Music

I won't run behind music
No. Not along him.
Not behind him as well.
Instead I will travel on
Upon my own path.
And will jam along
Those that will come my way.
The paths by which
I will pass
The rivers and forests
The trance, the crowd.
I will jam with the rustle
Of leaves and footsteps
And dance to the rhythm
Of wild windchams
And race along with the horses
Listening to the intensity
And jump from cliffs
To gain depths
And slide through those
Porous ancient walls
And understand the way
Air produces sound.
With them all I will jam along
Not one, not limited
But music, the universal sound.

3 AM, Manali

3 AM, Manali
October 1, 2017
Imagine sitting beside the moon and blue star. The cosmic gifts, music from my innermost chord. Hey 3 AM. Welcome to my world. You are epiphanic and oh so fucking trippy. You are way sensitive. The turquine ocean.
I am sitting in Old manali in a chilled out cafe. Such happy vibes. So happy. Such a christmasy night.
There are stars on the head of moon. Innocence on face and magic in it's trance.
 Smiles. Laughter. Happy trip.
A sudden reminder of connection - it's new - but oh so special. There is already warmth in air. So much so that I stayed back and you became you 3 AM. I am sure you have a connection to 5 AM. Even the timing is similar.
And oh! The same patterns in the waves. The same thrill in the thunder. The chords run full power.
The clouds come back to my mind singing mildly beside rivers amidst forests.
There is a pup that I found last evening while wandering on a hilly road. It was crying locked inside a park. I brought it here in this cafe and ever since it is only lying in someone's lap. He is furry soft and oh so magical.
I feel lucky and blessed at the same time. There are friends I love around. There are laughing and giggling sounds. It feels complete. So much in bliss.
I gotta figure out a work to continue our meets 3 AM. We are meeting at a time where I am out on my life's biggest leap - pan India solo trip.
I left my home on August 16th and 1st October has just begun.
My journey so far has taken me to Manali - Spiti - Manali - Ladhakh - Manali - Mcleodganj. - Chandigarh - Kasauli - Manali. I will be telling you about all of my trips in our further meets. Right now we are at pre stage. We have just met. But the connections are way strong. The vibes are fucking connected. I can feel it - the electric energy flowing through my veins.
going to my guest house now. We'll continue from there. After all the idea of our meeting had popped up over there.
Let's go then.

....................

3 AM Manali

2nd October, 2017

Sitting amidst good vibes, happiness and lots of love. Peace is the word. Belongingness. Care. Comfort. 

Each evening these days in Manali are a blessing. Such happy vibes. Such dream like moments. My newly gifted Divine gift - Mr. Chill/ Khushdil.

Different topics. So many energies. I feel strong. And loved.

Also blessed. Wow! What moments.

 Such belief! Such Belongingness. Such happy moments. Full power scene. 

Happiness is for sure within. But it is also beautiful to find it emitting it from outside - like a mirror reflection. 

Giggles. Connections. Choices. Sensitive sensations.

Don't know the way. Neither direction.

Jammed entire evening. With a beautiful voice. 

Such moments - where am fully meditative. Fully into the moment . Where every slight touch is ensured with precise perfection.

Place where I belong. I feel happy. I am at peace. Om Shanti. 

.................

3:06 AM, Manali

3 october, 2017

Tripped out. Hazy illusions, many colors playing amidst them. My pup - Om/ chill/ Dilkhush is in my lap and I am again in Manali Chill cafe amidst loved ones. I feel attached after a long time and right now a neon light in the chill out zone is making it all the more magical. My eyes feel cloudy and yet I wanna meet you dear 3 AM. I waited for you till 2:57 and then I got diverted. 

But then better late than never. And these moments are way too precious. I feel totally in the moment right now. I feel totally at one with the cosmos. It is such an energetic feeling. I was vibrating like anything.

I was at the level of intution. Imagine teleopathic connections were what I was accessing.

Om is a beautiful gift to me by nature. I feel lucky and blessed to have it. It has made so many changes in my life. I was bothered about doing atleast something along with our meetings - like for the rest of the day - abd Om has occupied all my time, love, energy. I feel like I have a direction now. Without even going anywhere. Like I am moving in some way - without even knowing. 

Sometimes I try to calculate things - events/situations/emotions - it all goes topsy turvy then. Like a serious affair with a lot many thoughts. It is all better - the free flow. And yet something in me always goes - against the flow- in some random direction - an unknown way. Quest for the unknown. Having this long a gap in my solo trip is teaching me a lot many things. You 3 AM are now becoming a habit - that too in the minimum of words. Like a white canvas open for interpretation. Like a silent poetry stopped suddenly right at the climax and now the story is open for all interpretations.

During my travels there are places I go to in real and there are places I only dream about. And wow! Both are so trabscendental and trippy.

Right now in full power vibes - connected to the very divine. 

Thinking of a song - 'There shall be showers of blessings'.

Christmas is what Manali is. Always a celebration with lights and vibes dancing together in tge rim of a dark light. 

It is energy..

........................

3 AM, Manali

4th October, 2017

Wow moment again. Writing/ flowing/ smiling. A yellow light in a warm room with close friends. Teasing, giggling. 

Yo 3 AM. You are sitting so close. So warm - so full of love. You will be different tommorow. But I will remember this moment. It is pristine. So so warm. So so happy. I feel blessed to be in this moment.

There are storms going on inside my mind. Sensations flowing like glacier rivers - now frozen, now melting.

It all feels so cosmic - like written to be happened this way, here.

I feel beautiful today in my own way - also very liked. I don't know how much you have already entered my heart - for that one comes to know only after separation. But you mean a lot to me 3 AM. You are special.  

Your variations, mood swings, vibe switches and charismatic aura. I love every second with you 3 AM.

Mr. Chill is better now after is second bath. Though he is still tormented with ticks. I am all occupied with him - physically, mentally, psychologically... 

And yet heart finds a way to expand. And it will grow better.

.......................

3:04 AM

5th October, 2017

Lights turned on blaring on my face. I need to be out in nature - beside the river, upon rocks.

I need to go out in nature. Mystical wanderer is craving to be in Kasol upon peaks watching the constellations in the sky. Mystical wanderer wants to be one with the clouds filtering out of the sky in a pattern - pink, purple, orange. Like a rainbow storked in the wide sky - pure like a morning - dawn.

Right now wanna be there upon the top of that peak checking out the fading constellations in the milky way. Wanna lie there watching the sky - freedom - the winged flight with love, understanding, happiness - the cosmic connection. 

The one with wind, water, earth and fire. Fire element blazing around. I can be there in past,present and future at the same time. Like a timeline gone crashed into abstract figments of beautiful imagination. 

No is the work.  But I am beyond it. The universe in me is merged with the cosmos. 

.......................

3 AM, Manali

October 7th, 2017.

Just had a hash cake of my own hands. Like I made it for someone whose birthday it is today. There is a heater burning in the room and people I love. In Manali Chill again. Yesterday I was in Shiva cottage. Had a cold but peaceful sleep. Got a new tattoo this evening. It has blue star, moon and turquise Beas flowing from moon to the universe. Oh! 3 Am, I missed you yesterday but the time I had was magical. Shiva cottage means so much to me. And I got inked right in its heart. Fred gave me this new one and I could feel his high energy. What vibe it was. Insane. Every line and dot felt like an exchange of energy. 

Today am back in the warm light of my friends. Happy! At peace. Laughing. With satisfied senses.

Eyes full of love looking at me. My pup who is apparently a bitch is also playing around. Happy I am. In bliss. Blessed with a new tattoo. 

Manali has gifted me with so much. There is a guest house am managing, friends am visiting everyday, pup am taking care of and living in a place am in love with. Living it live - every moment. Full power. Om Shanti Shanti 

...........................

3 AM Manali

October 8th, 2017

It's my momsha's birthday and I had a conversation with her just some time back... sitting in Manali chill right after dinner with good friends and nice music with  my pup playing with my shoes right in front of my eyes. She is snow white and very very cute.

Such sufi atmosphere here in Shasha's room. Yesterday I finally got to spend some personal time with Moon. His voice always melts my heart and I fall in love with it's purity every time I listen to it.

My tattoo is now a bit dried - right after the first day. I am sketching my next tattoo. Will get it tomorrow from Agam - another tattoo artist.

It's weird how the blog that should have been the longest is instead turning out to be the shortest. Like I stay so happy and so much into the moment that I get lazy at writing. As such it is for you 3 AM that I halted my trip for an entire month here in Manali. And to you only I don't give so much of time. Yet I feel that the little that we have - is somehow enough. My schedule has turned other way round these days. I sleep during days and stay awake at night. 

The pup sure brought new changes in my life. And these new friends in Manali chill seem to be some soul connections. Like ever since I met them , we have been together. All three of us. And nowhere did we offend each other or gave BT. Instead it always feel loved and blissful - together. 

Thanks cosmos for gifting me with such moments where I can be so much at peace with myself and my surrounding. 

The pup/ chill is now in my lap playing/licking my fingers.

I feel lucky. I feel blessed. Thank you cosmos.

........................

3 AM, Manali

October 9th, 2017

Chilling in Manali Chill and oh what a day it was. Perfect. I danced so much. Also trekked. Was so happy the entire day that I was running on those narrow treks. Shiva cottage also boosts me up - always.

