bharmor was even higher that Jot. 

Oh, btw, I read online yesterday that the valley I had in view was Chuwadi valley and Jot was mentioned as the highest point of Chamba. I couldn't use the shawl I had bought specially for Jot! Also, it was mentioned that people go specially for hiking to Jot. I got happy that I could experience both a bit of hiking, also an offbeat valley and a point way higher than even Dulhousie where most of the tourists to. 

While moving to Bharmor, I had no clue that the journey would be this durgam/harsh and so high in altitude. Unlike Jot which was bathed with forests and trees, The entire road till Bharmor was difficult narrow road through barren high Himalayas. One could have even got scared of the journey itself. That wasn't the case with me. But I did miss that room, specially that owner's kindness, that feeling of home regardless of a forest outside, an actual forest full of trees. 

As I was about to reach the journey gained a little beauty. First Kailash Mansarovar came back in sight. From Khajjiar's direction, the front side of Kailash is visible on the opposite mountain. This way from Bharmor though offers the backside but this is the mountain of Kailash - it's way closer to it. Bharmor is the base point of Kailash Mansarovar yatra. 

The road welcomed with a board of 'Shiv Bhoomi'. That pleased me. There were various boards of different animals found here including brown bear, snow leopard etc. Gradually wheat fields came into sight, trees began to bloom and a full on village made its appearance. 

Am finally in Bharmor. This was the last place in the tiny list I had.  Majorly I wanted to come here for two temples - 108 temple and Bhrahmani temple. 

The wind had become chillier in the bus itself. The moment I deboarded the bus, I wore my sweater. Found a samosa chai shop, immediately sat for them. 

In the shop itself that a guy offered a place to stay nearby. I was like, I am in my Mahadev's land. He won't make me suffer to find a stay. It would be as seamless as this. 

But the price of that guest house was high and it only increased from there. The shop keeper however had immediately joined me. I don't know why. He was like come I will take you. While waiting for another guest house's owner, he insisted that I visit the 108 temple first. And voluntarily guided me around. I found it kind and nice to a limit but later I doubted his company. It's the first time in my trip that I had to struggle so much for a room in my budget. Again and again he was insisting that I should go to his home and stay there. Ever since my Chaminoo experience, I am staying away from Homestays. I prefer guest house anyday to live the way I want! 

Though he seemed nice but I wasn't liking him coming along everywhere and telling everyone that I would only stay at night and go visit temples during day. Maybe he just wanted to help. But after a point I got rather annoyed. He took me to his friend's place which seemed like a slum. Like I am girl, I can't stay at places like that on my own. 

And he was like, there are many hotels but they must be closed. And this one would be in your budget but you won't get a geyser. Like seriously? How can anyone survive without a geyser in such cold a place! 

And he brought me to the helipad finally nearby his place and asked loudly from his neighbours/relatives if they have a room with geyser and they replied 'if rod would do?' 

I was getting annoyed with the fact that he took me to the temple which I anyhow would be visiting tomorrow due to which I lost the little evening time I had and it became so dark and late for everything to shut down and become all the more estranged. 

Also that I was feeling a bit anxious, maybe because of height, maybe because of journey, I don't know. Suddenly I felt alone and anxious. I even agreed to go to his home thinking atleast there would be his family around and I won't have to be alone in this far and high a place. But in my heart I didn't want to do that. Finally I saw a Himachal government's hotel. Room was super expensive. But I got a dorm bed. There is no one here so the entire room is to myself. 

I am no more used to dorms though. I prefer my own room where I can be myself, sleep in my shorts and do whatever I please. This room too is totally to myself, but I would move from here tomorrow. 

I had hoped Bharmor to be cheaper than rest of Chamba. This is the most expensive place I have found in entire Chamba. Even Dulhousie could give me a decent room in my budget. Even if it was disgusting. But here, people are so stubborn about prices that too in an off season. 

This is a government's hotel. This felt the safest. Am grateful that I got it. Also, finally that I got a shower. Water had not heated that well for I had reached quite late and I wanted to take a bath before dinner and our date. But a shower is a shower. 

Also, thanks to that guy that not only that am already done with Mahadev's darshan but also could reach this place. I wouldn't have come till here with all my luggage. I had no clue about the roads here. He seemed like an innocent and kind guy who just didn't know where to draw the line or how to really help me. 

But he had also asked if I drink or smoke up and that the weather is appropriate for it and that had raised my suspicion. I told him I had come to visit temples, why would I do any such thing. 

Years back, I would have easily agreed and joined well. No more! 

Also, this room hunting today would probably be a lesson for me to respect any good place that I get and cherish it for as long as I can instead of running away. 

Not like I didn't want to. I really loved each of my rooms. But something within is urging me to keep moving on! Till the time I didn't know where to go, I felt stagnated at Chaminoo. Also because of the energy there. But ever since I decided upon few places, I just couldn't hold myself. And these too I had to cover in an entire month, that I did within a week. Now I don't know where next. Bharmor doesn't seem like home too. 

Though, this is but the first night. 

And too soon to make any conclusions. 

But it doesn't give that religious feel as yet. The one I had come for. 

I was about to say 'nor is it kind' but then I remembered that guy 'Gagan' who invited me to his home at the first meet and helped me as much as he could. 

I really don't know. 

One thing, why I couldn't settle at any of the places is weather. Another is price. And major is energy. At no place that all of them aligned to stay on! 

Khajiar was epic and felt the most comfortable and home. But prices were a bit high to stay on long term. Jot was great at every level. Prices were way reasonable. People were kind. But weather was harsh and though room was heaven but outside it was wild. 

Gate seemed like a nice place but the guy didn't agree with the price. Dulhousie was a big No anyway. 

There's a Village called Kugti around 25-29 kilometers further from here. A lot many people recommended that place to me today. But I don't want to go further than this from Chamba. Specially when I have realised that I would have to come back from the same way. That road ends at Kugti and only way that goes from there is via a trek that goes towards Lahaul and Spiti that too takes 4-5 days! 

After Bharmor, if I won't be able to decide upon a place, I would probably go to Khajiar or most probably Jot! 

Though Jumaar is also left! Let's see. 

For now, Bharmor it is. 

And it is suoer cold. I already have a runny nose right now. 

And my new shawl had to come out within few minutes of walking in these lanes. My teeth were chattering there itself. 

Tomorrow is another day! I have a pink kurti specially saved for these temples. 

And even today that I visited the temple with the only other kurti I have got. 

Oh, I had ladyfingers with chapatees after a long time as dinner today. 

And remember that burfi that I had bought yesterday from my guest house. Turns out, Jot is famous for its maava burfi and all the tourists take oacked burfis from there everytime they pass by. 

I got lucky to have it. 

Still have a few left. 

Oh, it's so cold! Am finally in bed. And shivering like hell! 

Today, I got to know about a new goddess! Her name is 'Vidhi'. She has the oldest temple in a cluster of 84 temples here at Bharmor. 

Don't we say 'Vidhi ka Vidhaan'. That's her. She writes everyone's destiny and I got lucky to have visited her. 

A cute girl called Shagun offered me prasaad there and showed me a yantra saying that's Vidhi's script. It seemed like a puzzle. Shagun told me that if one gets struck in that maze then he can't come out. And I told her, the one who make someone get struck has the power to also show them how to come out - meaning God. 

I just got overwhelmed to meet the master writer. 

I am nothing in front of her who writes lives and destinies of people. 

Alright my love! 

Catch you tomorrow. 

Har Har Mahadev! 

Loads of love! 

..............

May 15th, 2023

Hey my love, my darling 10 PM! Hello! Hope you are happy! I am in heaven! 

Morning began late..by 10 AM or something. I had just woken up that Gagan Bhai knocked my door. He was like 'its late! Why are you sleeping!' I told him that I would call him if I would need him and then returned back to my bed to just laze. I anyway wanted to rest today. So tired I was with all that travel. I worked for the major portion post that and decided to go the 84 Temples (chaurasi mandir) in the latter half. 

Bath was heaven! A hot shower after so long for as long as I desired. Most of my clothes are dirty by now. Except those that are either too thin or crop tops. Last I had done my laundry was in Khajjiar. I never got time or place to wash after that. 

I had my favorite pink kurti saved for this temple nonetheless. The moment I wore it, I just felt like doing Sudarshan kriya. Last night Momsha not only boosted the courage in me but also inspired me to meditate over here. She was like, 'goddess is 'nirbhaya'. Feel that Devi within you. Either you shouldn't have gone so far or if you want to then stay fearless. Also, many renowned intellectuals and sages like Vivekananda or Adi Shankaracharya have travelled and meditated all across at places like Joshimath or Himachal. You too should do kriya or meditate.'

In the morning therefore, since I already had an empty stomach and felt so clean and pure post washing even my hair and hot shower and in clean clothes; I just looked at the snow cladded peaks around this huge a room, realised am at the foot of Kailash mount and sat to do kriya followed by meditation. Aah! The body anyway gets into a natural state of meditation at places like these. Last time in Khajjiar, I was doing kriya after years so was a bit unsure. This time I was confident and could feel each step better, feeling every step, count and breath! It was super powerful. I even did Sahaj after that with the beej mantra and the vision I had fused with blank turiya state - was all an experience that I can't really describe! 

The moment I was finally about to get wear my jeggings to go to the temple, it began to rain. So I got changed into a hemp trouser and three layers of tops along with a shawl! And went down to have brunch!

The way these people served was so respectful and epic. I felt like a royalty. Proper cutlery with tissue and fork! I got rather please that am staying at a decent place with people who understand hospitality and deliver it so well! 

I couldn't step out ofcourse because of rain but I sat in the hotel's verranda, making the most of it. It rained throughout afternoon and even snowed right opposite on upper mountains. The guy who manages this place and even accompanied me for a bit, told me that it might snow even here if it would continue to rain. 

I was well covered, so could enjoy the weather! It felt divine. I anyway love rain and was rather wondering, how come am in Himachal and snow hasn't come to meet me! Seriously, not only I have a connection with rain but a super special bond with snow as well. Sometimes, it even snows without season at places when am there. And I feel grateful for a single day of love and meet with the snow. And oftentimes, whenever I go to a new place, it usually rains! Here, when am in the land of Mahadev, who is my beloved, my end all, be all - rain had to come to bless and celebrate our togetherness! I sang bhajans and songs loudly in the outside lobby and felt at home. 

By evening, suddenly the weather got cleared and the moment I decided to finally go, visit the temple, a beautiful cost Sun came out. I could go visit 84 temples and even record it nicely with snow cladded peaks around, freshly washed temple walls lit by a warm evening Sun! It felt special, serene, magical, divine! 

Then I went for some shopping. I was hoping to buy few warm clothes! But they all were super expensive and made no sense for am not even sure, for how long would I be here. All I really need is a jacket, even for a single day, so that I can wash my sweater. I think there were bed bugs somewhere in all my past stays. I have got tiny bumps here and there. And specially around my left elbow that those bumps are only increasing. Maybe, my sweater has caught them or maybe I got bit by some insect somewhere. I don't know. But this sweater does need to be cleaned! 

Another issue I have is that there is no place to dry my clothes. There's no portico here, no cloth line, no terrace. Inside the dorm, there's no place where Sun and wind peep together enough to dry clothes. I have now dipped half the dirty pile in hot surf water. Tomorrow would wash them and hang them on a pavement outside my window. Would have to jump out from this window to reach that pavement, but that's the only space that seems perfect for it. 

Anyway, I also checked silver accesories today. Unlike Pushkar,  silver is expensive here. I just wished to carry Mahadev's vibes on me as a jewellery piece. Silver is the only metal that works perfect for me at every level. Most of my jewelry is of silver. I was looking for a bangle or chabiyadi kada. Couldn't really get anything special. One was heavy, one had crystals of orange color, one was expensive and so on.

I did buy inner wears and few grocery items. Lol! From Chandrashekhar Mahadev that I had bought braiseries. And from Bharmour that I bought panties. How weird can I be? 

Well, need is a need! 

Btw, water is super tasty over here. I can have endless amount of it. Just yummy it is - plain simple water. 

So, after shopping, I rushed back for 84 temple for evening aarti at 7:30 PM! The main Manimahesh temple is of Harihar Mahadev. It's ekadashi today. Also, it's Monday. Imagine my luck to attend an aarti on such a day. 

And there were so many people sitting all around leaving space for each other as if about to meditate when I reached there. So I simply stood facing Mahadev in the centre. And in few seconds that the aarti began. I had the best spot to experience it - facing Mahadev directly. My eyes got tears on their own. As if I had come home to my beloved and here he was looking at me. It felt like a wedding ceremony of mine with Mahadev. After aarti, chantings and mantras were still going on. When everyone sang, 'twamev maata cha pita twamev, twamev bandhu cha sakha twamev', my eyes swelled up and voice got sultry. I realised how lonely I must have been to cry at these lines finding Mahadev finally as every connection one needs! 

After a truly spiritual and serene aarti, having darshan and Prasad of riceflakes, I sat outside the temple deciding to probably go to a tiny cafe I had seen nearby in the afternoon for dinner. And suddenly few kids offered prasaad. It was halwa and a lot of it. And supreme-most delicious. It had coconut, desi ghee, raisins. Oh, loved it. So full I felt after having it that there was no scope for dinner. I still went to that cafe for a cup of tea atleast, only to realise that the entire Prasad was made by that cafe itself. I complimented the guy that he had made really yummy halwa and he exclaimed having the last bite of the kadai, 'see I had made it and therefore even after distributing to so many, atleast some is left for me as well to have it!' That's Mahadev know. He takes care of everybody to the tiny-most wish! 

He even offered food saying that I should join him but I was full so I told him, 'I had prasad of your hand today, tomorrow for sure that I will have food here.'

When I returned back, my guest house guy was relieved that I had returned. He too offered food. But I was full. So I came back to this huge room after a nice day, sorted my clothes, had a hot shower and here I am meeting you with guava juice. Ha ha! 

Oh, last night I had the best of sleeps! So peaceful. This room is made of solid cement and bricks, so no insects come here. No windows get affected by harshest of weathers. And it's all peace inside. No spiders or bugs disturbed me. No sudden crackling of wood or doors happened. I just slept like at home. And it surely was much needful. 

I read a lot about Bharmour last night. Many people had specially appreciated the hospitality of the locals here and how they are called kailashwaasi as they stay so close to Kailash. Immediately my attitude changed towards Gagan bhai's reception last night and even otherwise. So trusting I became overnight that I didn't even lock this room and just left. Suddenly, everybody seems so honest and pure over here. 

This is a uniquely and with much difficulty - gained trust. Aah! I had missed it so much. 

Thank you dear Ten for healing this aspect in me. My experiences had snatched that trust from within and I was really missing it. I was in desparate need of good people around to again trust my environment and humanity. Let it remain so. Let my vibes be so pure and good that only good vibes manifest in my world. 

One place that is coming again and again to my notice is Kugti. Locals are recommending it. Also, online that I read about it. But it will take three hours to cover 25-30 kilometers. So it must be at a height and road must be difficult. There are a few waterfalls there. And a temple dedicated to Kartik Swami. And it is super beautiful as per the reviews. Trek to Lahaul Spiti goes from there. And it is even further than Manimahesh's path. 

I may or may not do it. Not sure! 

If I get people alongside and a car to take me there and bring me back, lol, I may go! Ha ha! 

Seriously, it seems so far away from my world. And without Manimahesh time, this place is mostly local. But I did notice a few travellers as well today. One was a group of those who were sitting in the temple all cross legged spread around like about to take a class or meditate. Another was a small group of foreigners that I saw in afternoon. 

I was wondering what if a nice guy joins in here in this dorm and we click so well that it becomes the most memorable trip of all. Then I thought about the useless kind of attitude guys generally come along with and dropped the idea. But seriously, where is that guy that my soul seeks? Someone with kind and sparkly eyes with generous, pure, happy soul with empathy and intellect, spirituality and wilderness. Someone who also is experienced with the world and doesn't get into shallow things. Someone who understand souls and connects at the level of energy. Where is he? 

Aah! Mahadev where are you? In me yes! 

Alright my love! Catch you tomorrow. 

Loads of love! 

Mmmmmuuuaah 

 

..........

May 16, 2023

Hey my love, my darling 10 PM! Welcome!

Twice that I was about to make a mistake in accessing our portal today. First I was about to write 2021 and then call you 12. Maybe I should go back to that blog of mine. If it exists! It does. 

Today was a 'Dhyaan' day. I woke up way late. By 12 or so. Finally did most of my laundry. It was extremely sunny outside so could make use of Sun to dry my clothes. Got my room and bed cleaned. Have clean white sheets above and below now. And worked on few videos. By late afternoon, after having a bath I did Sudarshan kriya again. It felt great. But I had lit dhoop in my room for saging because of which the smoke kept affecting my breaths during kriya. 

But the meditation was superb and so was sahej! 

Remember last night that I mentioned that finally no bugs are scaring me. Lol. Last night itself that a spider made its presence noticable and remained in sight right above my head. I do know that they don't bite humans but something about spiders that makes me aware of another's presence in room. Even in a far corner I won't mind it. But I don't know why in this entire trip, spiders are just around in each and every room at every place I have stayed in! Still she is here. like the entire day when people came to clean or give food or tea,it never showed up. Now that am on my bed that it has to come out! Huh! 

Anyway, I had decided to atleast go for evening aarti today. And even meditate there for a bit. My plan was to meditate in the temple vicinity, have burgers from that shop where I had promised, attend aarti, come back and later have khichdi for dinner. 

It was evening by the time I finally stepped out. And I had only walked a few steps that I felt rain drops. I always feel the rain way before it comes. So I changed my course. Suddenly I noticed a way going towards Bhrahmani temple. That's one temple I really wish to visit and in that pink kurti but I was taking it to be 6 kms but this way was for hike and locals told me it's 2.5 kms. So it got decided for tomorrow. And because of upcoming rain, I decided to stay close by and simply took that oath but towards lower side. Oh Ten, I could finally feel the real Bharmour. Am anyway staying at a peaceful place, way away from market's noise or chaos. But that place was heaven. It's on the other side of mountain, is right below Kailash parvat and has a waterfall far below in sight and loads of fields on the hill side. I pampered a cow on my way who came out specially to meet me. And the very fragrance of the place was heaven - so refreshing like cedar. I love cedar wood's fragrance. I don't know what was smelling so great there. Around me were cow shelters and cow dung but there was something magically fragrant in the air and so refreshing that I totally got into the moment, the view and that feel!

Then it began to rain and I rushed to a tiny shop nearby my hotel. I had Maggie and tea there and conversed with a few locals. Got to know that these are all gaddi people and they come under tribal cast for they stay almost in forest. 

It's amazing how the same Maggie can taste so different at every place. There was a girl Kajal in Lagga who had given me Jeera Maggie like with proper tadka and all and it had tasted superb. Today I had Maggie with crushed cabbage for the first time and it too was uniquely great. I met a guy Suraj there who has a general store nearby. He seemed nice and spoke well. 

Then I went to the market and bought a new shirt for myself. Oh Ten, I had been longing for a good shirt of mine. Earlier I had infinite friends and I loved wearing shirts of my special friends. Now for past many years I hardly connect to anyone at that level, leave apart having right enough to even wear anyone's clothes. That's the most beautiful memory I guess I will take from here. This red shirt that I bought for myself. It's a manly shirt lol. But I loved it. It's over - sized and therefore I loved it more. And now I can wear any of my crop tops and layer it with this shirt and hang out wherever that I want. It's like Mahadev's shirt and protection for me. Red represents love! I loved it. So excited was I for it that I wore it right after a bath after returning back. 

The guy who had sold it to me was also super nice. He didn't quote any price. He instead asked me, how much do you want to pay? I will give it to you at whatever price you want!' I said a price and he actually gave it to me. And there was something in our eye exchange. It was so pure. I don't know why that conduct happened like that. As if Mahadev himself entered him.

I was so done with my sweater but had to wear it again today for that was the only full sleeved thing that I had. I really needed that shirt! And I got it. Exactly of my choice. Really thankful to that guy. 

After that I went to the temple. 

Rain had stopped earlier just after my Maggie and tea and rain resumed just the moment I reached the temple. Thanks to that I could get almost an hour of no disturbance, just a stormy rain and Mahadev's abode and in it I trying to meditate. 

So magical and powerful are the vibes of that temple. Anything I think of immediately gets manifested there. Remember last night about Prasad. Today too something similar happened. The moment I sat outside the garb grah, right beside the door, I thought, it would have been great had I been having an asana. The floor was cold. Also, Lakhan Bhai in Pushkar had taught me to always take and asana before meditating or praying. Suddenly panditji came and brought an asana just for me. I was overwhelmed. I thanked him and then for an hour, chanted Om, meditated, chanted Om Namah shivaya. It was an other worldly experience. Later it got super cold and my legs got tingly, so I got up. There was still half an hour left for aarti. Another tourist girl joined in. And she, I and pandit ji got into a conversation. It felt weird speaking so much after meditation. 

Panditji seemed such a nice and happy guy. Most of the people here are happy and calm. I got the chance to ring bells for aarti. I was doing it with my right arm because everything holy must be done with right hand. But my right arm is not that strong after accident and rod. And I personally being a major lefty never discriminated between right and left. Yet, to respect, I was still ringing it with right arm. I was like Mahadev only will give me the power now. And then I noticed the guy opposite to me holding his right arm's elbow with left arm. And then I got it. I too supported my right arm with left hand and that's it. I could contribute to the aarti throughout. 

Last night I read more about both the temples over here. In 84 temples, there are three four temples which are prominent. One is ofcourse Harihar temple of main Manimahesh Mahadev. Another is Ganesha temple that is at the entry itself. It was way ancient but it had to be reconstructed after Aurangjeb's invasion. Aurangjeb's army had caused a lot of destruction in these beautiful temples. Including the central Nandi's metal statue whose one ear and tail are broken. They though it was made of gold and when they realised that it wasn't the case, they destroyed it. 

Nandi here is a life sized bulk and is very cute. 

Another temple is Dharmaraj Mahadev. It is believed that every departed soul has to stand in Dharmraj's court, which is here, and he takes account of the person's good or bad deeds and then decided if the person should go to merge with Mahadev or not. 

Also, 84 temples represent 84 yonis in which a soul takes birth after which it finally merges with Mahadev or universe. 

Another story about 84 temples is that there were 84 prominent sages who had visited this place during the reign of King Meru. To show his respect that Meru had built these 84 temples. 

Another significant temple here is Lakshminarayan temple. Though there are very few alliterations used but the statue itself is built that way that it totally represents the cosmic power of righteousness to stand against anything bad. 

People have a lot of faith in that temple and that statue's power. The temple too is way ancient and has amazing wall carvings. 

The most enticing temple I found there was of goddess Vidhi. The master writer of everyone's life. 'Lakhna Devi' as people call her. 

Her statue too is beautiful and temple is extremely mesmerizing with beautiful wood carvings and numerous stories depicted upon its walls. 

