The length of a dress

 

And what's the right length of a dress

That's just as revealing 

To attract someone

Yet hides enough 

To still not 

Give it all

Or even seem gross!

In my experience

It's too subjective

Obviously depends upon 

Your own comfort and free will.

But doesn't it depend immensely 

Upon the viewer, the listener,

The perceiver, the receptor as well?

For few just the eyes sometimes

Are enough to be amazed and dazed

And consider them the door to the souls. 

To few merely a glimpse of the feet 

Explains the level of self care, hygiene, quality of life 

Even fetish streams. 

Few focus upon legs

If they are athletic or slender or well bred?

Have they walked enough on the roads of life

Or are they lazy and full of unearned fats?

Are they flexible enough to change with new perspectives

Or are they rigid in a self built web!

For few palms show the type of life one leads. 

If the person is hard working

Or has an easy lifestyle. 

If the lines upon those palms are more to define loads of thoughts, complexities and time's toll. 

Or maybe the palms are plain and white 

Maybe reflecting a barren mind. 

Or even a lucky life. 

Few consider cuts sleeves as a sign of freedom. 

While few judge the same to be a modern construction.

That ofcourse varies from cultures to traditions to environment to persons. 

But the strength of the arms 

Do define power and strength 

In a certain stance. 

The fashion industry defines an ideal waist to be negligible in modern times. 

While the same is considered to be better to be fuller in earlier times. 

Numerous religious groups 

See large and round tummies 

To be a state of an evolved neval chakra

With happiness and generosity in its root. 

Yet many detest being any more than required. 

They state one must eat only the amount needed for survival.

Few raise questions on an exposed waist. 

While many celebrate the tender or blessed fate. 

The bosom though has various receptions. 

Ofcourse for men and women it's different and has deceptions. 

While men can easily go free and bare 

Yet women because of being more fuller

Or being the nurturer

Have to hide the fact of anything being there. 

And that hiding becomes a major reason for men

To always seek what's not easily provided. 

While few consider it to be a body part

No big deal

Another nature's art. 

Yet few fantasize and desire and make it that big an object of desire. 

Few feel the love of a mother.

Few consider it to be a caress of a lover. 

Few find relief, few find release. 

Few get into lust and objectify 

The crust. 

But that's the case with any part of body. 

Yet more so when it's a plus. 

And few just can't seem to forget a face

They idolize and like and love 

The outer state.

Those eyes,that nose, those lips, the ears and the earings dangling from them.

The glow of the skin, 

The rose of the cheeks. 

The softness the lips hold.

The experiences that lines fold. 

And few just define a person by the quality of hair

Dry or oily, frizzy or curly, 

If they are well kept?

If they are messy or miskept.

If proper care is provided.

Whether they are healthy

Or misguided.

Are they too pretentious?

Do they define class or chaos?

If they are soft and long?

To whom do they belong?

The color, the style, the texture, the structure.

Yet few don't bother about the clothes at all. 

You may go starch naked in front of them.

Or maybe wear the best of dresses.

But they are more bothered about the soul. 

Whether you are broken or are whole. 

Regardless of type of body or clothes you wear. 

They listen to every word 

As if exploring each cell while listening. 

They read between lines. 

Focus on choice of words, the expressions, the rhymes. 

They look into the eyes

If they are shining with joy

Or are a bit wet with some wry. 

They understand even silence 

Or maybe cook up their own definition. 

For the beauty, it totally lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

The interest ofcourse is double sided

But who can check 

The soil absorbing the rain 

Falling down 

From a stream of conciousness

A free conversation

A heart to heart connection

Or a passer by's interaction. 

Maybe a filter but to what length? 

And what's the right length of a dress

That's just as revealing 

To attract someone

Yet hides enough 

To still not 

Give it all

Or even seem gross!

~ Surbhi Rohera

Coro Cures

Coro -1 

8.6.2020

Dear Moon

It’s a weird time – world is going through a pandemic. Right outside my window there are bats circling around and that is making me scared. All my life I have wondered about the reason for life. I do understand so many concepts of karma, rebirths, religious philosophies, spirituality. I know our bodies are just a medium and so is the world. And life has way more than what just appears. Maybe not knowing the reason of life is good for us. Yet I could never decipher one clear meaning of life. I do understand we are some combination of space and time and so is life. I understand we are energy and so are all elements and all celestial bodies. Yet, why are we here, why do we face what we face, what’s the reason for life – always makes me curious.