Moon sang after two days and evening was magical. I am getting more and more attached with Chill and my life here. I surely know that I will miss these people,these days, every moments of these days that am living over here. Got another tattoo today. It has a sun and moon together with a crown upon moon with a nib pen and feather hung upon it. 

There is a face that becomes complete with both and sun's rays are dried locks flowing wild in sun while moon rays are wet locks ripping below the moon. I wanted my next tattoos to be designed by me and both of my recent ones actually came out of my heart. 

It looks beautiful. And I am happy about it. I was so so energetic the entire day . Danced so much. Imagine Momcy had her birthday and Karwachauth on the same day. I don't know why society is still clutched in cliched norms. 

I am meeting new people everyday these days. Feeling so so energetic and opened to grow beyond what I have ever been. I feel powerful and so so better version of myself.

Right now there are 4-5 people laughing around. We are all listening to the music. Eating, dancing, talking, being one with the time. Together as happy souls.

The light just turned off and now there is a warm orange heater burning in a corner. 

I feel blessed to be able to live the life that I so so love. 

I will sure miss Himachal after going from here to the next state. 

I have been thinking of Ldawa often though. I met him in Leh. Such humble soul he is. I could not talk to him after that for he works in remote Changthang. 

Also I have been so so living every moment past few days that  I couldn't think of anything else but living every moment.

Right now the atmosphere is of change and still happy. Even the lights are of different moods and flavours. And yet so so happy - the vibe. 

The trip is really happy.

Music always satisfies my soul, fills my heart and plays with all of my emotions and sensations. 

Dear 3 AM... Thank you for meeting me every night and making it all beautiful and oh so dream like. 

Happy. Content. I cried after ays today. Just couldn't hold my tears.  Guess it was required. Felt so so light after that. I think it was all building up inside for so much of time. Now it feels light, now that it has all melted. 

Thanks 3 AM for listening to me. You are so magical. Love. Will meet you tomorrow.

.....................

3 AM, Manali

11th October, 2017

In Manali chill again... along with Shasha and Moon. Couldn't meet you yesterday for I had passed out way back. Guess it was necessary for it felt right. Also I don't wanna overdo us. Though I love our meets. Tomorrow Moon will go. Don't know if the vibes will remain same of meeting you 3 AM.

Chill is hanging out - all happy and healthy around. Moon is playing with it. Such a happy and blissful moment.

Today was a perfect day - like I woke up on time, trekked a bit, had decent dinner, met people I love, jammed, wrote a poem, sketched. Feels complete know. 

Mayank the moon is giving percussion right now and Chill is dancing along trying to bite his tapping hand while jumping around him trying to get his pamper. What a moment. Sohail was also here. We jammed full power.

He is looking deep into my eyes. He reminds me so much of someone - the other moon - the silver. Our jamming goes magical. His voice is a therapy. Manali won't seem like Manali without him. But I have to go on. Through places and emotions. I am a traveller. I can't be stuck. Though it is dream like - like the best ones and worst ones thrown together upon I juggling - trying to balance it all.

Not so well today - eyes are full till brim - for no reason - or maybe there are - nostalgia, Botheration, separation, memory, fear to loose etc... crazy - more I run from attachments, more they follow me.

There is a heater burning hot in the room. It feels so warm and full of love. 

I feel lucky to be here in this moment. Somehow it feels complete. 

He asks horrendous questions sometimes though. And it will all end soon. Again the solo journey will begin.

Chill is growing better now. She has yellow and browning tones below her snow white fur.

I feel lucky to have found her and blessed to be able to love her.

Diwali will soon approach. Momsha is all busy in getting our home prepared for the grand occassion. I won't be home this time. I anyhow don't like Diwali. Also I don't wanna brrak my journey mind way. It is only after completing my pan India trip that I will go back to home or for that matter even Delhi.

Maybe I will go to Rishikesh followed by Benaras in November. Though am flexible for my plans rarely happen the way I see them.

Though all my wishes come true - with their own time nonetheless.

Gotta go 3 AM. Will meet you with leisure tomorrow onwards for then I will be on my own again. Love. Goodnight. Thanks for being so so so beautiful and perfect so far. 

......................

3 AM, Manali

12th October, 2017

Can't believe that I cried so much today. Moon has left now. This place doesn't feel like it was before. I think I am in love. Deep one. Hope by tomorrow it will feel better. Right now I feel devastated. Like I see his face moment I close my eyes. My ears crave for his voice. And I miss his aura so so much. Damn! It has been years I have felt this way. So am living it fully - even the pain. 

I hope to get a workshop project in some school over here. Everybody tried cheering me up today. They all felt my pain and tried to sing songs and give me hope. That's what made it feel like home. Where you gain strength even at your lowest. 

I feel like breaking down today - like crying so much to take it all out. All these days Moon kept on asking me my pains. I had none. He left and I feel am crying because of an unknown pain. Or maybe a cluster of them. Right now the orangish glow of heater is warming up the room. But something is missing - He is not here - with twinkle in his eyes and love in his heart. 

Chill also seems restless today. There was one epic moment this morning. Chill, I and he posed for a picture - it felt so complete. 

Though I run away from attachments. Though I run away from explanations or commitments. But I just wanted to drown in those feelings. Wanted to live it and taste it. Last ten days have been intense. And suddenly bang! All changed. I am  a traveller. All these tears and feelings are a surprise for me as well. 

But ya! Can't deny what is already there. Now that I have jumped I only gotta come on shore. 

Listening to music videos of 'Here's to Music'. Another nostalgic trip for me. But now the wounds are fresh and different. Insane how I get myself into such situations. 

Off! I feel so tired and washed out. Though I have been visiting Shiva cottage everyday these days. I go, meet my friends, do something creative, dance, chill and come back to Manali Chill. Quite a full power life. 

I have to assemble myself now. Look for work and focus upon our meetings. I was so lovestuck that had kept everything else aside. Aah! It was meditative. That forgetting all and just being tranced out in life itself. It feels so beautiful to give immense love to someone from the most selfless heart. To just get lost into the other person's aura and grow beyond togetherness. To become divine. 

I miss him. I surely do.

Right now I will go back to my guest house and I know I will miss him again. Oh Manali! Why do you test my EQ everytime? 

3 AM... You have been epic so far. I have been warm and happy in all of our meetings. Tomorrow I will most probably be somewhere else. A new phase in my travel. It rained last evening. I and Shasha had gone to drop him till Bus depot. While returning back sky poured its pain. I could cry openly on roads then. And I realised, every switch in this trip happens with rain.

Don't know what will happen next. Let's keep it natural and magical. I will get moving from here. 

Loads of love 3 AM. Will catch you tomorrow.

...................

3 AM, Manali

13th October, 2017

In Manali chill again. It was quite an unexpected day. The guest house I am staying in these days made me feel home today finally. Cheeku the backbone came back and served me food with so much of love that I decided to stay back. He taught me something huge today - to work hard and without any judgement.

Also the way of his dealing was amazing. With that much of love and respect anybody gonna melt and be elevated and humbled at the same time.

I took Chill to Shiva cottage again. We chilled there with our different friends. Right now though I am missing Mayank - here in Manali chill. Though I had these moments today where I felt as if suddenly a cloud was blown off my mind. I felt I was stupid to cry so much just because of my attachment with a guy whom I had met just 10 days back. I thought that maybe it was clustered pain from I don't know when.

Listening to Moon's composition now. I ate so much today that I passed out here in the cafe. My friends woke me up. I felt lucky to be at a place where there are people caring enough to ensure that I meet you dear 3 AM.

Oh! I miss him. His vibe, his voice, his presence. Moresoever right now. Though the day was better. I had a bath, had dressed up and had gone all over along with Chill. I was smiling and dancing. I didn't cry after last night. It just feels alright. My traveller self is back. Yesterday was dedicated to recovery. This morning onwards I will hold my life once again in my hands. I will again talk to the cosmos and not just a cosmic being. The phase has been changed once again. It's been almost half a month and you have already given me so much dear 3 AM. You are magical and a definition of content. I am always happy and at peace when I meet you. I am always charged up when am with you. 

Today a friend from Ladhakh texted me. I had met him while hitchhiking to reach Pangong lake. He had become a dear friend. But he was on vacation during those days. His job needs him to be there amidst remote villages of Changthang mountains and that is why I couldn't talk to him ever since he and I left for our own ways. 

Right now three of my friends are sleeping around in this warm orange room with a poster saying 'Mr. Right' on the wall.

I feel blessed to be able to have these moments. Everywhere I go, most of the connections I make - usually disappoint me somewhere or the other - for have some or other selfish intention. I crave for some light time with good friends where you just spend time together without an iota of any selfish intention. It feels so comfortable these days to be able to spend such time.

I want to do some work here in Himachal before leaving this state. It gave me such lovely moments. I taught english to two guys who work here in the cafe. It felt so awesome to see their thirst for knowledge and how they urged for more. How they wanted to keep on learning more. How they felt bad when they had to go for work.

It's crazy how vibes of a place changes with time and people. Just few days back I had so many new and old friends coming  and leaving that it was getting quite full - each day of mind. And here the sofa lies empty, the chill out zone has become too cold and Shasha's room is the only corner where everyone sits entire day.

I won't be lazing out so much over here anymore though. It all feels different without Mayank. The purity is missing. The soul as well. Though they are my friends as well and it is together with all of them that I had recent golden days but then, guess the secret spice was M.