The over all vibe of Bharmour is so peaceful that I finally feel home. This is the ancient capital of Chamba by the way. It is here that a king had got blessings of three sons and a daughter Champawati and on Champawati's name that Champa or Chamba got established. 

Bharmour too was earlier known as Bharmmapur named after a renowned lady called Bhrahmani who used to live here. She had a son who had a parrot whom he loved a lot. Once, the parrot died and son got grief struck. The mother couldn't see her son in that much grief and therefore left her own life as well. People got astonished to see that much love of a mother and therefore built this temple of Bhrahmani here. It is believed that Manimahesh yatra remains incomplete until one visits this Bhrahmani temple. 

I still have to go there and experience it's vibe. Also am sure, there must be more story to it. 

The aunty who works here in my hotel is extremely happy go lucky. She is always smiling and I love that about her. Today while cleaning my room, we had a chat. She told me that she had a love marriage at the age of 17. By now she has two sons - one of them is 18. She blushed while telling about her husband and that tiny gesture of love and pride upon her face was something incomparable to all treasures in the world. I loved to see her so happy. She was sweeping the floor of my room but all I could see was a content lady who did and is doing her bit in the world and with such love and joy. 

Her life seemed sorted and so did she. 

Ofcourse the conversation had to go to my marriage and why I too should get into it. That I would need someone at my old age, etc. 

Ha ha! Always the same! 

But this advice I didn't mind. Honestly. She was so honest and genuine in her words. She narrated instances of her own relatives and life lessons. It just was a sweet talk. 

And I loved to see her find a man who kept her so happy even so long after their wedding! 

May she stay happy and gets rather more abundant. May Mahadev bless her. 

Such people are seriously rare in the world - as happy, as content, as humble and as dutiful. 

May world get more genuine people. 

This room feels even better tonight after cleaning and even opening windows to let wind and sun come in. Now though it's night. I can see a few stars. On mountains, there are millions of stars visible and it is here that I have lost my touch with stars. I am usually such a sky gazer. One there is no rooftop at any of these places. Another, it gets so cold by night that I don't go out. Third, my own fears don't let me turn off all the lights to atleast see them from the window. 

I know that though I have been craving to get into civilization throughout Chamba trip, but the moment I would reach there, I am gonna miss this. This peace, this solitariness, this chirping of birds throughout day, the easy access to forests, this high altitude, this sheer silence at night! 

I don't even feel like speaking here, leave apart speaking loudly. When I converse with anyone in city, they sometimes can't hear me. Reason is because of the noise that cities have and we get used to over there. 

Here, one can even hear the breeze. Even silence has a lot of sound. Sometimes it gets eearie. That's why spiders scare me here. Because I can even here their 6-8 legs tapping upon the ceiling. Can you imagine? That silent! 

Oh, today, because it was sunny, people were playing cricket here upon the helipad below my hotel. All around there were snow cladded peaks. And the middle were they playing right below a bright Sun. These people are accustomed to winters. Most part of the year it snows here. So the little sun that they get, they live it the most. 

They say that they get sick even when they go to main chamba sometimes. So much used to winter and purity they are over here. 

Even a hospital is a new thing for them which is right next to the helipad. All this while, just natural herbs were their solution for they hardly used to get sick. 

I hope they stay healthy. 

I think hospital over here is also for people who may get injured or sick during Manimahesh yatra. Otherwise, life seems quite fine for these people. 

Oh, pandit ji today told me that gaddi word comes from royal gaddi. They are all gaddi meaning they all belong to that royalty. A bhrahmin would be gaddi bhrahmin and rajpoot would be gaddi rajpoot. 

That was interesting to know. 

Now I know that my pompom too was a royalty and that's why had such nakhre. lol. Oh, I miss him. That cuddle. That cutie pie face. That soft fur. Everything. 

I hope he stays happy and full power wherever that he be. 

I do wish to carry a living memento of this place. Like a plant or a pet. And keep it with me. Hope I get it. 

Alright my love. Catch you tomorrow. Good night. 

Mmmmmuuuuaaah 

You are my red shirt! 

..............

May 17, 2023

Hey my love! My darling 10 PM! Welcome! Am still in Bharmour. It's strange, without even going anywhere or doing anything, am just loving it! From the first morning at this place, I just felt, this is it! There's peace all over and within! Aah! My phone is hanging so much today as if someone is hacking it!

It's so difficult to type like this! 

So, ya! From the 1st day itself that I felt home here! And it's getting only better! Today was a 'Vibe weaver's' day, not Mystical Wanderer's. I woke up late to a chilled drizzling day. Though I had full plans of visiting Bhrahmani temple but I checked the weather forecast that was finally showing Bharmour's weather and not Dulhousie's and realised that it was predicted to be raining the entire day till evening. 

Honestly, for past three days, everyday that I dragged myself out! I just needed this off day to not dress up, not go anywhere and do what needs to be done. When I travel some place, I don't just travel, I also write, sketch, do music and loads of other things. The artist in me was craving for some time. I had been really into travel all this while. 

I could finally finish that sketch that I had left mid way in Jot. May be it looks like that, maybe not. I had to use imagination for what was left incomplete. 

Well, it looks decent! See! 

Also, edited a few insta videos. It's weird how I get shocking massive amount of views and likes on religious videos and hardly any on nature ones. My purpose though is to keep documenting and sharing my journey. I don't really know why, but it seems super important to me! Regardless of views or likes. Like, I do know what would work way better. Example, I could have trimmed all the videos of Khajjiar into one and headed it like 'Things to do in Khajjiar'. But that wouldn't have brought out the leaves I noticed, the ancient trees I wanted to show, the magic of different times of the day in separate segments! Anyway, I would remain myself and continue doing things my way - whether anyone loves it or not! 

Today was the third consistent day of Sudarshan kriya. I don't know how I just feel like it from within! I don't even know why! Every afternoon that I sit in my room and do it and feel great about it. Today I even did Shav asana post that. Oh Ten, the cushion below my head just got placed at such a soft angle that I felt as if my head was in the lap or palms of Mahadev! It was a superb feeling. Am at the foothills of Kailash, and lucky enough to get this huge a room overlooking snow cladded peaks  all around and where I can meditate! 

Two days back I thought of Parvati doing penance for years deep in forest for Mahadev! Compared to that this setting is extremely comfortable. I have a room and food and it's hardly a penance. Atleast I can meditate. 

I didn't do sahej today but those moments where I felt like I was in the lap of Shiva were just heaven! Oh, also, after kriya, while meditating, I had these visions where I saw myself inside a building that had huge walls. And above it was a bright blue sky. And Mahadev told me, these walls are made of 'I'. You got to leave that 'I' to cross these walls and then there is infinity waiting for you. And my focus shifted towards the bright blue sky. 

During Shav asana, I passed out for a bit I guess in Yoga nindra. But I did remember this vision and this learning! 

Oh, I had a yummy sandwich this afternoon. I love capsicum. 

Evening was beautiful where I was first sketching with rain outside and then with a bright Sun that caressed me right inside my room. I could bask in evening Sun right upon my bed and it felt super lucky. I could only be grateful. 

And that's when suddenly I noticed what I though was seeing all these days, but wasn't really looking! One whole wall's windows of my room offer snow cladded Pir Panjar range! Remember how much I had walked in Khajjiar just to have a better look at them and how much that I wished to stay at Gate, just to be able to gaze at them right from my room. I have these mountains right outside my room where each day when it rains here, it snows there! How amazing! Imagine it's today that I realized it. Mahadev takes care of every tiny wish of mine, even those that I myself forget! I kept switching between the snow and Sun while I lied on my bed facing towards the window, listening to my favorite music. It had been long I had heard songs. Usually I just love to listen to the chirping of birds and music somehow reminds me of M, specially live one or love songs and I don't want to go there. Today though, I just felt a swell of love and gratitude within, as I came totally into those moments with an abundance of magical beauty around me and the significance of vibes I was getting to be in. Music was an icing on cake. 

For dinner much later, I had khichdi today that I had been long craving for. It was same like I used to make back in Bangalore, the happiest phase of my life. It brought numerous nostalgic flavours and made me super content. I even asked for more. And was myself surprised at this sudden change in my diet. 

I take rice rarely. Rather, there were few years in my life when I just didn't eat rice. But these days, every now and then, occasionally, when I get to have rice, I love them. 

Only thing missing today is something sweet. Ha ha. Such a sweet tooth I have.

Oh, am finally done with all my laundry! Each and every cloth has been washed. Even my sweater that is still getting dried in my room. 

My darling 10, you are the most unusual time I have dated. All the other times I connected to, I dug then deep. Was always at the same place. Hardly traveled. And realised every minute passing by. Here, time just passed on its own and I strictly write for an hour, no less, no more! I don't think about your digits or numbers or before or after. I only talk about my day. And that's about it! Don't you get bored? Atleast I don't go into my past. Maybe these are the most aware meets as well for an totally in my present each day. And we just travel, wherever till whenever and stay or not and just live one day at a time! You are indeed the perfect travel mate! We don't stress about tomorrow. We don't talk all the time. The entire day is peaceful. Nights are productive and sometimes scary or lonely and even great when I sleep well and get good dreams. I have seen so many places, people, cultures, vegetation in past few days. And I feel like a new person at every place. Maybe an excessive travel made me focus less on you and talk only about my day or maybe that's the best for you live through me in me via my day. 

I say this today because last night at around 3 AM, that I suddenly remembered that I once again had forgotten to wish my college bestie Kimmi on 11th on her birthday. Would you believe, I checked the correct date with her on 10th and she was like, yes, it is tomorrow. And still, I forgot to wish her on 11th. Lol! It's a record. I never wish her on the right day. 

I called her today though first thing when I woke up. She was laughing about it that I again forgot. Atleast she knew that did want to wish her on that specific day because I had specially checked. I also told her that I have been traveling and she understood that it's normal to not remember other things when one travels so much. I just love her. Though time has brought us so apart. She just has been cold for years now. But I do love her. Once we were inseparable. There was such pure love between us that even angels could have been envious. But we were immature to handle it. Both of us. 

I do love her and would always do. Though I and she both gave each other enough reasons to never talk with each other. But deep in there was deep love. And that's what I remember. Not what she had done or the details of what I had done. All I remember is the love we shared, the friendship we once had. 

That's how I am. If someone gets a soft spot in my heart then that becomes eternal. Though I am the first one to block people or just shun people out of my life but my love deep in remains forever. And sometimes I myself forget the reason for a fight. Lol! 

Though if someone hurts my self respect then I remember that too forever. I do forgive but never forget a lot many things! 

Guruji however says to forgive and forget to have a clear conscious. But I feel that mind and memory is given to us for a purpose. We must forgive but not forget so that we don't get into the same cycle or experience again with that person or even a new one! 

My inability to feel home anywhere in Chamba was making me eager to get done with this month and blog as soon as possible. Momsha had even exclaimed that even these walls are self made. And I can move if I am not comfortable. But when I told her how important this blog is to me, she then gave me courage. And Mahadev blessed me with perfect places to take care of all my needs! 

And you ofcourse are there with me. I no more feel distant or far off. I no more feel scared. I just feel safe here. So much so that today of all days so far, I didn't go anywhere and didn't mind staying put and still loved the day I had. 

I do seek travel but not to an extreme like going for full power treks like Everest. I look for a blend between new and familiar. Like some sort of comfort that remains my basic. And I don't like burning myself at both ends for any experience. I like to explore but not prove any thing or create world records or anything. I feel that God is everywhere and I don't need to cross mountains to reach him. Yet I do need to reach certain heights to get rid of chaos and be more attuned with nature and within. The more higher one goes, the less noise there is and the more one can connect to the hollowness or aakash tattava. Yet there too, I won't want to lose my mind all together that I get dizzy or something and not know where I be. Ha ha! 

What's the point of experiencing anything when you are not aware of you experiencing it! It would be similar to having a drunk sloshed night where you may have done shit crazy things the entire time but you don't remember doing anything the next morning! 

That's why I quit all intoxicants. Because I like this state of mind where I am totally aware of my reality. Yet, sometimes it all seems funny. For there is nothing like a reality. It's all energy, all images, fictions being played in various parts of collective consciousness. 

Aah! The sweet mystery called life. Aah! The facades of seeming reality. 

How we see mountains as solid earth and water as flowing free. How energy be the super solid inter-knitted on earth and flowing in currents in water. How there be in reality no matter! And how these too are mere fictions confined in the limits of few researchers. 

What is truth? None knows! Who are we? Who is God? What is Energy? Why are we living? Who plotted all this? What's the point of life anyway? Why materialism when there is no matter? Why are there vices? Why the biological system? Why the need to eat or sleep? Why all these actions? Why good and bad polarities? 

Aah! There's no end to it! 

Alright my love! Catch you tomorrow. 

Sorry for the random gibber! Ha ha. 

Love you. 

Mmmmuuuuaaah 

............

May 18, 2023

Hey my love! My dear 10 PM! Ram Ram! 

Today was simply a spectacular day! I woke up again and again throughout morning only to find it raining outside. But I was determined to go to Bhrahmani temple today. I left my bed on time. Even did sheersh asana for a friend last night told me to do so. Did Sudarshan kriya and sehej for momsha recommended, overlooking the snow clapped Dhauladhar range and rain all around. 

Then I dressed up in a light blue legging, few layers of tops and my red shirt. Even kept a raincoat in my bag that I didn't use. 

Outside that I had pakaude and chai in rain. By the time I left for Bhrahmani, rain had stopped. The hike was of 3 kilometers though a road also could have taken me there. But I didn't want to depend upon anyone and really wished to feel these mounts up-close. And a walk was long needed for I had rested enough. 

Oh, it totally was a 3 km hike and felt rather more for it got way sunny and after half the way there wasn't any village or people to be seen. As I crossed Hanuman temple and hiked on, I felt maybe I am wrong and this way would rather take me all the way to Manimahesh. I stopped mid way and checked with Suraj who thankfully had exchanged number this morning itself while I was having chai. He confirmed the way and said that I had only reached half way. So I kept walking on! And I reached some of the most spectacular green pastures and alpine forests. There were sheeps, horses - after forest land and the more I hiked, the higher I reached. After walking on for a long time that I bumped into a gaddi aunty who was weaving sweater and had her sheeps around. We had a little chit chat. She looked beautiful - comfortably sitting upon that lush green grass! 

I walked on and a natural waterfall happened mid way. The landscape kept on changing after every few steps. The nore I walked the more heavenly it became. Bhrahmani temple turned out to be close to deep forest upon way high an altitude. Beyond that there was only gaddi land and forest. 

There was a kund and two swimming pools built there for people to take a bath. 

When people go for Manimahesh yatra, that's the first place they visit after Chamba's chaugaan and Temple. Here they take a bath in the holy kund. I just washed my face and sprinkled some water upon my feet and head. 

Pandit ji there told me the real story of Bhrahmani. Bhrahmani is Bhrahmacharini roop of Goddess Parvati. She used to stay at main Bharmour. Once Mahadev took the attire of a sage and visited Devi over here. He asked to stay for one night. Devi since was a celibate said that alright, you can stay here tonight, and I would stay in the forest someone for the night for I can't stay with you. Thus Bhrahmani left to the present Bhrahmani temple's place way higher and further in forest. 

Next morning when she came back, there were 84 temples built here in Bharmour. Bhrahmani then got shocked and ordered the sage to reveil his true self for it was impossible for a sage to build those temples in such less time. Mahadev then showed his real self. 

Devi felt deceived and got angry and decided to live in the forest itself giving Mahadev Bharmour to stay on! Mahadev then blessed Devi that nobody's Manimahesh yatra would get complete until they visit Bhrahmani's temple first and take her blessings.

I took few mementoes of the place and even had Maggie and tea there. I though wishes to meditate there, but there wasn't enough time. I did check out the only guest house nearby to stay there in that serenity if I want to. Though it seemed quite a forest area to be staying on my own. I really feel super safe over here! 

While returning back I got a chance to interact with a gaddi shepherd who not only clicked me with a bhedu/baby sheep but told me a lot about his life. These gaddi people live truly nomadic life. One month here, one month in Kugti, one month in Spiti then one month back in Bharmour, then one month in Kangra, and then one month in Punjab. As per weather and availability of grass for their sheeps. Not everyone travels. Women go to their fixed homes. But men take the cattle and keep on roaming to be able to feed them with grass. They have horses as well upon whom they keep their luggage while travelling. But they don't take their horses in snowy areas like Spiti for they don't go there. When they travel via forests, there is danger of both wild animals and thieves. Both of them attack or steal their cattle. 

But they still live the same way calling it their 'parampara/tradition'. He even showed me the jacket he was wearing made of wool of their own sheeps. I asked him how was it brown and he said, they had used black and cream together to make it brown. 

I was bit concerned for the long way back so I bid him farewell ofcourse thanking him for his time. 

Coming down was so quick, unlike going upwards - majorly because I was unsure of the way the first time.

Mid way I even stopped just before village to absorb in the before dusk snowy peaks and the abundance of forests that I couldn't see the first time I had reached here. 

Later I came back to my guest house and just then it began to rain. I still wanted to even go for evening aarti at 84 temple and I did indeed go. There I saw it alliterated and lit. People invited me for a dhaam today there and even for a night long satsang. Remember that Shiv Pooja in Chaminoo for which I was invited but I couldn't go as it was night time and Pooja was on the other side of the river. Here too it's a similar Pooja. Someone's wish/mannat has come true and therefore this Pooja is organised. This kind of shiv Pooja is special not only because of bhajans that go on night long but also because special chelas come for these ceremonies who are believed to have Shiva's energy in them. 

I had decided there to definitely attend this one. I didn't stop for dhaam, instead finally could get burgers and got way too full. I needed time on my own. So thought of having dinner, bath, out date and later going for that Pooja. That would go on the entire night anyway. 

How lucky these people are to be having this Pooja in such ancient temple of Mahadev! 

Back at my guest house, the manager informed me that the same Pooja is actually tomorrow as well and tomorrow's would be noteworthy. So I decided to instead go tomorrow. Though right now that I can hear drums from the temple and my soul is half way there. But now I have had a bath, am in my bed and it is way too cold tonight. 

Do you know the temptature is 6 degrees right now, which is the lowest I have seen at this time in this trip. To imagine, it is the month of May! 

Suraj had invited me for a night walk just downstairs upon helipad. I had agreed but got dicey. I told him we back probably go during day time somewhere for an hour or two but he has a shop that he takes care of, so he can't go. Whenever anyone asks me for a party my mind immediately rings red signal. Why do people want to just booze or something. Why can't we meet just like that..and when I denied dinner and all, he instead wanted to come here to my guest house. He even dared to ask, 'so where? In the room or in cafe?' 

Like why would I invite a stranger to my room. And why even my guest house? And night time too is not comfortable for me to meet. 

Though he seems like a genuine guy vibe wise. But still! I just don't want to go. 

I did however told him that if he is interested to go for that satsang at night, then I can join. Then he was like, let me check! Ha ha! 

People know! 

But people as such are super nice over here in Bharmour. Seriously super nice. Everyone is so genuine. So are the prices. Can you believe I had a burger for rs. 20 today! And even guys know, they all respect! Nobody would be oddly gazing you as if they have never seen a girl. They don't even raise their eyes unnecessarily. And truly respect everyone. 

People are super humble, helping and good. And vices like greed or lies haven't even reached here. I love such places where people are genuine and true. 

Even Suraj is a nice guy. And even Gagan Bhai was nice. Just they don't know that I am staying away from intoxicants. And maybe I have carried that kind of vibe for too long. And maybe they just want me to get comfortable and do whatever I like to do. 

In mountains, specially at higher altitudes, liquor kind of becomes a medicine, for it keeps one warm. I just don't feel like having it anymore. Or if I would do, I would like to have it with my friends. Though I hardly have any friends any more. 

Last night I interacted with an old connection after maybe an year. Once I had liked his vibe too much. Then he hurt me. Then it became a sweet and spiritual bond. But he had other expectations. I don't know why I think of him at holy places. I dont know why I even called him day before. But he is special to me. Not romantically but in a way that I don't have an understanding of. But everytime I talk to him, he expresses some tantrik interests and that boggles my head. I don't really want any such thing with him. We are connected though, that I know. 

And it always feels good to talk to him. But something about him scares me as well. 

Today, I am bit concerned for momsha's health. She seemed tired when I talked to her. Also, that I prayed for Chi in the temple. I had gone to Bhrahmani temple taking her to be a mother who loved her son so much that she couldn't see him in pain. I prayed there for my brother. For he is in deep pain right now. I don't know how to make him understand that everything happened for his good. All I know is that he is in pain and I feel sad for him. Moresoever because, momsha also gets upset when he gets upset. And I can't see my Chi upset. 

They are my world. And though I have crossed most of my attachments and have seen many highs and lows, yet I do love them the most in the world. I prayed for Chi today. I hope he gets mental strength and clarity and comes out even stronger and better in his situation. 

So my dear 10, ssup with you? We have stars and snow around. We finally did Bhrahmani as well! Where would you like to meet after this? Though I am living this place, the safety it makes me feel, the peace and stability. But all that is there for there's no one else living in this dorm. Aunty had told me that on 20th people would come here. So maybe then we would have to move. 

That room near Bhrahmani seemed nice, but I don't know for how long. Because it would be same like staying in a forest, a total nowhere. 

Or we can go to Kugti. That would need travel. Though everyone has recommended that place. Maybe. Maybe not. It's just not coming from inside to go to Kugti. 

Today I realised one thing. I had left Delhi for Chamba, hoping it to be a comfortable place. I had seen few pics of some dam and had hoped for nature, river, lake, cafes. It turned out way different from my expectations. Offered a hell amount of travel. And each and every place turned out to be way different and even more beautiful than the last one. My videos are lagging from my real time line. By the time I come to edit and upload a video of last place, I get grooved to the new place which is always better and different from previous vibes. 

Chamba has totally surprised me at every level and in the most beautiful ways! Though it is challenging, also far off from my known world, but am gradually getting grooved to it. And specially here in Bharmour that I feel so so better. That's the place I had been longing to come to. This too turned out to be way different from my expectation. I had imagined it to be a village not far from Chamba, but an ancient kind of place, gaddi ofcourse but with loads of temples. It has a religious flavour to it and people are ofcourse super nice. But it's not just a village. It has both ancient and modern vibes. 

On, today I actually got to see various other villages around on the way to Bhrahmani. And meet local kids with red flushed cheeks, fair and chubby. Today was seriously rustic, close to nature, into the wild kind of day. Today I met with the real Bharmour and it felt great. 

Aah! I can still hear the dholak from the temple. That temple is 1.8 kms from here. Still it is audible. Now, am not sure what to do. If I should go at this time or not. I know, it would be worth it once I go. But it's cold, it's night and it's unknown. Though it's Mahadev's temple and everyone is welcome over there. It would be great way to connect to locals and finally get the satsang I had been long wishing for. Let's see. Will listen to my soul. 