I see you moon shining bright, peeping from my window, as if you have come to meet me. And for these moments – everything seems fine. I feel bad as a human for all the wrongs that mankind has done to nature. I feel this urge to raise my voice against all wrongs that has ever happened in the history of mankind. Yet there is this other voice which also understands how it is possible for the noblest of hearts to behave totally otherwise. How when vices attack, negative energy enters in or at our weak phases, anyone can be anybody. If everything has a reason, then all this was so designed. Whom are you punishing with the pandemic then and for what? Yet a faith is essential. And only thing that gives peace is ‘everything has a reason’ or ‘this too shall pass.’

My mind runs in all directions tonight. I notice people with so many purposes. Someone wants fame, someone seeks money or power. I wonder, what’s my purpose of life? I lived for creation, for nature, for beauty. Yet, I have always seeked the unknown, never really knowing what is it that I really want. There have been phases, phases of wanting knowledge, freedom, connection, exploration, merging, isolating, writing, singing, dancing, painting. List goes on. Nothing could hold me forever, neither relations, nor isolation, neither a flow, nor stability. I kept on changing. Tonight I wonder, for what?

My usual answer to this is – evolution. I always believed that life is nothing but evolution of us as a collective energy into more powerful energy. I thought enhancing our frequencies was the reason. But who can be sure of what, when we hardly know anything about life or world.

Moon connects me to the ethereal. Moon gives me energy and I wonder how and why? The world sleeps at night. Only creatures I see awake are not so positive. They are dark. I do have even the dark side in me, yet I connect more with light. But I love to be in semi darkness. Yet I love to spread love and light. Maybe that’s what Moon does – staying in dark, spreading it’s healing white light.

Why is this happening though - This huge transformation with so much of suffering? What’s the criteria of it? People are not machines to obsolete suddenly. I stay connected to even my old gadgets. They know my touch. They understand me. They listen to me. I don’t feel like abandoning even my gadgets. And here we are in a pandemic situation where old people are the most vulnerable. There is this phenomenon of ‘survival of the fittest’. What sort of game is it where each has to compete for life? While gardening, we don’t plant all breeds together to experiment who manages to fight and live. We instead give them individual spaces and allocate only the friendly ones in one pot. The weak ones are not exposed to intense sunlight. They are rather kept in partial heat, supported by tiny rocks or sticks. The creepers are given trees or threads to hang upon. They are not abandoned to grow wherever they want. If there is indeed a superpower then it is our gardener. How come he not know that we are all facing the threat of a disease. Even diseased plants are given medicine. After all life is to be saved at all costs for it is so precious.

There is no better love than that of a parent. Even parents had or have their parents. That makes each of us valuable and precious and worthy of love. Faults are also a part of life. None is perfect – it is said. Even nature has its own ups and downs. I still don’t know, what went wrong with humans. I do know though that it was allowed to happen for so long. I am not asking for forgiveness or giving reasons for the atrocities that humans committed. I just don’t understand the sudden havoc, the sudden reaction of nature or cosmos to it. Maybe Nature reached its saturation point. Maybe, just like I recently found my voice again against all wrong, nature also re-found it. But I feel weird – so much of suffering to see and feel.

Often times, I be in my bubble. This life I am blessed with. The gratitude for I am in a position to not see. May it be politics, religious issues, racist implications, or these pandemic woos. But I do feel. How can one soul be happy when so many others are suffering? The pain just peeps in. The rage suddenly enters in. I don’t know if it of Mother Nature or other human beings. For I feel equally angry to see cruelty yet feel equally the pain of those walking upon burning roads with their bare feet.

I feel helpless when our country is unlocking despite of the life threatening scenario. I feel helpless when I see so many videos where Chinese people eat anything and anyone under the sun. Not just them, but the entire world. Yet, there are so many animals who eat other animals. Even few plants are carnivorous. Why is this world so designed that everyone feeds on some other life. May it be flesh, energy, position, money, ego. There is always a hierarchy. Why is this politics so deeply rooted in every society?

There could have been a life without primitive needs. Our minds could have been so designed to live in harmony while creating new things. Why such an evil mechanism is installed the first thing in our systems that we have needs and those needs are fulfilled only by consuming someone other? Rather the four elements too are not all friendly. Water destroys fire. Wind can blow away earth particles. Fire can consume anything that comes in its way. Earth can be so dry if left at bay. They are all essential together – I understand. May be that’s why the concepts of Yin and Yang got created - to give life. But who will teach the art of balancing dear cosmos? Why the vices of greed? Why is nothing ever enough for the world? Why this virus of ‘more’?

Spirituality speaks of hollowing out. It speaks of Ether, of nothingness. What sort of game is it where we first are filled and then need to empty our vessels or mind or souls or life? On one level I understand these things. Say, after each life the soul empties its life’s details and just retains the cream, the lessons. Or after each of our high or low, we retain what we learned or unlearned from that show.  But it is not that simple when one is in the middle of it.