I think I will go to my guest house now. I love my moments in that room. His fragrance is still there in the bed and Chill understands and misses him as much. I love mornings in that room. Where one wall is of glass and shows me peaks with tiny lines gradually turning into pine trees when looked closely and a cloud is always there holding the peaks along with their shadows.

Good night 3 AM. Lots of love.  

............................

3 AM, Manali

14th October, 2017

A rainy windy Hello 3 AM. It's a damn romantic aura today dear 3 AM. I am in my guest house along with Chill sleeping in my lap. An ecstatic moon shimmers from one glass window partially netted in the half drawn curtain on one side. I think I just saw a shooting star - right from my room. Is it even believable? Oh 3 AM! You are magical. You have changed my sleeping pattern on hills. Or maybe this is more natural to me - night. 

My day vegan quite late yesterday where I woke up in afternoon with a morning sky. Even went to Kalaath for a hot water bath. It felt beautiful to just splash in a green pool full of warm water with a chilly rain dancing around it, green peaks peeping inside and a happy Beas flowing right beside. I felt thankful. Way thankful to the cosmos and divine for gifting me with those beautiful couplets with nature.

I think it has snowed even on Rohtang for those peaks seemed all white. It will be a double magic shot if it will snow over here as well.

I took second english speaking class of a friend today. His interest and enthusiasm made me feel guilty of not utilising my knowledge to its fullest. There are people craving for something that I had with leisure.

I didn't go to Shiva cottage today. Instead went for a long ride with Shasha after Kalaath and then spent my evening along with others in Manali Chill, then came back on time. Have been hogging like anything for past two days. Cheeku is an epic guy. He has made me feel at home just with his presence. 

I read out a poem to Momcy at night. I had written it in Leh. Ma loved it and asked for one more. That was a proud moment. Then I read another one - one that I had written about 'Moon' and she loved it again. It is just her opinion that matters to be so much in the world. I have been missing her way too much past few days.

Right now I wanna just lie lazily with you dear 3 AM and stargaze. Right now I wanna hang on to these moments right along with this moon peeping from the window.

I had a conversation with Abhik today. I had met him in Spiti. He is from Kerala and an amazing artist. I had loved my conversation with him back in Spiti but it was my last day there and I had to leave our conversation mid way. Hopefully I will collaborate with him on some wall art project when I will reach South. For now it just felt great to talk to someone who had told me so many mythological stories full of Yaks and Yetis - right in our first conversation.

Chill sleeps like a lady most of the times with her front paws on one side and legs twisted. Sometimes she even sleeps like I do - dead to the world with both arms and legs spread in front - unaware of any worries - with eyes relaxed and in some other world.

Room is full of my favorite music right now. I feel suddenly awake and active. You surely cast spells on me 3. I can see black mountains and a silver sky camouflaged into each other only distinguished by occasional lights sprinkled here and there upon the mountains giving hints of human existence in an otherwise dream like place. 

Chill is snoring finally and I am teasing her in her sleep for she created a cyclone with her energy entire night upon my bed - playing with my sleep and exploiting my attention. 

I am waiting for something - I don't know what. There must have been a reason that I decided to meet you in Himachal itself. Had I gone to some other state I could have explored it in day time. But I instead chose a place to stay which I have visited from my heart so many times. I don't know why cosmos made the circumstances so and why my heart chose this. But I won't let it go wasted. I have to do something. Wanna contribute somewhere. Don't know how. Gotta figure that out.

Love ya. Good night. Good morning.  

............................

3 AM, Manali
15th October, 2017
Blue star Hi from Shiva cottage. Will you believe it? We are meeting in Shiva cottage love. This place is the most special place of my life. So so close to my heart. Also I met some acquaintances from college over here this evening. The entire day I was occupied. Gave Chill a shampoo. Made a chalkboard painting for Manali chill. Spent solo time with nature. Had a great conversation with Arun in Shiva cottage and then with rest of my friends. It was such an intellectual conversation and of another dimension all together.
I could see a thinking blue star entire time right in front of my eyes. It is damn chilly - this section of Manali for it is far away from market and more towards forest.
Arun has played great music in the room. Outside the exotic colorful lamps are still ablazed illuminating those rainbow flags with horses on them.
I feel so happy and at peace. Had also made some dessert for my friends some time back which they all loved.
Positive vibes. Smile on my face. Content in my heart. Also I contemplated a lot during the epic conversation. And yeah, this evening I plucked some fresh hash from my own hands to be rubbed by a friend. The feel was incomparable.
Right now my heart feels sunny ready to hop and dance past boundaries and oceans and just always be on the move.
This cottage is way special to me. I have spent so many days so many times over here. It has always quenched and enhanced Magic quotient.
Feeling way too sleepy though.
This place should have been trippy - way too trippy for me. It is so - so much so that I am getting all drowned in its energy.
I am so so excited just to be here in this room, the same kitchen, view from same balcony, dogs... I spent quite an hour beside the fireplace living few nostalgic moments.
It is here that I have giggled so much. It is here that Gonzalo met me. The view of it all. Love you so much. Bye my magic pill. Will catch you tomorrow. Thanks for the music of Beas, good company, nice rum, good stuff and Oh!! Insane vibes.
See you tomorrow hun. Mmuuaah.

.........................


16th October, 2017
Hi 3 AM. I am trying to hold Chill stable. She has for lunatic moment I returned back to my guest house. She is driving me crazy as well. She is full power energetic. A super ball. An acid trip in itself. At night she goes crazy sometimes. Like right now. She is jumping around. Hopping. Asking me to play with her. And now she is playing with me - trying to grab my attention. Off! She is so fucking adorable. So so curious. So so full of energy. She was sleeping the entire day and now she wants to play. I played with her on terrace under stars then inside the shedded area. She has gone totally crazy today.
Finally am back in the room. Managed to wash my face somehow. She doesn't leave me for even a minute. She begins to make sound even when I leave her  on a cosy comfortable blanket of mine. Sometimes she wants all her independence. And sometimes she wants all the attention. Like a proper lady.
With me usually she stays cool. She listens to me and obeys me. And always sleeps upon my feet. But sometimes she wants to keep her head upon my pillow and sleep exactly like me sideways looking at the window.
And then there are times where we tease each other while sleeping and take our revenges.
I am suddenly feeling so choked right now. Maybe I need more warmth. She was growing so restless that I went with her on terrace in just a tee. And before this I was sitting in a heated room along with so many friends in Manali Chill.
Today was quite epic though. Morning happened with Arun, Fred and Ashish - listening to good music with a mild conversation and partial sun. I loaded some goodies for my room and came back to find a welcoming room for I had cleaned it on my own yesterday before going to Shiva cottage. I slept full power while watching an afternoon view of gigantic mountains with a tiny waterfall in it's middle.
I passed out don't know when and evening began all lazy which gained vibe as Chris began to jam downstairs with Obu and one more guy and regge fused with rock and Indian reached my ears. I changed and drycleaned and there the evening began. I danced in so many cafes today. And there was this foreigner lady. We danced insanely. She was fucking energetic and kickass in dancing. We were like mirrors. Though she is so aged yet so fucking energetic and that is what I loved about her. I enjoyed and loved every ounce of that dance. She came to my ears and said, 'Had you been a guy I would have got sexually aroused like anything.' And she kissed my forehead so many times.
Then I chilled in Manali Chill till 2:40 and here I am back in my guest house - after playing with and feeding Chill, changing and also managing to grab a piece of bread for myself.
Listening to Moon's composition now. It is so fucking dark and silent today. I needed some music.
Having some bread butter and biscuits now. This nutralite butter is so shitty. It feels like a weight o my chest. I prefer Amul anytime. Right though I also feel that at least I have food with me when am hungry. I don't know from where I have got into biscuits again. Like am hogging biscuits these days like anything. I just eat packets at one go. And yet always crave for more. By the way I just now discovered something. I had orange cream biscuit along with butter spread slice and off it tastes like a lemon cheese cake. But I don't think I want more than one bite of it. Aftertaste is not that great. Wish I had a glass of tea in my hands right now. The weather is so. Also the non toasted bread feels dry with this kind of butter.
Yesterday in Shiva cottage  Arun and I were conversing and I learned something immense from him. He was talking about these 24 illusionary webs (Maaya jaals) that fall in a man's life where a person always enters voluntarily by making a wrong chice. Again and again a similar situation occurs and till the person doesn't learn to choose the right way with right intention, he us bound to get into the loop again having same repercussions. It was an amazing conversation that we had. I was too sleepy at that time to write about it.
There was some musical get together at home today. Had a brief conversation with momsha for she was busy. My day doesn't feel complete without listening to her voice. She always gives me strength. Her voice itself brings tears to my eyes sometimes. This afternoon I had a dream where I was in Delhi. And I was wondering how come am in Delhi suddenly before finishing my all India trip. I woke up also all confused only to find Deepti (My society's friend) calling me to tell me about that gathering at my home where she was also going. Ever since am missing home so much. Wanna hug momsha, tease Bhai, annoy papa. But then when am actually there I crave to travel. Sometimes I don't understand myself. Actually often times. Also life.
Like why are we born? What are we doing here - passing time - doing random shit, feeding ourselves and maintaining evolution for no real reason at all but a blind note that we gotta live on. Sometimes I feel we are all duped/ brainwashed in some random idea called life.
But then I also wanna live on full power and take keen interest in things like astrology, geology, history, dreams, imagination.
So ya, I feel stupid sometimes while swinging between ideas of life and death.
It's a strange vibe that I have in the room today. Weird. Like an unknown presence.
Oh shit! Saying that I switched on the light and just saw a centipede gently passing behind my bed. I can't sleep on this bed now. Shit! I am not even scared of huge animals bit these centipedes are my biggest phobia. I don't know what to do now. I am feeling a bit scared. And I am still sitting in the same bed in same posture. What to do?
OK bye 3 AM. I can't write with as much concentration and love anymore. Though I was loving to talk to you. Will try to come back later though... If you will wait. But time doesn't wait. Love you 3 AM. BYE. Will meet you tomorrow.