Momsha gave a beautiful lesson today. She said that God can be seen in three ways - 1st person, 2nd person and 3rd person. When we go to temples, we see God as third person, when we see God in others and do seva, we see God as second person and when we meditate, we see God within ourselves as 1st person. She had heard this in Yog Vashishth. 

I loved it. Also I added that God is infact all three persons because everything is God. And it's better therefore to pray and experience God in all three ways -  in temples, in others and in self.

She agreed. 

Alright my love! Please make my momsha healthy again. Give her lot of energy. She does so much for the world. Always keep her healthy and happy. 

Love you my darling Ten! 

See you tomorrow. 

Mmmmmmuuuuuaaah! 

And thank you for today. It was beautiful indeed and magical - the entire day! 

..............

May 19th, 2023

My darling 10 PM! Welcome! 

Have taken a bath today for our date but am still wearing this bra for am planning to go to Shiv Pooja post our meet. And that is a bit uncomfortable to be in bed!

Well! I just don't want to get too comfortable today for I really want to go for the Pooja! Though I can't really hear any drums or anything so far. But the people in my guest house told me that today for sure there would be a Pooja. So am hoping to finally participate in it. Though it gets a bit risky on mountains to go out alone for even drunkards roam around at this time. But Mahadev is there with me, so I shouldn't really be afraid of anything! 

Last night I couldn't sleep because half my heart and soul was in the temple wishing to be a part of the Pooja and satsang. Even if I have stepped out of Pushkar, but I have got addicted to satsangs. And I really crave for bhakti and that devotion. That was the main reason to come to Bharmour for I was seeking that religious flavour, that devotion and satsangati with satsangs. 

It takes time to trust a place, get to know people around, know when to be where and even have company for the same. Day time I don't mind going wherever on my own. At night, it becomes a bit difficult and risky. But the trust this place has already gained is shocking even to my own self. I just leave the door open with all my stuff. Today my hotel's people told me to lock the room and only then leave for so many guys come downstairs to play cricket. I was like, it's a dorm, I didn't want to cause any discomfort and wanted the room to be available for the others. Plus, I trust you all. And the owner sweetly said that he has already given the other dorm to people who came. That he wants me to be comfortable for I have already stayed for this long. 

Oh, I must atleast unhook this bra. I am feeling captivated in it. Wait! Let me get comfortable. 

Aah! So much better! Guess I have eaten quite a lot today, that is why it seemed so imprisoning. 

Today was a fine day. I woke up on decent time but with a cough. Maybe last night I had got wet while returning back from aarti and didn't realise it when I went outside for dinner. With my feet wet in my crocs, I caught some cough. 

Today therefore was dedicated to Sun and writing. 

And you won't believe, I became such a hubshy today. 

10:10

Aah! So good to see double you. Hello! Double power. 

So, I woke up with the thought of chole bhatoore today for I had seen it on some cafe's menu last evening. I did Sudarshan kriya, even had a bath, but all the while I was just excited to go to that cafe and have chole bhatoore. Lol. 

And I even did that. Got dressed up, and crossed the entire helipad with numerous guys playing cricket, just to go to the cafe upon the road to have chole bhatoore. Ha ha. 

They seemed way different from what am used to. But the guy took the pain to make them specially for me and that was commendable. Even coffee was served in a mug after a long time. And I loved it. And while sitting there, all those kids I had met in my hike yesterday, crossed again today while they were returning from school. We recognised each other and it was such a happy meet. The cafe owner told me a lot about life here. It was a sweet conversation. 

When I came back I thought of sitting in the room first to write but the room seemed too cold. And I was feeling way cold today. Outside though it was sunny but crazy windy. I still decided to go outside and sit at a spot that is always visible from my window where a gaddi woman often comes to sit..

And it truly was a remarkable place. I could sit there for hours and write another story. It's still not complete, but few pages. I would have to meet with that gaddi shepherd again with whom I had a conversation with last afternoon. Whatever he had told me about his life became such a beautiful story. I can use my imagination to build on further. But it would be all the more better to narrate some real life incident. Or I will see. 

Towards evening I meditated at the same spot. And it was magical. A bit sunny, below a bright blue sky with snowy cliffs in front and greens all around. As if I was sitting in the lap of heaven! I just love nature. Nature is God and a beloved to me. 

Later towards evening that I had tea in my room and had a conversation with momsha. Thank you for making her better dear Ten! I can't be at peace when she gets even a little unwell. Though bhai has fever and am concerned for both of them. 

Why can't he be emotionally stronger. That's a must in any human! EQ should be strong. Maybe that is why he is given such circumstances, to become stronger emotionally. But it has been too long now. 

Maybe there is no Pooja happening today. For I can't hear any drums. I will first check and only then go. Though am mentally prepared today to experience it. Last night, the entire night it seemed as if it was calling me. And yet, I didn't go. 

I also missed talking with N last night. The friend I had had a conversation with after an year the night before. I could sleep in peace after so long that night. But I don't want to give him any false hopes. All he seems interested in is body. Though his energy is truly spiritual and magical. I just don't take him that way and it feels weird when he suddenly offers a kiss or sends such an emoticon. I can be light hearted with anyone else but I don't want to hurt him. Yet, I did miss talking to him last night. 

But I still didn't call him. I kept oscillating between thoughts of satsang and thoughts of calling him and thoughts of my work and thoughts of sleeping on time and the entire night passed like that. Something feels home with him. In the most platonic and spiritual of ways. If only he understood. 

Not like I have anyone else in my life. But I can't really be who he needs and vise verse. So it is! 

We can however connect at the level universe wants us to connect - but platonically - which is the most crucial! 

No drums audible still! What if there is no such ceremony today. I would make a fool of myself then! 

Huh! Mahadev plays funny games with me seriously. 

Only Mahadev will guide me for what is right for me. I don't want to dress up and see a dark empty temple. Yesterday I was sure but wasn't prepared. Today though my guest house people have assured me but there is no sound. And that makes me doubtful. Let's see. Will confirm and only then leave. 

My phone's storage is so full now. I don't have any wifi here and mobile data has a limit. I don't really back up on mobile data. 

Even insta videos are hardly responsive these days and it seems like such a waste of my time when I put in so much of my time and effort in editing and writing! Anyway, all my work is based upon this inner call. It must have a reason so I would go on! With or without appreciation or reaction. Just like my writing, my travel, my art! 

Someday, even universe would be bound to take my case and know the intensity with which I express and create whatever that I create. 

My only purpose of life is to keep on creating and that I would. Specially in the land of Mahadev where goddess of writing Vidhi Devi resides, where my Bhramacharini goddess has an abode where nature creates selflessly and where Kailash is the roof of this world. I would keep on hammering the heaven with my soft blows of art and one day it would have to bend and open its doors of abundance and right opportunities for me.

Oh, today I bumped into a local at a grocery store. He was pursuing M.phil in English from JNU but left it mid way and continued from HPU. He is a principal of some college over here. He invited me to deliver a lecture in his college about writing and travel and also invited me to his home to meet his wife and kids. It was an intellectual conversation. But yeah, we hardly exchanged any contact or anything. Just a casual conversation. Still, it was good to talk to someone educated. Also the fact that he has passed NET twice, something that I couldn't do when I tried. That's the only thing left incomplete in my life. Something for which I had studied for five years but couldn't finish. By the end of five years it has simply seemed like a sheep walk and I wanted to do something different. I did attempt NET couple of times though and each time that I missed it by 1 mark or so and finally I took it to be a universal sign that I am not meant for that. And I instead have a higher purpose. That would have snatched my freedom but could have given me status in society, a stable life and loads of perks. 

Well, universe must have thought of something for me. I know mine is the most unique way but it would surely take me to some spectacular place meant just for me. 

I lead the treks. I carve out the paths. That's what I would do. 

Oh, my hair were tied in a tight bun and that was also making me uncomfortable. I just now realised. It was giving me a headache. The thing that I might have to go out again is not letting me get comfortable tonight. Again and again am thinking of possibilities, outside whooshing wind, if the event is happening or not, whom can I call to check and stuff! It's core peace though beats wise. And it seems quite stormy weather wise. 

Deep in, I wish to talk to N, snuggled in my bed. Deep in, I also wish to take the risk, visit the temple, experience Mahadev's vibes throughout night. Time will decide. 

Please help me dear Ten. Let me only go if it is actually happening. 

Do give me a sign or something. 

Beats, drums, anything! 

There is a dog here called Julie. She often sits outside our guest house. Everybody knows her and adores her. Today I could pamper her. She had sat with me the first day while we enjoyed the rain. Today she met me again and I loved her so much. Aah! I do wish to carry some living energy from here. Maybe a plant or a pup. Yesterday in Hanuman's temple that I had found a huge rose bush. I wanted to take a cutting but I had no instrument or anyone around to take permission from. So I didn't. It would have been great to carry that pious rose stem from here and even a little soul and then plant it at my home. 

I wasn't aware of the fact that people take grass from Khajiaar to plant in their verrandas, else I would have ensured to take some for my home as well. It's my dream to have a grassy pot at home. And to have that pious grass living in my own portico would have been divine. Anyway, cosmos would guide me to take the perfect memento from the perfect place with the perfect vibes. 

Everywhere that I go to in Chamba, there are wheat fields. I have fallen in love with those plants, their unique color, the grass. It's just spectacular. It's a fusion of light grass green and faded gold - so classy in their appearance. So beautiful to adore. 

I wish to do a sketch even here in Bharmour. I just don't know where. There's a frame that one of my room's windows make. The upper mounts are snowy. The lower are mostly blue and brown. I have used way too much green in my sketches by now. Maybe that would be a unique frame and comparatively easier to make. 

Detailing happens beautifully with colored pens. But shading becomes an issue. Am also craving to use a little bit of pencil. Been long I have rectified my mistakes with an eraser. Long ago I had decided to pick up a black pen for art. As I realised that just like life's actions can't be redone and mistakes can't be undone. And one must only learn how to beautify or give a new form to what has already happened. So should be my art. So that I learn how to be spontaneous and a real artist. And be able and adaptive to all changes - in art or life! 

But yeah! The other day at Chaminoo, while I was teaching art to those kids, I loved using an eraser after years. Then one can get exactly what one wants to create. Just like returning back from a wrong path and going on the correct way again. 

A recent addition to my life. A new strategy, once again learned from childhood! 

It's weird, how the more we grow the more we must unlearn and learn back from our own younger selves. 

No drums audible yet. Maybe I won't go out today after all! 

Will still check. 

I have realised that I was way more comfortable with night outs even an year or two years ago. But gor past two years now, I just dont like going out at night. I prefer to be clean and comfortable upon my bed. Doesn't mean that I would sleep at night. No. That's still the same. But nights are more like Me time and it only takes a great satsang or super nice company for me to leave that. And even company has become so rare that only exceptions are satsangs when I leave this 'Me time'.

But for a long time now, most of my time is 'Me time' only. I stay on my own. Hardly speak. If I do talk, then after a point it seems tiring. It's silence that I have come to adore, until it's a real nice conversation that adds on something in terms of wisdom or good energy. And that too in a limit! 

Alright my love! 

Good night. 

Time for me to make few calls. 

Will update you tomorrow if I went or not! Though it seems unlikely by now. 

Love you!

Mmmmmmmuuuuuaaah 

 

...............

May 20th, 2023

Hey my love, my darling 10 PM! Hi! A ginger tea Hi! 

And a gingery sweet kiss to you. 

I just had a bath. My locks are still a bit wet. But am on my bed. In fresh clean clothes. A transparent netted white crop top, black shorts and grey sleeves to keep me warm. And we have a brewing cup of hot tea alongside right on bed. Behind me there are millions of stars and green foresty mounts. Beside me are snow cladded peaks. I feel so lucky in the moment. Still in Bharmour. I feel way too comfortable over here. So much perfect it is at every level that I just dread moving from here. Nowhere that I could be as at peace as this place. I feel safe, warm, well taken care of, have infinite space for myself - both literally and even socially. There's an easy access to market though I hardly use it. What I love the most is this huge room with windows on all sides, offering me nature at all times. Sun and wind come right inside. Stars twinkle at night. It's just beautiful. And if I feel like, a few steps and I reach wheat fields, apple orchards,fields of lantils and potatoes. And if I feel like, I reach Mahadev's abode at 84 Temple. And if I feel like I hike, high up to the upper Himalayas where vegetation varies, there's natural herbal water and numerous sheeps. Aah! Bharmour is perfect. Am glad I am staying here. 

And each day that I do Sudarshan kriya over here which is a shock to me as well. Momsha always urged me to do it. But it is here that it comes from within and I just do it - everyday! Even along with Sahej.

Today the meditation was so epic and so transcendental that it took directly one and half hours of mine. When I finally checked time I was shocked! Seriously? For that long! And I wasn't even sleeping. But I was not even here. 

It was beautiful - the experience. 

I literally feel these days as if I am doing some AOL kind of spiritual course. But customised one. Here it is just I. In this huge room overlooking mountains, carrying drum beats of morning and evening aarti. None to disturb me. None to affect my vibe. None demanding my time. 

Just I at my freewill, silent most of the time. I do out though if I feel like, interact a bit and then come back inside. Imagine how bothered was I by the distance when I had reached here. How distant I had felt. No more.

One thing, time just whooshes by over here. Seriously. It passes way earlier than my psychological time. The days roll by just like that and before I know it's 8 PM. That's my favorite time because I then am surely in my room, waiting for us to meet. I take a nice hot shower. Then yummy food comes in my room itself at 9. By 9:45 am in my bed, all dressed and ready for our date. Today though electricity went off. So everything got late.  Yet we did meet and on time with everything perfectly done. 

Last night I did talk with N. The same old. Also, I think the last time it was more of excitement to be talking to someone familiar after so long. Because that peace or joy affect didn't work yesterday. I couldn't sleep the entire night. Rather was awake till 7 AM. 

Few things that he mentioned were also weird. He asked me to have a home somewhere where he can come visit. Look at him, future planning with me that too on temporary basis. Huh! Not like I am hoping for a permanent future with him. Also it is indeed my dream to have a home somewhere on the hills where my friends can visit me when they want and please. But to hear him saying it maybe instigated those past emotions where I did try to consider him as a partner once but got baffled by his lack of transparency, and such non-commitment vibes. He had even proposed me once, but I took it to be just his desperation to be intimate with me. Also I never felt like that for him. 

Still, I do like his energy. And something about him that takes me to another dimension where we do indeed meet. Where words are not required and all worldly acts or needs fade away. 

But am a human also living at 3D. And I can't just take my decisions solely based on 5D, where am not even sure of the intentions of the other person. I do however have this soft spot for him but I won't overlook the past patterns and experiences. 

Anyway, that's that. No more excited to have this little comfort of conversation. Anyway, we hardly have much to talk. It's rather silence that I love to share with him. Any other thing seems insignificant for at all earlier times, each time I got excited to share anything with him, his response clearly showed his lack of interest. Now it is just how it is. I don't really see any value in discussing my day or food and stuff. And he doesn't like talking about intellectual or spiritual things much, maybe because he is excessively into all that. So only thing remains is him showing his interest in intimacy and there I am not interested. Ultimately it seems useless. Still, am thankful for the first day of conversation and hope he gets success upon his path. 

Oh, the entire night I did numerous attempts to sleep. I couldn't. At pre dawn time that a star twinkled so much behind me that I finally had to switch of one night lamp just to see it. I was anyway missing my star connection for so long. I realised it was Arcturus. That's the third or fourth brightest star over all and the brightest in the northern hemisphere. It is known as the protector of bears. And is also given various names in various cultures meaning 'diamond like' (for its constellation 'Bootes' is shaped so), or 'the harbringer of Joy'. In Hindi it's called 'Su-ati' meaning 'very beautiful' or 'brightest'. 

I loved having Arcturus along and  it resonated with the fact that ever since I have come to Chamba, it's diamond like jewellery that I have bought for self or for others. Every thing sparkly like diamond has been attracting me. At Chandrashekhar Mahadev, I took it to be the impact of moony energy of Chandrashekhar. But even at Bhrahmani that I bought a pendent that shimmered like a diamond. 

And this dawn when I saw Arcturus, I felt like naming my pendent as that. Also decided to finally be bold enough to turn off all lights tonight and experience the wide open night sky. I am so lucky, I have huge windows at all walls of this huge dorm room and if I just lie down on the other end of my bed, I can literally feel like sleeping under the constellation. I had even arranged for a candle just for that but now am too tired to do any of that. 

Finally am done with the tea and can lie down all relaxed upon my bed. 

It would have been utter romantic though to share this room and the night sky with a candle light along with someone special over here. 

I would have still done it but this evening when electricity went off, I felt I don't really want it to be all dark. I just get uncomfortable with it. I don't like pitch dark ambience. What I prefer is mild lights. Even while sleeping, I need a very mild amount of light around instead of pitch dark. 

Today was extremely sunny after so long. For past entire week of my stay here it rained or stormed or even snowed on mounts above. Today was the only day when there was just Sun and an excess of it. 

Towards evening I went out seeking some stories from locals. I couldn't really get any more characters or stories but I did however take a walk through those gardens, fields and a little hike. There were few aunties working in their field. I also took their 'faavda/huge khurpi' and tried my hand on the ground. Just to connect to mother earth. It felt great to feel it. To dig into the soil and press those lantils a bit inside the earth. 

Here nobody uses any pesticides. They take cow dung from their own houses and spread it around as manure for their fields. 

Everyone gets shocked that am travelling solo. Everyone asks me 'aur saathi kahan hain?' 'hain??? Akele?' 'kisi ko pakad laana tha na'. Lol! I now enjoy there expressions and hope to inspire few girls. 

About that Suraj. He called me 5 times this morning. Trying to make a plan or something. Again and again he urges to come to my room or meet at my reception or go out with him for a drink. Today he was like, 'My mom is going outside. Come to my home. I would cook dinner for you. You can stay here.' I was like, Why would I stay at your place. Though him willing to cook seemed like a nice gesture. Also he mentioned this word 'friend'. I gave it a thought. I mean the fact that someone is putting in efforts and wants to be my friend and how isolated I have made myself. I though denied all his plans and told him that I can only meet him in the morning and maybe go somewhere in nature but I don't want any drinks. Later though I went to his shop for he had invited me atleast for a chai. He then told me that he is about to get married in six months and therefore can't really meet during day time. That made me furious. I scolded him and said, 'why are you calling me then? If you are about to get married then behave yourself. And what's all this drinks and night meets and stuff!' and he said, 'dont take me wrong. I just want to be friends. Also I am still not married. And don't you like it when I call.' I just said, 'I don't like lame calls. And if you are so good intentioned then have courage to talk openly. I don't like doing stuff secretively. It gives me a feeling that it's wrong.' 

Saying so, I left. 

And it raised a pang of anger in me. How do people even dare to approach? Are women seriously that available. And what's this 'I am still it married.' so they want to do anything they feel like with an outsider girl for who cares, she is an outsider. And then get married to that one woman carrying their image of decency.'

Aah! Anyway! Don't want to crib. 

Oh, that Pooja never happened last night. I am glad I didn't go. Today though it's happening. I can hear the drum beats. 

But I have already wasted two nights considering the same. If it is meant to be, it would be. I won't put any more efforts to it. It's bholenath's wish if he wants me to be there or not. 

Today was a shocker for I was getting out of breath even in a short hike. maybe I do infact have a lot of cough inside. Even while doing bhastrika that I feel it. It's also giving me headache. But it's not overtly so. It's just there - not letting me breath when I try to talk on phone under the blanket or even making me out of breath now when I hike. it's strange. For hiking or walking is something natural in me.

I have taken more data pack to be able to backup all my content but it's just super slow. Also it's only backing up photos and not videos, I guess. I don't know where will I get wifi now. 

I do need space to be able to document what I see and explore. Today though I had already decided to not use my phone, instead just live. But I went out for very less time today. 

Last night a friend from Delhi texted me about him visiting Himachal in June. While I was recommending him places like Sissu or Bir or even Pulga that he reminded me of Kheerganga. It has seriously almost a decade that I have been to Kheerganga. Last I went there was in 2014. Just the thought excited me. Maybe after Chamba, I would go to Bir for a bit. And then to Kheerganga. I may or may not join them, though he insisted. But he would be traveling with a couple and one I anyway am a solo traveler and get fuck choosy when it comes to having company and secondly I absolutely don't vibe with all those WFH people. They don't know an F about nature or places and just live in this fake attitude and all that artificially bothers me. 

Aah! So many people discussed just in a single day. And I had thought of making this night romantic with candle and stars. Haah! My plans never happen. My dreams however always get fulfilled. 

Alright my love. Love you. 

With all these stars and an absent moon. 

Mmmmuuuuaah 

..............

May 21, 2023

Hey my love, my dear 10 PM! 

Welcome! 

Am still in Bharmour. A bit saturated I guess now. I don't know what's with this place. I do wake up all excited but then just don't feel like going out. I stay in my room the entire day. Food anyway comes on order. And few essentials that I keep with myself as if I am on hibernation. I though needed such a space where nature is right around, is safe and I can just create. Maybe I got used to traveling so much that if I don't go out or not explore it seems like a day wasted! I did work on my second story today though. And it's going great. I wanted to finish it but I got new details and it's just getting longer and longer on its own and I am not stopping it. Just like I don't like trimming my plants' growth. 

On insta that I have to ensure a word limit while sharing information about a specific place. That feels so limiting. This is my diary and my story. I can go in as much detail as I want. 

I had initially decided to go meet that shepherd again to continue the story. But then I was like, that would be like narrating word to word what someone told me. Where's the imagination there? Where's my bit? This children fiction is entirely a new stream to me. Totally experimental but am really enjoying it. One can give so many details in third person. I have a narrator's voice along with few direct speeches and the beautiful art of story telling. 

Though the first story was more meant for children for the protagonist himself was a child. 

This one seems a bit more mature and detailed for the protagonist is a gaddi guy. 

Next am hoping to frame a girl child or a lady for so far I have not made any female protagonist and I would love to do that. But first I got to finish this one. 

There's just so much to do. And I spend the entirety of my day doing all that right in my room. And thankfully no one else was made to stay in this dorm room. Though this too is quite expensive for me for its a government's hotel and is way more expensive than rest of the places. Yet the cleanliness, the quality of food, the sense of safety, the conduct of people and the fact that they don't care if I go out or not or what I do with my time - is all commendable. 

I just feel super free. 

But am also planning to go on. 

Had there not been this blog named after specifically Chamba, I would have surely moved to Bir by now. 

But am sure Chamba has more to offer and there's a reason why am here meeting you this way. 

Also that am thankful for this space for I really needed it. This is like a writer's paradise. Also a legit place to meditate. 

Each day that I begin my day with Sudarshan kriya, followed by sahej. Then I take a tiny breakfast and then sit to work. 