I was there – in the middle of one such situation. All my nobility gone, all my positivity drenched. I was floating in the dark matter not knowing the end of it. True, help came. True, I could come out of that mental frame. But the effort it took, the dents it left, the changes it brought are not all healthy for my own soul. How are things like that to be comprehended? Will those workers ever forget the plight they are undergoing along with their children on roads – if they manage to get out of this situation alive? The freedom struggle still breaths in us. People still carry borders with all its love and hate intensities – deep in their hearts. Would these people ever forget the pain they are undergoing right now? May be it is their karmas. Maybe, there is indeed some grand scheme. Maybe they are but victims of someone’s evil scene. Maybe, there is no reason for anything. They too are facing implications of some random shift.

What is life then? Is it a game where we have to keep on crossing levels? Is it a quest where finally at the end, we understand – the reality of it? Does every consciousness undergo the same kind of life again and again? Is it just my own head imaging all these people, circumstances in life? There is indeed a parallel. There is a huge connection of my mind to life. Yet, there are so many external influences as well to which I feel nothing to do with. When I think of my life, I realize, so much of it I had already seen in my visions in my childhood, so much of it I had written without knowing – in my youth. Yet a pandemic – I had never heard of. A mental breakdown – I had never thought of. Maybe I had, for there was indeed a character in my novel undergoing depression or another under a huge wave of ocean, or another writing about the issues with the world. Maybe, my reality is all in my head. In that case, I desire to heal. And I wish for those versions of mine – suffering with their children on roads in intense sunlight – to get a relief. And I wish for those versions of mine which got hurt and dark to take control of their meanness and once again fall in love with life. After all, I loved myself the most when I loved the fact that ‘I was alive’.  

CORA 2

9.6.2020

Dear Music

It’s a pretty morning and such a trippy date. I gazed the moon all night long and right now I wish to create. I have always had this strange connect with music. Sounds I feel are the origin of life. And sounds can change people, places, vibes. A place can be full of just music. Music can make or break a person. I have felt its transcendental effect a zillion times and that’s why my love, I want to create you. Want to write more and more songs and compose them, sing them – to heal the world along with self.

I’m listening to Buddha bar right now along with morning birds chirping outside my window. Few also sound like bats. It’s 5 A.M., the time of dawn. Maybe it takes many births with good karma to become a good musician. Yet I see so many people singing only with their throat. Few are blessed with good voices despite of a dark soul. But I don’t want to be merely a voice. I want to sing with my soul and touch souls.

I feel I have ADHD. At least the symptoms say so. May be, that’s what makes it difficult for me to stick to any instrument and practice it for long. And then there are times when I sing really well, yet often times, I just fail to sing so many songs well. I know, for I am a good listener, plus whether I sing it well or not, I do know when a song is in right pitch and when it is not. All I crave for is to sing well and give life to my songs.

Years back, I had the same craving for travel. I could do nothing else but thing and crave for it. My dream did come true. Though at a huge opportunity cost, yet I travelled – all on my own, to all the places I wished for. There are so many countries still waiting for me. But, that will have it’s own right time. Right now, I feel for nothing but to create music. Music is the only thing that connects me to divine. It keeps me sane. It keeps me alive. It has been years of love, years of connection to it. I always fall for musicians, when the real love is for the music.

Travel came true for I wasn’t dependent on anyone. Music becomes a huge ordeal for I can’t just create it all on my own. I have written so many songs, have even composed them and sung them (though really bad)…Yet for a perfect song, there is much more that is required. I see many instruments there. Classic ones. Sitar, flute, table, guitar, drums, violin, harmonica, harp…list goes on, even those that are played with water. Including elements in music enhances its power.

Maybe I should just keep on walking, take the first step and next and again next and help will come my way – just like it did when I travelled. But I want it to be perfect. Want it to reach somewhere. Had I been more planned, may travel would have been of use to so many. Entire country travelled in so much detailed in such raw way, yet hardly anyone knows about it. Even the videos were randomly captured with basic phone camera, still to be assimilated. I did publish few books, but who reads these days? Maybe I couldn’t market them well. As a writer or an artist, I always feel it is important for your work to reach the world. Every art piece needs it’s audience, not merely for the appreciation but to fulfill it’s purpose. First purpose is off course – coming to life. For, it heals the creator when he creates. It gives this strange joy of creation, of giving life. But it has to heal the world, has to teach something, bring a change in some way. Purpose of life can’t really be only existence – I always say.