.......................

17th October, 2017
Hey 3 AM, It's a sudden meet up for I had passed out few hours back here in Shasha's room and was completely oblivious of time till Shasha woke me up suddenly reminding me of our date. Off love! Sometimes I feel lucky to have few friends.
OK. So now that you know that I have just gotten up, you will understand how blown up I feel right now. I had also woken up Chill so many times today for random reasons like giving her bath, feeding her, ensuring her Sun bath. She is growing stronger day by day. Also bulkier. I was tripping upon her entire morning while having a fine conversation along with a nice acquaintance, cook and caretakers of my guest house.
Chill sometimes make me feel bad for her. Like I want her to have playmates where her entire energy could be used and she gets friends of her own type. Humans are of all kinds and Oh so unpredictable. Like anybody can love her and anybody can suddenly tap upon her head and hit her. You never know right.
She literally used to go crazy whenever she used to find any bitch on road. Not anymore.. They all behaved abnormally as well though.
Nonetheless watching her play on her own - solo - curious,  excited, full of energy - exploring every new smell, thing, place with same full power energy. It all makes me connect to her. She is my Mystical kutiya. Like an angel, a lucky charm, a cosmic gift she has occupied all of my love and vibes. Most of my day goes in taking care of her moods and basic requirements. Her solitary elegance inspires me so much. I hope I don't get over attached here. In few days I would have o leave her here for I have given my words. Also it is not practically possible to carry her around in my trip. She would need full power healthy diet. I can cut short on my food while budget travelling. But taking responsibility of her upbringing is a huge commitment. Also not everybody is comfortable with a dog everywhere. And biggest thing, I can't separate her from this beautiful vibe of Manali. She is a mountain dog and needs to be amidst hills.
Right now Suhail and Shasha are listening to music. A bright flourocent creamish light illuminates the room. Chill is sleeping in her tiny house here. I also created a tiny blanket home upon a round bamboo chair for her in my guest house. She slept so beautifully today inside that womb.
My tooth is paining insanely suddenly. It is giving me a strong stinging headache.
I had a conversation with Moon as well this evening. He has been calling me every evening regularly. I miss him less often now but always with same intensity.
I sang so so much this entire evening on Mike in Manali Chill. Also did another chalk art today.  Danced as well when Suhail was singing.
Right now I had Chai, laung for my tooth and feel so so sorted. Sitting all cosy in the blanket I feel like staying over here itself till morning and conversing for now I am fresh and full of energy. This morning I couldn't sleep so much for Chill was dancing all over on my head and bed and I had to get up. Then I also didn't let her sleep just to tease her.
I am giggling right now because of my friends' acts. It feels like morning suddenly with so many dogs barking outside and everybody gone there. I can also hear sheeps on road. It is too chilly to go outside right now and I am too warm to leave it all together and go outside just to figure out the reason for this chaos. I feel strangely powerful these days. Like a mystical energy driving me around or keeping me here - protected, preparing me for something huge - something beautiful. I still wish to work here somewhere (officially).
Though I have already begun to implement something I learned from Cheeky few days back - to respect everyone very much and so any kind of work without an iota of hesitation. I now look for opportunities where I can do anything for anybody. Teaching English, cooking a bit, sweeping my own room, even cleaning Chills's shit, boosting artists, making music, managing guest houses and cafes, making luscious desserts, rubbing hash, plucking fruits - off life can teach so much and so amazingly if we really participate.
Chill is awake now jumping around. Kishan bhaiya has just entered the room and Suhail is playing guitar suddenly. The bright light is turned off and a gentle yellow light is lit in the other room. Shasha is holding Chill in his lap now. She is making funny pampered sounds. I feel ale energy is also essential for her. And they all love her so much in this cafe. In evening when I brought her here all wet and oiled try even blow dried her all concerned and took her in warm blanket immediately. Off! Chill just got up from everywhere and came on her own to settle with me. Shasha picked her again and she again came and lied right beside me. Oh! She is so cute. In love with this moment. Thank you 3 AM. You are beautiful. Love you. I leave you here. Mmuuaah.

...........................


18th October, 2017
3:12 AM, Manali

Yo hun, sorry for getting a bit late. Having dinner right now - some luscious grilled stuff with a glass of rum. Interacting with Shasha right now in Manali Chill. It was a day full of hope. So many possibilities, so many rays of hope just in one day.
I had a meeting in a decent school here today. It went full power. Hopefully I will get a chance to hold a workshop there and after that maybe also in two other schools. It will be perfect if it happens - such nice work ex while leaving Manali. I will get a chance to transform so many lives. Personality development classes for 11th and 12th. Imagine how many people will I be able to transform in terms of psychology and strength of mind.

It's a wow chance and I would full power love to contribute with my level best.
Chill is hopping around on this bed - all energetic after her sleep.  Biting into a nutella jam sandwich I feel blessed to be sitting here all along with a genuine friend, my Mystical kutiya and such Good vibes of this place.
This evening there was a french couple. Both of them were so adorable. She had an amazing voice and he had such genuine vibe. I jammed, sang, painted, conversed with both of them. Suhail also sang amazingly today.
It's a happy vibe. Cheeku is going home tomorrow for Diwali. Momcy also wanted me to be home. She is a bit upset with me for not being home.
It was Dhanteras last evening and we celebrated it full power. We lit lamps here in Manali Chill, did the ambience and danced full power. Also had a conversation with Moon twice which always makes me happy.
Do you know my dates with 4 AM had begun with Diwali. Our dates began with Dusshera that too one where I was lucky to attend Kullu mela which is world famous. It is said that God's and goddesses from entire Himachal come over there. So people get idols of them from different villages in the fair and the idols as per the famous talks move on their own for they gain energy on their own. I also saw them moving just that I was not sure if people below those processions were moving them or if they were moving on their own. But the vibes of the place were no doubt transcendental. There was no network. And I, so unlike me, wanted to be a part of the crowd. I literally let myself move along with the rest of the crowd and was lucky to be able to see the Ram rath and all the festivity of the huge occasion live - feeling it all - the vibe of it all.
So ya 3 AM - you are special. for we are meeting at a really lucky time of my life. Where my travels are continues and I am being moved to places I have never been to before. And I am meeting people who suddenly tell em that they have met with me before and I have never seen them before in my life. Some people are just ready to help me out however in my travel - and neither they nor I know the reason why. Just that they wanna contribute in my journey and I know it is cosmos designing it all for me - taking me through my ultimate dream towards cosmic design for me.
Things are working out on their own for me. Two months back I had not even imagined going to so many places and doing so much in such a short span. Now I feel I should have left home one year back itself for this journey. But everything has its time.
Places call you on their own time so do experiences. One just needs to be patient. Patience is the biggest key also will power and determination. I never gave up on my dreams and maybe that is why they are all coming true. I mean I had had my lows. There was a time where I had lost entire meaning from life. But here I am - all bubbling, full of life, spirit of an gathering, friends, place. And I love to be this way - being a bomb of positive energy.
Surbhi is spreading as per her name & fragrance. I really have huge hopes from my trip. Not like I have any materialistic set of expectations but I do have a lot of thirst for learning and exploring.
This Diwali I will be in Himachal. Thank you Cosmos for gifting me these moments. Love you 3 AM. You are such a positive time in my life these days - always happy and content.
Will meet you tomorrow. Bye bye. Full power happy vibes for you. Meet you tomorrow.

...................