Best time however is dinner. Lol! 

Often that I go for khichdi with dinner. That's like superb. 

Outside food though wayyyyy cheaper and has numerous options but the quality and the way they serve here is epic. And I love to have a bath and then eat silently in my own room without any disturbance. 

That sketch that I had begun last morning is still incomplete. 

Oh, last evening that I played badminton with few girls in the helipad downstairs. I had told them to call me when they come to play. They came this morning itself for it was a Sunday. I woke up with someone shouting my name from downstairs. I abruptly opened my window and told them that I would play in the evening. Then I noticed that Sun had only covered the snowy peaks as then. As I checked the time it wasn't even 7:30. That too on a Sunday morning. I laughed and decided to take another short nap. But then it took numerous hours for I woke up almost around 12. 

Even if I had slept on time last night, still I slept on till afternoon. I just don't know what makes me so sleepy and lazy over here. 

But if I step out, then I just can't hold my feet. Then I have to walk on or hike on. 

Thing is towards this side, there's only market and road. Towards the other side there are fields, gardens and Village homes. But there I always get concious that I have to return back. That there's no short cut there and I would have to hike back as much as I walk uphill or downhill! 

Also, each day that I feel that I can best utilise the day only in my room. 

Thing is I have no interest in going to Kugti. That's like 3 hours further away from here. And I just don't want to go that far from main Chamba. And people are asking me to go for Manimahesh trek. But one, the path has still not cleared so I would have to have a private guide and carry cooking and sleeping essentials as without seasonal yatra time there is no arrangement of all that. And another I just never came for that. I had only come to explore Chamba. I happened to come to know over here that Manimahesh too is a part of that. 

What I really wanted was comfortable stay with places to explore around. Bharmour though was the furthest of all, yet the most peaceful. 

Tomorrow is Monday, Mahadev's day. Max I would stay here is tomorrow. Then I can either go to that guest house close to Bhrahmani temple. But that too is quite isolated and right beside a forest. And am not sure if I want to stay there for another week. 

Or else, I can leave for Chamba on Tuesday. Visit Chamunda temple there as it is long pending. And then move to Tissa from there. That's the third way that goes from Chamba. It goes upwards. I have no plan of going till Pangi but Tissa I have heard is beautiful. And if I visit that then I would have in a way experienced all three ways of Chamba. I would have loved to be in main Chamba for a day or two as well. But the city chaos and crowd is something I don't want to deal with. Though there are numerous ancient temples to visit there but also there's a lot of garbage thrown right in the river and that bothers me. 

Chamunda temple is the only must I have in my list. If I get a chance then maybe Champavati temple as well for after all Chamba got established after her name. She was King Meru's daughter I guess. It was on her request that the king had shifted his capital to Chamba. The city was initially named Champa after her name. Later it got called as Chamba. So yeah! If I get a chance, it won't be bad to even visit her temple or palace or whatever. 

But all that would need time. And except a Sunday where Chamba market remains closed, I don't think I want to be in Chamba on any other day. 

Let's see. 

But this Tissa scene sounds the most convincing to me so far. 

Won't go to Kugti, that's for sure. Until someone takes me in a car and brings me back the same day. 

Won't go to Manimahesh as well. Not in a mood to hike so much that too in an off season. 

Don't even want to stagnate here anymore. It's expensive. And after this second story, I think a change would be great. 

Maybe Tissa would infact be alright to move on! Let's see. 

Help me decide the best course my love. After all its a matter of our dates. Also, would love to bring as much texture, flavours, and colors to our meets. And while I am here, would love to live and explore Chamba the most I can. I don't think I would be returning back here solo if I ever would come. 

Though Chamba has been nothing but sweet to me. And finally that am no more scared of spiders or unknown energies. 

Though last night something weird happened. I woke up suddenly around 2:30 or 2:45 and felt as if there was something unseen right upon me. It was a weird moment. Strang energy. Thankfully I could go back to sleep. Otherwise, nothing disturbs my peace or scares me anymore. Thank you for that! 

Also, am glad I came here to Chamba. It has been so unique and distant an exploration, so far off from anything known or familiar. 

It totally was challenging. A real dive into the unknown. Neither I had any idea about what was coming nor I could get any idea even while travelling. Each place was unique here and surprising in its own way. 

I would surely be carrying a lot many experiences, if not memories from here. Memories I guess are made along with people or with emotions. I do feel an excessive love for all these days. But emotions, I think am still devoid of them most of the times. So not sure about memories. But the experiences, learnings, explorations for sure! 

Aah! For so many days I used to bore you with what I did the entire day. Now that I am not doing much, I sometimes wonder before 10 PM, what exactly would I really talk about with you today when I hardly explored any new thing. Lol! And you won't believe that whenever anything extraordinary happens, I mentally talk to you these days. 

Example that morning when I was awake even post dawn. I admired the mountains gently gaining colors, the first sun ray illuminating the tips of snowy peaks, the round shaped forest mounts gently gaining saturation and throughout that I was thinking I would surely mention these epic moments to you. Yet, when we actually do meet, I forget most of these moments for and talk about some other things. Ha ha! 

Oh, yeah! Today I saw the new moon, right on the first day. Though Moon still reminds me of M. I don't know when I would really move on from even his thoughts. I don't know if that's even possible. For my love is pure and deep and true and would always remain so. Despite of knowing that we are not meant to be together and he is not right for me. Still, some amber of hope still waits for a single text of his and numerous songs still connect me to him. Been 6 years now. High time. Way high time! 

I can feel a strange energy running though me right now. As if this bed is vibrating or there's a car engine on somewhere even causing shivers to this bed. The same way I sometimes feel during meditation. 

But right now it's strange to feel. Also a bit scary. Lol! 

Tomorrow it's forcasted to rain. Also tomorrow I am hoping to explore Bharmour the best I can. Most probably would move day after. Hoping to finish my story that sketch as well by tomorrow! And time just races over here. One thing that I really wish to carry from here is longer hair. I have heard that time indeed runs faster over here. That's scientifically proven and many people have noticed their hair and nails growing at faster pace. Maybe I get way longer hair in way shorter time. Ha ha. 

Oh, the hotel people provided me with a shampoo and moisturizer and unlike even give star hotels, both these products are super epic. The shampoo too makes my hair super soft and moisturizer smells so good that for a bit I feel like smelling my own self. Ha ha. Even my itras have failed in front of this moisturizer. It's so good.

Few new guests have arrived in the room upstairs. They even have kids who keep running around. And there are sudden random sounds. I though like it whenever there are more guests around me. As long as I am having this room to myself. As such, I haven't even seen the new guests. Possibly because I never stepped out of my room. Just little life around pleases me. 

This vibration is seriously too much today. I wonder what could be the reason for it. 

Maybe I would have to plug in my air pods to sleep without getting scared tonight. 

Mountains are so silent. Even a tiny sound gets echoed ten thousand times. Sometimes I can even hear bugs moving about or the moth flying, trying to make its way inside or such tiny tiny things that often remain unnoticed. 

Oh, the same morning that I stayed awake till, towards 5 AM, numerous birds began to chirp and sing and super super loud. It was like a symphony and in this large room the sound echoed all the more. It was a moment I couldn't capture but it would stay in my head for a long time. So serene, so beautiful, and so melodious. 

I was getting a little disappointed in such less response to my inta videos. Then I was like, fuck it. I have to do my part. And therefore finally went on with my sharing. 

Creating and sharing any art is more of my need. Regardless of response! Also, a tarot card reading told me today to not bother about the fruits of efforts but to simply keep on putting in efforts. Geeta's saar in a crux - 'Karm kar, fal ki ichcha mat kar'. 

I am thinking about making a coffee. I don't know what I want but something different and refreshing. I have been craving for lemon for two three days now. Even with rajma or chana that there was no lemon. They go together for me. Maybe tomorrow I would buy lemons from the market. Maybe my body needs vitamin C. 

Also my skin and face feels a little off, ever since I have come here. And I don't feel like dressing up over here. So unlike all other places. I just prefer to be in a pajama and my red shirt and that's about it. That red shirt has become more of my uniform by now. 

But I love it. It's super comforting. It's you! 

There was a Britannia's strawberry cake with me the other night. It was so yum that I finished it overnight. Then I couldn't get it in the market. Aah! That's what am craving for right now.

You are not dependent on 3D or matter. Have it for me my love! 

Goodnight on that sweet note. 

Loads of love! 

Mmmuuuuaaah 

.................

May 22, 2023

My darling 10 PM! Welcome! 

Hope you are happy! I had a super eventful day! 

Last night I was awake the entire night, finally finished the sketch in the morning. Passed out around 8 and woke up late by 12 or so. Got lucky to experience the  dawn again, the first ray of sun about snowy peaks. Also, last night that I finally gathered strength to turn off all the lights and finally experience all the stars visible from all my windows. It seemed as if I was sleeping below a constellation. But I was listening to a physics video about black holes and parallel universes, so had to turn on the light in some time. In that tiny halt, I could se ea star moving at slow-mo, just the way I experience orbs ever since Pushkar. Do you know I actually missed the giant mountain spider in my room last night when I couldn't see it for a long time. Usually their presence used to bug me. Specially when I had found two huge ones and super specially when they were in the washroom. But last night surprisingly, there wasn't a single one and I was like 'where did they all go?' I missed them. Thinking they were sweet creatures, never really bothered me. And then, just as I turned on the light, I saw one right upon the ceiling of the witch Board! I kept looking at it while listening to a video, again a bit scared for it was moving hyper actively around its own circumference. The most shocking part was when it directly landed on the ground at 90 degrees and I imagined it doing so middle of night, right upon me. That made me anxious. Also the fact that it directly vanished in the ground. Lol! Crazy! 

Aah! Wanna see my morning sketch? Here you go! 

So, after doing kriya in the afternoon, a bath, I was determined to go out today and explore Bharmour a bit more. First I went to my favorite cafe here which surprisingly is an actual cafe and not a dhaba like most of Chamba. The guys have put in loads of effort in creating that space. It has such creative vibes - everything from walls to ceiling to decor is self done there and that's what I love the most about it. They have used lot many posters, tapestries, have hand painted, have even used colored tire tubes to plant plants, have even done the ceiling themselves using cardboard but resemble POP work. And have even installed a light in the cardboard setting. It's a jugaad but so epic. I love the creativity there. Also the food is super yum and at such a reasonable price. Also the guy there is so nice. We always have a nice conversation. Today too I first had a long conversation with him. Turned out, he has even stayed and worked in Manali for five years. It was anyway extremely sunny outside and I was loving the vibe, the food and the conversation. I don't know why I have been so famished these days. I do eat at my guest house, yet I feel hungry all the time. Even while meditating I think about food. Only at his cafe when I eat burgers that I feel full. 

This morning I even noticed area around my eyes and neck turning blue. As if I have been malnourished or something. And that shocked me for I have been eating way too much these days! 

Cafe time was beautiful - with fulfilling food, vibes, conversation! Then I hiked a bit towards the back side of this mountain. I had decided to maybe go to a spectacular field that I was attracted to the other day while on my way to Bhrahmani temple. I had taken an off-path just to experience that nature spot for a bit and had absolutely adored it. While walking towards it that I met two school girls. That's whom I wish my next character to be so I asked and sat with them upon a bench. They were returning from their tution. We first chatted and then I asked if they would like to listen to a story. And then I read them my first story - the one I had written in Chaminoo. It's quite long but they listened patiently and also loved it. We even sang a song. And then they had to go upon a way that I had never been on. I got curious. They said it was a short cut to their home. I decided to walk along just to find a new place and explore Bharmour a bit more. It was spell bounding but because I was with them I had to keep walking on. Also the fact that we bumped into their father just in some time who had been looking for them all around for they were late. I told him that they were with me for oast one hour and that it was my mistake for them getting late. Even if, I had asked them beforehand if they were free. Also they themselves must have spent extra two hours somewhere. Nonetheless, at that time it became a little guilt and pressure for he seemed a bit upset and angry in his voice. So I kept walking along without stopping anywhere and we kept moving upwards only to reach the village that takes one to Hanuman temple and later to Bhrahmani. There he insisted a lot that I must visit their home and have tea or something but I denied. I was considering returning back but then I checked the position of Sun. Evening was still left and Hanuman temple wasn't very far from there. I thought, I have already reached this far, why not go to that grassy meadow that I had so loved on the way to Bhrahmani! I so so wished to expeirence it's vibes again, but was getting lazy about hiking that much again. Now I was half way till that spot. So I went on. Crossed the Hanuman temple. Then there was a steep hike. I was damn thirsty the entire way. It has happened twice now. Each time that I go on that path, somehow I don't carry any bottle, somehow I don't find any water and somehow when I finally find the local naadu way uphill, I fail to drink the amount I really need for I have to drink from a tap or a pipe, the water is super cold and I am so out of breath or tired by then that consuming water seems work! 

Anyway, I kept hiking in and took a halt below a huge carius tree under which I had wished to sit the first time! 

Two local guys came from fields upstairs. We had a long conversation. I caught my breath in the process. And decided to still go on. 

Again and again I was considering to just call it the stop. And return back. Yet something that kept me going. Most specifically, the locals I bumped into kept me going, for whenever anybody asked 'are you going to Bhrahmani temple?' I replied 'No, just a little uphill for the view'. And Once I say something, I do it. So I kept on keeping my words. 

Just below the grassy meadow, there came a steep hike. I stopped there for a bit. Deciding this is it. I absorbed my view, adored it. Felt content in the moments just before Sunset. Even did a FB live. Again that few locals came. They were surprised that I have hiked so much and not really going to Bhrahmani temple. I replied that it would turn dark if I go now. That I have already been there and I am just here for the meadows. 

Again I had spoken, so I had to do it. And finally, that I reached the grassy meadows. It was just sunset time. The view was spectacular. All gaddis with their cattle were long gone. Their were two possibly tourists but they too left when I reached. It was the entirety of that u touched beauty - all to me. 

I sat there for a bit, despite of knowing that I had very less time to capture it. But I wanted to capture it from my soul. Then I also made a few videos and photos. It was getting a bit dusky. The wind was whooshing through the pines. I could feel the forest vibes. Somehow I was not scared today. Rather, I wanted to be there for a bit more. But also, it was Monday and I really really wanted to reach back to 84 Mahadev for evening aarti. .

It was quarter to 7 when I saw an uncle and aunty returning back from fields uphill. I thought they would scold me for being alone till that late, so I just began walking downhill. We had a nice conversation on the way. Their home was in the same village where those girls lived. 

When they say down to rest, I bid them farewell for I didn't want to get late for aarti. And though I would have easily reached but a babaji then called me to talk from Hanuman temple's provience. Initially it was basic conversation but then he began to talk about crimes that have happened in places around and how none really loses anything here, etc. Mentally I was thinking about the fact that I was getting late for the aarti. Also the fact that that babaji was not really saying anything positive. I calculated roughly max 15 minutes for him, for me to still reach back. But suddenly something in my mind said this conversation is a waste of time. It's not adding anything to my spiritual or mental health. Though I had sat there with devotion and respect. And had also thought that there must be a reason why he had called me specially there. But at that time I couldn't really think of anything that I got out of that conversation. Though he boosted me again to go to Kugti. Everybody around has been telling me to visit Kugti and go to Kartik Swami temple. It's just not coming from with in, I don't know why!

Anyway, I checked time. It was 7:13. The aarti begins at 7:32. I half ran, half walked and mentally prayed to Mahadev 'only you can make me reach today on time.' 

Once I had surrendered, I just began to walk normally. For one, I knew that I had to cover atleast 3 kms. Also my crocs were wet with sweat and therefore causing an issue while running downhill. 

Later on road I did run. Oh, and on the way some old guy randomly invited me for a dhaam happening in the neighborhood. I was surprised, also glad to be finally recieving a real invitation. I prefer to go to places where I am invited, instead of just barging in. This would be my second dhaam in Chamba. Last one was in Chaminu for a mundan ceremony. This would be for birthday of a kid. That provided I get up and manage to reach. 

Anyway, I ran till the temple then and guess what? I reached by 7:26. Can you imagine, I had taken exactly 13 minutes to cover that long a distance. And there was still time for me to have darshan, interact with an old lady who always teaches me something new, do parikrama and still I had to wait a bit for aarti. Aarti was ofcourse overwhelming. Everytime that old aunty introduced me to anyone, she goes like 'bechari akeli hai'. Today I said, what bechari? Mahadev hain na mere saath. 

Later she told me that she lives alone at her home. And I told her as well, 'Mahadev hain na aapke saath'. 

Still, something in me me got pierced. And during aarti I though felt Mahadev to be my end all, be all. But also prayed for a compatible connection that I have been feeling the need of ever since I have reached here in Chamba. 

There were few tourists as well today in the aarti. One of them was super tall and while in aarti, he was standing right beside. I didn't see his face, didn't even get time to notice who all were there. Just, when the aarti was going on and I was praying to Mahadev, I felt this make presence beside just how usually couples pray. For most of the times I stand solo for any prayer or ceremony. Today, weirdly, there was someone standing at that place and that felt strange. 

Anyway, after aarti and Prasad, a lady here insisted that I go to her house and stay there. She insisted so much saying 'bholenath ke bakton ki seva ka avsar humein bhi milega'. And though I denied numerous times but she urged with so much love that too saying that she is asking me that in a temple that I could not say No. I said, 'Alright,I would come to your home and have a chai. But then I would leave. I won't stay.'

She had a cutie pie daughter called Kavya who she adoringly called Laddu. Her husband was reading Shiv Purana when I reached there. Their house seemed so warm and city like with all modern amenities like heater and induction and stuff. 

Her mother in law was also a lovely lady. We sat in her kitchen where se gave me warm water to drink and even made yummy tea for me. Laddu was just like me for she too loved milk. 

They insisted upon I staying there but I told them that I write a blog at 10, also stay awake the entire night and won't want to disturb them. They were ready to give another room if I wanted. 

Everybody here seems so eager to open their homes for outsiders. That's such a lovely thing. It is truly a Mahadev's nagri. They all be like, 'why are you spending money? You can stay at our home!'. 

Yet, one thing that I have learned from all my travels is that nothing comes for free. And the way one can live separately on their own is way different from when you are living at someone's home, with a family and specially when it comes for free. 

I can't really do that. 

Also, it needs a lot of time and energy. I prefer to have a choice of solitude and free will in terms of my time and energy. 

Yet I respect and really love this mehmaanwaazi of people of Bharmour. They all are truly lovely. 

Oh, bhabhi also told me the story of chelas who come for all these shiv Poojas. So there was a tailor long back who jumped into Dal lake in Mahadev's land. He vanished for an entire year. During that year he met with Mahadev and stiches clothes for him. While leaving Mahadev told him to not tell anyone about where he was and what he was doing. Also, he had a bag full of left over cloth pieces of the clothes that he had stitched for Mahadev. Mahadev had told him to not look inside until he reaches back home. 

First he came back in earth via Triloknath - which has a natural place and is again a place of Mahadev. Then he walked towards his village. 

When he reached home, he opened the bag and it was full of gold. His wife first got shocked to see him alive and got even more shocked to find his bag full of gold. She urged him to tell the real story about his whereabouts. He told her again and again that he was not allowed to say that. And if he say that, he would die. But she kept on insisting. Ultimately he had to give in. 

It is said that he was given this boon to have Shiva's energy in him and his upcoming generations. And therefore it is only his vanshaj/future generations who have this gift of getting Shiva energy in themselves. I think the village's name is Chuin. And only people from Chuin village are called Chelas. Who though belong to a lower caste but are blessed with carrying Shivansh in their energy. They therefore travel all over for various Pooja ceremonies and do their bit in chantings or processes. 

It was amazing to know that. 

Bhabhi has even invited me to come anyday even everyday post 4, for both she and her husband are teachers and return back by evening. 

I have an open invitation to go and stay and their home any time. How lovely is that! 

Oh, turns out Tissa is not that great a spot to go. Also, it's predicted to rain for the next entire week. Most probably therefore I would still be living on over here. or at Max, I can go to the guest house nearby Bhrahmani. 

Alright my love! Good night for now. 

Catch you tomorrow. 

Mmmmmmmuuuuuaaah 

Mmmmmmuuuaah 

Mmmmmuuuah 

I feel quite alive today. 

Loads of love for you. 

...............

May 23, 2023

Hey my love, my darling 10 PM! 

A moony welcome! It's the first time we have a crescent moon alongside. And it's beautiful. A golden crescent amidst rainy clouds. Also, some time back when the glass window behind me was open, it has another reflection of Moon and a star. Together they seemed like two moons in one rainy mountainous landscape! And that seemed splendid - like twin flames!

Today I am a bit sleepy. One because I have only slept for two three hours, say from 10-12:30 or so. And another because I have been hogging like anything from yesterday.

Imagine, I had got an entire bag of snacks for mid night munching to last for a week because rain was predicted  for the entire week, also I don't like to go out when I don't want to go out - just to buy few commodities. And I finished the entire bag just in one night. That too despite have a decent dinner last night. I realised why I was feeling hungry all the time past few days. My general eating habit is to have less but to have at frequent intervals.

Here I got so dependent upon hotel orders and the options were so limited for a single person that I only had full course meals which not only tired me and made me lazy but also left me feeling hungry and other times.

My system doesn't function well like that at all. All though that's what ancestors did. But I could never follow any fixed three course meals. I need something after every few hours and also I feel hungry at randomest times and when I do, I need something immediately. If I skip that, gradually my hunger decreases and soul gets hungry. And then I replace water with excessive food whenever I get it next and my system gets affected.

But even last night got pretty excessive. I got so excited about all the flavours that I had them all and finished it all one by one. Reason can also be that from last mid night to today mid morning, it was more of movie's night for me. Actually it was a series but the feeling was similar. I generally don't binge while travelling and get to watch series or movies only when am at home and have nothing else to do. Which has now become rare. Though in Pushkar, since I had my lapi alongside and had loads of time, there I did binge; as outside reality wasn't as appealing after a point of time.

Last night I just chance saw some mini clip of a series I had left mid way back in Delhi. It's a Turkish series dubbed in Urdu called 'Dastak mere Dil pe'. It's so well made. The characters are epic. And all these Turkish series fulfill the romance my heart really seeks. Also most of these female protagonists are so unique and driven that they motivate me to be better and active. Ironically though when I watch these series, am in total opposite state - way passive and just on consumption mode. Last night was the same for me. 

Though I was feeling sleepy but I didn't want to sleep. And once I resumed the series, there was ofcourse no scope for sleeping or any other thought. It was such a great break from my travel and a beautiful escape into a parallel reality. may be I am bored. 

I did sleep finally for the series was only dubbed and uploaded till that episode. Also that I had to wake up for dhaam. But by the time I got done with waking up, Sudarshan kriya and stuff, it was 2:30. And since I had hogged the entire night and morning , I wasn't even hungry. It made no sense then to go for dhaam - so full and late!