So ya, have been connected to music for so long. I’ve been creating it for so many years. Now, I need the right people around, the right resources, and the right medium to reach the right audience. I need the divine energy and inner purity with zeal for that kind of creativity. It’s weird how I am friends with soooooooo many musicians. None however wants to collab. It disheartens me when many of them just focus on covers rather than originals. Or many of them simply focus on earning out of it, rather than creating something beautiful with their talent and skill. It’s weird how most of the artists keep fluctuating between wants and needs, between inner calls and external demands. So much of talent goes wasted because of society and its corrupt ethics. I sometimes wish for that world where kings used to appreciate art and artists had such respected position in the world.

Every time I come in contact with musicians and I get that kind of environment, music simply flows from inside. It thrives, the creativity in me. I write more and better songs. I naturally get able to play few instruments and I always get the ups and downs. I understand music without learning it. On my own, though I create, but it takes sudden needs or moods, and the number of songs reduce, so does the creativity. It’s like, the right seed needs right atmosphere to become a healthy plant. If only my talented friends understood. If only I had so much of talent within to not look outside for it. Yet I believe we have immense power within. I have also seen many musicians, having a command on so many instruments. They make their own songs solo. Surely takes lot of effort to do it all – layer per layer. Yet as a united effort, imagine the number of souls investing their energy in the same song and the hybrid beauty of it.

When I create videos, I be self-sufficient. I rather prefer to write the narrative, choose my own music, edit the frames, and make a movie out of it – all on my own. Any external influence may disturb my output – for then the overall feel I want to deliver won’t be solely mine. Yet with music, I do need others. One, I lack the skills. Another, I feel together I can create much better. Even a child needs both mother and father to be born, until it is of those rare animal species who either die after giving birth or create out of their own body parts. Yet a child born of two or more energies is more powerful and can have many more attributes.

Dear Music, if you are the kind of energy I feel you are, if the world needs you, if I can be your medium of healing, just come to me. Help me create. Help me flow with your flow. Help me, become you. For I love you and creating you will give both a purpose and meaning to my life. And thank you, for keeping me alive. 

- Surbhi Rohera

01.01. 2020

01.01. 2020
Hi!
It's a date where I couldn't help but write. Had to for I know I will get back here to this milestone in future.
9 PM. I have a coffee mug in hand and am sitting in my room full with my art. I learned few things today.

1) thoughts are what make a life. For it is our perspective about life that decides if we are happy or not. That is why it is v. Important for the thought processing to happen correctly. If there is fault in the procedure then entire life gets affected by.

2) I have to stop responding with 'I don't know' for then I stop my mind from creating even possible answers. Instead I should still try to gather answer.

3) I have to stop looking for support from others and instead take charge of my life. Not in a reckless way. But in terms of depending only upon my own self may it be for waking up, doing something, anything.

4) STAR (Stop. Think. Analyse. Respond.)
For I react too song and because of temperament, I may kill an otherwise situation. Instead I must focus on a win-win for all.

5) 'Change your perception of love'... Now love has been a very natural feeling for me but I read this line somewhere and that made me think much before it's reception. It is about how I define love. Maybe I should think about it for only then can I know my perception and give it any twist.

Today, I did two new art pieces and again am craving to do more. I just wanna tidy everything up and wanna give it new colors. May this year be with the same energy.

Bought two books today -
1) Ikigai
2)good vibes, good life
Gotta read them soon.

Oh! I have to join a new work tomorrow onwards. 2nd of Jan in 2020. Am real excited. Work after a long time. It gives me an opportunity to learn. I hope I be able to give my best and learn the most. I hope this step is a right decision and I be able to value it being a good host.

Right now am flipping between if I should go to the terrace or just be here ready to do some more art. Maybe I can take a quick round. That way, we will also get a change to contemplate a bit more. Though it will an intense temprature change. But Hey! Let's go.
Woah! I can also see a moon here. Alright! Break time.
So yeah! The moon sparkles too sweetly and I think of so many moons I have seen at so many places. Goa, Pondi, Manali, Kasol, Bangalore, Kolkata, Udaipur (Orrisa)..etc.

Last night was perfect. With my loved ones. And I slept with my mom. Even if I couldn't sleep but I had gratitude for that's what I wished for and I got the best of it.
So yeah! This decade begins with love, taking charge of my life, decision to build my life with a changed attitude, new job, new pieces of art, safe and warm at my my home here in Delhi despite of it being the coldest time in last 118 years.
I do miss Pompom (my pup) and wish him in my heart with my soul all the very best of his life ahead. I also think of Blue and send him warmth for he is out there in snow on mounts. Yet he is living my alternate reality that's wild and free. He is living being my alter ego.
So am back in my room for it was cold and the quick go was enough.

Another thing that I learned today was how to lose my fear. I have to trust more and love more.
Also, this year I gotta work on my judgemental self along with my temperament.

Alright yo! Gotta repair, decorate, enhance beauty and more.
Loads of love to my self to be given to all who care.