19th October, 2017
Yo 3 AM... Happy Choti Diwali .. I am in Manali Chill right now and am full power happy. I did o much of work today. Also Momsha is no more angry with me for not being home this Diwali. I wanted to gift some people few things here this Diwali. Every year Momsha forces me to go buy new clothes for this festival and I always try to avoid it for I am not too much into rituals and Holi is much preferable to me than Diwali. But then this Diwali, so far from home - I was shocked to find this sfden urge to celebrate Diwali that too tradionally. So I wanted to wear new clothes and give gifts around and spread light anf my entire last day passed doing the same. Momsha was more than happy to sponser my Diwali celebration. I had tears in my eyes while asking her on phone for some money. Guess my ego melted somewhere and suddenly I became so happy. She literally flooded me with much more than enough. So I went out shopping full power. Bought a jacket for myself that I wanted for so long. Also bought few gifts for my friends around over here. Lit candles in my guest house and boomed the vibes here in Manali Chill. Honestly I feel way more festive than a usual Diwali - majorly because I am contributing from my heart.
Ashish - the pide-piper is also there in the room. We were all jamming the entire evening. So many of us. I danced full power. There is a mystical spirit so full of passion pulling me towards it - all layered in layers of mystery - hidden deep into the cote of heart - seldom expressed - sometimes hinted.
Suhail is playing beautiful guitar right now - which feels like the music of Jal tarang.
I also went for a lot of grocery shopping today. I am now sorted and also the kitchen of my guest house. Plus I did all the laundry first thing in the morning - so over all it was quite a satisfactory day.
Life gets strange here on hills - like even basic works seem like achievements.
You have become so much of a habit now love - that my fingers run automatically now - and I just drown in your deep love.
Right now I am giggling, laughing, learning and listening - somehow one thing at a time.
 I am suddenly feeling way sleepy. Now am awake. Talking to Ashish. He has a magical vibe.
Having Parle-G now. It is yum. Had not eaten anything after a bowl of Maggie in morning.
I so so wish for a chunk - but gifted one. I don't wanna buy it. Though now I can buy it as well... But I want it to have a loved energy.
But I feel so so hungry right now. Don't know why the intensity.
I had tears in my eyes while talking to momsha. It's after few days that the wall broke and I could just talk to my momsha - she guided me for the workshop and that is exactly what I required.
Hey 3 AM, Such a lovely night now. What a Diwali. And somehow pide Piper's presence is magical. It has to have a meaning.
By the way, I also got a gift today and it felt so special - a packet of pencil colors and that too totally unexpected.
Kishan Bhaiya is smiling sitting in the centre.
I feel happy and blessed. Thank you 3 AM for being in my life. Love you. Good night.

............

21st October
Hey 3 AM
I am too fucking high right - KM ln Manali Chill. I passed out at night while dancing full power. These days I have been dancing full power. There was a very powerful vibe in the party tonight. Dancing with him was full power.
I am way tired by now. Danced for last entire night and entire day. I should take good rest. Like a long deep rest. Oh that guy had a crazy vibe. And a nostalgic vibe. I don't know I crashed down.
Suhail is singing full power outside. I am trying to gain control on myself back.
Suhail is playing 'All of me' and I am singing from inside. The vibes of the evening are full power.
Chill is sleeping peacefully and I am happy as well. There were lot many people in the cafe. Don't know how passed out. Maybe I had danced way beyond my capacity. I had been dancing for more than 24 hours though. So getting tired - was surely possible.
I want that guy's vibe though
 He was so powerful. And his vibe was so so powerful.
I had a conversation with Moon as well tonight. Don't know why he behaved tge way he did. I miss him from the bottom of my heart.
I have to meet that guy again. We had such an insane chemistry.
By the last two days were seriously so so beautiful. Wow! So full of love and acceptance.
So eager to talk o everyone and give them happy vibe.
Shasha just got me another maggie which is yum and Sohail is singing in a lovely voice.
Talking to Charlie Right now. He is saying something on finance and bitcoins. I have to call that school for the workshop tomorrow.
 I danced for past two days. Atleast 24 hours in fee streches am sure. So many people danced along with me. So mang vibed. So mhch of an energy exchange. Momsha is also so happy. My state of mind is also way too content and in peace. Thank you 3 AM for being in my life. I can't hold time but these days in my life know are going full power.
I am sure I am gonna miss these says. I have good friends here - omes with whom I can fucking pass out anywhere without an iota of any other vibe but full power happy energy full of energy and positive vibes - pure vibes.
I have so much of peace in my life these days that I laugh and dance and sing the entire day.
What a lovely trip. Lovely days. Beautiful time. Pure, pristine, beautiful, cute, happy, full of learning, so full of good vibe.
Cheeku taught me me to work - contribute however possible wherever. Moon took me out of my lovestuck position of past two years and made me strong again. Shasha gave me true friendship. Suhail gave me a friendship of its own mind - which has fun and a rare honestly from his side. He is singing right now along with playing guitar. lovely vibe here in Shasha's room.
I am so so tired. Got injured as well last night - for I had bumped into insane no. of things and I realised all of them while having a bath this evening.
Also I had gone to Shiva cottage along with Shasha. It was way way trippy. Obu, Fred, Arun, Ashish, few other people were also there.
Suhail is getting better at singing everyday and Manali Chill is also working full power finally despite off the off season. Vibe works and I have learned it here. If I am happy the world around me will also be happy.
I had gone with Sasha in after noon to Shiva cottage and we danced there full power.
 I don't know how I had passed out so early this night - there were so many people waiting to dance along with me. And I was loving it - connecting with so many energies.
Aruvhad taught me Me a lesson that day - to emit positive vibes from my side and then interact.
The powerful vibe - I am thinking of him so much. Our dance chemistry was insane. He had stayed back for me. Don't know how I had passed out. I wanted to keep dancing with him.
Wish to meet him again - full power.
OK love. Will catch you tomorrow. Will be in the moment now. Thank you for being so beautiful and magical. Thank you or teaching me so much. These days are completely transforming me - giving me anew shape and I am loving it. Such powerful vibe. So much of love, peace and purity around. Just music, happinesses and good vibes. Full power Boom Shankar. Bye bye. Mmmmuuuaaah!

...........

22nd October
3 AM, Manali
Thank you love for happening right now. I have been dancing entire evening and jamming entire night. And then a fight was almost about to happen here in Manali Chill.  But now even the guys who were about to fight are jamming around. Such a peaceful moment. Thank you love for being so magical. Thank you Cosmos for making it all so special for me. I will miss Manali after going from here this. Now am so much used to this jamming and meeting so many artists everyday. And yeah I have been dancing so so much - even right now.
I met that guy from yesterday. We went for a ride. Right now singing to some local songs and smiling. Glad nothing negative happened.
Now I will also sing. Already doing. Singing along. Singing solo. Loving it. In love with the voice and guitar. He has such powerful vibe. I just wanna be more in it.
Drowned deep into the vibe - strong ones.
I am learning to accept all colors in the painting. And loving it.
Sometimes even tiniest of wishes come true - thought to thought, idea to idea, light to light.
It's a mixed feeling - like sweet and spicy. But there are such special vibes in the room. Also strong other force - melting gradually in the white. It is quite an experience watching the transformation.
The vibes can be felt - the energy can be controlled. Anything can be won over with love.
'Laal chidiye oh laal chidiye'
- the song goes on.
Right now we are few people sitting in a group in the main area of Manali Chill. Few days back there were so many friends - right in this sofa. People have changed - the trip goes on.
The aggression gotta be conquered with lot of love and smile.

 ........

23rd October, 2017
3 AM, Malana

Hey Love, didn't know we would be meeting over here in Malana. In the necklace of our dates, this night is like the pendent - it has a different locale, a unique vibe all together. I am here along with the same powerful soul with whom I had danced so much in connection - the night previous to last night. Last night was crazy though - we all jammed till morning and I sang so so much. Most important - the secret spice of the curry - A guy whom I had been bumping into in so many live music sessions. He had a v. V. Powerful vibe, voice and vigour     of his own. There was a strange peace in his presence and he helped me be a better version of myself - I sang so well last night (At least I felt so).
Right now is beyond description though. I am sitting with Abhishek outside a closed guest house in Malana. We rode fill Shant and suddenly realised it was 11 PM and we were standing in a closed tin shedded camp trying to hide from the barbarous winter wind of Parvati valley. It was an insane decision to further trek till Malana - that too middle of night but I didn't want to meet you anywhere else but here if not in Manali.
So, we the proud people left at 12:30 and reached here at 2:30 AM. Obviously the entire village is sleeping. Also, I have heard so much about people of this village being v. reserved with any outsiders. So ya, we are sitting outside in a cold and clear sky - full of constellations and stars of different colors.
The trek was dream like - it was so similar to a vision I had been long desiring to paint on canvas - but it used to get lost from my mind on touch of the brush on canvas. Today the picture was standing complete in front of me. Rather, I was a part of it - treading on - like a mountain goat. I even got to hear local music once I reached the village - to which I danced from my heart - in darkness.
The place has magical vibes. I am tranced out in the place - the energy of it. I don't feel like an outsider. Rather, I was feeling so comfortable throughout the way that I was opening random doors and trying to barge inside unknown properties - seeking some resources to prepare some tea.
I'm a bit hungry though but the vibe right now and the trek so far has been ecstatic. Malana is famous for it's dawn. I'm waiting for it from my heart. Morning will be a surprise am sure. Love.
You are magical.
P.S. - We just saw two shooting stars together.

.......

24th October, 2017

Hey 3 AM, Am back in Manali. And already loving it. Had a full power bath, just made a bottle of coffee and all set for our date. 

OK. The coffee is crazy cold and I am giggling along with Abhi at the mess.

I still am partially in Malana though. It was one insane leap and journey that we had but it was worth it.

After spending a freezing hour outside what we thought was the last guest house of Malana, we realised that we won't be allowed to stay even there. And then we figured out the way to those beautiful string of distant lights that have been tempting me from the first moment.

And there the magic began. We landed in an open kitchen where two people were sleeping inside blankets and a heater was left open. It was a test of morals. We were crazy hungry but we didn't eat for they were sleeping.

Malana is famous for dawn and we had not just dawn but a full day of sky gazing from morning till a crescent moon appeared in the sky.

That was a tiny shop of an awesome guy. I danced so much looking at the lush green mounts and blue hazy hills.

The treks were ecstatic all over and though the people treat outsiders like untouchables but the vibes were amazing. I was simply tranced and in a deep meditation. Also sketched, made painting which everyone liked.