I felt bored and disenchanted though by 4. And was wondering, oh, I should have left today. It didn't even rain like predicted. Also am done with my quota for the week. 

So in that state of mind that I finally could decide my next halt. Jumhaar. I was meant to go there in the beginning of trip itself while I was in Chaminu but things didn't work out. Now that one place I can really go to. I even checked out a video of that place. We have exactly one week left for our dates now and I don't want to pass my time over here. 

The other day I had watched a video of a Beer-biceps where he was having a conversation with a famous philosopher who has written multiple books about Chanakya and has been to Kailash Mansarovar 4 times. That guy urged everyone to visit Kailash atleast once. He described the terrain that it has snow and desert, greens and lake; that one can never really be sure about the weather there and the fact that each gets some life purpose over there. That it was when he looked at Kailash the first time that he got this idea of studying Chanakya and that thought didn't leave him until he really got into it and now he is known for his books and ideologies.

Listening to him, I connected at so many levels. One the landscape where I am staying right now is similar - right from my room that I can see green mounts, desert mounts, snow cladded peaks, sun and storm. Here too weather changes suddenly. That one moment I shiver and the next moment I am sweaty. And it is here itself that I am writing the most experimental kind of literature for me. It's in Hindi, is prose, is in third person, is fiction - all these are far away from my usual style of writing which is poetic, non fictional, realistic, sometimes in first person. It is true story writing that am doing over here and it's getting created on its own. 

Not to forget the kriya that I am doing everyday for an inner voice asks me to do it. The chantings that happen naturally from within. The room I have got lucky enough to live in! 

Suddenly I had felt that this too is Mahadev's land and I should live on over here rather than wandering again. 

But at that time I didn't even have any other better place in mind. Also, I didn't want to move further from Chamba or even closer. 

And was also scared to again enter into unknown for this is way too comfortable and safe a place. 

Yet today I felt this need to leave this comfort zone. My insta videos are hardly responsive here. Maybe the algorithm works different here. I am staring the barren mounts all the time, so even my videos have got barren. When I was living amidst fields, even my content was blooming. 

Secondly, I am hardly living this place. Like I go out after every two days, live it and though on that day I feel refreshed and decide to step out atleast the next evening. Yet the next day that I again instead to remain in my room. 

If I go out I do feel good, but I hardly do that. So am not really living the place. Although I don't waste all my time. Like I did another sketch today and even continued writing in my room. But I see the nature, not really love it. And I love the fact that I can see the sky and mounts - from morning till night, from sun to rain - right from my room. Yet am more of an extrovert when it comes to nature and here I am just not doing it. 

Thing is one has to hike a lot to really reach my kind of spot and the thought itself tires me. Otherwise there are magical fields and gardens in the backside but ofcourse there are always people working there. And though I love to interact with them as this has now become my work. To know the people, culture, lifestyle so as to write the most realist impression of them. Yet, my kind of spots are solitary and here they take more of tapa to reach there. Just like the way to Bhrahmani or Manimahesh itself. 

Oh, another diamond like imagery. Even Manimahesh shimmers like a diamond and therefore named like that. 

Ever since I have reached Chamba, that's the only thing that has been attracting me - diamond like things or entities. 

Even the first story that I wrote in Chaminu got naturally created upon the same theme - a child finding a rock that shimmered like a diamond. Later that I got to know about Manimahesh and was rather thrilled that my story was somewhat similar to Manimahesh itself. 

Momsha told me they all wisdom floats in the universal consciousness and one is in the purest state of mind and is really connected to nature and inner higher self, one can actually access all that wisdom without even asking anyone. That resonated so much, just like akashik records. 

Aah! The moon has got set. 

I even considered going to Manimahesh yesterday. For few people do infact go from no on. Though main yatra would be only for 15 days in August September - from Krishna-ashtami to Radha ashtami. I dont know why Mahadev's yatra is based around Janamashtami but it is. 

But I thought that though it would be way more convenient to go at that time because a lot many people place camps and arrange for food and stay on the way for seva during those days. But also 3-4 lakhs Indians do that yatra at that time. Imagine the crowd! It would ofcourse be epic to experience the lake and place without crowd. Just for yourself. Serene. With all its sanctity. 

But I am not even in a mood for any such yatra for I never came prepared for doing it. Though I think that if I actually go for it, I would be able to do it. It doesn't seem as tough. Hike from here to Bhrahmani is 3 kms. Manimahesh hike is around 13 kms. from Hudsar. And one can stop at Baralacha. 

Maybe some other time, I would infact do it. But I would love to ensure a companion then. 

This time, if I do it, I would have to hire a personal guide or join a random group. And leaving all these excuses, it's just not an inner call. 

This time I am more in a mood to attain Mahadev right within. Though it's maybe just half an hour to one hour or max one and half hour that I give to sadhna each day; yet that seems enough for now.

I don't know in which world or state of mind I have been living in these days.

It just feels the safest here.

Though I really really wish to move now and not waste any more time in binging or so.

Though there's a hundred percent chance of rain tomorrow. But if I get up on time and it won't be raining; then I would leave tomorrow. Would cover Chamunda temple and would reach Jamhaar. That has a Khajiaar kind of landscape, seems green and quaint and would probably be perfect to spend time last week in Chamba!

I should have left today. It didn't even rain till evening. I could have been in Jumaar. But the place only got into my head by 4:30. And at that time though I would have left immediately if my next halt was close by or had I been at any other place. But the road from here to Chamba is quite durgam ( no other word can describe my feeling about it better) and way is way too long.

And I want to reach my next destination during day time. And I am willing to leave this comfort zone, specially these oh so lovely hot showers, and Bhrahmani maata's forest water - as I have faith in divine and trust in the process of my journey. It won't let me go anywhere without reason or purpose and would only offer me somthing better! 

For that is how it has been so far. And I am only here to be better - each moment, every day, every thought, every new place. 

Last night though it seemed binging but I absolutely loved my time. It was so relaxing. And I just love the chemistry between Serker (hero) and Eda (heroine). They are really couple goals. They seem like twin flames. Such level of trust between them, such intense chemistry, so much of passion, such integrity in conduct. Each time I watch them together, I feel that's the level of connection one should have if one is getting into a connection. Otherwise it makes no sense. Mohabbat ho toh beintaah ho, sirf usse ho aur behisaab ho. Rishta ho toh aisa ho ki bus wo hi ho. 

And the fact that both out in efforts. There's no ego between them.and such deep level of understanding the real inner self despite of outer misunderstandings.

They just belong together even if they are taking it slow. 

When I watch them, I feel that's the level of love, respect and dedication that I want from my guy - whoever he would be.

That none in my life has really been as sincere and perfect. There have been numerous people in my life psycho obsessed about me for various reasons. But that kind of connection - the one which has the purest and deepest kind of love in foundation, the bricks of understanding and trust, the mortar of efforts, care, connections, those small small things! Aah! That just seems like a dream! 

I wish I get such a guy in my life. Such a connection! Where love is reciprocated. Respect is natural. With blind trust. With gestures and efforts. A two way course. 

A soul mate bond. A twin flame connection. Where we do fun things together. Discuss anything from pin to plane. Take night walks. Surprise each other. Travel together. Have undying love. And express and communicate clearly. Even share silence. Be kids sometimes. Make life itself out dough and batter! 

I wish for a compatible companion now. My dear utopian Ten. You yourself represent that! Maybe that's why with you that am getting such urges and desires. Maybe it is essential to finally feel it and even accept it. 

Oh, today I ordered a lot of junk from the cafe nearby. The same cafe, where I love to visit. The guy came despite of rain to deliver my dinner. just a look at his aura and I feel happy. Something about him that pleases him. He is the only one I talk to over here. He is so good at his dealing and attitude and every time I feel like wishing him loads of success and fortune from within. Seriously such a genuine person. I feel just joyous to see him and feel a very pure kind of adoration for him. and I respect his way of working. He never says No. And is always willing to provide whatever you need regardless of its benefit to him or not. 

I wish universe gives him loads of success and he never loses this pure, human side of his. 

Alright my love! Good night for now.

Loads of love to you. 

Mmmmuuuaaahh

Please do make me reach Jumhaar tomorrow, if it would be good for me. 

Love you. 

Sleep tight! 

.............

May 24, 2023

Hey my love, my darling 10 PM. 

A rainy and thundery welcome from Jhumaar! 

I am done with a hefty dinner and sipping chocolate milk right now in a huge room! 

Yes! I could do it. Despite of rain, despite of whatever that came my way! And except say half an hour in between, it was all seamless. Ofcourse I had to walk with my luggage like every transformation. Ofcourse I had mixed emotions about leaving the comfort of my room in Bharmour. But yeah! Change was required. And it was an inner call! 

Cool! So let's begin from where we left! I slept right after our date and it was one of the most effortless sleeps of this trip! 

I just closed my eyes and slept off! And therefore woke up on time in the morning. But I didn't wake up just in one go. It had rained the entire night and from early morning till 10, after every hour or so that I woke up, noticed a spectacular cloud covered heaven around - outside my windows, and then passed out again. I did wish to see the magical view more but I was just unable to open my eyes. I did try opening them but it seemed as if someone had glued them or something. So I kept getting glimpses of a magical morning gaining more and more of heaven and I kept on sleeping. Finally at 10 that I could finally get up. Along with memory of a dream where I was a bit intimate with a guy I was dating back in Bangalore in 2015 and also that I was excited about seeing a guy I had slightly come close to in Pushkar last to last year! 

Dreaming about two intimate people in my life was a shocker as they both carried lust energy as per my memory. However Bangalore one had told me years later that he was way serious about me back then. But yeah, I had emotions for both of them when they were there in my life - not like partners though. 

I was shocked why after so long that I dreamed about them. 

With Bangalore one, I have had some of the most passionate moments of my life. To dream of him was quite shocking when am not even in that energy these days! 

Well, I woke up to a splendid morning. Rain had stopped and there were endless clouds all around. I even considered staying back for it was all immensely beautiful. But then I remembered my words to you last night - that I would leave if I would wake up on time and it won't be raining when I wake up. Both situations were there. I noticed I had time and though there were grey clouds and there were 100 percent chances of rain, but it wasn't really raining at that time. 

So I did last Sudarshan kriya in Bharmour. Packed my bag. Still it wasn't raining. Had breakfast and a bath. Still it wasn't raining. I cleaned up the room for I like to leave every room I stay in - better than I recieve it. 

And finally I cleared the bills. Would you believe they only charged for the stay and left the entire food bill on my wish. People are lovely here in Chamba. Specially Suresh bhaiji who was running that place. 

I was really touched. He couldn't have given discount in stay for it was a government's hotel but food was in his hands. Also he remarked that I have hardly eaten during my stay and therefore can pay whatever I feel justified. 

Just when I was leaving the hotel that it began to drizzle. I had plans of halting at two places before going downhill. One was a nearby small shop from where I wanted to get pakaude parceled. For they perfect to be taken for a long bus ride. Another at that cafe that I loved to visit - for a coffee. Suresh bhaiji however had told me to not stop much anywhere to catch the 2 O' clock bus which would have even charged me half the price and was perfect. 

I did get pakaude parceled but couldn't stop at that cafe for it was closed. 

Next I visited 84 temple one last time. Saw Harihar Mahadev, visited Lakhna temple, got few day shots of the temple provience, bought 4 pens to continue my writing along with Bharmour vibes. And then walked till Bus stop.

I was the first one to catch the bus. Rather both bus and I reached the meeting point at the same time. 20 minutes of wait and finally we took off. The bus though was coming directly to Jhumaar but I got a ticket only till Chamba for the bus had to wait for one hour in Chamba. 

This time I could observe the way and mountains slowly and carefully. I had a good seat of my choice. All mountains were just washed with fresh rain. It was day time without much sun. I could simply get lost in the high altitude Himalayas and see the change in their built, and flora. 

For a large stretch, there were only grassy rock solid mounts without many trees. The river in the middle though was green. Then the mounts became solid cliff like. Rocky. Ones like the roof top slates of mountain houses. 

We stopped mid way somewhere and got to know that a car had fallen down from that height in the river last night at around 12. At first I didn't understand what had happened and why had we stopped. But just before moving that I caught a glimpse of a blue car - far far below - all crashed in the centre of the river. 

That's when I understand what had happened. It was heart breaking and also led my thoughts to a different path - say who must be these people? were they alive? Why were they even driving middle of night? They must have faced hard rain and weather. What must be their thoughts while they were falling from that height? Etc. Etc. 

Anyway, I prayed for them and we went on.

On the way I noticed sheeps and shepherds suddenly at frequent places where there were no homes visible around and no pathways as well. All that made me wonder about their skill at walking upon such steep mountains and their life! Everytime I noticed a gaddi, my eyes always tried to find any sign of a village around. And there were few places where I myself wished to live or explore - like those sandy banks of Ravi with round rocks. So offbeat! But I also imagined the rain and how it was literally impossible to reach those beautiful spots on the other side of the river. And immediately that I noticed some or the other tiny village even on the other side of that mount. I don't know how these people live at such heights - many of which are not even connected by any roads. And they have proper built houses, even schools and fields. 

All these villages are a beautiful example of self sustaining community. For they eat only what they grow, wear only what they make themselves and still live such healthy lives! 

Though to imagine living there is beyond my imagination - so cut off from rest of the world. Far off, so close to nature! What about emergencies? What about natural intensities? What about snowfall? How do they really manage? I don't know! 

The landscape gently changes, river gained water, depth, breath after the dam. 

Numerous villages passed and finally we were close to Chamba. I was again considering to skip Chamunda temple for it was almost evening and I was a bit concerned about reaching Jhumaar on time. Many people at Chaminoo and Chamba earlier had warned me about Jhumaar people not being good in character, that it was unsafe and I shouldn't really stay here. 

I remembered all those warnings in the bus. Last evening though when I had decided to come to Jhumaar, I was more focussed upon nature, the Khajiaar kind of landscape and the fact that I was anyway supposed to visit it with those kids back in Chaminoo. 

So, today, I just wanted to reach on time. 

Just when we were about to reach Chamba that I noticed a sign board saying - Chamunda temple - 2kms, Jhumaar - 14 kilometres or so. That road though diverged uphill and we were moving towards main Chamba bus stop. 

I was still not sure about what to do that the bus suddenly stopped for someone. And without even thinking that I just got up and asked the conductor if the bus would go directly to Jhumaar. He said that the bus would halt for an hour. I then immediately picked my luggage and jumped down and he told me that I can wait outside the temple itself for the same bus. That's it! I had one hour to visit Chamunda temple and around 3 kilometers to walk with my luggage. I walked. Finally at the footsteps of Chamunda temple, I realised that there were no shops over there as expected and I would have to carry all my luggage even upstair till the temple. I began to climb but it seemed so foolish to carry the luggage up till the temple, then bring it all down. I had no idea that the stairs were not much. But I was really tired by then carrying so much. So I asked a sardaar guy sitting on a bench upon the road if he would mind taking care of my bag while I visit the temple. He agreed. 

It is when I was about to reach the temple that I suddenly thought, I didn't even take his number or asked his name. What if he just vanishes with my stuff. What do I even know about him. But Bharmour has filled me with an immense amount of faith and trust. And I am really thankful for that. Also that I was walking towards a temple. I just had this faith that nothing would happen. Also sardars most of the places are nice beings. I therefore went on with faith and reached in no time. 

The temple though was closed. I mean the main statue. I could only peep in from an opening. I quickly did a tiny prayer, a parikrama, made a video, took few shots and then reached back on the road in no time. 

Time had become slow again as I had come back from Bharmour. I felt myself to be way faster. 

I then had to wait under a shed for the bus. It began to drizzle then became super breezy. Sardarji was just in a tee shirt. But he kept sitting upon his bench, out of his goodwill. For he didn't want to leave me alone. 

It then became super stormy and I just knew from within that this poor guy is sitting here just because of me. I even told him to leave if he wants to but he was like 'koi baat nai'. This statement then obviously confirmed that he was there only because of me. So I finally decided to move myself for I didn't want him to face that weather all because of me. I told him that he can leave for I am instead planning to walk a bit ahead to have a chai or something from a shop in some distance. He agreed and immediately sprung to move back to his home. I too left with my luggage. But that's when the struggle happened. A weird storm began as if the entire wind force was trying to stop me from walking ahead. I though love such weather but at that time, even I was puzzled - how and why all of sudden like this. Honestly that was one of the strongest wind force I had seen in my life. And suddenly it began to rain. Really bad. And I couldn't see any shelter or shop. I had to run for my luggage was getting wet. Suddenly I saw a shelter filled with people. I ran and stood amidst that crowd. Mentally I was wishing for the last shelter. Had that guy not stopped for me, I wouldn't have got wet and would have stayed there safely and patiently. But it was for him I had to move and I got all wet. But it was for me that he had waited and he must have got severely drenched as well. I hope he reached back safely. 

Anyway, it took some more time and my bag had got a bit drenched from one side. I was so concerned for my notebooks and diaries to have got wet. I even remembered my raincoat kept inside but there was simply no time to cover my bag or myself middle of road. 

Anyway, the bus finally came - oozing with numerous people all half drenched. There was weird smell in the bus that I can even now smell just writing about it. 

I though noticed a huge change in my energy ever since I visited Chamunda temple. I was ferocious. I could quickly settle my bags in one corner, manage to take a place despite of a crowd, stand up for myself boldly and confidently as if I was a local. Generally I shy away from crowds and avoid such close proximity to people at large. Today I had no choice and I was pretty good at it. 

Though I did something today that I had conquered in me long back. I took a little revenge. So am uncle was staring me continuously throughout the journey. Even when I got the seat. I was a bit uncomfortable for he was staring shamelessly turning his head at an entire 180 degrees. Already I was annoyed with that. And then when we finally reached Jhumaar, he suddenly scolded someone to not hurry and then himself stood up in a hurry just when I got up from my seat. In the process his hand brushes by me and he smiled about it. Now I don't know if it was intentional or not but at that moment it seemed totally intentional to me. And I without even realizing, kicked him hard the next moment when he passed by me. It all happened so quickly that even I realised what had I done. I had taken a revenge intentionally. He looked at me while deboarding the bus in a shocked way. I quickly looked away as if I had no idea about what happened. But in my head, I was like, what did I do and why? Usually I leave it all on karma. 

Long back I had this dark revengeful side in me. Last time I had acted upon that side was towards the end of my Pan India solo trip and it had really caused harm on my own life. It has taken years to overcome that side. Really! I just don't feel angry any more unless for the right reasons. Even then, I never get physical about it, unless to protect innocent ones. 

Here though I took a revenge. If he was intentional in his action, maybe I did right. If he wasn't, then my action was really rude. 

And that's how I treated th first local of Jhumaar! Huh! 

Maybe it also happened because I had this pre notion about people here from what I had heard and I was teeny tiny scared about it. Or may be that happened because I had prayed to Chamunda temple to give me strength to stand against anything wrong. 

I really don't know. But I felt a little bad about it. 

Anyway, Jhumaar became seamless despite of a heavy rain. 

Both Suresh bhaiji and that sardarji had recommended the same stay and the moment I deboarded from my bus, that I saw a board of that name. I was hoping though for my place to be right in front of the grassy meadow just like Khajiar. The shop below that board was right there but the guy instead told me to sit in his car and showed me that board had an arrow in it and that the place was a little ahead. I sat with faith immediately and realised how seamlessly it was all happening. We passed by a deodar boulevard. This must be a kilometer or two from main land. I got a room immediately and though at that time there was no electricity but very soon everything got sorted out. They even cleaned the washroom for me and changed the bed sheet. 

This room has a view but I miss Bharmour's large dorm room and numerous windows. I have my own room here but I had that entire room to myself there as well. 

Maybe tomorrow I would feel better in daylight. 

I did have a hefty meal nonetheless. 

Oh, another shocker. I had omlette today. I generally don't have any non veg. Though I love eggs but even them I don't consume. Last year I had had an omlette after years. And today too it's after more than an year that I suddenly felt like having an egg and so much so that I had to have it. Maybe Chamunda maa's energy! Maybe the weather! 

I don't know. I just don't have it generally. Even if I love it. But anyway all priests and all have forbidden it for me. Also the spiritual and religious side in me doesn't allow me to do that. Yet today I had it. 

Though best part was the chocolate milk and this bowl of crushed jaggery that these guys ensured for me. 

Right now I can hear few drunk guys singing songs in neighbourhood. I have my curtains drawn and still haven't stepped on my bed. 

In Bharmour, I had appointed different beds for different purposes. On one I used to eat, one was for luggage, one was for meditation, one to hang my wet clothes, on one I used to sleep and one was to chill and smoke in outside wear. Each bed had its own vibe and purpose there for me. Here I have a proper table and two sofa chairs. 

Although the room upstairs was way levish and it's washroom was better. But this one offered more nature and he didn't mind giving in my budget. 

Though this room is only for tonight as per the deal. Tomorrow we would have to talk. Let's see! 

Even I am not sure. 

Yet for now it's sweet! 

And Mahadev did take care of me. 

I feel sorted! 

Also we finally visited Chamunda temple as well my dear Ten! 

And we are finally at most probably our last planned spot in Chamba explorations.

We have a week left. Let's make it the best together. 

Alright my love! 

Good night! 

Loads of love! 

Mmmmmmmuuuuuaaah  

.............

May 25, 2023

Hey 10 PM, love you! 

Alright, am a bit hazed today! 

So not in the state of mind for our date! One reason can be lack of sleep, another, am feeling bit anxious, I don't know why! 

Let me turn off the light and make the ambience right for our meet! 

Aah! I forgot to switch of washroom's light, that I just realised. Well, that would have to wait!

So, last night I couldn't sleep at all despite of being extremely tired! Those drunk guys in the neighborhood guest house kept on playing loud music and singing till 3AM. And even then when I was just about to buzz off that few people in my own guest house returned and one of them began to talk loudly on phone right in the corridoor - that too on speaker! Like how jaahil people can be, seriously. 

I was initially happy about the fact that there were atleast tourists around me but since it was so noisy that I missed all other nights in rest of Chamba. Atleast I was not scared of unknown. But there was a gigantic spider right in my room whom I tried to brush away from my room but was too scared to do that for I didn't want to hurt her and she also got scared in the process. Then she entered the space between wooden and cement wall and covered the hole in which she had entered with paper. I was really anxious about her feeling suffocated inside, and was hoping that she finds a way through that space between walls and just goes somewhere else but also I was guilty to have imprisoned her there out of my own fear. 

Anyway night passed. My blanket was smelly. I wasn't feeling home or comfortable in this room. I had totally decided to shift in the morning. Then the morning happened. Oh, pre-dawn itself was magic from this window. Lush green fields below and deodar trees next and then green and blue mounts behind. Along with numerous purple clouds. I kept sitting upon my window absorbing the morning beauty and bliss! And then I wanted to feel it more. Thankfully we have a terrace here - the only place I have got terrace in so far! 