Right now Suhail, Shashank, Abhi, Chill and I are sitting in my guest house - laughing,having coffee.

Such a beautiful moment. Today it feels perfect - like my 3 AM.

Love you. Thanks for being so magical.

...........

25th October, 2017

Hey 3 AM with a bite of meal in my mouth and coffee waiting to be poured. Chill n Shasha are both beside and it is so so peaceful.

Coffee is amazing and I am happy. Content in this moment. Though the entire day was a bit weird. I was upset for no reason. Was feeling so lost and energy less. But now it feels sorted.

I didn't get it though - Why I suddenly went to Malana, why the weather went bad only on that night when I had no roof on my head/ why didn't I stay back there to feel the place a bit more/ what connection was there with Abhi that we met, suddenly made the plan, went despite of odd timings, trekked, tripped, came back on very next night/ why we didn't even talk the entire trip still had it together/ why/ why/ why....

I learned from Ashish today - that we should be WOW/OK about things and not try to be intelligent all the time by trying to get the logic. Will try to imbibe it.

Right now laughing with Shasha, sipping coffee and switching between sudden energy booms amidst dead or even angry waves. I don't know where I lost my energy and happiness.

But I will make it again - the magic - like it just happened - along with you my love.

And now Chill is sleeping right in my lap and I am trying to be relaxed about my life. 

My phone was not working for past three days. Haven't even conversed with Momsha for last three days - maybe that is why I am feeling bit weird. I shouldn't complain know.  I should instead be thankful. Guess gratitude is missing. 

Hopefully Moon will be here tomorrow. I so wish. Need to visit Shiva cottage as well - soon.

I got some strange vibes from everyone today - maybe it was all in my head. Tomorrow I will be optimistic. I mean today. I mean - let's be.

Suhail left Manali. I missed him in the cafe today. Each person matters - every energy counts. And come on - I have spent almost a month with all of them here. Suhail and I had this unique unsaid conversation - where an eye contact with perfect timing was enough to communicate. He is a good friend - though I don't know if/when we gonna meet again. For he is a Traveller and so am I - but he said - he is now tired. I hope he gets success.

Malana is just intact as a picture in my head now. One entire day and night - just looking at the magical view - feeling different temperatures, imagining different things, laughing, transcending, dancing.

Manali has grown chillier though. It takes courage to go out already. My feet take so much of time to warm up.

..................

26th October, 2017

Hey 3 AM. We are on the verge of closing our dates and I still haven't communicated to you enough. Somehow I was occupied throughout.

I feel distressed today. Don't know why. Everyone has left. I will also leave in few days. I would have to leave Chill, my friends, life here. Guess, have got used to it in past entire month. 

I miss home - more my family. Wanna cry so so much. Wanna tease bhai and hug Momsha. Raising Chill past entire month has been a huge lesson for me. I could feel the love of a mother. I felt what it means to take responsibility of a life in your hands. She is sleeping peacefully in my lap right now - snow white, grown up. I am in the guest house - sitting in the room wondering - soon all this would be over. 

A part of me also wants it to be over now. Musafir hun. I gotta keep moving on. 

But I am so so thankful to Manali. It gave me so so so much of warmth. I picked up Hoolahoo and felt proud to perform. Had such insane jamming sessions. Also had at least one night where I could hear my own voice singing in proper notes with few people sitting around enjoying it. Wow! What a feeling it was. I got respect, love, laughter, dance, music, care and lot of love. I gained so much more confidence here. Got an experience of managing both a guest house and cafe. I own two new tattoos now - gifts of Manali to me. 

Off! What a time. Dream like. Like everyday was dedicated to celebration of making new friends and being more creative. 

I now have fingers of my feet swollen and injured - not because of trekking but coz I danced so much for days. My face has gained a bit of chubbiness for I have been laughing throughout.

Some places are magical. Old Manali is one of them.

I feel lonely today. Though I left the get together on my own - looking for solitariness. But something inside is broken. Or possibly it is those mushrooms that I had by mistake. I so hate that vegetable. 

Today though was completely dedicated to hogging. I had gone for grocery shopping just last evening. And seriously I am more than half way done with the entire fucking stock. 

Chill is so warm. When she sleeps upon me, I don't feel cold at all. Also she loves music. Whenever she gets out of control I simply play music - she comes nearby the phone, sits peacefully and sleeps in some time.

DJ has left for Kullu. Pranav is also in Kullu. Suhail must have reached his home by now. Moon is in Uttarakhand and I seriously now won't ask him about his scene for he changes his plans everyday. I am kind of not sure if I really want him back for I am not sure I will be able to handle possessiveness or explanations again in my life - and he is of that type. But I miss him - sometimes.

I relaxed the entire day today. Just on bed - eating, talking. My phone got charged after three days and I had been long out of contact with the world. So yeah, an entire day dedicated to conversations - healthy ones with people I value.

The workshop scene though got cancelled. Aah! I so wanted to do it. Now I have to figure out another and quicker way to do so, so that I can leave with satisfaction that I maintained the legacy of my trip.

That is how I want to do it - hitchhiking around, budget travel and doing at least one significant mini project in every state.

I am turning superstitious suddenly. Like I am unable to understand what went wrong with my energy level and feel good factor suddenly.

Right now relishing over sandwiches and choco coffee so things are not so wrong I guess. Just my heart. same had happened on 17th day in Leh after which I had left to visit it some other time. Over here I think the situations are helping me get detached again.

I had left home on 16th August bit nervous and unsure of what I was leaving for. So far it has been wonderful and Oh what a sensational ride. Gotta keep it going.

Manali is freezing already. I should buy more winter accessories like socks and gloves but I am anyhow leaving so why the expenditure.

Pranav sang an original composition today and I felt proud and soul struck to listen to it. Couldn't meet him though after returning from Malana. Night previous to it, it is because of his scale and energy that I could sing so well. He had helped me be a better version of myself jist with his presence. Wish could have spent more time with him.

Also had an amazing conversation with Mike. It seems I would be in Madhya pradesh and not West Bengal to meet him. I am looking forward to it.

He has travelled so much that every conversation with him is inspiring and so engaging. Working along with him would be epic I am sure.

OK love. Let's meet tomorrow. Thanks for being magical always. Even now you are so peaceful. With Chill in my lap and a mild light filled in the room, Good night my love. You are so so special. I will miss you in my travel next month - I know that. I wanna cry so much today. Want your warmth and magic. Need it. Love. 

............

27th October, 2017

3 AM, Manali

Hey love, you are magical. I am in a different guest house today - it's Shasha's guest house again by the name Manali Chill. I had to begin my day on a bad note because there was an ambuish between landowner and The one who had taken last guest house on lease. I had nothing to do in it so I left. There was an hour of helplessness where I was confused about next place to go. I was in a negative state of mind. Wanted to leave Manali right away. But then magic began as I came to Manali Chill guest house. This place has a nice lawn outside, a cottage of four rooms facing river and peace. It's similar to Shiva cottage in terms of nature and isolation if not vibe.

Then I met a German guy who plays amazing harmonica. He agreed to teach a bit to me in next few days. Evening happened in Manali Chill cafe along with that foreigner with whom my conversation reached another level all together. I learned so much from him. Though he was talking about so many places but I was somehow taking each of his words metaphorically. I am glad I am out of that guest house. My life had become lazy and stagnated there. It was too much of  comfort which I liked but the vibe wasn't right. Soon I would have to leave Manali. I am preparing myself every moment.

I had a kickass bonfire night along with Shasha, Kishan Bhaiya, Ankit, Three new guys in the new guest house below numerous stars beside river.

Also conversed with Momsha after so long.

Oh yeah! Late evening happened in New Manali - Mall road - where I finally got my phone repaired, and Shasha and I bought acrylic colors so that I can paint one of the walls of the room I am presently staying in. I will finally so a painting. I am happy about it. Excited. Enthusiastic.

There is a heater lit in this room with a golden glow. Chill is chilling beside it. Shasha is lost in the sound energy of the room. 'Afreen Afreen' - one of his favorite tracks. He had become such a good friend that I will full power miss his friendship and our everyday conversation while travelling. He is so so pure and selfless. An amazing human being and a wow businessman. He has not sold his soul yet. And he walks along with people he cares about.

I can hear Manalsu (a tributary of Beas) flowing beside. The water level is low though these days because of the winter.

Weather these days has also become barbarous. It will be unbelievably magical if it snows during one of our remaining dates hun.

I have discussed with Shasha about managing his coffee house below the best house next season. Let me get done with my India trip. Don't know where my ways will take me. He showed so many pictures of Benaras today and I was tranced out just by the pictures. There are so many things that I yet have to see, places I have to visit, vibes I got to feel, energy I have to imbibe, talents I need to discover or chisel up.

I can't be too attached. Can't be so obsessed. I got to keep moving on. And the journey will surely be magical - it already is.

There is choco truffle placed beside that I am gonna dive in. Chill is nibbling things around. Oh! It is is such a Christmas kind of feeling. So warm. So so perfect. Chill is leisurimg in my lap now. Shasha is looking at her and smiling. Nice music in the room. I felt so liked and appreciated atnight beside fire. I even read out few of my Hindi poems. I don't know why I don't write as many poems any more.