Khajiaar was the only place with my personal portico. This one is the only place with a terrace. I went to experience morning there and it was magical. Had tea with bhabhi (she and her husband take care of cooking, cleaning etc. Over here). Even made a time lapse of sunrise. It was magical. Then Sun became too much so I came back to my room. Also the fact that they all had just woken up and I didn't want to intrude in their family or personal time. Regardless of it being a public place! 

Then I did sleep for one or two hours but woke up by 10 or so. Weather was beautiful outside and cloudy. I went upstairs for a Maggie for it began to rain. But tea I brought back to my room for it gets weird to sit and chill when so many eyes are on you. 

Aah! My window is a totally a window to heaven dear Ten! Today I experienced core jannat - right from my room's window. There were infinite clouds with continuous rain. And clouds kept playing games - now highlighting a certain mountain, now coming as a huge cloud and hiding everything outside, no gently gaining saturation and bringing green fields to light, now giving definition to the black deodar trunks in line... Aah! It was core nature magic that went on for hours. I ofcourse couldn't have gone out. So after making enough videos and admiring nature the most I could, I realised that it was just white mysterious cloud all around and neither could I then go out as it was raining, nor could I see more for nothing was visible. Then I sat down to continue writing my story. And it resumed effortlessly. Even I am getting shocked at how it is building up. I was never into imaginary fiction writing. But now the story is flowing on its own - bit by bit. And it takes a break too on its own. 

I used to think that story writing was more of construction but now I have finally reached at that level where it is indeed a creation just like my poems. 

I really needed few essentials from the shop but it seemed far off - from where the owner of the guest house had picked me up last evening. It was raining so I requested him again and again to deliver those things as I didn't have any vehicle to go and fetch them on my own. But he didn't give my request any value. 

Towards afternoon that the rain finally stopped. All though there were numerous clouds even then and my story was going on really well, but I knew that I had to go out. And thank God that I did for I then could cover the main green meadow, Jhumaar naag's temple and even the viscinity around. 

A gaddi old lady had shown me a forest path to reach the shop directly. I not only reached there but could also explore around.

On seeing me the owner of this place who also has a shop there made random excuses that he had sent me a call and that I never texted and stuff. I though handled him politely but ensured to buy stuff from both the two other shops but his.

Later I came from road's way to explore Jhumaar a bit more. A little Sun had also appeared by then and my way became truly magical - nice narrow blue road amidst numerous deodar trees! 

On returning back, I realised that the evening was still left. I wished to have a little more Sun and maybe have a juice somewhere in the open. That took me to another walk in the opposite direction and I realised that there is a full power road that runs at this height - connecting several mountains all around - all of which have tiny villages hidden upon and amidst them. Also I found out another tiny shop right upon this road in case of another such need! 

Aah, every footsteps offered another view, random fields, a unique kind of vibe, ambience, aura, flora, mountains, clouds! 

Sitting at one place where there was partial setting sun, partial shade, a giant valley below me and a road and fields behind me - there was a moment where I suddenly felt so thankful and lucky. I felt that true it has been quite a challenging and lonely trip - this one, but it has also been the most unique. True, I would have been comfortable and happy at my regular familiar mountains but people hardly even get to know this side of Himachal which I am living in. It all seemed like a other world. As I looked at those women chilling in the evening in their fields - I wondered, do they ever go outside or do they remain content and happy upon these altitudes with their lives? 

Like, life seems so busy and enough as it is when on such heights! One just doesn't even think of anything outside. So much that engrosses one's senses and keeps one right into the moment! 

I walked back towards dusk and then suddenly maybe because of cold or lack of sleep that I began to feel bit unwell! I then wore my Dulhousie shawl, also Momsha called. And then I felt better. 

Then had epic dinner and felt even more better. 

Followed by a long hot shower making me feel the most better. But I won't say best for I am not. Something within doesn't feel right! 

Also this spider that has come out again and running around everywhere - right now upon my slippers! Why can't it stay upon some wall or something? 

Why does it have to be so hyper active? 

And she is super huge - the same one which I had imprisoned last night. I don't know why this one freaks me extra! 

Today the entire day I was wondering, so what if the room doesn't feel as good in vibe or comfort! Look at where I am staying - such nature abundance.

When I was in Chaminoo, I used to look towards the top of the mountain which seemed to go on in its height! 

I am now at that height. 

The entire day I remain fine here in Chamba! It's the moment it turns night that I begin to feel scared and anxious! Even I don't know of what! 

I wish I had atleast a dog alongside. I actually wish I had company specially in this Chamba trip. 

I would have been able to enjoy it way more. 

Often that my heartbeat suddenly rises up and I feel so out of place! But also that each new place amazes me and provides me with a new surprise! 

Every place so far has been more beautiful than the last. And at every new place that something one or other desires of my own self get manifested. 

I live level most the entirety of the day. Yet each dusk that I check the date, for the month to get over soon and I move back to some familiar place. I miss decent cafes, familiar vibes! There are hardly any conversations and everyone seems like of some other nation, culture or kind.

They all stay busy in their works. And there are hardly any people in this new world of mine. 

Though I love solitariness but it has to be choice. When that's the only thing available then it sometimes becomes loneliness majorly when I get afraid of random things! 

Like this spider - I know these mountain spiders are harmless. That it is I who is at their home. That they only want mosquitos and are rather helping me. That I should be chilled and turn off the light and pass out. Yet they freak me out. 

I know that had there been another person in this room, even then the spider would have existed and equally active and that person too would have been as ineffective in getting rid of it or any other such situation.

Yet my mind would then have been distracted and I could have living even these nights with peace and joy in them! 

Well! Matter of 6 days! Then I would move. I want to go to Bir. But it maybe crowded as well because of summer vacations going on! I can also go to Baijnath or even Dharmshala and Triund for that matter! 

But naah! Won't do Triund solo. 

Last I had gone for that hike was in 2014. 

Maybe Chamba too in few years would be a popular tourist hub. I am glad that am getting to live it in its essential form just like I have left rest of the places - in their own purest forms! Much before them becoming popular. Where they could be themselves - their raw and true authentic selves! 

Am sleepy now. Hopefully, tonight I would sleep and none would disturb me! 

I know that am well protected by divine itself! Mahadev lives in me, around me! 

Alright my love! 

Am too sleepy! 

Good night

Tight waala hug

Slightly wet waali kissie 

Mmmmuuuuaaah 

...................

May 26th, 2023

Hey my love, my dear 10 PM! Welcome with a choco milk sip! Wish to share some jaggery as well? Let's! I am still not in bed. Though had a bath this evening itself. Still in Jumaar. Last night was hell! I had slept off but then few drunkards came at 2 AM and banged their car doors which seemed as if someone had banged my own room's window. I got super scared. I imagined someone trying to come inside and was shit scared. There's none that I know over here. No one knows where I live as well! Mentally I thought N number of things. I don't know why I feel so unsafe here in Chamba everywhere (except when I was in Bharmour), and specially here because that's the night environment. All though this place is heaven through out day. But everyone gets drunk at night, plays loud music and creates chaos. 

I was so scared last night! Seriously. Stayed awake till 4, even if they all had left by 3. Finally I passed out again and woke up way late finally filling my sleep quota.

Today I did kriya again. By the time I was done with everything, it was 1:30 PM. I went upstair, had a light brunch basking in sunlight and then came back to my room. Finally I finished the second story today. It has come out great I guess. Am waiting for momsha's feedback. 

I always wanted momsha to read my writings. These stories paved the way for that. She loves them and motivates them. I feel awesome because she reads them! 

Towards evening that I washed my hair that was needed after my trip. Went upstairs again. Had a light evening snack and then back to my room. After some time rain began and so so extreme. With 'ole' and all. Lol! I don't know what are ole called in English! Won't be googling middle of our date! You just get it! Ha ha! 

Had a long conversation with momsha his evening. Thankfully! I really needed to talk with someone. And thankfully we were talking while the rain became supernatural and intense. I would have been really scared otherwise probably. But thanks to her that I was laughing and conversing. She became God sent at that moment. Mothers are anyway God's angels on earth! 

I was wondering today, that this Chamba trip has really been intense on me. It is truly offbeat. Absolutely no tourists or even travelers over here! These one or two guest houses everywhere are also for locals only! No outsiders come towards this side of Himachal! Even people seem so different! Culture, vibes, everything. 

Even if I always called Himachal my soul's home, but I think I was still a tourist all these years for I had not met this raw and real side of Himachal. Nomads, gaddi people, even gujjar people. I had not experienced their folk songs in their essence! 

I think Himachal chose me to visit this side and experience it. Same like a beloved opens up gradually and shows its most beautiful and vulnerable side only to his lover! 

I have been feeling bit scared yet amazed all this while. Every place in Chamba is entirely unique. It's just other worldly. 

I was also thinking how much I have been living in solitude. How much I was running away from all kinds of people or connections. And here when I have literally no one that I sometimes wish for even a single compatible person to be just there around! 

The entire day today I wished for normal tourists to come for a stay hoping because it's a weekend, it's Friday! Well, atleast a couple came to live upstairs. They are locals. Seem more like they have come here just for another purpose. Atleast there are people living here and I am not entirely alone at an already de-famous place! 

I have like mixed emotions about the place. One reason can be that dadiji at Chaminoo had scared me loong back about this place. She had said that even women are bad in character over here and people get really sinister and bad towards this side. Likewise was the feedback of the first person I had met in Chamba at whose shop I had had tea and enquired about place to stay or visit. He had first suggested Jumaar and then had added that I should probably not come here for people can get really bad towards evening. 

I am trying to have this positive attitude for the place is really beautiful and I wish to live here till the end of my trip in Chamba! But one, all those thoughts, another, every night random drunkards creating chaos with loud music - including right now and even my own experiences are not letting me be at ease! Even the kids are not innocent here - that's the worst thing. Yesterday while I was returning back via road - I bumped into two groups of school children. Both groups ensured to pass comments, sing songs and act so pitiably. I ofcourse handled then boldly. Yet, kids totally represent the character of a place. If Childhood itself is not innocent, then imagine the youth or adulthood! 

At Chaminoo I was scared of paranormal things. Here I am scared of humans! Literally! 

I don't even know where to go next that would be close to Chamba and I can live peacefully there. Khajiar can work well, but it would be bit expensive and also, I have already lived it! 

Am also challenging myself that I can do it! This entire trip has been really brave of me! You have helped me overcome a lot many obstacles and have always guided me towards the right thing or path! Thank you for that! 

Last night too that's how I had finally passed out. Imagining the protection of Mahadev around me and surrendering it all to him! 

I know he is taking care of me! 

He won't let anything happen to me! 

But seriously look at these guys. Playing such lousy music at that loud a pitch. And it's not even melodious! Even truck drivers have better choice of music! 

Aah! It stopped! Finally! Thank God! I don't know for how long! But atleast it stopped for now! 

Oh, dear Ten! I don't know where to go next! I do wish to go towards forest side here as well. Want to live it. But I am also scared. 

There's no one that I can ask to come along. Though bhabhi told me that I can go with her kids on Sunday! That would mean staying on for two more days. Also, I just don't know whom to trust or not! 

The weather too was really intense this evening. Really really intense. But I was safe in my room laughing and untouched. By now, I have changed the vibe of my room. Have warm and cosy double layers of blankets to keep me warm. Also finally got rid of that huge black spider this evening. Ofcourse didn't kill it. But asked bhaiji here to remove it. He gently picked the spider with a fabric bag and threw it outside. But then it began to rain and I felt really bad for it. 

Huh! The music began again! 

Another tiny spider that was living in my washroom is finally out in my room. Well! That one seems harmless. I can live with that. 

My mind only is not working with such loud music. Sorry! If I banter more today. I am just super annoyed. People abusing, singing loudly. Why am I even here? Why are these people here that too living in such a beautiful village? What did they do to deserve such a life? Why are they wasting it? Maybe that's what keeps them alive in such distant land! Maybe I am in the wasteland of Chamba. 

Why did I ever move from Bharmour despite of the fact that I was the most comfortable and safe there? Jumaar is beautiful no doubt, but also, it's not letting me sleep or be at rest! 

I don't know how to live on for rest of this month. I can't live with such anxiety. 

Though each day that I am getting more confident, less scared! Today I even changed the bulb in my room. We have a night bulb too now. Not using it right now though! Am still on sofa! 

Sometimes I feel like playing the TV I have in my room at its loudest volume just to teach them a lesson. But I don't think that it would work. It would rather affect me only. 

Every night I think of shifting. Every morning I like it here. 

Maybe I would move tomorrow. Maybe not! Time will decide. 

Hope I reach better vibes. All I wanted was to have peaceful time at a serene place with nice people around and an abundance of nature. Nowhere that I found them all together! 

Khajiar would be my last resort. If things would get really bad over here. 

Don't know if it is possible to get worst. Don't even want to know.

Atleast I fee safe tonight in my room. I double checked the windows. Realised it's not possible for anyone to come via that way. Hotel in itself remains locked at night from inside. Only issue then is this crazy noise from the guest house next door! Imagine I was even thinking about shifting there when I had checked it online. I didn't know it was just next door! 

Well! Glad am here. All thanks to Suresh bhaiji who guided me so properly and helped me reach here. 

The property though is very old. But people are fine. Decent atleast. 

Even the caretakers are a family with kids. So it feels alright! 

Yet I fail to trust anyone. 

So I must move soon. Hope to explore the forest around before I go. 

I also need space in phone for the memory got full right on the first day. It is so beautiful - this place. 

Aah! If only I had someone alongside. The entire Chamba I kept on craving for just a single person along. It is for sure not a place for solo traveling girl! 

Though I got good people throughout. But this sense of insecurity and this need for safety remained. Except when I was in Bharmour. But there, I was required to hike a lot to reach nature places. It wasn't available as readily as it is over here. However I had a spectacular view right outside my windows. That's one thing that I got really lucky with - everywhere I went. Windows offering heaven right in my room. 

Here though I need to sit on a chair. It doesn't reach my bed. That's good actually. Keeps me active! 

In Bharmour, I naturally didn't feel like dressing up. Over here, though I feel like it, but I don't want to come in public eye or be noticed as a girl! So I mostly wear shabby clothes with an over sized shirt! Just so, no body gets interested in me! 

Isn't it weird? Chamba people themselves have such strong opinions about their own people that they even beware outsiders about it! Well, there must be some reality to it. 

Even at Chaminoo, when Bhabhi had suggested Jumaar, she too had said, 'you should go to Jumaar. It's beautiful. But don't go alone. We would send someone along to take you there.' 

Well, that house itself was untrustworthy. So I didn't go at that time anywhere. 

Now though I remember all those comments which further demand me to be careful and responsible. 

After all, you are your biggest responsibility while solo traveling. 

Hey Ten! Why are we here? What compelled me to be here? It's heaven! Indeed! Maybe I had to be a oart of yesterday that was sheer magic! It's just nights that become difficult. 

Well! Tomorrow is another day! And each night I feel slightly better! 

Not as comfortable as Bharmour though.

Oh, this is the only place where I found torn condom packets thrown randomly around right upon the green meadow! Can you now understand what kind of people come here? It's like a couple's point of Chamba people! 

This enchanting a land and used for what purpose? Well! I doubt they have real love in their hearts. Or who knows? Maybe I am carrying way many judgements and pre filled opinions. 

Maybe I should have an open mind. 

But I really seeked pure environment. At every level. 

Atleast that weird smell is no more there in the room. Ever since I got rid of that last blanket the smell is gone. 

Now people are speaking on mikes. Man!!! So sorry dear Ten! Today is so weird! 

Maybe we can explore around in the morning tomorrow and then move by afternoon or so somewhere else! I will look for options today. 

I want us to have peaceful and pleasent dates. Don't wanna crib. Surely don't want to criticize. 

Also want to sleep peacefully! 

I am happy about finishing that story today. It's quite long but seems promising. Would be beginning a new one very soon. Maybe going to Khajiar would indeed be great for one story the character of whom had got inspired from there itself! 

We can also go to Salooni that I have heard is nice. But it is far off . And I don't want to take yet another chance! 

We have very few days left and I want them to be peaceful! 

Or there was a guy I had met in Chamba. I had bought dupattas from his shop. He was a super decent guy who had invited me to his village to stay. Though he too was Muslim but he was very decent. 

Maybe we can try out his village. That wasn't even very far from Chamba. I would make a call tomorrow and check with him. He had told me that there was homestay or guesthouse available in his village. I will ask him and then maybe move over there. 

Let's see! I do wish to explore the forest above though. It seems so promising and mesmerizing. 

And I want to look good in my pictures over here. Anything but that oversized red shirt that I have got crazy obsessed with last few days. It's just so comfortable. 

All thanks to that guy in Bharmour who just agreed to give at whatever price I wanted. 

May God bless him with loads of abundance! 

Alright my love! Thank you for showing me yet another way! 

Thank you for the hope, for your love. For being there with me at these offbeat places! If I am here for us, so are you. 

I love you! 

You are scary also heavenly.

See you tomorrow.

Much love! 

Mmmmmuuuaah 

............

May 27, 2023

Dear 10 PM,

Hi! A brave Hi! A realised Hi! 

First of all, I am really sorry for last night! I shouldn't have cribbed as much! 

After our date, and having another sleepless night till 3, even if that music had stopped on time; I suddenly landed upon some Satguru's video on YouTube! He was talking about how each seed is basically a genetic memory - may it be human or plant. How we can't really see without memory for it is memory that helps us identify things and attributes. I don't know what I understood or felt but suddenly I just felt relieved. I was like, why am I carrying imprints of people's opinions about Jumar? I haven't even given this place a chance!

Satguru was talking about how all imprints can be consciously overlooked and a new reality can be manifested with the help of Yoga! I just took the initial part. He said that even if same banana is being eaten but that banana becomes a male when a man eats it, a female when a woman eats it and an animal when a monkey eats it! He said it just when I was wondering about the vibes of this place and how this weird dehydration in my body was making me drink so much of water of this land and how I didn't want to be corrupted by the place's vibes! And that's when I learned, it's on me! It's on my own system - how I utilise what I consume! Also, it's on me whether I focus upon the medicinal aspect of this water for its flowing from forest, the religious aspect of it as it is after all a naag devta provience or if I focus on character of people that too that I have only heard.

I have never been a person who takes others' opinions as it is. I do consider them as wise are those who learn from others' mistakes or learnings. But I prefer to form my own opinions about things, people or places.

Another thing I thought about was that very often, those that are de-famous are the most free of any show offs and also are many a times the most unique characters or personalities. I too have sat on life's hot seat numerous times! Did I have such a character? Not even close! I was rather empathetic, eager to connect, trying to find 'friends', in all my innocence. Had someone focused upon others' perspectives about me back then, they wouldn't have really known me at all.

And that is why I decided to give Jumar a chance. Also the fact that there must be a reason why my journey brought me here, why you brought me here; despite of the fact that I was soooo comfortable back in Bharmour!

First, I slept till late and quite peacefully today. Even remembered my dreams, which were as usual weird! Then did kriya and went for a brunch upstairs. The Sun though had already taken a shield of numerous clouds by then. The manager of this place served me extra special, putting in so much of efforts as if I was a royalty. I was touched. Also, a teeny tiny weirded out. But I took it positively and was thankful! He was so energetic and in this energy of servitude - picking that heavy a table and placing it in front of me on another terrace, offering to get home made white butter for I prefer it, etc. 

Then I came back to my room and decided to explore that forest trail that I really wanted to go to. I dressed up in the dress I wanted to wear - regardless of who thinks what. It was a black tee, a brown legging, a green skirt  and a grey shrug. Before leaving, I took a shawl as well - to keep me covered, warm and hide my dress. And I could simply remove it if I wanted to in a solitary place. Also that I kept a scissor in my bag - just in case, for I was going to a forest. (That was the closest thing to knife with me).

Turned out, that road only led till a house, after which there were fields. Though above me there is all a forest, but the way goes from another direction where I would anyway be going tomorrow with the kids most probably! There's some Assi maata temple there in some Village.

I found few women working in the fields. I did try interacting with them but they were busy and didn't seem much interested in answering my questions. Though they all had deep cut suits which also relieved me in terms of dressing. I was like, I am way more covered than them! Like really? 

Well, then I decided to walk towards another way! Found a small shrine on some cliff and found a total foresty land just below it. Thousands of Deodars. And I didn't even need go go deep in the forest as well for that. I spent a little time there and then came back on the road. 

There I met a local shepherd with cows. In my brief chat with him, I got to know that in Jumaar mostly Rajput clans live. So years ago, few Rajput kings had arrived here with their clans. They looked down upon Gujjars and occupied few higher lands. Probably this is one such place. 

I couldn't get much out of him to build a story around. But I liked his energy. He seemed too innocent. He also seemed a little stoned. Ha ha! I remembered a friend while talking to him.

During our conversation, few school kids passed by. One 11 year old came and stood by just randomly. I asked him if there was a show happening and that he should go to his home. His friends laughed and they all went by and stood in some distance. 

They began to whistle from there which made that gaddi guy way concious. He said something like there is nothing like cast. Blood is the same in all. I then bid him farewell and reached these kids. They began to run and then I teased them saying, 'teach me how to whistle!' when they were about to, I opened my phone camera and said, 'I will send this video to your teacher and tell her that these tiny boys whistle behind me'.. all kids began to laugh, felt embarassed and ran fearing the camera. Well, it was a naughty, fun filled moment. 

It had begun to drizzle and I explored a mesmerizing garden right above Jumar green meadow. No one is permitted to enter in. That's why thankfully there was no rubbish. That's one thing that I found the most annoying in entire Chamba - plastic waste thrown everywhere!  The most beautiful of places become so ugly with even a single polybag and here people throw everything from packets to bottles to even glass bottles - everything - disrespecting mother earth and nature and that seriously hurts me. 

Also that everyone in Chamba just keeps on spitting. They just have this habit - everywhere, everyone. I don't know why! They just all do.

Well, this garden thankfully was clean and had beautiful yellow flowers upon thick lush green grass. I so wanted to go there and roll over but then I saw that board and also respected it. 

Then I returned back to the same place where I had found an abundance of Deodars. It reminded me so much of Pulga fairy forest. Except that there it was literally forest. Here, school kids or hidden trails are also there connecting various tiny villages. 

I connected to my trees there. Sang for them after a long time. There was a moment where I missed someone alongside. And right in that moment I got this thought, how would this moment been different with someone alongside. Answer came, that that person's energy would have also been there. I would have been focussed on his gestures, our conversation or even silence. If it was someone compatible, maybe there would have been an intense energetic exchange happening there between us. And I would have been feeling n number of things within, maybe admiring a certain gesture, a certain reflection of greens in his eyes, a slight brush of hands, something he had said. Maybe I would have been feeling so much of love within that the entire ambience would have then complimented us! 

And suddenly I realised, it's not just the presence of the other person but also the fact that we get filled with love when we are with the right one! And for those moments, I don't know why and how but I felt loved - without even having anyone alongside.

There's a video that I really wish to make while in Chamba. There's a song I heard in Bharmour - 'Surmedaani ri dibbi'. I couldn't find it on insta, but I do want to dress up somewhat traditionally and dance on that song fusing it with nature and village videos! I tried to wear my shawl in different way, but I was not carrying any scarf. Also the video seemed so foolish while I was making it. 

A little more time in forest and then I remembered, I had to do a tarot card reading of someone online. I came back on time but he wanted it to be done at night! I had clearly told him not after 8 PM, yet he tried to be oversmart about it, dragging it to 8:15. 

I refused bluntly. Now it's postponed to afternoon tomorrow.

That's the problem with city people - everything is 'chalta hai'.

When I was so specific about the time, he still challenged it. He is married, has kids, a wife and still wished the reading to go on anytime after 9! He even texted last night at 2:30 AM. Like what are these people really doing with their lives?

Anyway, I want to have certain work ethics. Also, it's never mere for money that I do it. Tarot is super pious to me. It demands a certain seriousness and energy. Does he expect me to do his reading middle of night, whispering, in my bed - like really?

I had been clear that I can't be loud at night for I am staying on mountains. Also, I just don't feel like doing a Tarot reading online at night. That energy itself is different. Unless someone is really close to me and is sitting face to face, maybe then, Tarot reading can come out really good in the peace of night!

Still, I prefer daytime to read. My favorite in pre-evening time. Around 4. That seems like the best time to me. 

Well, anyway, things happen they way they are meant to happen, when they are meant to happen! 

So, I am now comfortable here. Also, would you believe, this is the first night ever since I have come that there is no noise at all.

Rather, it is I who played soft music this evening while sketching. Oh ya, I made another sketch. It's the view from my room's window. It's still not complete but already looks nice to me! 

I do wish to stay for atleast two three days in Khajiaar. If I want to do that then I must leave tomorrow. If I stay back here even tomorrow then rain is predicted for next three four days. As such it's quite serene even over here. Specially during rain, this place becomes super magical.

But I do want to buy few footwears from Chamba before leaving and then maybe also stay in Khajiaar. If I do go to Khajiar, then after after this month, I would move towards Dharmshala side. There's a hippie place there that I am just unable to remember the name of. Maybe I can stay there for say 15 days. I haven't been there despite of visiting Mcleoganj and Dharmshala numerous times. Or else, if I go directly from Chamba, then I can go to Baijnath. Stay for a night there. Visit Mahadev's temple. And then move to Bir the next day. That course actually has been there in my head for several days. But Bir maybe crowded as summer vacations are going on. But ya, probably I would be able to do para gliding there, explore monasteries around and spend few days or a month there. I can also spend a week there, go to Parvati valley to catch up with my Delhi friends, then go to Manali for a few days - stay at Anmol's house this time. Anmol is my 7 year old friend. He is adorable. They do have a room available but seems a bit expensive to me. This time I think I can afford it. 

Well! Nothing is for sure. My ultimate dream is to have my own cafe in Old Manali! One day, I will make it true.

I also tried finding out few volunteering opportunities in Bir. Would be a great experience while I would be there. Let's see! 

There's some music festival also coming up in Bir. Maybe that's why Bir is calling me! 

Only cosmos would decide my fate and ofcourse Mahadev and me! 

Thank you my love for relieving me. For helping me overcome my fears. For making me way stronger than I could have ever imagined. You are epic! You challange me to bring out a self that even I can't imagine exists. 

Past entire month has been challenging then free, challenging then free. 

I lived with different kind of communities, overcame so many kinds of fears; walked, hiked, explored, lived in numerous lifestyles. 

Each day you carve me a little more, each day you fill a new shade in me! 

Thank you! 

Love you.

Good night. 

You are beautiful! 

Mmmmmmuuuuaaah 

.................

May 28th, 2023

Hey my 10 PM! Welcome! Am still in Jumar! Quite at home! 

Today, I didn't go anywhere, hardly conversed, but wrote a story towards evening. We have 3 more days left. I want to write as much as possible. Remember I wanted to have a female protagonist. Have finally begun my third story based on that. The character is inspired from Chaminoo. From Salma. Although, I did turn a little bit avenging while writing about her mother. Because Bhabhi was actually mean and miserly when it came to cooking food for me. But yeah, the story still focussed upon bringing out Chamba's lifestyle, rituals and also raises issues like girl education and need of awareness in gujjar community. 

Also, I took a paise before writing a little negatively about that mother character. But then I was like, the names are different and so are the characters. This is just a story. And this would only bring that 3D aspect to my characters. 

It can't be all goody goody.

Also, I learned a new thing while writing it - to observe everyone as a character, without any judgement. That's what a writer or narrator does, right? Mere observation and expression of various characters. If we take that approach in life as well, we would be less reactive and life would be way more interesting. Like, just observe! 'Huh! This kind of character also exists!' As if reading a story in real life. Then we won't mind or get hurt. We would instead just read various kinds of people existing in all their colors.

There's a wedding happening in this village today. This too has been recurrent - everywhere that I visited in Chamba. A wedding or a birthday ceremony! That's why even in my story a wedding incident popped up today. There was just music audible right in my room from my window. I realised it later why I narrated that particular scene. 

Also I wondered, could it be a sign? Lol! Maybe, it's wedding season going on here in Chamba. 

I had rajma and jeera rice today for dinner. It was extremely heavy. I wanted to go for khichdi and curd. Instead I had this. Imagine the difference! 

People here just make everything super heavy and dry. This leaves me dehydrated. Although I eat less most of the times. But the rare times I order normal food, they just give so much of it which is so heavy that it leaves me further exhausted. 

Still, this is like writer's paradise! Honestly. Though everywhere around is supremely beautiful - the deodar trees, the wheat fields, farm mules, sheeps. Even the dogs are super cute. Yet my favorite thing to do here is to just sit by my window and write stories. I love rainy days for then even my own concious doesn't urge me to go out. I just love to sit by the window, gaze the clouds and rain upon green fields and deodar trees and love to write or sketch. 

Oh, I also finished the sketch from last evening today. I think it looks pretty good. My favorite part in it is a local lady with a basket - who was just passing by and I could sketch her distant outline - just on time. She just added so much of beauty and character to the entire sketch. 

I had read somewhere about photography that even the most beautiful landscapes seem incomplete without a sign of life in it. And if we add any living being to it - may it be a bird, an animal, a human, even a bug - the entire photograph gains life! I felt it for the first time here in this sketch! See! 

Imagine, how uncomfortable was I in the initial few days and how at home do I feel now. So much so that I can write on. As such there is no human contact so far. People outside are quite cold most of the time. Specially ladies. Even the shopkeeper lady. Even ladies on fields. And men I don't converse with much anyway.

Oh, there was a guy today upstairs on the terrace. I don't why was he here, but he was super nice. He is a teacher in a government school and had such great opinion about education system and facilities and progress in Jumar. He was educated and quite sensible to converse and was well mannered with best of intentions and vibes. It felt seriously great to interact with him. Though later, few other guys came and then I had to come down. But ya, that was the only conversation of the day today. 

I think I would name by book as 'Chamba ki kahaniyan' if I would assemble all the stories under one umbrella. Or else they could be framed as separate story books with illustrations and pictures and converted into children's story books. Momsha suggested NBT I guess. Not sure about the name. But it was her idea to turn them into picture story books. That's a great idea actually. I hope it works out and I get the right reference or contact for that. She even shared the number of some publisher. I still need to talk to him. I would talk to him after our Chamba sessions. Once I am done with atleast five stories. Am on third. The next one's character is also in my head. I am sure the story too would manifest on its own. The last character has to be a lady. I am hoping to get a story from Jumar. If not, then it can be from Bharmour as well. I will see to it once I reach on that story. 

Time is less. Work is more. 

About insta reels and phone space. Well, I am just one video away from getting done with Bharmour on insta. All those are already backed up so after uploading the last one, I would have a lot of space in my phone. Tomorrow onwards, I can begin with Jumar reels. Our last chapter together! Maybe! Or what say? Should we have atleast a single day in Khajiaar? I will see! 

I did consider it, but honestly my focus in terms of story writing is so good over here and I have literally zero disturbance with perfect view. And had I gone there, my expenses would have doubled up at every level. Plus, Khajiaar would be comparatively further from Chamba. I might have to change my entire course of journey after that. So for now, I just decided to be here and focus upon what I am here to do. Write stories. That's a must. It began from Chaminoo because of that kid who wanted to read stories but in Hindi and that's how I got inspired to write them. 

Momsha always used to tell me to write short stories about people I come across or instances I experience while travelling, I just could never do it. I was always a poet and never a story writer. It's the first time I too am doing in after one or two attempts in my childhood or doing that Creative writing diploma course! Never otherwise! I am just loving the act of story writing. It's like I am living those characters' adventures. I too reach the forests and mountain tops along with Dinesh and I too face the ferocious tiger along with Sheru. This is even more interesting than reading. Because I don't know where the story would go until it emerges from I don't know which world of my consciousness. It is simply super fun! 

This is entirely another phase in my journey of becoming a writer. And I am totally cherishing it and really thankful for it. 

Today I realised how less I have been focussing on my what I wear, how I have been preferring to be in same trouser and comfy tee with an oversized shirt for so many days, how I have become so much of a loner, except when I need fuel for my stories, how quick and observant my senses have become in terms of getting the right content and inspiration for my stories, how minutely I have lived this entire month for I remember details so clearly when knitting them together as stories - I am a living writer - like the ones I used to read about! Though, I still don't have a home on some green meadow like Shakespeare or Coleridge; but I have numerous homes all around India specially Himachal, and cafes in Pushkar - where my pen and paper went free! I am a living writer and I felt proud and happy about it! 

I know it's a journey. I know it takes patience! But I would ensure that my words reach the words without I needing to go out saying them out personally. When I had left the goal of becoming a lecturer, it was for this dream! To become a writer and share my ideas with the world.

Cosmos is helping me achieve that. You are ensuring that I get perfect scenarios for that. Thank you my darling 10! Thank you. Really! You are indeed a utopia and so perfect! There is absolutely no worldly chaos. No threat to my energy. None trying to influence or belittle me. No jealousy around me. It's all good. People are non disturbing. Nature is core heaven. Food is nurturing. Water is herbal and pure. Air is life giving. All elements are at their best. Clouds, rain, sun, sky, river, mountains. What else do I need?

I don't need to dress up to be anywhere. I can step out or not. I can talk or stay silent. I can keep sleeping or wake up. Such freedom. 

Everytime I do Sudarshan kriya and lay down my head upon my pillow after that, I feel as if I am in the lap of Mahadev! Seriously, those moments my pillow feels divine - as if it's Mahadev's leg. And there I talk to him in my head sometimes or simply surrender with love. Today I was middle of Sahej where suddenly I just decided to lie down. And you won't believe the visions I had along with Mahadev. I felt all kinds of emotions for him. I hugged him as a mother, laid my head on his shoulder as a lover, embraced him tightly like a friend, took his head and caressed him like a mother, lied in his lap like a child. He truly was every relation to me in those moments. 

These days, each day when I sit to meditate after kriya, I get images of all the Shivalingams I have recently visited in past entire month. Specially that Shivalingam in Harihar temple of Bharmour. Also, Manimahesh peak that I had seen through telescope from Kailash view point. 

While I was in Bharmour, I had heard a YouTube video where a guy was saying why it is important to have your isht Dev's image in your mind while meditating. And how both sakaar and nirakaar roopas of Mahadev have entirely different energetic impacts. That specific day I had meditated in Harihar temple's viscinity. And just the day before that I had had that experience of aarti where I was face to face with Shivalingam and felt as if I was being wedded to that. Ever since that Shivalingam became super special to me and became super significant during my meditations. 

Today I was listening to another guy who was speaking about Bhagwat Geeta. He had such beautiful and clear opinions about everything. Such people are so lucky who have such immensity of knowledge and wisdom. I was wowed after his numerous answers. These videos that Beer-biceps makes are really mind boggling. Only thing I mind is his obsession with occult science. The anchor brings such topics because that kind of content is really hit. But that also steals away the time from other beautiful and way deeper aspects of wisdom that people may share in their respective fields - may it be spirituality, religion or parallel universe! Still, the kind of videos he makes are commendable and after every two three days I choose the topic of my interest and listen. They open my mind's doors, teach me new things, remind me of certain things and help me form my own opinions about various interesting topics of my interest. 

Aah! It's weekend going on, so am also getting treated with one episode of that Turkish series each day. It's just so difficult to wait for the next one. Yet it's going great in my scenario - just like a dessert - in limited amount! 

Though I have a sweet tooth, and totally have the capacity of replacing full meals with desserts. Here though, it is just not available in that amount. So I put a raisin in my mouth and then cherish it slowly and for long - sipping it's juice gradually and entirely. I don't skip or fast forward any scene, for I know that's all I have for today. Ha ha! 

The Turkish edition has even got the main characters married, got them kids, with even Serken losing his memory (every typical hit Turkish series), gaining it back, again falling for Eda and then finally then being together. Lol! That's what I have understand from various YouTube short videos promoting the Turkish versions. In Urdu though, they are still struggling to be together. These series are long. 

Once I had seen a full on Turkish drama called 'Magnificient century'. Each episode used to be like 2-3 hours long. And I must have seen atleast 90 or I don't know how many. Just calculate the hours. I had left the series just 5-6 episodes before its completion because they changed the main female protagonist 'Hurrem Sultan' and I realised she was the main salt, rice, creame, taste - everything of that show. Without her, I just lost all zeal for the show. Though later even I wondered, how come I watched a show so full of drama and politics and stuff. I have never been a soap serial kind of person. Either it has to be intellectual, or sci fi, or religious, or romantic - when it comes to my entertainment. Well! That was that. 

Though I love Turkish series otherwise. The characters and their personalities are just superbly framed. They don't get dark or criminal. Though there are always few with vices. But good wins over bad in the end. People learn from their mistakes and even accept them and take steps to be better. And emotions are given such immense value along with this need to go on in life, no matter what. Also principles like honesty, integrity etc  are the supreme- most when it comes to their protagonists. I love those aspects. And I love to see their interiors, their day to day life, their cuisines, flowers, nature, their knowledge about numerous things! I learn something new from each of these series. 

Alright my love! Today, I think we finally interacted the way I love to interact. About various topics rather than what I did. I liked it today. Well! You are anyway way different from the rest. 

Love you my love! 

See you tomorrow. 

Mmmmmmuuuuaaah 

..............

May 29th, 2023

Hey Shona pie! My 10 PM. Ha ha ha! Shona pie seems so cringe! Lol! Imagine that was once my vocab - looooooooong looooooong back! 

Don't know why it came to my head just now. Ha ha. Shona pie! How are you Shona pie? Ha ha ha.

So first thing first, that big black spider is back in my room. Ofcourse it is her home. And I don't know what all it must have faced all this while outside. Must have been an adventure. Or maybe it came back the same day! Who knows? But I saw her returning back in this room this night and it sent shivers in my body and soul the same moment. I don't mind all other spiders for they remain incognito. Just that black one. Anyway, it has not made its presence noticable ever since. I know it would suddenly appear middle of night somewhere. I hope not! Am sure, it must be as scared of me as I am. Just when I saw it, I was like, it has returned for revenge. Huh! Me and my mind! 

So, I finished the third story as well today. It has come out nice I guess. Short and crisp! Have even begun forth one. Not sure how it would go on, have absolutely no idea about themes or further story line but am sure, I would come up with something. It's based upon a guy who had given me a shelter at Jot. He was super kind and so fair. So ya, this one is on him. 

I wanted to begin the one I have had long held in my mind - about a horse rider in Khajiar. But I only have his character and a story about it. I don't know the details. I just didn't stay there enough I guess or didn't interact enough to really understand the life of locals over there. Specially the guy I want to write about. Maybe, moving tomorrow to Khajiar won't be a bad idea. I anyhow wanted to finish my trip at my favourite place here in Chamba - Khajiar. That really was perfect at every level. First l, however I would check, if that specific room is available and if he would lower the price and only then go. Before that, it is also crucial that it doesn't rain while I go. I don't want to face the weather I had faced last time. Though rain is fully predicted. Rather, it is happening right now as well! We'll see tomorrow. Though I like to write during day time, but tonight I would write more. To compensate the traveling time of tomorrow. I do wish to visit Harinarayan temple one last time while I be in Chamba and also shop two more footwears for they are really as per my need and comfort and price and also buy a chambiyadi kada that I had seen in Dulhousie but had not bought thinking that I would get it at more reasonable price in Chamba. That shopkeeper though had reminded me of one of friends from Kullu. I did wish to buy something from him. That kada was the only thing I had liked but still not so much to pay that much of price. I knew it would have been available in one third of its amount in Chamba. So I took logical decision. Often though, I do buy something if I really love something. Because, it's not always that you get exactly what you want and also love it. But if it gets dicey and I don't feel so sure about it then I leave it. 

Like I really wanted to buy silver bangles from Bharmour but none that I had really liked fully from heart and silver rates seemed a bit high there for I now know it's rates from Pushkar as my friends sell silver jewellery there. It made no sense then to overspend that too on something non essential without even fully liking it. 

Anyway, I do want to shop a bit in Chamba before leaving. Do wish to go to Harinarayan. And then maybe spend the last two days in Khajiaar. I would do some field work there - talk to people around. Have it's magical morning one more time. Than leave for Dharmkot. 

Yes! That's the next destination in my mind. I wasn't able to remember it's name. Last night I did a little bit of research for I had exhausted all my data, including three other packs. Airtel doesn't work here so I have to manage with only Jio. With every pack exhausted, I couldn't recharge! And that's when I planned and then lied for hours on my bed - thinking I don't know what not!

Huh! The wind upon door just startled me! 

Oh ya! This evening when electricity went off and dusk was still there, I wanted to save my phone's battery by not using torch. But I still needed to deviate my mind. Couldn't have written for there was less light. Couldn't have used phone as I had to save battery. So I finally picked up my ukulele after I don't know how many days and just sang my heart out. I think my throat and pitch - both had got shocked. I just sang for more than an hour and loved it. Specially because it was raining all around. I love to sing when it rains! To play as well was a bonus. 

I do want to practice and record a new song before leaving from Chamba. Actually Jumaar is the best place for it as there's lot of silence here when there is. Often times though some or other music keeps on getting played around. Either bhajans or folk music or Bollywood music or someone singing. 

Today I head a lady singing Achutam Keshvam. That's like my second most sung Bhajan after 'Shiv Kailashon ke waasi'. Everyone in Pushkar knows me by these two bhajans. 

This lady was bringing her kid back from school and singing this song while passing from the wheat field below my window. I heard it as couldn't help but sing it loudly to accompany her and connect. But she didn't react much. She looked towards me. Went silent till I sang. Then continued as if nothing happened. People are super cold like that over here. Specially ladies. No smile, no expression, no urge to connect, absolutely no response. 

I had experienced it back in Kalpa as well during my first solo trip back in 2015. Back then I was a big time introvert while travelling. I had to take certain big life decisions so wasn't really in a mood to socialise. I had not conversed with anyone the entire 18 days. I just used to go in forests or beside rivers and write songs. There were a total of 45 songs that I had written back then. Though I was really bad at singing but few of the songs were really great in terms of writing. Anyway, when I had finally reached Kalpa, I had stayed alone in a guest house. Meaning there was just a caretaker and absolutely no other guest. Also, since it was the month of October it was snowy cold. There, he became super nice to me and I too interacted a bit. But then he wanted to be intimate and that made me furious. 

Why I had interacted with him was because of the super cold attitude of Kalpa people. I was so used to rest of Himachal - the reception of Manali and Parvati. i had not expected people to be so shrewd and indifferent to tourists there. They are best mocked at my bear cap or simply behaved as if I was not there. There indifference made me look for some comforting connection, because of which when that caretaker tried to talk, I responded back to have a decent conversation. Well, his expectation made me super angry. I shifted the very next day and moved to Chitkul where thankfully I got not only a nature's heaven but also the best caretaker of my life. That guy literally made malpueys for me one night - just to surprise me. He knocked, handed me the plate with a smile and then left. He put my comfort over his own comfort. And was literally the most decent and sincere caretaker I had every met with. 

Huh! I reached Chitkul just while describing it. Do you know, the river there is turquoise and during winters people migrate from Chitkul to lower villages, for it gets super cold there. Even when I was there, there was snow on the other side of the river. I had written two funny songs there - one called 'Wild tigeress'. Lol! I had even acted like a tigeress in that. And in another one, I had worn shades. They were if someone else but I just wore them for the video. I just never connect with shades. They look super funny on me. I feel funny too in them. Like a blind begger. Or wannabe. 

There are people who carry shades quite well. I just could never act right or make them as part of me. It needs art to carry out shades. I just never had that in me. 

I instead avoid sun and don't go out, rather than wearing shades - if we talk about purpose. The rare times I do carry them, just for the heck of it; they seem burdensome. This last trip to Rishikesh, I carried shades for I planned to use them during day time. The entire trip I never took them out. Then on the last day, I was like, Oh, I have these shades as well. I must use them. Then I went out and literally exhausted my poor shades and looked really funny in them all day! Ha ha! 

Anhan! There it is the spider! Right in front of my eyes! I just knew it. Now this must be taken out. Please give me a minute. 

Well, this one is different! Atleast that I know now. It's comparatively leaner than the last one. Now I know why there are footprints that high upon the wall. I don't really want to hit or kill it. I know it is harmless. Just it freaks me out. 

Why has God made such weird creatures - I would never understand. Why is there the concept of bio-cycle. Even mosquitos have a purpose for god's sake! It somehow boggles my head when I think about it. Also the fact that how entire world is built upon the concept of big fish eating smaller fish! Humans eating plants, then plants eating humans in other forms. We all eat other. Lol! Why is there the concept of hunger?? 

Please forgive me if I sound too silly today to you. I don't really know what mood is this. 

Oh ya! I finally had a talk with that publisher that momsha had provided me contact of via her school's librarian. That guy was such a loser. Do you know what he said? He said, 'Royalty means stealing. How would you know if I have made sales or not and how much. So I just don't give any royalty. I would maybe print out 25-50 books and give them to you. And then if you get me any order of your book than I would give you 10-20 percent. But if I sell it to any school or organisation then it shouldn't bother you. And I won't give you any percent of that. As that would be my sale on my book.' 

I was like how is it your book? You haven't written it. And what do you mean 25-50 copies. Can't I get them printed or photocopied if I just have to please myself. And what do you mean how would I ever know. That's why there is this concept of trustworthy publishing house which takes care of marketing and sales for you. 

And he was like, no one reads books these days. Books are not sold. One has to sell books instead. And only we know where to sell. 

Then I told him that's the work of a publisher. And that is the very purpose of approaching them. 

Also, who said no body reads books. Books were read, books are read and books will be read! 