Every day here in Manali is different. Each day I experience a new emotion, learn a new lessons, visit a new place. Wow! These days have been so transcendental. I feel so so better now. Also don't know why I have been hogging like anything. So so much. Like have crossed all limits. But it will get balanced I know - I always have these phases.

My feets' fingers are aching today for I danced again in the cafe. Aah! I just can't stop myself these days of so many things - specifically in terms of creativity and experimenting with new forms of expressions.

And now I have just swam amidst the creamy layers of choco truffle. Off! This moment. So full of content. This evening has been so full of desserts.

Right now laughing and giggling along with Sasha. Loving the vibes of the place. Happy - dil se. Wish I had come here earlier. But everything has its own time. And it always happens for the best.

Love you. Meet you tomorrow. Adios.

............

28th October, 2017
3 AM, Manali
Hey love... I just now came back in the room. Oh! What an unpredictable day it was. Like I woke up planning to go to Vashishth and later come back to paint the wall of this room. But nothing happened as per the plan as always. Afternoon and evening was well spent in the cafe and then Pranav came as a surprise and I spent hours along with him conversing about N no. of things in Apple Villa.
Later we all chilled in Manali Chill - talking about history, society, about pin to plane things. It was a nice conversation and vibe.
Right now Shasha and I are sitting in the cosy warm light of heater. It's a warm feeling - this happy such a good friend beside - such amazing connection. Shashank is one amazing human being. I really like his honest heart and genuine conduct with everyone.
Kishan Bhaiya and Ankit are also such full power human beings. Ankit's way of speaking is kickass - so genuine, so down to earth and Oh so sweet.
I also met three guys from Hyderabad in the guest house today. They are staying in the room beside. I wish to take them to Shiva cottage tomorrow. They are into photography and anybody interested in Manali magic deserves to be in such beautiful a place.
I hope to go to Vashishth this morning though. It will be awesome to take a bath in the pious magical water.
My state of mind is quite happy today. I feel at peace. Soon I would be moving from here. Benaras is something I am really looking forward to. After seeing the pictures of the place beside bonfire last night, I am looking forward to the magic of it.
Manali though is still magical with all its love, laughter, art and learning.
We are on the verge of ending our dates 3 AM. It feels like I lived an entire life in past entire month. Like I suddenly got a family where I gelled immediately and ever since we all stayed together. Bit by bit the lights got dimmed and the characters left the stage. But the play is still on - with all the right amount of thrilling spices.
I don't know what lies in the next scene or even the next dialogue - it's going so spontaneous. But it is special - and Oh so memorable - where I sing, dance, express, converse - all full power from my heart. Where I am I - with all of my energy. Where I understand vibes and take everybody as my teacher. Where mountains give me strength and river keeps me alive. Oh Manali - you are the land of my Gonzalo. You are so so special.
More I stay here, more layers I discover to unveil and there I see an entirely new avatara of you - with a new energy and vibe every time.
I can talk to trees here and even see whisps. Blue star always gives me company. And yeah! I believe in fairies - I realised today
Enid Blyton came into the conversation just this evening and all my teenage memories revived.
These days are so relaxed, peaceful. I feel wise and carefree. I feel free. At peace. I'm Shanti.
Thank you 3 AM  for being in my life and making it all so magically alive. I am lucky to have you in my timeline. Love.  

..................

29th October, 2017

Yo 3 AM. It's a happy beginning. Today I finally went to Vashishth - that too along with three other friends, had a long long bath in the charismatic sulphur water, came to know about a new short cut from Vashishth to Bhaang through a staircase amidst hills and walked through the same back till New Manali. Evening and night was well spent in Manali Chill - celebrating last few days with people I love.

Painting is still remaining to happen. Also atleast one socially significant work before I leave Manali. I am now mentally prepared to leave it - or at least I M feeding myself with the same. That I am losing the larger purpose of my travel by being here in Manali for too long. For I am so so happy that I have forgotten all other purposes. Sometimes I wonder at the way humans behave - like why can't we leave it all and just be happy - wherever we get happiness. But the enter morality, responsibility, and this unknown guilt attach with being happy. I just don't believe in all that. Like I so value moments of happiness - that I live them fully - whenever they happen I my life. I do justice to all emotions and sensations and take care of tiny desires of both mine and others - as much as easily possible. 

Sometimes I get way stubborn - for some specific moments. Ever since this journey has begun though, each of my desires has been coming true. Anything I think of, anything that even crosses my mind. Places have been calling me, people have been meeting with so much of admiration and respect. It all feels very very lucky. Cosmos has blessed me with so much. More places I go to, more good people I meet, more arts I experiment with, more I do something creative - it all leaves me in awe. And my soul bows in gratitude. Wow Cosmos. Entire year I heard 'Winds of Change' back in Delhi - imagining a long long trip - and here I am living it. 

When I travel - no odds seem huge to me - for that is my passion. What difference a person's interest and passion can make in his attitude towards and activity. Sometimes I wonder how different world would have been had everyone been doing work of his passion or interest. Then every work would have been perfect and every face filled with smile.

Right now Shashank is beside me and the orange warm glow is creating the shadow of lamp upon the circular flower in the centre of the ceiling - oh, it is such a beautiful feeling of peace. He says, 'He will miss my company after I will go'. I don't how to tell him - how much all this warmth and vibe has become crucial to me. But then I will carry it all as my strength. Will remember this joy in times of loneliness if not solitariness. Solo travel had never been an issue with me because personally I am more of a loner and socially I can help with any color and flavour - if I feel like and vibe with. So yeah, being both an an extrovert - I do justice to my moods quite easily. But now, after I am used to so many friends, and same set of people with full power cafes filled with love, happiness, good music - aah! This has become my cosy comfort zone. I will surely feel the cold leaving my warm spot. But watching the snow is also important - how else would I know the raw real feel of it then?

I wanted to talk to you about so many things. Wanted to tell you about my experiences in Laddakh and Spiti. But I think it is always more about the very present - and that is what got recorded. 

As a Traveller I have lot many things to do as my duties.  I should have been updating many more Instagram posts, more poems on my blogs, should have emphasised upon the workshop more and should have made full power edited videos of my travel so far. But nowhere did I find myself so free or bored to think about any place but where I was. I was just living it - every moment. Rather in past one month except videos of initial jamming sessions I attended, there are hardly any photographs as well. I think when something becomes a work say it gains a shape we rigidify it in boundaries. But I am more of a lover of abstract. I am an artist. Even there lines are required. Still I never stay strict upon me there. I just flow with my heart. Do only what I feel like - and hence do whatever - 100%. Maybe that is why I get too attached with my present everywhere and later quickly detached as well as my present changes. But then there are always some tattoos engraved even on the hardest of rocks - even in those tiny lines not easily seen by a passer by's eyes but homes to many ants and milestones in an ancient story or even a part of history. 

A very nice music is filled in the room and I just had a hot choco drink. It feels awesome - this moment. 

Outside it is freezing cold - and in here in this room - I feel warm in every way. 

Momcy got angry today - talking about this last month that I wasted. I didn't know how to tell her how precious you are to me dear 3 AM. I couldn't tell her how happy I have been and how content this entire month. How many new friends I earned. How many new arts I learned. What therapy the music was to my soul. How trippy and powerful the treks were to my every pore. I couldn't tell her the strength that I gained from these mountains, the peace that I attained staying at one place. After so long a time I don't feel anxious to keep moving to a new place. But I am happy - even in the four walls. That I was loving the vibes of the people I was along with. That every person I was meeting - was like a teacher and I sat there on floor looking with curiosity and sincerity into each of their eyes - seeking something I didn't know. 

That I listened to tales of many people, places, forests and tribes. That I cooked for people and they cooked for me - that was destined. That it was written for me to go meet them all in so many places. That they all told me - how connected they feel while they were along me. That though I didn't do anything worth showing in my resume or earning my further travel with. But I did gained lots of love and few real human connections. And yes, that I was happy - each and every moment - that I was wasting here this last entire month.

These days people are coming to me and describing their native places - with so much of charm and excitement - all filled with deep most details - telling me to go visit so and so places. I listen to their tales and get wonderstruck. Also I wonder - why are they sharing it with me. And then the answer comes to my heart - I gotta be there. These are whisps - the cosmic signs - showing me directions - giving me secret hints in my Mystical journey.

Soon I would have to move from here. chill is growing so well. Now she goes out on her own tiny Mystical adventures - of which I can never have an idea about. She also barks. She understands her territory. Best thing about her - she doesn't fight with intrudes. She instead befriends them. They all leave - giving her pamper - no matter people or dogs. She does full power back flips and and has all girly oomph factors. My Chill. She is one adorable being I know. Everyone calls her - his own. And she gets love and training from everyone. Anybody slaps her for no reason on road for she gets caught drinking dirty water or eating cockroaches or something. Overall she is becoming one spoiled well trained child that grows in a joint family. She is one lucky soul and I feel lucky to be able to have my timeline cross hers. I really love her and I know I will miss her.

Don't know if she will remember me or not - the next time I will come here. Don't know if I would be able to meet her again or not or if she also would be lost like Gonzalo. But then I gotta be strong. I am a Traveller. I can't expose her to the same weather/culture diversities as I have chosen to. She is a mountain dog. She gotta Chill here. She will remain my child in my most cherished treasures. While that 5 year old Gonzalo had married me log back here in Old Manali and given me the lifetime connection, Chill gave me the feeling of a mother and gave me another lifetime connection. I will always love her - in my deepmost vibes. I hope she grows strong and full power most loved dog of Old Manali. I hope she keeps no boundaries and visits every cafe and cottage and be the carrier of love and peace. Aah! Expectations already. I am glad she is out of her ticks and is happy healthy full power growing pup. I am sure she will take care of herself from henceforth. Plus by now there are so many people craving to take care of her for they love her. I think I can easily leave. But it is more about me I guess.