Anyway, long story short, he was a loser who gave me such anxiety in that conversation just with his energy and words. 

The very facts that someone offers mere 'exposure' no matter it is writing or music or art - it just boils my blood. 

I told myself, that is why I don't talk to anyone on phone. Look how this has switched my energy. So I went outside to cool myself. Nature always heals me magically. Even in half an hour walk just till the field downstairs and on the road beside, I got completely normal. And finally could begin the fourth story that I am now working on. 

Should I pick this spider and throw it outside? The thought is scary but lesser than sleeping with it in the same room. Yet this one atleast is maintaining its distance. Also it is not like the last one. That was simply high on cocaine or something. 

As long as it stays away from me, I would let it be. After all, it's it's home! 

I would anyway move out most probably. Not out of fear. More because I want to have the last two days in the energy of the room that I loved the best. Even if it gets a bit expensive. Even I would have to travel a bit. 

I hope it doesn't rain when I travel tomorrow. I also hope that I manage to do all that that I want to do in Chamba. I also hope that I get that room in Khajiar in the same price as this one. I also hope that we have the best last two days. 

Hey Ten! Would you miss me? Would you miss us? Our journey together is gonna end in two days. As much as I had been eager to leave Chamba all this while, I have also come to love this solitariness, this peace, this nature's bounty. 

You have been quite wild, cold, distant! You have also been quite cosy, welcoming, ready to provide whatever that I needed. You showered me with the most heavenly of places, offered me some crazy epic rides. You ensured to surprise me so often. And I was well taken care off regardless of fears inside. 

I would remember you my crazy Ten! Including these spiders, the times I got lost on mountains and trails. But most specially because of these deodars, these beautiful people everywhere, the magical cloud shows, kailash peaks, snow around, windows offering core bliss right within, the spiritual elevation you blessed me with. I would remember the various lifestyles I got know and live. The way people manage, the rituals and nature's shows. 

I love you, no matter what. 

Though sometimes I do feel alone missing M or someone own. Yet oftentimes I feel complete, lucky, blessed, creative, fuelled, on the go! 

Thank you for helping me see that too! 

Love you! 

See you tomorrow! 

Hopefully in Khajjiar! 

Mmmmuuuuaaahh 

.........................

May 30th, 2023

Hey 10 PM! Congratulations! We have completed 30 days together in Chamba! For me it's one extra day for I reached here on 30th of last month. Feels weird, even unbelievable! Chamba really tested my staying on my own skills! And totally offered the most amazing landscapes and cultures! 

Btw, I am still in Jumhaar! All my hopes had turned true. I woke up on time. 5:30 I guess. It wasn't raining. But it was so cold and cloudy and pretty that I just didn't feel like leaving! I instead wanted to snuggle in my blanket and stay cosy. 

I also thought of the cold I had felt in Khajiaar the first day. Also the fact that I had already lived it the best I could have including getting myself clicked, exploring forests around. Although the view, energy and feel of that place was undoubtedly the best! Yet, I just didn't feel like going there today. You can say I got lazy. Also I remembered the owner's words here just last morning. He was so happy that someone from Delhi was living at his guest house for that long. He said that before corona lot many people used to visit Chamba or specifically here in Jumhar. But post Corona, I was the first person from Delhi who had stayed here. 

I just didn't feel like snatching that joy from his eyes. And you won't believe, just today that some other city people also came in the evening later to take a room. And they too were bit apprehensive about it, just like I was in the initial days. But the owner brought them to me to assure them that everything is perfectly safe here and the place is worth staying in. I was a sign of his goodwill there. Well, atleast I could be of some use to these nice people. 

Also I got happy that some other guests also are staying tonight here. I ofcourse was working on another story the entire evening so couldn't get to interact with them. But I am relieved that they are staying right upstairs. And I hope it rains so much tomorrow that they don't feel like leaving. Lol! How weird I be sometimes! 

Also, who knows we all have similar next destination and we go together! Ha ha ha! Me and my imaginations. Anyway, they are a family. I just got a glimpse of them. Who knows who are those people. 

Oh, I got to know just today that IPL matching are happening this time at Dharmshala. I would have to check if it would actually be wise to go to Dharmkot or not. I don't want to go to any overcrowded place specially after such a nice month of serenity. That is one thing I would remember us for sure - the space and solitude I got over here. People simply don't disturb you until you need something something. Else, you can go on living in your cocoon or around and no one would mind, disturb or unnecessarily have opinions. They all live their own lives and welcome you if you want anything from them. Everyone is super helpful. Chamba really is a gem. Distant, yet beautiful! Solitary yet enchanting! Difficult and challenging yet totally worth it. 

I won't return here. Atleast on my own. That I know. But I would always always remember all these moments. They were all memorable and magical. 

It truly became a journey both within and without. Both internal and external. Both with nature and self. With divine and soul. 

And ofcourse, it matured the writer in me to a level for which I would forever be indebted to Chamba. I know it is Kailash land. Mahadev wanted me to come visit him. Mahadev only instilled this in my mind in so and so way. Mahadev only inspired me through various people, instances and character. Mahadev is truly magical. 

And so are you my utopian Ten! 

I could feel both the feminine and masculine aspect within my own self blooming the entire month. And it is so balanced even now. Thank you for that. 

And how can I forget my return to Sudarshan kriya. Even I am shocked, how have I begun practicing it again and even regularly so! That is because of both Khajiar and Bharmour. Both had such transcendental energies.

That's one reason to want to go back to Khajiar. I had absolutely loved that Khajji naag temple's energy. Also, I don't know why but I want to have a Dairy milk again in Khajiar. Because that's something I had ensured when I was there. Here, I did buy milk chocolates, even coconut bars - but they all tasted of cheap creme and sugar. I didn't like them at all. 

It's that specific energy of Khajiar, it's divine morning, and dairy milk and ofcourse Khajji naag temple and that lake's vibes. 

But I have lived it. See, how I can even feel it deep in as I am talking about it. I didn't feel like rushing this morning. Instead decided to just be here, rest, then write and be alright about not being always on the go. 

Oh, I have begun another story today. It's about that bhabhi who had invited me to her home in Bharmour. I even called her to ask about certain things. That's another thing I decided upon last night. I have already experienced these places and their vibes. I have phone numbers of different people from everywhere. I can always call them and ask specific things. I need not go on my own again. 

Except Khajiar. Though I called up that guy Kaka (lol) to get the number of his horse rider, but he said he doesn't have it. Imagine Ajay bhaiya clearly worked for him. Even horse belongs to Kaka. Yet he denied. Well, he did say that he would try to manage his number. Let's see! 

I do wish to write a story about people of Khajiar as well. But I know so less about them. It remained more of touristy experience for me over there. 

Aah! Last night to this morning I had a series of weird and crazy dreams. I had slept only at 4:30 AM or so. And I woke up by 5:30 all sweaty because of a dream. I. My dream, a childhood class rival Phoeba was challenging me again in some weird isolated ancient landscape. She surprisingly returned me back my long loved dog whom she had taken as per the dream. The dog had now turned old. I still took him for I had loved him all this time. Then there was some weird room. I was about to eat something. The dog too wanted it. As I held his mouth to stop him, the dog's mouth turned into a snake's head. And that's how I woke up. Sweaty with the memory of having a snake with his mouth open in my hand. 

Well, I immediately opened all windows. It had rained all night so suddenly the room turned super cold. I admired the view outside. It was pretty. Stayed awake for a while. Till 10 AM or so. And then I passed out again. Even if outside there was a Bhajan being played 'Uth jaag musafir, bhor hui, ab rain Kahan jo sovat hai? Jo sovat hai, so khovat hai, jo jaagat hai, so pavat hai'. 

I really like that Bhajan from Pushkar. It's so meaningful. I totally wanted to get up and experience the morning from my window as well. But it was so cold and the bed just seemed so tempted. It was totally a snuggle in kind of day. 

Ofcourse I woke up extremely late. By 12:30 or so. Again after a dream. This time it was a good one. In the dream, I was in a class and we got test results of something. I scored maybe 57/63 or 59/67 - one of these equations. Anyway, everyone was getting their results and I was about to leave with my answer sheet from the class that the teacher began to really humiliate some girl based upon some things totally unrelated to studies. She was saying things like the girl should rather get married. Or something something. So enraged I got by that teacher's choice of words that I loudly challenged it right from the class's door. I said something like she could be sent to jail. I even quoted the law so intelligently and boldly. The teacher than was embarrassed and went quiet. 

I made my exit still looking at any answer sheet wondering maybe I have scored well, and was I too rude with the teacher who had just given me such good marks. The girl for whom I had spoken also came outside and suddenly we became good friends. Two other girls joined in and complimented me on my marks. I had still not calculated or realised if mine was a good score. 

Suddenly, a detested musician back from Pushkar passed by in a tonga. (I was about to mention him last night while talking about people offering mere exposure for talent, but I held my self back for U didn't wish to turn our date ugly with his name or mention. Well, today he came in my dream! Huh!) I got annoyed on seeing him being treated as a king. A trail of tongas passed by and we were all suddenly in a desert. After five six such tongas passed, a man offered all of us also to sit upon a horse cab! Next moment we all were up and the man climbed down. I was suspicious for he was connected to that man's group. But then I saw the whip of the horse right in front of me and in my dream I thought, in worst case scenario, I know how to direct or stop a horse now. (khajiaar's experience). While I was contemplating all this that all my friends stood up for a selfie. As I got up, I saw in the camera that I was actually wearing a saree and looked super pretty in the group selfie. 

That's how I woke up - feeling pretty, scoring well, feeling bold enough to even ride a horse and having the courage to stand up for someone wrongly being treated by even those whom I shouldn't have offended. I got up thinking, my score was my own hard work. Teacher had nothing to do with it. I did right by taking a stand. Then I even calculated the percentage I had scored in my dream and felt, huh, I must be doing something good and right in real life to be scoring high even in dreams. 

Often though I get dreams like I missed an exam or I didn't know anything in an exam or stuff. To score high and be bold in a dream - in terms of academics felt great. 

But again I was super hot and sweaty. And the moment I opened the windows, was suddenly super cold. 

Aah! The spider has returned! That's what I was wondering - where had it vanished! Well, have learned to co- survive. 

Though I can never get fully comfortable around them, that's for sure. 

The other day even Nick Jonas mentioned his spider phobia in some YouTube short. I don't have such phobia but I am not even comfortable with their presence. In Pushkar, it was excessive lizards that made me uncomfortable. They too were super active and used to run crazy fast round the room at night! 

Anyway, it's our time. Won't be discussing reptiles anymore. Though am in forest. That's natural know. 

I heard myself telling someone today that throughout Chamba, the entire day it's beautiful and enchanting. The moment it turns dark, the forest behind to grow wild and enters into its real energy! 

I agree with it hundred percent. Maybe that's why our dates had more of fear element to it. Had we been meeting at 10 AM for that matter, it would have been magical, ethereal, heavenly, divine. 

But yeah! We are what we are. And both light and dark are equally essential to create the magic called life. 

Today I saw this meme where darkness too was given different connotations. Like soil too is dark but it is to nurture the seed to life. And heart can turn dark when burned. So burned that it stops carrying any love. I relate to the former meaning of dark. 

And this is totally my seeding and farming time. And I can totally feel it - my harvest time finally approaching! Very soon! Extremely soon! Touchwood! 

Well, I need not even do that. You are my utopia. We are together doing it. Hey my dear Ten! I understand it now. The most difficult hikes are often done alone but they take one to most unseen and best kind of places! 

We are carving out unique path. We are becoming what cosmos has designed for us. 

I thank you for being with me, guiding me, loving me. I thank you for assuring me your company even when I don't have any one visibly seen. 

And I also want to thank my momsha for without her phone calls, this trip would have been supremely lonely. She too kept on boosting my spirit, inspiring me to write more, giving me her time, sharing her beautiful day to day life. She totally kept me going! 

In my utopia, my momsha too has such a significant place. And I am thankful to divine for that. 

Oh, btw she finished reading all three stories of mine today. She said she had tears in her eyes. That she reached the mountains while reading them. And she even compared them to one of our mutual favorite books called 'Heidi'. Aah! I felt so good because she loved them. I was so eagerly waiting for her feedback. 

It's seriously the first time someone is reading my work while I am working upon it. 

And she is super honest always in her reviews. She never compliments me unnecessarily. If she doesn't like something, she says it bluntly. And that's what I love about her  Also, so do I to her. But today she said, 'You have always been a great poet. Now I have realised that you write such great stories as well! how do you do it? It must need so much patience. How do you give such minute details about it? How do you describe events so beautifully that one reaches there?' 

Oh Ten! I just absorbed each of her words. Ofcourse everyone loves compliments. But to me they were my mom's words. Her words always matter a lot to me. 

I felt great. 

Thank you love. Without you those stories would have never existed. They are our kids! And I am happy we could give birth to them! 

Love you! 

See you tomorrow then! 

Our last meet it would be huh! 

Well! Let's live now. 

Come to my arms and take me in yours. 

In our very own heaven! 

Solitary bliss! 

Nature magic. 

Cloudy sensations. 

Long passionate kisses! 

Mmmmmmuuuuaaah 

.....................

May 31st , 2023

Hey my love. My darling 10 PM! A last welcome! Still in Jumhar! It rained throughout day! So much so that I got depressed. I usually love rain. Today, not so much so. 

One thing, I didn't chill last night. Instead I worked upon my story. Entire night till 5 AM that I wrote. In the morning I did sleep after seeing a rainy dawn. Then woke up to it still pouring heavily. 

Oh, I did have Shahi toast today for breakfast to celebrate the last day of our togetherness. 

But that zeal for writing was just not there within today. Maybe because I had gone a bit excessive a out it throughout week. 

Well, atleast I finished that story. Then got into a conversation with that guest house owner in Jot. His name is Vijay. So I had a talk with Vijay bhaiji and he was super helpful about it. The entire day I had this urge to talk to someone. I was feeling as if someone is going to call me or something. I don't know what was I waiting for, but there was this strange restlessness that was making me feel utterly lonely. I then went for a bath towards evening. Dressed up nicely. Even if it was fuck cold outside, I washed my head for I wanted to be clean for our last meet and also really felt like it. Imagine I dressed just to go out to a nearby shop and have momos. I was feeling so bored of being in the same pajama and tee shirt everyday and being in the same room in front of the same window, writing in the same notebook. I so needed a change. I did go out. Even tried interacting with few locals. But people are so icy over here. Like you talk with all excitement and genuine emotions and they give a one word response or even laugh at you in their own language and if someone talks with you, then they need all your info. - about family, about you. And immediately that they pass it on to everyone around loudly in their own language. It's so bad! 

The momos were yum! They even offered imli chutney, but the exchange with people went inadequate. 

I came back feeling even lonelier than I had left. Even the guests upstairs had left in the morning itself. Even the window was so cloud filled that everything was hazy hidden behind thick layers of clouds. I had gone outside to capture the clouds bit better. But it rained throughout, so I couldn't. And because I had gone with a wet head outside, I came back feeling super cold! 

I shut the curtains earlier today. Even entered my bed earlier for I was cold. Didn't even have the night bath for us. Just changed and entered in. 

Then I wondered, whom should I talk with. I am just so out of contact with everyone. Earlier I used to have atleast few friends to call at such times once or twice in year. But now, it's zilch! Absolutely no one! 

Then I called my ex! It has been 10 years now! Turned out, he is in Dharam kot, where I was planning to go tomorrow! It was a short conversation, but enough to give me an idea about what to expect. I won't go to Dharam kot now. One, because I don't want any crowded place still. Though it would be great to have few normal people around but not overly so. And majorly because he is there. I have no interest in socialising with him. 

Finally Momsha called and she bettered up my mood a little bit. I though love this peace that Chamba offers and have no interest in going to crowded touristy places and facing all that city crowd. But I do want to leave Chamba as soon as possible and move on now. 

I am in a way thankful that the month is finally getting over and I can move to some normal territory. 

Yet I know that it has transformed me immensely in ways I would only later realise! 

Today though, as I was surfing through my contacts and failed to really talk to anyone to suit my needs - I realised that what I was really looking for was warmth. Warmth of a friend, a beloved. Someone own! 

Not a casual conversation. Not a respectful day to day talk as well. Not even high funny chit chat. Not even Hi, hellos, woes and pains. But warmth of someone close! And there was no one! 

After every few months I reach this point and still fail to get such a person. The ones I used to call earlier too no more stand correct on that scale. I feel, aah! This one, he is gonna turn patriarchal. Aah, this one, he would then become super chep! Aah, this one, I had blocked him long back. No need to open closed wounds. Aah, this one, she is not really even a friend, leave apart being a best friend. Stuff like that. And I end up staring into random contacts - thousands of people I have met with while travelling! None really to call my own! 

And the ones I really wish to talk to, I deleted their numbers long ago out of disappointments. And still, all I do is block and delete. Block and delete. I know, I shouldn't be judgemental. But are they really friends who are not there for years in my life! 

Well, my life is quite lonely to be honest. Though I prefer solitariness but I do seek genuine connections and honest ones. Not based on needs or wants but simply at the level of warmth, spirit and souls. 

Hey dear 10! Are all people really that lonely in their utopian world. I do love nature. I do love divine. And I used to detest humans ones. But those who had no humanity or those that were caught in artificiality. I always respect genuine people and do the best I can for whomever. Why then connections are so need based? And why then I have like zero connections in my life? 

I feel really lonely today. 

I did my level best to make it different, even yried living the day. Nothing worked. 

Also, the next halt is hampered. Well, all for the best. 

Bir too I know would be crowded. I would have to check. I do wish to visit Baijnath on my way but I don't want to stay there. My plan was to be in Dharam kot for a week or so. Then move. Visit Baijnath on the way. And go stay in Bir for few days. And then maybe move to a village a foreigner friend from Pushkar had explored nearby Mandi. 

Well, I don't know where to go next. 

Going directly to Bir would be a long journey. Also, rain is forecasted for next two days. 

Should I go stay in Khajiaar then?

I really want to move now though. 

I want to leave Chamba tomorrow. Please help me do so! 

I think this much is enough. 

Everytime I find a new kind of terrain anywhere in Himachal and get wonder filled; immediately that I remember a certain spot in Old Manali and feel, 'Huh! Even my manali has it.' literally, I find Old Manali perfect in every aspect. Except that it now remains overcrowded with wanna be people. In its essence though it's beautiful. Has such a perfect blend of love, abundance, wilderness. It has both light and dark sides to it. And is magical beyond limit. Once I even wanted to die just to be reborn in Old Manali. My soul belongs to Old Manali. I so miss it. I am waiting for the vibes to change. I know they will. The kind of people that run it these days actually have no emotions but their own benefit. They don't have that kind of loyalty in them to really belong to any place for long without their own benefit. And the very nature of market is that it keeps fluctuating and is always mobile even geographically. I don't have any selfish reasons to be in Old Manali. I just belong there from my soul. And I know when the time and vibes would be right for me, I would automatically get a home and cafe there. And I would then create the vibes I wish Manali to have again! Of love, of belongingness, of creativity, of honesty, of morality, of home! 

Hey Ten, we have already finished four stories. Fifth is in the process. And two more are in my head. After two that I was aiming for five and at that time it seemed difficult. Who knows we even come up with complete ten - all as good, rather better than the other. 

I would always be thankful to this room for it is here that I could write so much. It is here that ideas popped in my head and flow just happened so naturally. Maybe I would also miss this window, my wooden sofa chair by it and these hours of writing along with floating clouds right outside my window. 

Maybe I get a story or two on Jumhar as well! Who knows. I have realised, I fail to see a story when am at a certain place. It's only when I leave it that everything gathers together and I then realise what I felt and experienced. That's why it was rather better to write about places on insta because I was lagging by a week from my actual location all the time and could therefore look back and clearly express what I really experienced. At that time, I was feeling it as a lack. I felt that I should have rather spoken about what I was feeling in my now. But it gets difficult. Yet sometimes it just gets opposite! For example, today, I had to share a happy video of Jumhar which I had recorded 7 days ago. But my state of mind was so low and lonely and seeking company. I wanted to write all longing kind of stuff but that would have been a big time contrast to the video. So I just didn't upload anything then. And kept my feelings also to myself. 

Yet often times, it is better to get a critical distance. To feel a palce fully in its entirety and later write about it. That also brings out a clearer picture in lesser words than when you really in those emotions or at that place! 

It's the memory that tells me if I was happy somewhere or not. Otherwise, I am just neutral and every place in Chamba is beautiful. Yet each has its very own distinct flavour to it. And that what I am trying to bring out. 

I be at a place, explore it, feel it, absorb it, live so much of it that I get bored of it and then move to the next one. And then I look back at the sum collective and analyse - how was it really like. 

So my love! It's our last meet! Tomorrow onwards I won't torture you with my day-to-day. Tomorrow onwards though I would miss you at our date time - atleast for few days. 

My days would get free again. But this little bond that I would miss for sure. 

I was always doubtful about 10 PM being this peaceful for me. In cities or even anywhere else, 10 PM is a time where TVs blare, people have dinner, neighbours listen to news, cafes play their grooviest songs and it's all noisy. We sure are lucky to get this much peace, the music of river or rain, even a full moon eclipse to release, numerous places to visit together and feel, overcome random fears! I guess Chamba became a perfect spot to really understand your energy deep in. Maybe that's why there is that much noise at other places - to avoid looking into even the dark aspect of yours. Yet what goes missing then is also the amazing nature abundance, the lessons and learnings, feelings to look into deep in! 

You have been amazing dear Ten! And I know that my real utopia is not far from turning real! 

Very soon we would get these stories published. We would surely have our own cafe. We would have the best of journeys in upcoming days. We would somehow find out the perfect spot to be in nature's get creative, have genuine connections and still avoid crowd. We would find out perfect travel locations and manage to avoid all touristy places. We would find compatible companions on the way. We would find a pup too for I know it's time. And we would have our own home very soon somewhere on the mountains. We would get even our Pushkar book published that too internationally. And we would again get back to music to set the soul free. We would get love as well as we deserve it. We would keep on working on spiritual upliftment with regular meditation, kriya and good deeds. Our thoughts, actions, writings, art, expressions would remain honest, good, true, with love and empathy. We would continue to be a mirror to the world fused with our imagination while accessing collective consciousness. We would tap into akashik records and bring out more and more wisdom to the world. We would turn our dreams true and work on divine wishes with love. 

Always know that I love you and you have been a blessing in disguise to me. 

I am really thankful to you for being in my life, for guiding me, protecting me, loving me, helping me be even more free! 

Loads of love! 

Let's just merge into one tonight! 

Let me carry these beautiful landscapes, this serenity, this peace, this divinity within me. Help me overcome all my fears. Make me wild, wise and free! 

Love! 

Mmmmmmmmuuuuaah 

Together we are a utopia! 

My Ten! I set you free! 

For tonight, let me love you and you just love me! 

.