You know it love. Haven't you also fallen in love with her by now - for she has contributed in our magic moments so many times?

This evening we were all listening to Moon's songs and suddenly Mayank called on his own. For few moments I was shocked - like I was missing him so much from my heart that teleopathy worked. I was amazed at the heart connection. I felt Lucky for I have formed so strong a bond with someone that we can somehow talk through our intuitive powers. Isn't it wonderful?

I wish humans had not lost intuitive abilities. Then there wouldn't have been any boundaries or barricades. Then even animals would have shared our communication network. But then I don't know why we quit our connection - both with ourselves and surroundings - and why we got choosy about it - so much so that our entities got modified.

I don't know why am talking about all this right now though. Love you my love. You have been so so wonderful throughout that I have this unquenched thirst still craving to be more with you. As our dating session is coming to nearer to the end I am wishing for some more time with you. I remember our initial dates where sometimes even in 15 minutes I should call it an off - that too not much from my side. But now suddenly I want to live us all the more - like double the moments we have together - every time.

Bye my love. Will meet you tomorrow. Mmmuuaah.

...................

30th October

Hey 3 AM.. Having dinner/breakfast right now. Have been drowning in the magical jamming we have all been having so far. What an evening - full of music. I sang so much. Shiva was playing guitar. Even Shashank and Ankit sang. Ashish also contributed. It was all magical. Right now I have this unique combination of sandwich and daal rice. I mean I don't know what genre of meal it is. But it is yum.

Shiva is still playing guitar and singing. We are all in cafe in Shasha's room. He seems like a soul connection to me though - don't know why I feel like I know him from ever. 

I just finished the entire meal and feel way heavy. My diet has increased so much in past few months. Or maybe staying at home for so long spoiled me. But yeah! I eat full power in this trip of mine and also let it out in so many ways.

This morning was magical along with Shashank. We felt it - the energy. We don't get goosebumps thinking of each other but the understanding we share and the connection that follows is so unsaid and perfectly synced. I have gained a lifetime friend in my heart - this I know.

Shashank and I are planning to go to Uttarakhand together. We will go to Rishikesh and also Oli.

Right now am sipping from a brewing cup of tea. 

I woke up so late today and even then was in no hurry/ anxiety to go out, do something. Life these days is bit lazy and way content. Soon the speed will increase - as soon as I will leave my headquarter - Manali. I know this.  Aah! I have to comeback here to open a cafe here. I will. Hopefully by March - after my India trip.

I had phone conversations with a few people with whom I had to.

Momcy didn't pick up my phone today.

As iI was jamming along with at least two others in evening or even three, I felt as if I was being a part of a major process. Like everybody is teaching me to sing better. And I am practicing everywhere that I am singing, for I don't record any more at all. 

We are getting ready to go the guest house now. Actually everyone else is - I am just chilling in the mattress amidst layers of blanket listening to the jamming session. I will just get up, pick my bag and leave. I feel so so sorted in the moment. Rather happy and at peace with the moment.

Love you 3 AM. You are magical. You introduced me to the worlds of time and timelessness. I feel v. Sleepy right now. Gotta go. Bye bye. 

.................

31st October, 2017
3 AM
Hey love
I am in a steam filled room right after a hot bath. Now my locks have serum in them and they have been blown dried after a very long time. Shashank clicked lots of pictures of mine and Chill with you my love. We have our memory now. It's our last day together. Has to be special. Shashank and I cleaned the room for the occasion. Also we painted one wall clean white on which I will make a painting tomorrow. I have prepared the rough painting though. It has a Shiva and Shakti - tranced out in energy - as Shashank wanted. He loved what I drew. It will be the first time though that I will be making a painting on some wall. Have painted walls before. Have made paintings on canvas. But never these two together. I will make it worth the attempt. It will be a masterpiece - I know it. I will ensure it.
Oh love, I am feeling a bit emotional now. I am used to meeting you every night now. Past entire month has been magical - so full of love, warmth, friends, music, dance, tripping - full on psy. As if I have been on MD throughout - there is so much of love and happiness around. It all seems like a carnival.
The room is full of my favorite red - I am wearing it, also the primary blanket is red. Amidst blue and pale yellow walls and a warm heated golden room in the room I flow merging with the blanket.
Last year, in few hours I must have met 4 AM. And this year we are ending our union here. Do you think the moments that we had can ever be erased from my soul? I can't even imagine it. I have changed so so significantly in past one month - the way I talk,  think, be. The way I communicate with the world.
I just picked Chill and kept her in my lap. She is so significant a part of our meets. Shashank is looking so handsome today after a bath. Ha ha. He is one good friend that I have earned in my journey. Seriously. I have this full power understanding with him. He understands without words and that's the connection I always value the most - which is at the level of intuition. With Moon it was more of intense admiration and love. And it was short. Like a high tide. I don't know how it will be when we will meet again. With Shashank it developed gradually - our connection. I think it is stronger in terms of understanding and friendship.
I also gave Chill a bath today. She is snow white again and smelling so nice. I love to pamper her when she is clean. But then she is a dog. I can't snatch her freedom of exploring the world or meeting other street dogs or getting curious and checking out every thing of a new smell and shape. That is how she would know her own good and bad and be independent.
So I just clean her up when she gets dirty and let her go for her explorations but try to tell her why she gotta be different from street dogs. She is special. That she has to learn all their traits and yet maintain her magical entity.
I feel so so complete right now. Both Shashank and Chill are eight beside me in this flood of red and this moment feels complete.
You have been so astonishingly extraordinary dear 3. I couldn't give my best to you in terms of the conversations we could have had or how poetic I could have been. But then, it is always about how I feel at that very moment. Guess you are more of an intoxicant and I am more of your lover where I prefer to be my rawest self - dancing freely, singing from heart, loving around,  absorbing the night, flowing the changing time. Maybe I rather wanted to be with you and not express. Or maybe you are so strong a force that I lose my control, my head and I just flow in your charm, in your vibe.
Some moments are so special - like this one. The golden moment. Content. Gratitude. Happiness. Peace. Love. What an empty yet full feeling.
Tomorrow onwards I will be free to continue my journey. I may go to Uttarakhand, then UP and then MP. Let's see where my ways take me. I am excited for the journey.
I know I will miss Manali. The energy that I get here and the person that I become over here is  beyond description. I be my rawest most inhibited self. The wild I. Nature girl. Cheeti. Mystical Wanderer. Surbhi.
I am totally drowned in you - like always. Enchanted in your vibe. Surrendered in your being. Merged in your very entity - in total unison with the cosmos and you dear 3 AM.
Lots of love. Stay Magical.
P.S. If my elder self ever needs some advise from this I, I will say, love everyone. Never step back from any kind of work. Spread happiness. Deal everybody with love. Respect others. Learn from nature. Feel at home and comfortable anywhere you go. When you will embrace the world the world will also treat you like it's own. Don't limit yourself in social foundations. World is huge - so is the sea of experiences. Dive in. Jump. Don't be so fussy about keeping your words. Be smart. Change the rules of life as the changes change your life. Be flexible. Love everybody around - without judgements. Always remember filtration. Sometimes you gotta be quite. Sometimes you gotta fight. But love is the key.
Feel the magic within. Then just sprinkle it. Emit right vibe and you will get right. Intentions are most often two wayd. You can even change other's intentions by giving the right vibes and connecting to the good self of the other person. Never hesitate while expressing yourself in any kind of art. Dance with full energy. Play or sing getting lost in the music. Also, while singing, don't just sing it. Instead feel it from heart. And listen to your own voice. You should first be a good voice to your own ears and then to the world. Keep experimenting. That is how you become unique. Be yourself. And be your best version.
OK Bye love. Thanks for happening in my life. I will always remember you and the love and magic you showered me with. Bye. Farewells are always a difficult part for me. I will rather just live you with all my intensity. Love you. Mmmmuuuaaah.

On cloud nine

A magical carpet
Is surely better
Than wings.
For then I can even chill
Right in the sky
Amidst the clouds.
And also give a life
To those I like
Right beside
On cloud nine.
I will make the moon
Sit beside
With waves upon its surface
Love on rise.
And together
We gonna travel
Round around
The tiny earth
Beyond it
Through entire universe.
And we gonna expand
So much so
That we will be
One band.
One energy.
One sound.

A magic carpet
Is surely better
than wings.
But that doesn't mean
I can't have
Both of them.
Where one is being
Created by me.
The other is creating me.
And yet there is no difference
We are all one energy.
One is full of imagination
The other is
Built by dreams.
Together they complete me.
And we all prance
To one complete swirl
Like that belley
Of a ballerina
The revolving skirt
And the trinklets
Of an anklet.
Round goes the earth.
And my hearth.

A magic carpet
Is surely better
Than wings.
For one can be easily
Multiplied
The other
Can only be regrown.
And that takes effort
Also time.
While one is magical
The other
Super natural.

A magic carpet
Is surely better than
Wings.
Yet
I will have both.